Twenty five years ago, I think it was Gingko that I took for increased energy. Welp, after I took it, I felt like a juiced up racehorse at the gate. My heart was pounding and I was very shaky.
A few years later, I found out that my heart had become very sensitive to stimulants. They triggered SVT episodes. So, I don’t take supplements anymore. My cardiologist told me as you get older, the episodes can be easier to trigger.
Do you mean that you just don’t take stimulant supplements? I can’t imagine that all supplements have the same effect, certainly a multi-vitamin or Vitamin D, or most other supplements would have the same effect.
Wow on the Stage IV colon cancer story in the article.
Also very important on the pharmacist - interacting with them with changes and health concerns ongoing. Being very careful with antibiotics and series of antibiotics - I knew one person who was in bad shape because between several MDs and several pharmacies, this individual killed off all the natural bacteria in their gut, which put them into really chronic health/life threatening long-term.
Some of the sources of OTC stuff, what they contain and the purity of what the label says and if that container actually has benefits for you.
I am very cautious about any ‘extras’ - and a friend who is a MD has put me onto several books – How Not to Die, How Not to Diet, and she is gifting me the related cookbook, all by Michael Greger MD. Very interesting chapters on How Not to Die, and then he includes a section on Dr Greger’s Daily Dozen (from Beans to Exercise). The preface on that book is very interesting – it talks about his 65 YO grandmother (when he was a kid) travelled to Santa Barbara as a end-stage heart disease person to Nathan Pritikin’s plant-based diet and graded exercise regimen. Dr Greger went to the medical school that offered the most info on nutrition (21 hours) - and what went to his now non-profit many years later nutritionfacts.org.
Purity content and third-party testing with cannabis or CBD - wow on all of that too, wow.
Also wow on the Gingko comments.
Learn so much on CC 
I know someone who worked in cannabis testing for a few years, checking for pesticides and residual metals. Labs also check for molds, etc. Like any money-making venture, corners will be cut if they can be … so it’s important to know that the product has been tested for substances that should not be present.
I don’t take anything but vitamins and what my doctor recommends. Right now, that’s nothing but vitamins.
My point was that there are so many supplements out there and who knows what the effects could be especially if taking multiple.
Mom has finally agreed to wearing a medical alert device, or at least that is what she says! Maybe the threat of this or assisted living will make her wear it, and I really don’t think she needs assisted living at this time.
We are going to keep the daytime caregiver for the moment, but I want to drop the evening one as they don’t really do anything, and I truly think mom will be ok in the evening. The more people are there doing everything for her, the less she is doing herself. We have all had a talk, and the caregivers know to let mom do what she can, but for them to have an eye on her. One of the evening caregivers said mom is doing great and she doesn’t think they are needed; the other one tells me she can be unsteady at times when getting up to go to the bathroom.
I have done my research on devices, and it looks like mom would be happiest with either the Medical Guardian MG mini or Lifefone VIP Active or VIPx as these necklaces are more pleasing to the eyes. The fashionista doesn’t want an ugly watch or a bulky necklace; she wants it to be hidden under her shirt! As 2 of these come in gold or rose gold, if they happen to show, she would be happier. 
Curious if anyone has had any experience with either of these companies, and/or devices? I was put off by the phone salesman with Lifefone. I started my call with I just had a couple of questions as I was doing my research. He processed to tell me how the other companies pay thousands of dollars to be put high on all the review site and they refuse to do that, and how the top seller (Medical Guardian) has many lawsuits out against them. He then continued to talk about himself and how he gives seminars on aging, how he wears his medical alert and when, and blah, blah blah. I don’t know, this just really turned me off of their product. Maybe I was just in a bad mood, but I wanted my questions answered, not how wonderful he was!
We thought talking to discharge planners at local hospitals are a good source of info about good products locally, including any medical alert bracelet or necklace.
The best device will be the one she will wear. And if you don’t like the salesman, you aren’t likely to enjoy working with them if it comes to that. It may take a couple tries before you find a device that ticks all the boxes, but congrats on this big step!
