Is there a Cabulance type service where you live? Might be a way to get stepmom back and forth.
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I was going to suggest some kind of service to transport the person. My dad in Brooklyn, was able to get (either free or for a very small fee - service provided by the city) a van that came and transported him in a wheelchair to do chores, etc. Where I live now, in MA, the same service is provided by the townâs elder services department.
These people are experts and know what to do and have the vehicles which make it possible.
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Regarding POA, my dad has an elder care lawyer who has POA. The lawyer knows all the rules, etc. and is met with less opposition when he deals with banks. Although, it took him a while to get it all in place at each bank, brokerage firm, etc.
Either my husband or I were joint on many of my mother in lawâs accounts. Made it easy to pay bills for her, and to take care of stuff when she died.
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I had the same problem with mail forwarding â you actually canât do it online, you have to either present POA in person, or the person in person, so to speak. I also donât have POA, so we had to get my mom from her new AL to the post office. Same town, but no parking, so she had to walk a considerable distance for the first time in weeks and weeks just to give the (very nice and kind) usps employee her driverâs license. The rest I filled out online and brought a barcode provided .
When my dad died last July, the POA availed my mom naught. The banks were especially hard, as described above. Will be interested if anyone has a better workaround.
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POA dies with the person. Accounts are better off with the beneficiaries name on them already or designated POD (paid on death).
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@Mom22039 I did the same thing re the banks with my elderly mother. Dragged her to the banks and the Edward Jones. It was nice that she lived in a small town all her life and they knew her. They also knew she was pretty completely out of it. They finally accepted a letter written on the spot on a piece of copy paper which she signed⊠I already had the attorney POA, already had the trust trustee changed, already had guardianship, but yet, I had to drag her around. The financial company was the most helpful; they had seen her handy man (who was stealing) bring her in and they didnât trust him at all. The one that made me the most mad was Citibank when the same handymanâs girl friend opened a charge card in her name and I could NOT get them to stop it because they wanted to talk to her. At that time she didnât speak⊠I was so mad. But they didnât ding her for anything $$ and at that point her credit rating didnât matter.
In 2020, I moved my mother from her apartment to my house. I went online and had her mail forwarded to my house (canât recall the setup details; maybe it helped that I had access to her email). I still checked her mailbox when I did cleanup at the apartment as it takes a while to kick in. She died a week later, and it was helpful that forwarding was in place. Though I still get occassional junk email in her name.
I forwarded my parentsâ mail online. I probably pretended to be them
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Last year I forwarded my mail when I moved. I did everything online, except the final step required me to go in person to the new post office. They did say that this was a new security measure they had implemented. (I was in a little bit of a catch 22 - I had already given my old Driverâs license to the new state and only had a temporary driverâs license from the new state. The PO was technically not supposed to accept the temporary one for identification.)
My daughter moved last year also, and she just did it completely online (she did move before me, so they may have changed rules in between).
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I had similar issues with some banks and POAs - wanted approval of POA branch-by-branch. But the bank that wanted branch-by- branch approval of the POA also was terrible with named beneficiaries on accounts. Insisted that named beneficiary needed to come in to sign account paperwork even though I had a POA approved by bank and brach. Wanted my 88 year old father with dementia and mobility issues to come into bank. Dragged on for weeks and only got resolved when I found the general counselâs email and sent her an email. Got resolved the next morning. Some stateâs statues (E.g., Connecticut) are very helpful - they provide protections for banks relying on POAs and there are only a few circumstances where banks can refuse to acknowledge a POA (most of these circumstances can be solved by person holding the POA certifying as to its validity).
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DMV wanted my dad in person to change his driverâs license to an ID. Ridiculous. No dementia in the least but not easy getting him there at 96. He raised a huge ruckus as soon as he stepped in the doorânever ever seen him do that before. Pretty much threw a fit that he needed help NOW! Totally embarrassing to me but you better believe they took care of him REAL quick! When we got out to the parking lot he turns to me with a huge grin and said âI did really good didnât I?â (I couldâve killed him right there!)
