Do you have a copy of the current will?
If he marries the lady friend, there may be some newer laws that affect the old will and her right to inherit something.
1 Like
It is actually funny because as I said he has nothing to leave (living in a nursing home that the government is paying for).
My sister was always the good daughter and I was the bad daughter. My parentās original wills had her as the executor with a bank account with funds designated to cover funeral expenses. After my mother died, when my father first talked about going into assisted living my sister and her husband were dead set against it saying he would be spending their inheritance. At that point, his will changed to have a lawyer as the executor, but his estate being evenly split.
Then my father spent all he had paying for assisted living and now has nothing. His funeral expenses are prepaid and he has an elder lawyer who handles all his finances (as well as being executor of the will). I am the health care proxy and handle dealing with health providers, but otherwise the lawyer does everything else that is needed. So, now that it doesnāt matter at all, I am the good daughter.
10 Likes
My parents re wrote their will when Local remarried and had 2 children , so those grands would also be included. My fatherās idea was always everything divided equally because it is the simplest way to do it, and then we would make āappropriateā disbursements depending on the circumstances. He worried that one of us would have cancer, or die, or one of our kids would have a desperate circumstance and so he left it all open & expects us to act accordingly.
Meanwhile, one of my friendās mothers is being assigned a legal guardian but it isnāt her, it is her step sister. Part of the momās dementia has been a truly heartbreaking paranoia about my friend (an only child) so the step sister has ended up carrying the whole load. The mom will not be in the same room as her daughter unless someone else is there, she is convinced my friend is plotting to kill her and has no memory of even having a daughter.
12 Likes
One would think! I have an ongoing problem with them . . .they have been notified that my dad passed away (in 2021!) and on one day are sending me documentation regarding that but still sending me life insurance premium invoices and threatening that the policy will be cancelled for non payment. Despite my replying many, many times that the policy holder and beneficiary are both deceased.
I believe this is the same company that wanted me to document that my 85 year old (deceased) mother had no living parents that could make a claim. Since my grandparent died, oh, 40+ years ago I have no death certificates for them. They magnanimously told me they would accept a death notice printed in a major newspaper. 
8 Likes
Was there payout for the life insurance policy in 2021?
Oh, my. Same year my mom passed away! Hard to fathom.
That sounds as bad as MassMutual.
My parents had a second-to-die policy as part of their estate planning. I sent them Momās death certificate at least 3x over the years.
They were so difficult for so long with statements like, āthis policy is so old you canāt have electronic access.ā
When my father passed (the second-to-die), they were shockingly easy. The documents were done and the policy paid out in less than a month from his death (maybe 3 weeks from the date we were handed the death certificates).
1 Like
At least they acknowledged your second to die policy. Genworth claims no record of my in lawsā policy. My SIL took it when MIL closed her safety deposit box, but she claims she has no idea where it is. Unless she finds it, she & H will be out of luck when MIL passes ā¦ and itās a lot of money.
4 Likes
We are still waiting for John Hancock to pay on momās 2nd to die policy. She died >2 years ago. My brothers are handling it so no idea what holdup is.
With my SisILās policy, we just sent in death certificate and info about where to send for each beneficiary & it was promptly sent out. The policy was more modest than my folksā but this is a long time!
1 Like
My dad had a small MetLife policy through his former employer. They were so kind to us, and they paid out immediately.
2 Likes
I held the statements for years. I always had the policy number and the name of the agent.
The agent and I had a running joke. She knew it was September when I called her. (The policy was issued in 1991 ā and I called every year until my father died in 2025).
Just a thought: the policy should eventually show up in one of those āunclaimed propertyā lists? Iām thinking of those state listings that appear in major newspapers with names. The name people or heirs have to prove they are the person due missing money.
Can you check with the state office for unclaimed property and ask how to proceed?
Last year, I found my husbandās name on a list and filed. It was a very small amount of money from an employer policy, but the system worked.
4 Likes
Rereading this and I realize it could easily be misinterpreted. The ānow that it doesnāt matterā is not about there being no money to inherit, but rather that my mother is dead and my father is old and infirm, so that I will never be treated as the good daughter by them.
7 Likes
So sorry for the hurtful family dynamics. Iām fortunate that my sister and I (both decent but somewhat different people) always received heartfelt love and appreciation from both parents. Based on stories from a variety of friends, this is often not the case.
2 Likes
Sis got a text from Dad yesterday morning - āWeāre hoping you can join us - weāre going out of town for lunchā¦ā Huh, a little concerning that Dad forgot she lives in Arkansas now. Also concerning that the caregiver didnāt tell the advocate about the trip. We need to tighten things up a little. Lady Friend seems to be making plans and decisions on Dadās behalf. She is the one pushing for condo renovations and a trip down there the first week of November. Thatās totally unrealistic in several ways. Dad (she?) wants the bathroom remodeled first for easier access, but they havenāt even lined up a contractor yet. And the last trip was a disaster, so the advocate, Sis, and I arenāt thrilled with the idea of their going with the caregiver. The caregiver said Dad never brings up the condo - itās LF all the time.
I really donāt like the idea of LF being in the room when Dad discusses his will with our financial advisor and the attorney next week, but Iām not sure what I can do about it. Maybe I could join in by Zoom if she insists on being there.
8 Likes
Sorry for all you (and your sister) are navigating. Sounds like your father has had an uptick of cognitive issues recently and that LF is stepping in to fill in some of his gaps. Probably helpful in some situations, but not so much in others. Navigating financials and legal docs, etc is a whole other layer. Observing that meeting could bring valuable data going forward. Iād want to ābeā there. This is a lot, especially from afar. Hang in there.
3 Likes
I know you are still working and busy with your own life
But 1000% one of the children should be on that call
Imo
13 Likes
Maybe Iām being paranoid/protective for youā¦ but thinking perhaps LF wants him to leave condo to her?
4 Likes
Thatās a thought! Sis would NOT be happy about that.
1 Like
I thought that, too
2 Likes
I live in a over 55 apartment building. There are several people who live here who should really be in assisted living or a nursing home. This week a woman who lived alone (I am thinking she was around 80) was found dead in her apartment. Last month a man who lived alone (again around the same age) was found unconscious on the floor of his apartment. He had been there probably overnight and died shortly afterwards. People who insist on aging in their homes when they should be living somewhere where they can get assistance, may be making a life shortening decision.
8 Likes