I went over to my Mom’s house yesterday, five days after I found that she had almost no food in the house, and took her shopping, where she bought six full bags of food. She is back to having almost no food in the house again.
I checked the garbage can to make sure she wasn’t throwing away food, nope. Turns out the reason she doesn’t have food is because she’s eating a LOT of food. Healthy food (fruit, vegetables, soup, yogurt, bread, etc), but who eats 3-4 bananas a day?
I’m leery of telling her to stop eating so much, but she’s a bit heavier than she should be, and she complains about that. Well, now I know why! Maybe she’s always eaten this much and has gotten away with it because of a healthy lifestyle, or maybe she’s forgetting that she’s eating.
My mom forget when she ate last and would just eat again because she historically was a grazer. Also seemed like she lost her ability to feel full. It was tough!
My mom put weight on as her dementia progressed. I think she used to be disciplined about not eating too many desserts etc and with dementia her impulse control was weakened. She went from being a size 10 to size 16, where she seems to have stabilized.
As much as people on this thread are working with their parents who have to make some tough choices on where to live and how to handle the extra oversight/caregiving, I found these details in a NY Times article insightful.
”The NAR surveys reveal that 30 percent of adults ages 60 to 69 are motivated to move for health reasons, while another 30 percent never want to move. Only 19 percent report being motivated to move by a desire to downsize. Too often, Ms. Fitzgerald (the realtor) said, health scares like falling down stairs force older adults to downsize, stripping them of extra time to plan. Agents urge older adults to prepare for downsizing — to avoid financial and medical calamities — before they know if and when they will flee their nest. “It’s never too early,” Ms. Fitzgerald said. “The process will go much more smoothly and will be much more successful if it starts earlier, rather than when you are forced, because of an injury or an illness, to move quickly.”
In the article they also talked about how younger buyers are looking for perhaps different things in the home that they will value more than other updates “many millennial and Gen X buyers, who are more likely to be interested in larger homes, didn’t have the time or interest to fix up an outdated house. “They are spread thin, and they want to be able to move into a house that is fresh,” she said. “That is a very different perspective than the seniors had when they were purchasing the house. That generation has a hard time understanding how the newer, younger buyer is expecting a picture-perfect house.”
I think some of the perspectives are from seeing so many homes updates on HGTV and the finished look is what interests younger home buyers.
For us, our move is totally motivated to move where our DD1/family live - once we know they will be in that city long-term (an out-of-state move for us). Our move might be in 2027. We have seen a few friends make a big move like we will most likely be doing. We will store things to have our home ready to sell, store the rest after it is sold, then look in the new city while using short-term options on where to live in-between. Until then, I fly or drive to this city - and DH and I drive together for Christmas through New Year’s. SIL’s parents have made a step closer to being ready for Assisted Living as they have flown to see the AL near their other son’s home (which is 6 hours’ drive from DD1/SIL/family.) SIL took more time away from DD1/kids to transport his parents from and to the airport to the town and oversee it all, stay in the info loop. As much as his parents realize how much their son and our daughter have done for them, they have IMHO dragged this process out ad nauseum, creating a lot of unnecessary added stress. I have flown in twice (significant gap of time in-between) so that SIL could go and help them (and he was with them for two weeks each time) - and DD1/SIL spent the first weekend of vacation time clearing out and organizing more a few months ago (very long drive for the family).
I will hear from DD1 about how things went, but DD1’s concern is that they will drag moving to where there is a major health event and they lose control on their choices. They have a 30-day window to commit once the unit (2 BR) is available – DD1 said a unit was available in Sept. Who knows when a unit will become available again. SIL’s father has Parkinson’s which is getting quite bad - he has not been able to drive for a number of years, and his wife has been overwhelmed for quite some time and has health issues of her own. His MD told him several years ago that he would need more assistance at home in 1-2 years (and they are at the end of that time frame).
