I’m so sorry, @deb922 . Sending hugs and wishes for peace to your family.
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I’m so sorry for your loss and glad that your daughter was able to be there. Wishing you peace and comfort.
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I’m sorry, too, @deb922 Remember to take care of yourself in the coming days and find comfort in all you did for your mom.
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@deb922 - Wishing you peace in your heart in the coming weeks, and stamina too as you deal with the various details ahead.
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You have been such a wonderful daughter and an excellent role model for your daughter. Hugs and prayers to you and yours.
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Sending good thoughts to you and your family. I’m glad your family was with you and that youcould be near your mom at the end.
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I am sorry, it is never easy. Hugs.
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I’m the sole executor for my mom’s estate.
I know that this isn’t legal advice but am I allowed to claim expenses for settling the estate such as hotel rooms and my daughter’s flights?
I’d like to pay for my daughter’s expenses and my extended hotel stay to do things to close up mom’s apartment
We aren’t having a funeral, just a family dinner today. My son and his family are driving in
Also any advice on paperwork I need to ask my sibling for to get working on my mom’s stuff? When my sibling moved my mom to her town, she kept the will and other paperwork that I know mom had.
Yesterday was a tough day, because it’s the end of the month my sibling wanted to clear out mom’s apartment so we won’t be charged for March rent. It’s not going to be done today, maybe we can get them to prorate it.
Also my sibling is all over the place, now she wants to drop off mom’s stuff in 4 different places. My car is already filled with the things I’m taking home
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Check with an estate lawyer. You ARE allowed to deduct expenses related to settling your mother’s estate. I’m not sure your daughter’s flight would be in that category. But since you live not closeby, you probably can deduct some of your expenses related to settling the estate.
An estate lawyer in the state where your mom was a resident should be able to help you.
You will need a signed copy of that will.
Your plans to honor your mother sound very nice!
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You will need the will in your possession. I would try telling your sister that as a “this is how it works, I am helpless to change the rules” kind of request. Let her concentrate on the apartment so she has something to do. Ask for all the papers she has, again, let her concentrate on the apartment and you do the executor stuff, which is paperwork.
Yes, the travel expenses are legit.
You will need copies of the death certificate for almost everything. Get at least 10 or 12. (It’s simpler to get them all at once than go back for more). THESE TAKE TIME. You will have to wait for those.
One of the overlooked parts of grief is anger. You and your sibling and the children may find you are unaccountably angry with no place to “put” it. Give each other a TON of grace in the next month or so. This is the hardest part, where families end up in arguments they wouldn’t otherwise have. Take time EVERY DAY to do something unrelated to the estate issues. We’re here pulling for you all.
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In addition to the will, you will need any papers that deal with bank accounts, life insurance, or any other assets your mom may have had.
The will is very important as your mom may have designated certain items to be given to certain family members.
Ask the IL if you can extend the lease for whatever amount of time you would like. When my mom died, I actually paid for an additional month’s rent which gave me time to do everything I needed to do for her funeral, and then deal with her apartment. I don’t remember whether this came out of the estate, or whether I used money from an account I helped jointly with my mom.
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The will. Not a copy. Acct numbers of bank accounts, savings etc. Life insurance policies, pension, medicare info, social security info. Safety deposit box? (if so, hopefully one of you are listed on it and have a key). If she has any stocks, investments–get a copy of newspapers with stock listings so you have proof of basis (price when she died).
Death certificates–as mentioned get ten or so. There is a long form and a short one. Get about 3-4 long form (as part of the 10). You won’t be able to do much of anything until those show up.
Did you get the mail changed? If not the post office will also require a death certificate. Her mail will continue to be delivered to her AL so make arrangements for them to keep her mail they are able. You’ll be receiving bills for awhile (so important to get that mail unless you have access to an on-line acct). If you end up keeping the apt another month make sure you’ve got the mailbox key (if it works that way).
It’s not a short process (at least hasn’t been for us) but don’t fret!
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My sister was on mom’s checking account, and i was on her savings account. We agreed that we would reimburse grandkids flying in from the checking account (she had one kid flying in, I had two, my brother none). Do you think your sister would go for that? After all, it was her dd who insisted your dd come.
But, yes, as others have said, the executor can claim for some portion of the estate for expenses incurred in settling the estate. For some reason 2% sticks in my mind.
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Sorry for your loss, deb. May there be peace and comfort as you gather to remember her. You have been so thoughtful as you handled things with and for your family. The logistics take time to unfold.
When I was feeling pressure as the executor for my father, we happened to have a meeting with our estate attorney. He reminded me that unraveling always takes time, that it is often another frail elder piecing it together (perhaps leading to longer time frames and more complexity). He encouraged me to work through most of it systematically and was helpful in determining my sequence of effort. For both of my parents’ deaths, the funeral home spoke with me about the death certificates needed and put in the requests with the town hall where they died. Not sure if this varied by state, but it was helpful.
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My thoughts are with you as your plate has become both so full and so empty in a short amount of time. 
Just +1 to the advice to get many copies of the death certificate. My mom’s estate was very simple and she had our names of most all her accounts but I think we got 8-10 certificates and used every single one. It was surprising how many places needed an original not a copy.
A big envelope or box or some type of paper storage item is your friend right now. Try and keep all the papers, notes, receipts etc in one place.
I get your sister wanting to “wrap things up” but basically 24 hours to clear out mom’s apt after she passed? That is asking A LOT.
Please take care of yourself. Eat. Find quiet places. Rest.
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We actually did that. Some caregivers at the facility took her furniture and other items for their families or to sell (we gave it away) and they agreed to take whatever they couldn’t use to donation. We took the little we wanted and cleared out all paperwork (for use or disposal) and they cleared out the rest in an afternoon with help of their family(need the manpower) and use of a pick-up truck). Everything gone in just a few hours. Part of the deal was they had to take it all–we didn’t have time to run around ourselves to donate.
It was that or pay rent for another month.
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More power to you. That seems like a very tough task so very quickly. I get it and it’s unfortunate that the end of month was imminent. It’s just another hard mountain to climb.
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I could see that if the place is small and she had downsized already to move in there. I don’t know what this particular situation is. It might be less expensive to move it into a storage unit for a month and sort there.
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We got lucky for sure finding someone who needed the furniture and also had the manpower (sons and husband) to clear it out so fast. We scrambled a bit to get it done so fast but it sure felt good!
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This was an IL apartment (nice one-bedroom). Yes, already down-sized from her home 20 years earlier. But still a lot of stuff! The only other option was really to hire someone(s) to move it to storage and then have to get rid of it from there or get a crew to just dump everything.
No matter what is decided the paying of rent only buys decision making time (which might be worth it depending on how much and worth of contents.) In an apartment situation you can’t call “curb alert” and haul furniture out to the street to be picked up. Or have people just dropping in to buy individual pieces (at least as an outsider). Or have an estate sale to clear it out.
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