Went to the folks house. It turns out things did not go as well as I had hoped. They were out today trying to put gas in the hybrid (we filled it up when I drove with them 3 days ago). It was “embarrassing” because they couldn’t figure it out. He forgot that he promised not to drive. They couldn’t tell me why they thought the car needed gas. Dad actually handed the keys to me because he realized he forgot his promise. I now have the car. Of course they don’t want me to buy it. There is a 5 year look-back in my state for Medicaid. There is a lot of resources to spend down for such. But I will either put money in the account for the car or gift money to niece and nephew. My fear is that he will forget I have the car and think it’s stolen.
Dad has had a sharp decline in the last 5 weeks and particularly in the last 3. Words aren’t making sense. He’s confusing words such as telephone and car. Many sentences I can’t figure out. Doctor’s appointment on Thursday and I will ask whether he needs a CT/check for UTI. I’m impressed/scared they made it to the gas station.
I’m so sorry your dad has declined so much in the past few weeks. The gerontologist said higher functioning people can hide declines better, so when it finally is apparent things aren’t working, things are already pretty bad and they can’t compensate any more. We think this is the case with our relative as well.
My relative with UTI has resistant infection so needed a PICC line and antibiotic IV infusions daily for at least 20 days. He’s also needing prednisone because he is having hives from drug reaction.
For those of you dealing with the most difficult issue of elders and driving. It is so difficult, but stay strong and determined knowing you are protecting your loved ones and the public.
A long time Philadelphia Inquirer Sports Writer, has been diagnosed with “atypical” alzheimers, which apparently effects his spatial abilities much more than verbal abilities, because for some while after diagnosis he was teaching creative writing class, and his memory remained quite intact.
He was diagnosed about five years ago at 75, and published a series of five articles, the last appeared a couple weeks ago in the Philadelphia Inquirer.
From one of articles-
Regarding driving, he shares his perspective, in this short article third, one of five recent articles published by the newspaper.
So frustrating–the internist who is supposed to be in charge of dad’s care is dismissive of the CPAP and says he doesn’t think dad can use it (even tho he was successful with it for the1st month he had it with our multiple times/day visits).
He also told dad he his lungs didn’t sound clear, so he should CUT BACK his maintenance inhaler from 2 puffs 2x/day to 1puff 2x/day and use a rescue inhaler 4x/day! We see the lung specialist tomorrow and I will ask him to please confer with internist and figure out what should be done to gel clear dad’s lungs. The new orders on inhalers are contrary to all I’ve ever learned. Dad is already on IV antibiotics to clear another infection.
Oh well, I’m sure they will confer and that should help. Getting old isn’t for sissies, that much is clear!
Thanks for bringing up those articles @SouthJerseyChessMom . We get the Inquirer on Sundays only and I wanted to read Bill Lyon’s articles but had forgotten about them. @HImom - sorry for your current problems. I hope the lung specialist gets everything straightened out. It seems like he would outrank an internist!
I’m looking for advice about walker/wheelchairs. My Mom has become a little unstable on her feet and gets tired much quicker and it seems her world has shrunk due to that. I am looking into this http://www.costco.com/Excel-Translator-Rolling-WalkerWheelchair-by-Medline%C2%AE.product.11502563.html thinking that she can push it for a while and then I (or my sister, who she lives with) can push her while she rides. My Mom used to love hiking and walking but the only walks she gets anymore are to the store where she likes to push the shopping cart. My concern about this model is the reviews talk about the seat being a little wide. My Mom is tiny - about 4’10" and weighs under 100 pounds. Any suggestions?
This is the model that we have for my mother, she is 5’ tall. You can purchase a gel cushion for the chair. We bought it through Walmart for about $125 and I think the delivery was free. We have used it for a couple of years and it has served the purpose well.
@walkinghome, pushing the shopping cart is good, as it gives something to hold onto for balance. Try to have her walk as much as possible because once she’s in a chair, the walking muscles decondition very quickly and she’ll have a hard time getting back out of the wheelchair.
I’m glad I have a relationship with the pulmo because he’s been treating me for 15 years, so he will work with me. I have his email as well. We will get things sorted out today.
It does get complicated with all the specialists–cardiologist, infectious disease doc, pulmo who is also sleep specialist and then the internist trying to keep things straight.
What I had been worried about was how easy to fold, then lift into the trunk of the car. Some of these are pretty heavy and unwieldy. The 3rd one is same weight as an ordinary rollator, they say.
adding- I did not buy this, but a different product.Just know the wheelie versions can be hard to pack.