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If anyone requests transportation for their loved one, make sure to ask for ALL the cost. One company told me it was going to be something like $2 a mile to give my son rides. Great! Then I got the first invoice and there was a $75 fee per ride, also! I called back and they said, âYeah, thereâs a per mile fee plus $75!â You can bet I complained, and they removed the charge. But obviously we didnât use them again. Ugh. I literally cannot find transportation for my son, other than the occasional rides his housing staff gives him. I made so many phone calls and Facebook community page inquiries.
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Are you saying POA can do things like assign (or re-assign) beneficiaries? Can they name themself?
Be careful, may be state specific. Have been warned POA may not make changes to receive personal benefit.
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I just watched on Amazon Prime the movie âOne Momentâ - it was release in 2021 and the lead character Danny Aiello (who died in 2019). The movie was very well-done IMHO, touching family and personal moments and things we all can relate to. Aiello plays an aging fellow whose wife recently died from Alzheimerâs, and two of his daughters are the primary caretakers - with his living with the local divorced daughter. The one son and wife visiting, and not being part of a âfamily decisionâ with actions during the movie. Includes range of family things going on, and things that are important personally.
References and some mild humor with Catholic church, and I was not offended. There was a portion on âopen mikeâ where Aiello had a very touching story/song and also sang âDanny Boyâ.
Also, once one is giving up their driverâs license â good time to get the state ID when still able to get around (physically and mentally). We are all developing a checklist for ourselves on all of this too - with proper documents for us.
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Nice story of a helpful friendâŠ
https://www.npr.org/2024/06/26/g-s1-6095/she-overwhelmed-clearing-out-her-parents-belongings-then-friend-stepped-in?utm_term=nprnews&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR2NJkKvUHi2vxyd5RPu5jG4bOZcT9mSDGEC7lSCqBmhD-W04i7uLf2RToI_aem_Ga2LcYpC7GGdKWoD01Ep3A
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Forwarding online now requires the person or the POA to show up at a post office, with the email that has the bar code.
I tried âpretendingâ!
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after you do that, you get a letter in the mail with another code to log in and confirm the COAâ so you arenât done when you think you are done
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Updating my own story â so I did not go to NY to do Eldercare this weekend.
DD2 let me know in the middle of the night that she was in the hospital for PostPartum Preecclampsia for the second time this week. So, I booked a flight, canceled a hotel room (thank you Marriott for letting me out of that $700 charge), booked an Uber and flew to her Midwest City.
They discharged her a few hours after my arrival so we have been hanging out in the house, where I run the kitchen and the laundry service 
Iâm flying home tomorrow and coming back next Sunday. I went to a local knitting store today to buy a project to keep here!
On the seniors â SMom did not see the message I sent early morning that I would not be making the trip north, so at 4:30pm, she wanted to know what time I was bringing dinner!!
The âcare managerâ there called me yesterday morning to give me an update on Dad and SMom. She said Dad is pretty stable and able to walk wherever. SMom is not working on her own physical strength and might be progressing toward a different level of care at a different facility.
I spoke with SMomâs niece and told her of the concerns â hoping she will advise SMom to do more. Niece and SMom told me they now want the mailing addresses for the four âgranddaughtersâ for her to give her (one) wedding ring to! So, the outcome is someone will have to sell it and divide the funds. It doesnât make much sense. But why should anything make sense?
Lunch Thursday was with a college friend who is an almost-retired eldercare attorney. She advises that we push the house sale using the idea that it is really not insured. Insurance wonât cover an unoccupied house â and even if they cover at a lower %, they may fight it awhile. Perhaps this will be helpful to someone.
Have a good Saturday night.
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You truly have been a true sandwiched generation working on both sides of the sandwich in the last few days, and good for you to handle the emergency switch and being there for DD/family. You were where you needed to be.
Continue to hang in with your seniorsâ situation with being guided by the very good advice and gently carrying on.
DH just revealed tonight what he had seen with the unraveling of his parentsâ relationship in their senior years (they both died within 3 months of each other at ages 92). Feelings and emotions are difficult for DH â dad died 12/20 and mom 3/21. I think he has âprocessedâ what resulted from the strain of the sacrifices his mother made over the years, and then her loss of her filters in her 80âs had with the result it did in the end. W/O his mother and the leadership she had with the family, DH would not have had the college education and career he has had â and I would not have met him either (we met in the city while we both went to college). DH has made and is making better personal and interactive choices as a husband, father, and grandfather, especially in retirement.
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