Parents Hate My College Choice

Parents Forum
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<p>So I was hoping some of the CC parents could help me with my problem.</p>

<p>So right now I am making a choice between JHU and Brown and I have been leaning more towards Brown but my parents are entirely for JHU. In their eyes they think JHU is a much better college than Brown but I think they are confusing JHU undergrad with JHU medical school. They seem to think Brown is a horrible school that will not prepare me for a career in science research/medicine and they think that JHU will be the best for me. But in terms of diversity, undergrad focus, social life, advising, grading, etc. I feel that I would be happier at Brown.</p>

<p>Financially they are the same (about 10k a year) and I live in MI so Providence is farther away then Baltimore. Should I follow my parents advice or stick with my gut? Don’t get me wrong I like JHU (plus they gave me a 10k research stipend) but I feel Brown will offer me a more well-rounded, less stress-induced college experience.</p>

<p>Any advice?</p>

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<p>Both are excellent schools, but you are right that JHU has a particularly intense atmosphere. If you don’t like that sort of thing, you would probably be happier at Brown.</p>

<p>Some people don’t like the idea of Brown’s very open curriculum; they feel that it leads to students not getting as good an education. However, what many of them don’t realize is that the Brown curriculum is only open with regard to course choices outside the student’s major. Major programs at Brown are every bit as rigorous and structured as those at any other top-notch school. So if you’re doing a major in one of the sciences, you will do just as much work and learn just as much as a science major at a university with a more structured program would. It’s only in your non-major courses that you will have an unusual degree of freedom.</p>

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<p>You are getting a research stipend, so I am assuming you will be studying something in the science field? I think that your parents are probably correct in thinking that JHU will better prepare you for a career in science, but let’s face it Brown is no hole in the wall!!! You will get a great education there as well. If it is less stress you want, and you think you will be happier at Brown, then you should try to convince your parents that Brown is the right place for you at this time… don’t worry you will have plenty of time in grad school to be stressed!!</p>

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<p>Stick with your gut. Go to Brown.</p>

<p>My parents hated my choice. They screamed and cried. They refused to take me to school even though I was the first child to leave home. I had to find a ride! :eek: (of course, it was great to show up on campus for the first time and not have to tool them around. It was very liberating. They did me a favor without realizing it! I don’t take my sons to school as a result).</p>

<p>The only reason they agreed to pay for my choice over theirs was because my dad’s mother scolded him. (I called her and asked her to do that).</p>

<p>My parents underestimated me. In a million years, they would not have predicted my personal or professional trajectory. They spent years and years trying to knock me down a peg–and had they known how far from home I would travel–they probably would have stepped up those efforts, LOL.</p>

<p>Really, it is only in the last couple of years that I have gotten any understanding–now that I have two grown sons on my CV, a happy 24 year old marriage and a thriving 20 year old business.</p>

<p>You’ve put two great options on the table for yourself–with CASH! You are GOLDEN, kiddo. Well done to you. You’ve put yourself in charge of your life.</p>

<p>You don’t need your parents to understand you. You only need them to love you–and they will. I am living proof. Mine never stopped loving me in the middle of all their confusion–and I never stopped loving them. We love each other to bits, in fact. They have total amnesia about trying to block me at every turn when I was so young. If I mention their wrongheadedness, they get very wobbly lower lips.</p>

<p>I am very very happy that I took MY road–even though I ended up having to pay for much of it out of my own pocket. It has been a wonderful adventure. I never lost the inner knowledge that I could make an adventure happen for myself against all odds. Just last week, I got the news that a new amazing opportunity is going to open up for me over the next few years. I am beyond thrilled.</p>

<p>There is great satisfaction in marching to your own drummer.</p>

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<p>My S is at JHU in the sciences/Engineering and he does find it very intense. That is only one student’s observation, but if that type of atmosphere is not for you, JHU may not be the best choice.</p>

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<p>jmmom… Is you son happy at JHU? I am going in September, and I have heard about the hard work, and I am coming from a very rigorous high school, so I think I am pretty well prepared, but it is always nice to hear about it from current students.</p>

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<p>If you live in MI, and you plan to fly to either Baltimore or Providence (except for the first time going off to campus), it does not matter how many miles are on the map. A flight is a flight. You stand in an airport and come down X dollars and X hours later, irrespective of the mapped miles. So try to throw the “distance” issue off the table because it’s virtually the same.</p>

<p>I grew up around the corner from JHU and in Baltimore, at least, it was understood to be the world’s greatest medical school, for 200 years. “JHUAdmissions Daniel” is one of CC’s best advisors; have you looked up his posts? I recall a discussion that ended with how an undergrad student should be independent and resourceful. Those nuances don’t sound quite like the things you seek most (“diversity, advising, social…less stress”). </p>

<p>I toured Brown’s science buildings with a compsci tourguide, 6 years ago and was mightily impressed, but being no scientist I can’t evaluate it deeply. The overall charm of Brown’s campus seems to me greater than JHU. JHU is colonial, elegant and more “Maryland/Virginia/Thomas Jefferson” rather than Brown which has the IvyLeague School-on-the-hill New England feel, a lot cozier and tight. </p>

