That’s very unfair to spring a surprise bill on @MaineLonghorn — so sorry for you and your sister. It’s tough when expensive surprises are sprung and people act unpredictably and seem to hold grudges.
Sorry your dad’s estate plan is a mess. We are still all untangling my parents and brother’s estates and yes, they’re quite a mess. Multiple trusts and brother has real estate and lawsuits!
Even if your dad had offered to help pay for the weddingg,the couple should have the wedding they want.
Of course. I think that way and you think that way, but lots of older folks don’t. Hell, lots of cc posters use purse strings as control.
I have the advantage of actually knowing @MaineLonghorn and her sister and her dad. He’s really old-fashioned, and I imagine recent moves by sister and her family – retiring OOS, exercising independence regarding the wedding – has tweaked him a little. I hope the lady friend, who I’ve never met, will get him to slow his roll a bit.
I hate to post but sometimes I guess I “need” to talk about things.
Mom called today.
She says that she is in such debilitating pain that she wants to get better pain relief
To up her medication, it will be hard on her kidneys that are already poor functioning.
She’s going to go on palliative care and get relief from the pain. It will probably put her into kidney failure and she won’t go on dialysis or do anything.
Basically she’s tired and wants to die.
I can’t change her.
I’m very sad.
I don’t feel Mom is in that much pain, she’s uncomfortable. I think she doesn’t want to live like this anymore.
Sending cyber hugs your way. I’m really sorry!
Hugs from me too. 
I’m sorry, that is hard and sad for your Mom and you🥺. Prayers for peace and comfort for you both.
That had got to be really hard. Of course you are very sad. We’ll all be hoping that palliative care helpers find a solution to help the pain more without compromising her kidney function.
Oh no 
It’s so hard to know what to do – are we supposed to be respectful of their understandable weariness and not want them to suffer? are we supposed to assume it’s another bad day and tomorrow will be better, and just coach them through it? What’s the “right” thing to do when there are no answers and everyone feels distraught?
All my sympathy, to you, your mom, and her grandchildren (it’s hard on them too). I hope the journey gets a bit easier on you all, no matter what form it may take. Palliative care can be wonderfully helpful. Hugs to you 
Article today on aging and carrying for your aging parents
https://www.npr.org/2025/08/21/nx-s1-5506233/transitions-aging-how-parents-adult-children-can-adjust
Wishing you peace of mind at this poignant point in your mother’s care. You are so thoughtful in your roles of daughter and daughter in law and this is the tough stuff. Hope the palliative care team is helpful.
So you will recall my dad asked most of the family to pay for the expensive dinner with no warning. Even his bookkeeper and patient advocate were shocked.
My sister dropped off a check for $330 (which the bookkeeper said she wouldn’t cash for the time being). She literally had to take money out of an emergency fund - their house in Austin hasn’t sold and they’re in a new one in Arkansas so things are very tight. I sent her $165 out of support.
Out of the blue, Sis got a text from Dad that he’d thought about it and knew it wasn’t fair, so he would tear up the check. Yay! And I get my money back, too. Sis said she knows Lady Friend was with Dad when he sent the text, so we’re pretty certain that LF had a little talk with Dad about how it wasn’t fair. (I really don’t think LF has any nefarious motives, but she’s just overbearing.)
I talked to the woman who is figuring out my dad’s financial affairs (call her Sally). Such a mess. She gave us a lump sum amount to do all this work. I actually warned her before she told us the amount that it would be more challenging than she thought (as a consultant, I’m sensitive to these things, ha). I told her she should charge Dad hourly, but she said she isn’t allowed to do that. The number she gave us is way too low, I think, but I guess that’s her problem.
Prudential sends a check in Mom’s name every quarter for about $250. The bookkeeper just cashed them until the bank noticed. The bookkeeper and Dad tried and tried to get the name on the account changed but couldn’t. And literally, nobody at Prudential could tell them why the checks were coming! Sally knows people at Prudential, so she got on the case. It turns out that at some point, Prudential issued some stocks to life insurance policy holders (I’m not sure why, I got lost in the explanation) and Computershare handles the dividends. Sally said she’s never been impressed with Computershare. Anyway, Mom’s account has $27,000 in it! Sally is going to get on the phone with Dad or me and the guy at Prudential so we can get this figured out. Right there, Dad has recouped a lot more than he’s paying Sally. 
Dad does have to redo his will, and for some reason I expect him to drastically reduce what he’s leaving Sis and me. Oh, well, easy come, easy go. Maybe I’m wrong.
You have to wonder why nobody at Prudential had enough sense to know about all this — I am always flummoxed by companies that don’t seem to share enough info while training their staff. Glad there was an explanation, as odd as it was!
I’m glad you have somebody sorting through the tangled finances.
Many investors and FA have negative comments about Computershare. In this case, if it was Prudential stock then I am surprised the dividend didn’t come from Computershare.
Note - If anybody has Computershare mysteries, you can may be able to set up online account (or get help from phone number) if you can provide SSN, acct#, address
Dont forget shoe size and IQ.
I had some stock held by Computershare (less than $10K) that I’d had for years from a job back in the mid-80’s. Vanquard was extremely helpful in getting it transferred out as a donation to an organization that I had picked.
My 94 year old father, who doesn’t have a penny to his name, called me yesterday to say he is changing his will. Going to write out my sister because she won’t even speak to him (I suspect she blocked him on her phone). He wanted to make sure I was OK with it. I said go ahead.
Wow, but I don’t blame him.
If my dad should cut my sister and me out of the will, it would be hard to continue to help him as much as we have. I’m hoping he appreciates how much we’ve done for him.
Do you think that he would reduce your portion of the estate to leave some to the lady friend? Or skip y’all and leave more to the grandkids?
No idea, really, but I’m thinking he will leave a good bit to his church (his current will has nothing in it for them). At one point, he told Sis and me he expected us to make a contribution to the church every year after his death, and we said, uh, no… I told him he could set up a trust or something, but he wasn’t interested.
Or he could leave a bunch to youngest nephew, whom he seems to be preferring these days. Who knows what he’s thinking?