I don’t know where you live in Maine, but looks like Wells Fargo and Bank of America have branches in Maine and in Austin.
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Wow, thanks for letting me know! I will look into them.
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I discussed upthread about my mil calling us Saturday night, accusing me of talking badly about her to a former coworker.
Something I definitely did not.
Last night I told my husband that I was going to take a break from his mother for a little while. That I am annoyed, that I know he doesn’t like it when I am annoyed with his mother but I need a break.
Today he told me that he called his parents, his mom wasn’t there but that he’s going to talk to her about this.
It feels good. I set a boundary and it worked. Husband is very non confrontational. I’ve been down lately and this was another thing that was bothering me.
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Your insurance will go up but less than the total cost of the repair. Plus it’ll be over several years so won’t have to pay it all at once and if your mom stops driving in the interim it’ll be way less. It’s possible the insurance will drop her but probably not unless she has another accident. (Note an elderly relative did have her license pulled by the police after two accidents in a few months but it wasn’t the insurance that did it.). But mostly I would want the insurance dealing with the crazy lady who’ll never be happy. There is absolutely no need for you to get estimates - the insurance will tell her where to go to get her car fixed (they have their places). I have dealt with this both as the one who ran into someone (hot coffee spilling, late to a meeting, oops did that light turn red? Fortunately going very slowly in morning traffic) and as someone who’s been hit - insurance is the way to go.
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Thanks for your input. If mom gets into another accident, I am sure she’ll give up driving on her own, fingers crossed. Coincidentally, her PCP during her regular check up asked me if she stopped driving. Mom gave me a look don’t tell him what happened! I told PCP that she is for now but her license will have to be renewed next July. We will then see how things are then and make decisions.
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The good news: The closing on my dad’s rental house was yesterday. Thank God. The bad news: Since Chase $*#)@ closed his account, there is no family partnership account. I asked for the money to be wired to his personal account, but of course, that bank rejected the wire since it wasn’t made out to Dad. So there’s a large chunk of change that we can’t deposit right now. The title company is sending a check made out to the partnership by courier to my dad this afternoon.
More good news, though: His local credit union previously didn’t accept family partnership accounts, but now they do, so the bookkeeper is taking Dad down to the branch tomorrow to set up an account.
The bookkeeper is 71, I recently learned. I told her we are never letting her retire!
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SIL, local sib, had a mastectomy yesterday. She is doing well, but obviously recovering for a while. MIL fell overnight and her hip hurts. She is 98, rarely walks more than a few steps, and has been on hospice more than three years. They’re medicating her now & will see if the pain gets better in the next day or two. They won’t do surgery if the hip is broken, so there’s no hurry to diagnose. SIL’s H fired the aide they had, so there’s no additional support other than AL staff and hospice visits. So … perfect s*** storm.
H and I have to wrap up a couple things at our cottage & home, then we’ll make the 12 hour drive Monday morning. It’s going to be a rough week for all of us.
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He fired the aide because MIL fell?
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I’m so sorry. What terrible timing
I imagine because the aide’s only job was to watch her and that did not happen.
Oh no! Just.. oh no!!
Take medicinal cookies with you, and something for the headaches. Oh no!
No, actually he fired the aide a couple months ago … H liked her, but we are not the locals. Supposedly, they hired a new aide from the AL who was supposed to help MIL after the aide’s AL shift was over or on her days off. But BIL’s comment today was, “I don’t think she’s been working, because she hasn’t billed us anything.” We don’t meddle in the day to day. However, a friend that lives in that area gave us the name of someone who helped with his mom, and we’re going to talk to her next week when we get there. She really needs an aide to help her - SIL needs to recover, and BIL needs to take care of SIL.
The former aide kept the room spotless & let SIL know when MIL needed supplies. I assume that the room will need a good cleaning & we will need to load up on supplies. It’s been two months she was let go, and we bought supplies when we were there in May.
We have offered to bring her up near us, but at this point, I’m not sure she can handle the trip.
It’s all just a lot, but we’ll figure it out.
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Sending thoughts to all of you!
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Don’t let the other driver intimidate your mom into writing checks. Nothing good will come of this and it doesn’t prevent the ‘victim’ from stillgoing to insurance and basically collecting double. This is why we carry insurance. Let the company do the dirty work.
S2 was clipped by a landscaping trailer when he was last here visiting and driving our Prius. Just scraped the exterior – looked like nothing. Didn’t discover til six weeks later that the steering wheel didn’t turn back to the 10-2 position even though it was driving straight. Turns out a control bar was bent, which affected a bunch of other things and caused two brand new tires to wear unevenly. $5800 plus the tires, which they wouldn’t replace. Put it through our insurance, which dealt with the other party since it was their fault.
Not submitting a claim could cause issues with the insurance company if the victim files a personal injury claim later and could be grounds for automatic cancellation.
Going through insurance will be less stressful for you and your mom since this person seems determined to harass your mom into writing large checks. (And someone needs to pay attention to the sermons on compassion and forgivenes! WOWzer!)
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We’re with MIL now at the hospital. She broke her pelvis at the hip. She just has to let it heal, which will require rehab. The woman has only moved when she absolutely has to for a VERY long time. We were honest with the woman who came from a rehab place to evaluate her … she would have to do three hours of rehab a day there, which we honestly can’t imagine will happen. We think subacute, where the rehab demands will be less strenuous, is more realistic. And long term, she may need to stay there. We told the rehab woman that SIL is the one involved in the day to day, so she needs to talk to her for the final decision.
My SIL’s H apparently negotiated some two year contract at the AL in order to get a lower price on a huge room MIL didn’t need (but he liked). If she leaves within the next twelve months, there is a huge penalty. H and I are trying to meet with the AL director to find out what the terms are. If she needs more care & has to break the contract, at least she has money to do it … but it may cause SIL to balk at moving her. Frankly, if the AL can’t give her the level of care she needs, I don’t know how they could hold her to a contract. But one step at a time.
Everything is overwhelming.
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What a mess. And having to negotiate with other family members is tricky.
That is an interesting contract with assisted living. Because what happens if exactly what happened? What if she passed away? Are you still on the hook for the entire contract time?
And the big question. Who signs a 2 year lease on a 98 (I think she’s that age) year old?
From what you said, I don’t see her being able to do the work at rehab.
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I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this situation. Which feels like a no-win all the way around. 
We just talked to the excellent palliative care doctor assigned to MIL. She explained that she has multiple fractures, on both sides, hips & pelvis. She said that MIL was in great pain when PT came to work with her. After speaking with MIL, the doctor said that she thinks that MIL should do pain meds and a higher level of care (nursing home), rather than expecting her to do rehab. She is calling SIL to talk with her now, and we’ll go to SIL’s house later today to talk to her.
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Good luck with everything. Does her current place have a level of care that can deal with her issues?
ETA: I don’t remember your MIL’s age, but your BIL signing a two-year commitment sounds a little delusional with anyone older than 80.
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She’s 98!!!
We will be meeting with the director at the current AL to discuss whether they would be able to provide an adequate level of care. I am pretty sure that they can’t. I also think that we will be able to get out of any lease contract, based on what BIL indicates (although he has not actually told us what is in the agreement because he is a horse’s behind).
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