@walkinghome - Is there a way to test drive these options with your mother? Trying to fold them, measuring their fit in the vehicle trunk, seeing how how the foot rests adjust, etc. might reveal the best way forward for her. Also, if she wanted to have PT evaluation ordered by her dr., some PTs are experts in sorting out the safest style of walkers or wheelchairs. Good luck. A walker changed my father’s quality of life for the better; he got years of independence out of it. Made all the difference when he needed a bit of extra support and demonstrated it by grabbing at walls, tall book shelves or me as he tried to walk.
Having devices light enough to easily put in the trunk are VERY important, so no one strains anything gettin gear in and out. It needs to be sturdy AND light.
I haven’t found any of these devices that are not under 20 lbs, so that’s good. I like the Costco one because I know I can easily return it but the reviews suggest it’s for smooth surfaces and I was thinking the best use for her would be outdoors so we could take her on walks. My Mom lives with my sister two hours away. I’m trying to do the research so I could perhaps buy it so my sister wouldn’t have to do that, but it makes sense to try it out with her.
I know I bought a transporter wheelchair once from Walgreens for about $100. It was small but VERY heavy for putting in the trunk. It was so heavy, I returned it rather than risk injuring myself from repeatedly having to load and unload it.
I think if the person to be transported is light, I’d spend the time and money searching for a sturdy light one. Children’s hospitals of physical therapists who work with kids may have some tips. Easter Seals (whose mission is to help children with spinal issues) may also be a good resource.
I know this topic comes up often with the elders I work with–need a chair (and walker, etc) that is light enough BUT also sturdy. Definitely ask around. I also saw someone pushing a very slim wheelchair that looked as if it would fit thru most very narrow spaces. (I believe it may have been brought by them from Japan).
Definitely ask a PT about a suitable walker. My mom decided she had to have this 4 wheel walker she’d seen someplace - not made in the US, very limited US distribution. I swear it was for off-road use. Anyway, after her back and hip fractures, the PT said she couldn’t use it as the 4 wheel design was not appropriate even with the brakes.
A PT can adjust the height correctly and give a few instructions on using it properly (especially when getting out of a chair or bed).
I’m sure others have noticed this, especially those with parents suffering from Parkinson’s, but there is a world of difference to their mental state when they’re in the hospital versus when they go back home. My dad was hallucinating, sometimes angry, and often uncooperative for the 2 weeks he was institutionalized for his blood pressure. My mother took a leap of faith and decided to bring him home even though she didn’t know if that kind of behavior would continue in his home environment, but unbelievably he is like a new person, back to himself, communicating, cooperative, etc. I felt that, as nice as the staff were in the hospital, the experience diminished him as a person day by day, and I’m just happy he was able to rebound from that.
I posted recently that I successfully removed the car from my parents with dementia. There is griping, but I am holding firm. But, I have a problem with banking. 2 weeks ago, there were lots of credit cards lying around as he was sent a new one by AAFP and he could not figure out how to activate it. Therefore, they kept sending new ones. I gathered them all, activated a set, and cut up the other 8. I keep track of that account and it is used for groceries and medical bills.
The problem is, that my dad has determined that he really needs another credit card and apparently applied for one at the bank branch a short walking distance from their apartment. I found a denial for the credit card at their apartment (outstanding debt which I found out later was just a $12 charge on a previous card). He has no clue as he can’t interpret any financial document that comes and if he could, he forgets he did. I also found another credit card application. I went to the bank with the folks today to get the car title from the safe deposit box and to talk to someone about the credit application/denial/and another application. They cleared it up for me and the manager pulled me aside, gave me his card, and told me the other application will be denied as dad refused to sign forms. Dad doesn’t understand, claims they aren’t giving him information, forgets any explanation…and is getting angry, frustrated, and taking it out on very nice folks at the bank who all know them and greet them by name.
I went to the bank later to talk with the manager. He shared that dad had been over about 4 times upset about the credit situation. He told me that even though I am on the checking account, they cannot keep him from applying for credit, withdrawing money from the bank, or conduct any other banking business. He did agree that if dad came over and made any sort of scene, he would pull him in the office and call me. They tell me that my POA does not prevent my parents from doing any banking they want to do. Anything I can do to prevent bad financial decisions?
I do have the majority of their money with financial advisers (2 different companies) who have no problems consulting with me for every financial decision.