Also has crossed my mind, but the combination of mediocre doctoring and my FiL make a diagnosis of anything fairly unlikely. She has had a serious right hand tremor for a decade and takes sleep aids, also has vertigo episodes several times a year. We don’t even know her doctor’s name or the meds she is on other thanProzac for anxiety.
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Oof. My mother ended up not going to ds1’s wedding, which was fine as it involved a flight and she was 89yo. But then my sister, who was going to escort her, also decided not to go and neither did her dd, my goddaughter. We all drove in or flew in for goddaughter’s wedding a few months earlier and I threw her a shower and we all helped get the hall ready the day before the wedding, including the son and his then-fiancee whose wedding she skipped.
I have not forgotten and will not forget. Truthfully, it was kind of great not having to worry about my mom or my sister, who is a perpetual raincloud. Sorry to veer off topic.
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That does sound like possible Parkinson’s. It’s frustrating that they aren’t pursuing it, because meds can make life so much better if it is Parkinson’s. But we can only do so much.
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There are neurologists that specialize with Parkinson’s - can get on the right medication and can do pretty well. But it takes someone that FIL will listen to on getting MIL to the right kind of care.
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My Dad’s Parkinson’s diagnosis was just weeks before he passed away. He had so many different doctors and specialist the past few years of his life and most of them were focusing on his terrible back pain (he had 4 surgeries on his back). It was only since last summer that my Mom and I were pushing for him to see a neurologist because of his symptoms.
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DH talked to his Mom yesterday – she and his father both have whatever this is, or so they say. None of what she says makes much sense, or has a context, or a time stamp. She did have a CT scan and the doctor called back “but we missed the call”. (When we were there, their answering machine had 174 messages on it. Literally)
But they went shopping, and out for dinner, and when getting a Real ID proved to be full of obstacles, they went to the post office and got passports ( which they haven’t received yet) instead. They still have not purchased plane tickets for the wedding, which is now about 8 weeks away. They are the original unreliable narrators…
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I think a lot of us can relate to that issue.
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For sure! When H talked to his mom on Mother’s Day, she told him that she doesn’t need chemo (it’s his sister who has cancer, and she wasn’t currently having chemo because she was between rounds at the time). She also thanked him for making her dinner (and bringing it 12 hours to her, I guess).
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My DH cousin has just announced that she is moving her mother from a really nice assisted living place to her house. Her mom , 93, just had a pacemaker installed 6 months ago but just is coming out of the hospital with pneumonia. Her mom is getting very forgetful. Her other sister was taking care of the meds, but she messed them up…. No I don’t think it was the sister. I said my tiny piece to not second guess her but it is such a bad choice. Sister sibling rivalry is real in that family, often created by their mom’s manipulation. I so so want to just come out and say don’t DO it it won’t end well for you or her. But I know better.
Did anyone ever advise you not to go down that path? Did you listen? Anyway, to anyone out there staring at that choice…just don’t set yourself, and or your marriage on fire to keep someone else warm. Maybe a blanket would work instead….
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Sounds like it is gonna be a lot of work for the cousin to take care of her mom. But… if it is a short term hospice situation perhaps it could make sense. (We moved my mother to our house summer 2020 when she became bed ridden and covid made other options unappealing. We figured it could be for a few months but ended up being only a week.)
I am so exhausted after my vacation and dealing with car insurance for an accident that was not even my fault.
And now I just got this email from my dad’s bookkeeper:
“Your Father and I talked with a representative of the Chase bank yesterday, they WILL NOT email the request and allow for the documents to be emailed and DocUSign used. Your dad does NOT want to have to go in so it seems as though this falls to you.”
OMG. I’ve spent so much time on this (getting my mom’s name off the Family Trust - she died almost three years ago). I am NOT authorized on this account, and Chase will not accept my current POA. I’ve written Dad’s attorney TWICE to request we get an updated POA, and she’s not responding. I told the bookkeeper that. I’m done at this point until I get what I need. And I’m annoyed at dad. He won’t go in?!? What the heck.
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Sorry about everything going on! i don’t believe however that names on trusts need to be deleted even after death. The trust name remains even after death.
Oh, that’s what Chase Bank is telling me. I’ve been in to the local branch multiple times. 
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I think that instead of changing the name of a trust the route is to typically to create a new trust. But if nothing is being drastically changed then no action is required.
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I’m just doing what the bank says needs to be done. Dad’s attorney just prepared a long memorandum about the trust, so I imagine she has changed everything appropriately. But Chase won’t accept anything from me until I have an acceptable POA.
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I’m not sure how the trust was created but I know that we did not have to change anything after my mother-in-law died first. The trust remained in force and the we still had an account at the bank with the trust until my father-in-law died several years later.
Why won’t your father go in? Is it because of his amputation? I know my father-in-law was very stubborn after my mother-in-laws death!
Sometimes we just had to place him in the car and say we are going out and wind up at a place. Maybe his caregiver can do that.
I’m so sorry for all of the headaches, I remember them well! 
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Yes, I think he’s hesitant to go in because of his leg. He’s already been fitted for the prosthetic leg. He’s due to go into rehab soon to learn how to use it.
I don’t understand trusts at all. I guess I should learn. Chase is frustrating all of us, to be honest.
My sister is thinking that the caregiver should take him since he will be in rehab for awhile. The matter is time-sensitive for some reason.
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Sorry @MaineLonghorn, it took me 7 years to end my mom’s trust.
Banks and some of their ilk are impossible about the POA’s . It is insane because the law says POA works. Bank policy should not over write LAWS, but they do. Chase is the worst as far as I am concerned. They were impossible when I tried to close a fraudulent credit card opened in her name… I wasn’t on the account … she was so demented at that point she couldn’t even SPEAK. They did nothing. Recently my friend is trying to close his wife’s accounts and transfer some stock certificates into his name (PSA… don’t keep stock certificates yourself!!! turn them in to a stock brocker while you are alive and have them account for them!!!) And despite being a 25 year customer of Chase, they won’t issue a medallion of his signature (like a notary, but more tightly controlled). Nope, they want some estate / court order. The estate is so small he doesn’t need to go to probate you jerks!!
Anyway, my sympathies, and call the attorney to account if you can.
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Wow, that’s tough to hear, but it helps to hear my experience isn’t unusual.
The attorney is on the case. He keeps asking for more information, but I’m about to leave town so somebody else will have to figure it out (my sister or the bookkeeper).
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@MaineLonghorn I agree if the attorney that drew up the trust is still around or a partner is still around that drew up the trust see if they can make some headway with Chase.
But like you said you might have to have the caregiver simply drive him there and have him take care of it if it is time sensitive.
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