Our friend’s mom passed away today. She would have been 105 in a few weeks. She lived on her own until she was more than 102, until she broke her hip. At that point, she was in a wheelchair so went into assisted living. She was sharp as a tack & doing well until the last couple weeks. The family was told by hospice that she would probably not make it through the week, so they were prepared. It was really nice to know someone personally who was fortunate to live not just a very long life, but one that was relatively free of the difficulties so many of our parents have experienced.
How is everyone doing? Generally and specifically?
My fil went to the hospital 2 weeks ago, the only thing that had changed was that he had Covid.
Took a big step backwards, after 5 days in the hospital was released to a rehab facility, after a week they decided he wasn’t making progress and was transferred Saturday to a skilled nursing facility.
We visited yesterday and he couldn’t seem to wake up to visit. Not sure he recognized us, the place is clean but utilitarian at best. We are being told that he has good days and bad days, today was a bad day.
My mil is utterly exhausted and combative. She wanted to argue with us about just about everything. She asked my husband to turn the headlights on her car. She got home late the day before and found out that the headlights weren’t on. She doesn’t usually drive at night. I reminded her that in 3 weeks, it’s going to be dark at 5pm
My husband and I talked about things. That his mom seems to be losing that filter to make good decisions. Both of us (and his sibling) seem unable to get her to accept any help or any changes to things that she doesn’t want to do. I will hope that as she accepts this new reality that she will become less angry. Because this is hard! I finally told her that I was unwilling to talk about a ex family member anymore.
What are their ages, and what does your DH think needs to be done?
Has MIL lost her filter due to stress, aging/dementia, or something else?
Is their ‘home’ safe for either of them? It seems FIL will remain in skilled care. Has the family made some decisions with or w/o their mom’s input (due to her inability to deal with safety or what is the best route for her care)?
My fil is 90 and mil 89
I think the filter issue is something that has advanced as she’s aged.
I could give a lot of examples but some are saying every thought that seemingly enters her mind. Very insensitive statements, sometimes quite mean.
Mostly being angry that my fil was declining. It’s like he’s doing it on purpose. To upset her
After years and years of my mil being a very strong person who ran things. I feel bad for my husband and his sibling. My husband been accustomed to letting his mom have her way. How do you talk sense when every time you gently try to suggest something, there is a huge wall and anger? Who will not listen to any suggestion and who will not accept any advice no matter how small? Who is convinced that they are always correct and will not accept that maybe they aren’t?
My husband and I are not confrontational. We do not like to argue. Coming up against this wall of anger and frustration is quite upsetting to us. Sibling is an avoidant person.
Home is safe for mil for now. Fil will stay in skilled nursing, I don’t see him coming home
I had a good visit to Austin. It’s hard with my dad, though. Physically, he’s doing pretty well. When we got to his facility, he was working out in the gym. He used his walker and walked at my nephew’s wedding. But the “spark” is not there. When I told him I was meeting with his financial advisor, he just nodded and didn’t ask any questions. We talked very little. I’m thankful that on our last morning, we were able to converse with him some. But yeah, it hurts that he can say “I love you” to his Lady Friend, but not to me (that’s not a change, but I keep hoping…). I know he does love me, but he just can’t bring himself to say it since I “left the church.”
The meeting with the financial advisor went well. Wow, she’s thorough. She wrote a comprehensive report on his financial situation and suggestions on how we should proceed with his assets and real estate. He will be fine for the next five years, and then we will need to re-evaluate. She had some good ideas for my sister and me, too.
My BIL has always been VERY quiet around my dad. But this time, he was animated and chattering away! I asked my sister, and she said he’s been much more relaxed since they moved to Arkansas. It chokes me up to see how happy they both are.
I’ll be going back in April, for my BFF’s wedding.
I’m glad you had a good visit. Sorry your Dad doesn’t have the “I love you” habit established with family. Really glad to hear he has such a helpful financial advisor and the means to pay for his care.