<p>Just curious to see how many parents have been alleged, by their offspring, to have been sent directly from the Hot Place to torment them from time to time. (not that our kids would use such language :))</p>
<p>By this I mean my wife and I have occasionally been associated with the strictest parents on Earth for insisting on proper behavior, grades, personal integrity and the like. I suspect we’re not alone, so please consider this a straw poll to ascertain the lay of the (possibly Hades-influenced) land.</p>
<p>It should be interesting, both to us parents and to our kids.</p>
<p>Remarkably, though we, like you, insist upon </p>
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<p>our kids seem to appreciate us <em>now</em>, which is pretty amazing, I guess. I think it has to do with the constant messages they get from their friends, many of whom I’ve adopted. I couldn’t have hired a better PR firm if I’d tried. ;)</p>
<p>So, no…to the contrary, my kids seem to think we’re “heaven sent.” :D</p>
<p>Ach, the most effective tyranny is one in which the victims internalize the rules. If the victims revolt or merely protest, the tyrant hasn’t done a good enough job. Parents from hell are, by this definition, failed tormentors. Try harder.;)</p>
<p>We are decidedly UNstrict, except on a few things having to do with laws and safety, and have raised up a really, really fine young man. (The daughter is still a work in progress, so don’t know on her yet, but hoping she turns out half as well when fully cooked).</p>
<p>I know some people think strict parenting results in fine, upstanding young people, but we have a nicer, more polite kid than most…the result of UNstrict parenting. So there ya go.</p>
<p>In our house, it depends on whether or not they are getting their own way! When we go with the flow, buy stuff etc, we’re great. When we say no, we’re BAD! :(</p>
<p>We try not to sweat the small stuff – actually, I try not to sweat it. H is naturally easy-going, and everything’s fine as long as they don’t blow up the house. I’m the one who gets in the doghouse for insisting on annual room-cleaning or that they let me know where they are going etc.</p>
<p>Same here. Very UNstrict. We just have always made it clear that we’ll trust our children 'til they give us cause not to, and then we’ll have to become strict. Never had a problem. Kids are generally considered polite, outgoing, etc.</p>
<p>I had very strict parents. As an adult, I had almost nothing to do with them.</p>
<p>Another vote here for the UNstrict path to raising kids. We, like Allmusic, have had few rules in our home, other than the basic rules of safety and respectful behavior. Never had curfews, never called friends’ parents to ensure an adult was supervising parties of teens, never read diaries or snooped through their computers, all things that many of my friends did/do with their kids. Maybe we’ve been fortunate, but all 4Ds have grown into successful, well-rounded, and independent individuals who have done well in school, who have nice friends, who are well-regarded in their own circles, and who we enjoy spending time with, whenever we can! We had no major issues with them through the teenage years , unlike many of our friends. It is possible to raise well-mannered, responsible kids without resorting to total control of their lives. </p>
<p>I, like Tarhunt, grew up in a home with a tyrannical father, and the results of his methods have haunted me and my siblings throughout our adult lives. None of us has chosen to replicate that type of atmosphere. As a psychologist, I’ve counselled countless kids who had childhoods like my own.</p>
<p>My son recently thanked me for being strict when they were in high school. Unlike many of their friends, we requested to know where they were and who they were with. We also didn’t allow them to ride with new drivers (now new law has taken care of that somewhat). I didn’t see us as strict, but when compared to 16 year olds that could stay out all night, go whenever and whereever they wanted --we were definately on the rigid side. Now, many of those free spirits have lost their way. Though I believe it way not so much a lack of rules per se, but a lack of interest by the parents all together in their children. For these children, a lack of structure or rules (whatever you want to call it) was just their easy way out of parenting.</p>
<p>I also have to add that with 3 children, I would say I have parented 3 different ways. Each child is different. I never once checked up on my d. or gave her times to be in—but she was a child who never pushed. On the other hand with the boys… one required gentle nudging and reminding while the other needed the line in the sand at times.</p>
<p>My son told me that I was stricter than most of his friends’ parents when he was little (not allowing him to see certain movies or listen to certain music, for example; always being there at sports practice; not letting him go places that I didn’t trust, not letting him use certain language, etc.). And he did occasionally protest at the time. </p>
<p>However, he said I was less strict than most of his friends’ parents by the time he was in high school. Basically, my philosophy was that you control the influences on them when they are little and don’t know any better, then give them more and more freedom as they show themselves responsible enough to handle it. By the time he was a senior in high school, he basically had no rules, other than those of common courtesy. And he did great. </p>
<p>He did have one complaint when he got to college. He said that most kids were experiencing more responsibility and also more freedom in college. However, he already had the freedom, so all college gave him was more responsibility! :)</p>
<p>W and I are middle of the road. In middle school, my D considered us unreasonably strict. By high school, all the the kids with hands off parents in middle school were completely screwed up: drugs, alcohol, sexual promiscuity with random men, cutting, food issues, etc. We loosened up each year in high school as D earned more freedom through her choices and actions.</p>
<p>When she graduated from HS she said she must be from a disfunctional family because she could still commmunicate with her parents, unlike the vast majority of her friends. She also acknowledged that we played the rules and responsibilities card just about right.</p>
<p>Not here. We have never set a curfew for either of our children. When my younger one is out, she calls us far, far more often than we would have ever required her to. We have no “rules”, and we trust our kids. We put no restrictions on movies, videos, computer stuff, music. My older one started commuting locally between three different colleges at age 14, and at 16 went off to college 3,000 miles away. She has traveled by herself to Cambodia, India, and Thailand, and now (at 18) is living for a year in Florence, Italy. The younger one is a much safer driver than I am or my wife is.</p>
<p>Both kids know how we feel about things. Both are much, much stricter with themselves than we would ever require of them.</p>
<p>We appear to be members of all three clubs described here: the Unstrict, the “Strict” and the Parents from H…E…LL.</p>
<p>We have had the philosophy much-described above of trust not strict rules. But we also have always had high standards for doing your best, writing thank-you notes ;), following through on commitments, knowing who his friends are (and their families), knowing where he was and who with. Some people are defining this as strict, though I wouldn’t.</p>
<p>We have managed to achieve the “Meanest Mom” or "Parents from HE** designation, though, over such things as not buying every googaw which crossed his “I’d like that!” horizon, insisting he take out the trash on OUR schedule versus his (“later”), etc., etc., etc. LOL.</p>
<p>I tell him, that is our job. We inherited it. This job
has no lay off and no retirement. We thought our parents were from hell, my parents thought it, so why should it be different for him? He has no papers that states that he be treated differently.</p>
<p>I think, as parents, we react to our children. My two are different and therefore need different parenting styles. </p>
<p>I grew up with two older siblings. Both were very “good”. Their outside activities revolved around scouting and other productive, clean activities. I, on the other hand, was a different story. My parents were much stricter with me, and they needed to be. Had I been allowed, I would have gone stark raving party crazy.</p>
<p>This is obviously wide-open to personal interpretation and what some may think is strict may actually be something else. Likewise with un-strict methods.</p>
<p>Both our daughters are doing fine at the university and do call home often. We love them…like they were our very own children(lol).</p>
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