I hear you! Mom can’t switch out the monitor as she has no strength, so I go by every 2 days to change it, because she calls me non stop telling me it isn’t making skin contact, or it says the monitor has low battery. Tomorrow is the last day and we are going to the cardiologist this afternoon, so I told her to take it off when she showered this morning so I could ship it off.
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@greenbutton I realized that I haven’t fully explained the dog situation
3 years ago, my bil surprised his parents by purchasing a dog that he declared they would share custody of
The big issue for me is that the dog will not do her business except on a walk. The situation is that most times, my bil drops off the dog at 7am and picks her up at 8:30 pm. He does his workouts, visits his lady friend, eats dinner and when it’s bedtime, picks up the dog. That’s when he’s working. The dog is walked 4 x a day
He travels most weekends, maybe 1/4 to 1/2 of the time he takes the dog. Mostly though the dog goes to mil’s for the entire weekend. Sometimes he’s at home but I know he’s drops off the dog even when he’s around
My mil was discharged from the hospital on Friday, he left for 10 days Saturday morning. The dog is at mil’s. Her neighbor is walking the dog.
@abasket absolutely she thinks this is just a blip and that she will be back to normal in a few weeks
My husband and I disagree on some issues. He thinks she is thinking about moving to IL, I hear her arguing that she will not give up this dog. That is non negotiable. I hear her go on and on about the 3 hour block, I hear that she doesn’t want to do that. My husband says she’s fine with hiring the agency.
I guess we will see.
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I think your BIL is a very selfish person. I would not have any patience for his kind of behavior. I understand you have absolutely no control over any of this. I feel very frustrated for you. Nothing you or your H suggest or do will make any real positive changes to your in laws lives.
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I agree! New habits are very hard for elderly. When dad’s vascular dementia started to worsen, his decision making and behaviors were hard to manage for mom, esp concerning medications. I initially thought “oh, I’ll organize the pill organizer and it will be ok.” I was wrong of course. Dad took every one of the pills out of the organizer because he decided different pills touching each other in pill organizer was not good for him. So for close to 2 years, I had to drive over to their house everyday to dole out his medications - morning and evening. Luckily they didn’t live too far away from me, it was hard in so many ways. It was also during COVID years.
@snowball I understand your frustration. There are no easy answers to any of this.
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I think most everyone would agree with your assessment.
Definitely nothing I do will change anything.
That’s why this forum is so very helpful
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Is there someone else who will take the dog full time? It seems like a safety issue.
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For my mom, no matter what I tried with the pill organizer box, she’d find a way to mess up.
Yellow side for am, blue for PM? Nope, too confusing.
Labeled “AM” vs “PM”? Nope, she’d forget to look.
Printed labels, stuck on the pill box, that say “MORNING, WHEN YOU WAKE UP” vs “EVENING, BEFORE YOU GO TO BED”? Nope.
And she really didn’t have all that many meds to take! I still remember the day I went over to visit one afternoon, she couldn’t figure out why she was so tired and had napped for so long. Turned out she took her Ambien with breakfast. 
Gosh, I miss her…
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I’d be really frustrated, too! This may sound a little morbid, but for example, if your elderly parent is in their mid-80s to 90s, at a certain point, does it really matter to have a heart monitor? If the elderly parent has a DNR and doesn’t want extended measures taken to extend their life, why bother with all of the hassle of a constant heart monitor? Especially if your loved one is constantly stressing out about the thing.
If it were me, I’d probably be inclined to tell the doctor that we want to take Mom off of the heart monitor. Would probably need to come from whoever has medical power of attorney.
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That would never happen, mil every agency who came this past week that she was not giving up the dog
Mil called my husband today, thought she was calling the home health agency. 
To my great relief, it sounds like they will be using the agency. For how long, who knows
Maybe me telling her that my husband is very worried and having the agency there would keep him less worried. And she can’t control the fact that my husband worries. Doesn’t work that way!
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I completely understand!!! I tried labels too. I also called him and mom to take his meds. He would give all kinds of answers. Mostly, I will, then mom said he won’t. Or he said stop nagging to mom and she called me several times how he won’t budge. Then I just drive over to dole out his meds. For whatever reason, he would take them if I was there in person.
I miss him too for all his “cleverness” to get out of things he didn’t want to do. But I don’t miss the stress of taking care of him. He never wanted to leave his home, so mom and I did the care of him for close to 3 years.
