We really need a “screaming into the void” emoji sometimes! I’m sorry this is the problem that just refuses to be solved. (I am still trying to get my father’s name off a utility bill for the family camp, I feel you)
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My longest battle (timeline, not time fighting) was that my sister died in 1998 and the attorneys didn’t get her name off the deed (sibling partnership) until 2021. Thank goodness her husband was still alive to sign things. We had to open a new probate, in two states, … OMG scream into the void indeed! I thought I’d gotten it fixed in 1998, 1999, 2005 and finally accomplished in 2021.
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Yep, and that’s not Chase specific. Would your dad be willing to do the paperwork necessary to make you or your sister POA or put your names on the account?
I am so confused about the POA.
We just did our wills and trusts, medical and financial POA’s for when that time comes.
Are people saying that the money I just spent on all of this, when the time comes, that it won’t be enough?
I mean it wasn’t life altering money but it was plenty to be prepared.
Or is this a Chase specific situation?
My experience has been that a relative having a POA is treated differently than a lawyer having a POA (not that it should matter). My father’s lawyer, who has POA for my father, is sometimes given a hard time, but ultimately succeeds in getting whatever needs to be done accomplished.
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You should be fine. Things get more complicate if there is a trust and one person dies and still has their name on things. We ran into trouble after my my parents died and we realized the condo was in my mom’s name only. (My mom died three months before my dad during Covid and it was a mess). There was a lot of paperwork to work through.
When folks are still alive and have POAs, banks are very careful about making sure that there is no elder financial abuse going on so there are lots of hoops to jump.
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I have been told to take steps to get each financial institution/ retirement account , to recognize POA while my parents were well.
Each institution may have extra safety measures, that take time to be verified, to be sure the POA is correct. Like to go in person with identification, or send notarized documents.
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Wow, I’m pretty shocked
My mom’s bank is a credit union 800 miles from where she lives now. We could change the social security payment, her pension payment, her Medicare payment, the stipend she get for Medicare, and all the other monthly bills that come out of that bank. To change all that when she moved was so daunting that we decided to keep it where it was. Her financial advisor is in her old town and he transfers money to her account. She has a local bank account with not even enough money in it to even pay her rent.
My in laws only last year, introduced my husband the financial POA to their financial advisor. They share very little. We just had our wills and trusts done by the same attorney that my in laws have. We got a big binder with everything, the attorney said to make sure that our kids know where it is. We have no idea where his parents binder is. Just to call the attorney.
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I thought I’d talk about my mom a bit.
It’s been a year since she moved from independent living in the town she and my dad retired to. To the town my sibling lives in.
She finally doesn’t seem to be complaining as much. It could be that it was getting so upsetting for me that she stopped but it could be that she finally realized that it was for the best and that she needs help. Doesn’t matter but I’m happy not to be getting those terrible phone calls.
Her kidney function was low. I think some of the problem was long term use of analgesics for arthritis pain. She was also having cortisone injections for knee and hip pain that she’s not getting now. My sibling is having to do a lot of appointments. The kidneys are working much better, unfortunately she’s not feeling well and not getting around well either.
Doing less, she was going to have to get new license plates in July but I think she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to drive so I think that she will stop driving. That’s an easy decision for the family and she is making the decision.
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We have shared our financial info with both kids, and they were on separate calls with the FA so they could hear our thinking on things and how we operate. Ds1 and his wife have their own FA already, in part because she has some family money. Ds2 isn’t there yet.
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My parents were always open with their finances as are we with our children.
My mom since my dad passed away is very open with her finances.
They aren’t my parents but I do find it interesting how my in laws are not as forthcoming. They are the same way with medical information. It’s not as if things are a secret but they do not want to give up control of their lives.
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Oh, I’ve had POA since 2018. I’ve never had a problem with it. I got a letter from Chase saying it wasn’t acceptable. They didn’t give me any reason.
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That’s really weird!
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I know I could spend time calling them and asking for an explanation, but I figure it’s easier to have Dad’s attorney draft a new one. When I filled out the original request form for Chase, it said that 2018 is the oldest POA they would accept, so the one I have is getting too old, anyway.
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Ds2 is amazed at how his friends’ parents don’t talk to them about finances. Some of his friends come from money, and I told him that often well-off people don’t talk about money to their kids out of fear that it’ll rob them of motivation. His friends recently had Finance Saturday where everyone opened up a Roth IRA (ds2 was the only one who had one, but he’s the oldest at 30). One friend in particular is highly motivated to not be beholden to her parents and their money. She’s the one who organized Finance Saturday.
Anyway, this doesn’t have too much to do with caring for our parents, but I think it’s good food for thought so that we are less of a burden to our kids and that our hangups, such as discussing money or whatever, may make things more difficult for them.
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My dad gave us notebooks, starting when he was in his 70’s, and updated them yearly with all the information we would ever need about their finances and plans. My inlaws? When they have trouble with their accounts, they take their computer to BestBuy and have someone “debug” it. smh.
It’s good that your mom is moderating her mood a bit more. Do you think she will mind not driving? It’s so good when they can come to the conclusion without a bunch of persuasion, I hope it goes well.
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But it does because a lawyer is more difficult to turn away.
In our state the POA should be good with no expiration date. The bank may have “policy” but despite that they need to give a written explanation of denial within four business days. With no good reasons they are liable to suit and paying attorney fees and court costs.
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For a few decades, mom had a finance info binder that she created for us and kept in my pantry. Sometimes when she was over gardening, she’d update it with new copies of her portfolio spreadsheet (which lol, in the early days I think was actually a word processor doc). In the last few years she didn’t keep it current, and I used other ref info when managing her estate. But it was so great that she, a retired secretary, was thoughtful enough to created the binder. I have no need for it 5 years later, but so far I am overly sentimental have not tossed it (and many other folders from her - handy I decided to keep her Yield House, self-stained filing cabinets)
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My parents didn’t talk to me about their finances at all. So when we moved them here I had no idea if they even had enough money to support themselves. It turns out that my Dad, supposedly bad with investing/financial planning, created an income stream that covers most of my Mom’s memory care expenses plus a large nest egg. I thank him in my mind every time I think about it. It did take a couple of years and the assistance of a bank trust officer to get all the various accounts etc sorted out.
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I thought I knew about my parents finances too but it turns out there was another account with the bulk of their wealth. Had I known about it I would have fought tooth and nail for more home care for my mom when we needed it. As it was I kept telling my dad he wouldn’t run out of money with what I knew they had but it fell on deaf ears. That said, it was quite a gift to inherit and I know for my brother, it has made a huge difference to have that safety net as he’s self employed.
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