This same accident could have happened to a an 84 yr old could have happened to a 64 yr old or a 44 year old. Accidents happen.
Sounds like the “victim” is being an impatient not nice person. While this is a big hassle it is not a life and death situation and they need to chill out. It seems to me they see your older mom as an opportunity.
I think the best thing to do is get it out of your hands and into insurance hands so you don’t have to have these encounters. Even if moms rates go up, at Age 84 she will probably only
Be driving for a handful more years.
How ironic this happens at church and they are both members but one isn’t being very Christian like!
My mom (83 years old) drove less than 3000 miles in the 2 years since she purchased a new Kia. She had no accidents and no claims. Her insurance (State Farm) was going to drop her and It was an ordeal getting them to continue her policy. That would be my only hesitation with reporting to the insurance company. Finding a company to insure a person in their 80’s is not easy and very expensive. * I’m sure this varies by state.
My H is 83 and has a perfect driving record. H has so far not had any issues with getting and keeping auto insurance. He’s also our primary driver when we travel and rent cars as I’m a better navigator.
That’s terrible. Per Google, there is no federal law that prevents insurance companies from dropping elderly customers. Supposedly some states prohibit it.
This is my sister’s concern about getting dropped or paying more for premium. Unfortunately, this current circumstances made me nervous that the other party wasn’t going to be happy with the end result in any scenario. I decided the insurance company should handle it. We will see if she gets dropped. Mom also has State Farm and hopefully they won’t drop her. They will then lose her home policy too if they drop her. That will be another hurdle I will have to manage.
As other posters have commented, I told mom she may only be driving for only a few more years (she’ll be 85 in 3 weeks). If she pays a bit more insurance, so be it. She knows that she has to renew her driver’s license next summer. If she doesn’t pass the driving test, then that’s it. I have been worried (for me) that I will have to be her uber drivers. It may be sooner than I hoped.
I think going through insurance is the right decision.
I don’t know how much your mom drives, but we switched my elderly mom to Allstate’s Milewise program, where your rate is determined by how many miles she drives. We did this on my mom’s car so that even after she dropped driving the car was insured so the rest of us could use it to take her to appointments and such. Plus, we liked having a car in the driveway at all times.
Just mentioning as an option if they try raising her rates too much. Thinking State Farm would have something similar.
Thank you! My exact sentiment. I asked my mom - this person is a church member???
The straw that broke me was the following - the lady called my mom last night to request that she brings her checkbook at today’s estimate appointment. The reason is that an unfortunate event could occur and if my mom passes away before the car is repaired and that there is no guarantee that me (daughter) will actually pay for the repairs. Mom and I filed the claim with State Farm! The gall of this woman to say such a things and making mom more upset and anxious. This church goer will now have to work with the insurance company.
I would have a hard time not addressing her about that comment if I saw her in person. Probably shouldn’t of course at least till things are settled.
How old is this person? The checkbook thing is so odd it almost makes me wonder if they were going to swindle your mom! What a TERRIBLE thing to say in general but especially at a time of duress.
She drives almost every day - church (2 to 3x), health club (3x), senior center (2x), groceries and errands. They are all fairly close by and she’s familiar with routes, etc. She is not driving in the evenings now. I drive her to medical appointments, lawyer, DMV, the biggies. If she has to give up her driving, I will have be her daily uber driver which I am not ready to do (mentally). She’ll be really depressed if she is stuck at home.
I understand. I was the sibling who didn’t live near my mom and even though I told my sibs that we shouldn’t let mom drive anymore, I left it to them to decide as I knew that they would have to carry the load of driving her if she couldn’t drive herself. My sister finally agreed when she was in the car with mom and she drove the wrong way down a road, which is exactly what had happened with me years earlier and why I tried to get them to cut her off!
You understand my sentiment. I will have to hold my tongue for now. The first estimate appointment is at 3 pm. I will not be very friendly, just straight forward business at this point. I realize she’s upset about the damage to her car, but things can’t get done overnight. Being upset does not allow her to say really stupid things. I realize that there are all kinds of people who say and do stupid things. Getting old really sucks, and I don’t ever want to become someone like her.
Caring for parents afar or near is all very hard. So many obstacles and pitfalls we mange for them. I have 2 sisters, 1 on the east coast and 1 who lives 1.3 miles away from mom. I live 8 miles from mom. Any problems that arise, I have to manage. My local sis only visits mom when she’s available but tells me how to do things bc she knows more, etc. I hate saying this out loud, but I dislike her for so many reasons. My other sis is my best friend and we consult with each on everything on a daily basis.
My mom needed to register her car in her new state near my sibling. She wanted me to come to her place from 400 miles away to take her to the DMV. I told her that she needed to get her 2012 ford explorer inspected and if the car passed emissions testing, I would come. She didn’t and decided to stop driving. Mom needed to have some agency in continuing to drive, she didn’t want t to do that and so she isn’t going to drive anymore.
My mil is very outspoken now. Seems to say whatever is on her mind. She calls it being honest, I think it can be rude. For the most part, she doesn’t mess with me but sometimes… I see the rudeness and impatience.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I went to the funeral home in my mil’s town for a viewing of one of his friends. His sister worked with my mil. My husband and I exchanged pleasantries, we also talked about my bil and my husband’s uncle. It’s a small town.
On Saturday, mil calls. She ran into the sister. Told me that the sister told her that I was talking badly about her. I did not. In fact, I would never talk about my mil with a stranger.
I told my husband I was upset with him because he didn’t defend me. As usual he wasn’t listening because his mother talks nonstop!
I want to take a break from dealing with my mil. I’m tired of her saying these things and then saying that she’s being forthright and honest.
I used to come home (this was years ago when we were much younger) to find my husband reading, napping or listening to tv with the phone receiver in his lap. It was his mom–she wouldn’t even know he wasn’t there. He’d listen for the squawk to stop and either grunt or say bye and hang up.
I wish they had stopped letting dad renew his policies. Instead, they just kept increasing the premiums. By the time he was forced to stop driving or risk being evicted from the CCRC it was $8000/year or so, I believe. He was a very impulsive and dangerous driver with a very poor memory. It was a relief when he stopped driving and allowed the 7 of us kids to shuttle him around. He was a bad passenger too, always annoyed when we stopped (e.g. at red lights) and didn’t want to go the wrong way on one-way streets, or take other suggestions or “short cuts.”
If you are going to have insurance handle it, I don’t think there is any need for you or your mom to be personally present at the estimate appointment.
