Question for the group: What’s your experience with the very elderly and dilaudid? SIL is wondering if the recent prescription for dilaudid is causing MIL’s lethargy and confusion.
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Yes, these are known side effects, along with hallucinations. That said, it’s very effective for pain and anxiety.
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My dad seems to be going downhill fast. His kidneys aren’t working, and of course that affects the rest of his organs. They’re trying IV Lasix (a diuretic) to see if that will get his kidneys going. It that doesn’t work, I will be flying down to Austin tomorrow.
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You’re still grieving, too, and these stories can help reassure us that we were doing the best we could by our loved ones.
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I was on the speakerphone with my sister and Dad’s doctor. He said that Dad is in “really bad shape.” When I asked him if he thought I should fly down, he said he thought it would be a good idea. So my husband and I will get to Austin about 11 am on Sunday (my sister said she thought that would be a better day for various reasons).
My son is seriously considering flying over from Warsaw. He got really close to my dad when he was his nighttime caregiver for a few months in 2020. It’s so frigging expensive, though - I told him not to come if it’s a financial burden. It’s bad enough from Portland to Austin. Leaving Maine on a Sunday in August comes at a premium price.
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Sorry for the hard times. If your Dad has decent financial situation, maybe he could pay for your son’s air ticket.
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I thought about asking, but Dad isn’t really responding right now. And I hated to ask - sometimes my sister can be funny about these things. But giving her credit, SHE brought it up and says she knows Dad would want to pay for my son’s airfare. So we will talk to Dad’s bookkeeper later today - she’s a strict gatekeeper, so I hope she doesn’t balk. I think it will help that it’s my sister’s idea, not mine.
My son gets in at midnight tomorrow. He’s ready to pitch in and cook, clean, shop for groceries, run errands, or whatever. I think he really will be a blessing - it’s the silver lining to all this.
Now I have to scramble today to get ready. I remember this feeling from last time Dad was so ill - like limbo, not knowing whether to have hope or plan for the worst. I guess we do both.
A vent: Only ONE person from my dad’s strict church has come to see him in the hospital. It just blows me away - he has old STUDENTS coming to see him! I’m so glad I escaped to a “regular” church when I was 22. Of course, they’ll all come to the funeral, whenever that happens, and smile and tell us how sorry they are. Blech.
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My in laws had a similar experience with their church, which has left a very bad taste in our mouths. The church itself seems quite welcoming, but when the chips were down, they didn’t seem to care. They haven’t kept in touch with MIL in a meaningful way … H & his S are not pleased. The minister did show up the day before FIL died. I hope that your dad gets a similar visit, since it will be important to him.
It’s good that you are going to see him.
H ended up asking me to go with him to visit his mom, so we leave tomorrow morning. Safe travels for you, your H, your S and me/my H.
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I’ll be thinking of you, too! Sad about the church.
I have another social group, totally secular, that is SO much warmer and caring.
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Travel safe, and take care of each other
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Thinking of you . . .it’s an emotional time for you!
Your dad has rebounded when it seemed it was his time. But it does sound ominous with his kidneys shutting down.
I know it will be a comfort for both your sister and you to have your son there.
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Thanks, everyone. It really is hard, this limbo. We’re thinking about financial stuff, such as withdrawing enough money from Dad’s account to pay for the funeral (I’m so glad I got POA and account privileges years ago). Then I feel guilty for thinking that way! But we have to plan. Dad’s bookkeeper is such a wealth of information. My sister and I talked to her for awhile this morning.
I’m supposed to be working on a project for work, but I’m not getting too far. I don’t see how we’ll finish it by 3:45 am when we leave for the airport. DH had told our client we’d have this done by yesterday, sigh. Well, not my problem, I guess.
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If you already have the financial ability to do the funeral prepay…do it. It’s one less thing to have to think about later. We did this and we were glad we did. It also meant that the funeral home was all set when we needed to contact them. Really made things a lot easier.
No fun to think about this…for sure.
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This has me thinking. Do funeral homes accept credit cards. It’s usually a bad idea to carry a balance and pay interest. But when there is money coming soon, it could make sense (assuming a high limit…. ours limits keep getting auto-raised over time).
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Yeah, when we had our Zoom session two weeks ago, Dad said he was going to do that. But I know him, he’s still in denial that he’s going to die, so he says he will but never follows through.
In 2020, we planned for his funeral. The funeral parlor owner is a friend of my sister’s. It was nice that he didn’t try to get us to buy expensive stuff. We’re hoping he still has the information on file.
I should contact the UT band again to see if they will send a few band members to play. We had it all set up in 2020! It was cool that we could tell Dad we’d done that - “They would come to play for ME?” Uh, yeah, Dad, since you were involved with the athletics program for decades!
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Sending hugs, and wishing for safe and uneventful travel for you and your son.
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Yes, funeral homes accept credit cards. I paid for my husband’s on my American Airlines card.
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Wow, your dad had some extra years after the ‘scare’ of him dying in 2020.
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