Perhaps insist that BIL hire a dog walker to come to in-laws house. He created the problem and he needs to own it. Then MIL has the presumed comfort of the dog. It’s very kind of the neighbor to help but not their responsibility.
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My post was getting so long but that’s what is happening
I had a discussion with the neighbor. She likes walking the dog. She’s a great neighbor and friend to my in-laws. I didn’t want her getting resentful.
We talked and I asked her to come up with what she was comfortable with. To set her boundaries
She called the next day, said that she is happy to walk the dog at lunchtime. When she’s available.
My mil has a helper/house cleaner and she said she will walk the dog when the neighbor isn’t available. The neighbor said she will give plenty of notice when she can’t
My mil talked to her son, told him that he needed to pick the dog up after work. I told my mil that walking the dog was the last chore she was going to get back to. Also that not falling was the most important thing. That she can’t walk the dog in the winter.
My husband says, they need to train the dog to go in their fenced back yard. If the dog needs to go bad enough, it will.
Either way, the neighbor set her boundaries and my mil informed her son. TBD how this works!
Edited to say that my bil is not good at respecting boundaries! Duh! My husband didn’t understand that the status quo needed to change. He thought the neighbor liked to walk the dog and that was the solution. Not for the long term. I don’t like to get involved but this needed to be done to protect my mil and her relationship with her neighbor!
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That is one spoiled dog, lol!!! He absolutely will 
outside if needed - but if he’s walked 4 times a day there is no need for him (her?) to! A walk is always just around the corner!
Dogs really can be a tripping hazard. Dog needs a bell on him (a loud one so they can hear it over the tv 
) cause I know my dog sneaks up on me often - especially when I’m cooking and it’s so easy for them to get underfoot!
I get that MIL and maybe FIL really love this dog. It is probably a fun, interesting addition to their day. But maybe BIL can work something out (there are doggy day cares!) for part of the week and the in-laws can enjoy the pup a couple days a week or when he comes over to visit.
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I totally agree with you
It’s also above my pay grade!
I’m happy they are allowing the home health aid to come in!
If this ends badly, I have to accept that this is their wishes
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The AL where my FIL lives allows small dogs. Maybe if they thought the dog could visit, they would consider it?
How big IS this dog?
I think your BIL is the spoiled (and selfish) one. He is there everyday and surely should know that caring and walking a dog should not be on MILs to do list…at all.
We have some dog walking services around here. I think your BIL should pay to have his dog walked the four times a day. HE should pay.
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Sigh! I don’t disagree with any of these comments
We made the suggestion that they find a place that accepts dogs. Falls on deaf ears. That’s something to worry about in the future
For crying out loud, they don’t have an emergency plan in place. Haven’t filled out any forms for the EMT. Haven’t got an emergency call system. We’ve tried
My bil asked if they could hire a dedicated dog walker. Was told that it’s taken care of
My husband says it’s not his brother’s responsibility that his parents aren’t prepared or willing to change anything. He had this vacation scheduled, I only wished he had delayed his departure by one day so it could give my husband one day to get his affairs in order.
I’m not blaming my fil either. He’s miserable. He wants to move. This is my mil’s attempt to deny and control everything. Now we have a crisis, it’s being addressed. TBD if anything changes.
I think getting the dog in the first place was a bad idea. My in-laws were 86, my bil wants to do things. I know people love their dogs, I see the downside. That’s kinda on me. I see problems where they see love and companionship. My in-laws have always watched bil’s dogs. I’m sure he didn’t see what the problem would be.
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Girlfriend, go sit down and enjoy a beverage. You have done hero work these days (and so have all the rest of the posters, working hard to make a safe space)
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Thanks.
It’s really helpful to hash this out in my mind.
Although I think my bil takes advantage of the situation, my mil was happy to oblige. She loves the dog and they don’t go anywhere.
Now things will change, my bil will do what he thinks is best. It’s not my problem and I need to remember that.
Now for a nice weekend with my husband! 
I was afraid he was going to have to be at his parents all weekend. Now there is coverage
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The local sibling to my MIL has a dog…but the only time the dog is at MILs house is when local sibling brings the dog for a visit.
MIL had her own dog until about 5 years ago (she is 93 now). Small dog, and she tripped over the dog more than once. When this dog died, one sibling suggested she get another dog for companionship. Luckily the other siblings vetoed that idea.
Walking dogs isn’t easy and it’s especially hard when the person isn’t all that steady themselves. Would the PT be willing to say this isn’t a good idea??
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