(whining in progress)
Talked to my narcissistic 79 yr old dad today. Was returning his phone call from yesterday because when he called, we were en route to my sister’s for dinner and we didn’t get back home until after 11 pm his time.
Well, he was in a royally grumpy mood, which always comes out in prime passive aggressive mode. Petty & ridiculous (in my opinion) things that irritated him included:
- how my cousin is throwing her mom (my dad’s sister) a party for her 90th birthday next month
- how we all (him, me, my sister) all got invited to it. He’s not going. sister & I can’t go either because of work and Aunt lives in Midwest, so travel would be required.
- how my cousin works 4 days a week and on day #5, she spends the day taking Aunt to the grocery store and other errands. He threw in a snarky comment about “that must be nice for her that she actually HAS a relationship with her mother.” Earth to Dad: If you weren’t such a tool and a jerk, my sister & I would do things like that for you, too. But we don’t want to do that when you act like a butthole.
- how my soon-to-be-90 yr old Aunt asked him to send to her all of the rest of the pictures & other mementos my dad had about their older brother. Aunt is 11 yr older than my dad and their older brother was 15 yr older than my dad. Uncle was a pretty awesome guy, born with cerebral palsy, programmed Titan missiles for the Dept of Defense for almost 40 yr. Uncle & Aunt were really close. Aunt & my dad? Not so close. My dad has spent his entire life kind of hating her guts.
- how he thinks that Aunt has “set up a shrine to Uncle” in her apartment. No, Dad, it isn’t a shrine. It’s a few photos and mementos of her dead brother. She’s almost 90. What do you care? YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO SEE HER EVER AGAIN! So what does it matter to you? Besides, guess what? Here in the Southwest, people set up ofrendas in their homes in late Oct/early Nov around Dia De Los Muertos. I think it’s really nice to remember your loved ones who have had a “change of address.”
- how he went to breakfast with a guy who used to live across the street from him. And how much he (Dad) hates the guy’s wife.
- how Breakfast Buddy (who my dad couldn’t STAND when they were neighbors) & wife live in an assisted living facility now and how he thinks that “all of those places just want to make a killing from everybody, literally.” Here we go…conspiracy theory dad again.
- how his wife’s son is in town visiting for Easter. Huh, ok, so you’re mad that your wife isn’t paying attention to you.
He almost spit nails when I suggested that he consider moving to a state that doesn’t have state income tax if retirement costs are a concern (he’d been complaining for a good 5 minutes about $7000/month for senior living places). He seems to think that my state (AZ) doesn’t have state income tax. Ah no, you’re wrong there, buddy.
Here’s what I don’t understand. He lives on the east coast. My sister & I are in AZ. His wife’s 2 kids? 1 lives in France and the other in DC. And both he & wife hate living in their state. They don’t have any other family nearby and with how rude and grating he & wife are, they’ve run out of friends because they alienate everyone.
If both of my kids lived on the other side of the country from me, there’s no way I would stay there. It’s stupid.
He is such a butthead. And grumpy.
He’s also probably mad that neither my sister or I are going to throw him an 80th birthday party next year. I mean, why would we? He’s rude, mean, angry, and don’t get me started on how disrespectful to my dead mother he’s been…how he’s tried to rewrite history to convince himself that erasing all of us from his life is ok if he tells everybody that my mom abused him (she didn’t by the way).
Why in the world would I throw an 80th birthday for a man who’s gone around telling everybody that my mom was abusive to him because she wouldn’t have marital relations with him while she was going through pancreatic cancer treatment? Not happening, buddy.
He’s been such a bad grandfather to my kids that proximity to him played a role in where D24 wanted to consider applying to college. And D26 feels the same way.
So all of that “honor your mother and father” stuff? I honor my parents by doing the opposite of whatever my 79 yr old dad would do.
My dad would tease her that she’d get tan if he shined a flashlight at her.