<p>Both have fraternities, with Brown’s oncampus and JHU’s off, I believe, if that’s what you mean by social life.</p>

<p>Brown’s an IvyLeague so it’s surprising to hear it dissed by your parents! </p>

<p>If you think you could go from Brown to JHU as you move from undergrad to grad school, that’s where you could perhaps reap greatest advantage from JHU – as a grad student, in a few years’ time. </p>

<p>The name “Hopkins” has been associated powerfully with medicinal science, an overwhelming identity. They do great things with medical robotics, the research is SO strong…but you’re just l8 and I can’t see why that’s foremost in your thoughts for an undergraduate education. You’ll be taking an array of classes in all disciplines.</p>

<p>You have 2 great schools to choose between, but for what YOU seek, I think you’ve called it right, Brown will nurture your intellect and spirit while at JHU you’ll feel more like you’re trying to “extract” educational benefits for yourself.</p>

<p>At Brown, when you walk between classes, you might get speared by a Shakespearean actor performing on the green. That’s part of undergrad education, even if you never take a theater class yourself. </p>

<p>Somehow, what was good enough for John F. Kennedy’s son would be good enough for me (Brown). Trust your gut. Time and again, at this late stage, families say that “the heart has its own reasons.” Gut instinct is the final determiner when BOTH choices are great, as here.</p>

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<p>When I was selecting colleges, my mother and guidance counselor both were in love with JHU. It wasn’t my first choice of those that I got into, but because they loved it so much, I went. I got an excellent education, but I have regretted it ever since. I went in as pre-med, but never made it medical school. I think that if I had gone to a school that was less intense, and a better “fit”, I may have stayed pre-med. I would definitely have had a more fulfilling and enjoyable college experience.</p>

<p>Bottom line, see if you can convince them to let you follow your gut.</p>

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<p>Brown is pouring a lot of money into its science programs. It just built a new science building, and really really wants kids like you there. It very much wants to improve its reputation in the sciences, which is pretty strong already. I suggest you call the school and get more information about the programs you are interested in – explain your situation, I’m sure they’ll find someone for you to talk to. I think you’ll find that Brown offers a lot of resources for your interests. Find out what students do after they graduate and what the undergraduate research possibilities are (ask about UTRA). Brown has a med school attached to it, also. Look up Professor Ken Miller and see all the neat things he does.</p>

<p>Bottom line is that Brown is not a “horrible school” that won’t prepare you for a future career. It graduates plenty of science oriented kids. I’m sure you can find the data that proves that.</p>

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<p>Cheers seems to sum it up. </p>

<p>js416256—I wonder if you asked your parents “what happens if they force JHU and it goes badly?” “Who is it that has to live with that mistake?” YOU, not your parents. </p>

<p>If you choose Brown and it goes badly, well at least you got to start making your own decisions and dealing with what happens when it does not turn out as planned.</p>

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<p>No informed parent could “hate” the fact that their kid is going to Brown. They might lean more toward JHU for various reasons, but if they’re this adamant about Brown, it calls into question the viability of their viewpoint. If they think that it would provide a terrible preparation for medicine or research, then I’d really have to question how informed their opinion about college choice could be.</p>

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<p>js416256, are your parents from another country? If they truly think Brown is horrible, it might be because it does not have the international reputation that Johns Hopkins does. You may need to explain to them that a university’s international reputation is often based mostly on the quality of its graduate programs, not the undergraduate experience. Brown may not be as well known in other countries because it is mostly undergraduate-focused. Since right now the undergraduate experience is what’s important to you, Brown is a good choice. </p>

<p>Then show them the U.S. News undergraduate rankings, which clearly indicate that JHU and Brown are peer institutions (Brown is 15th, Hopkins 16th in National Universities). With rankings that close, surely the choice should be considered a matter of personal preference.</p>

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<p>My S toured Brown and met some of the happiest students there. He talked to some extremely friendly profs and would have gladly attended if they had been stronger in pure math (Brown is terrific for applied math).</p>

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<p>Well my Mom and Dad are both immigrants but my Dad did go to college in the US. I personally think they are relying way too much on the opinions of their Michigan-educated friends who know nothing about JHU undergrad just their medical program’s prestige. So it is kinda hard to get their heads out of this deeply dug hole and see how amazing it is to be accepted to Brown.</p>

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<p>You might want to PM dcircle, a former brown undergrad now at Harvard for grad (med?) school… Very pleased with his undergrad experience. </p>

<p>And, js, what if you decided midstream you want to major in something else? I say NEVER pick a school solely on the intended major.</p>

<p>I am a Brown grad. I have nothing negative to say about JHU; however, I have pages of wonderful things to say about Brown.</p>

<p>Brown’s sciences are excellent. Undergrads can be meaningfully involved in research. And while doing so, you may also BE the kid in the Shakespeare play (if you want). Or the one playing Ultimate frisbee. Or the one with a second concentration in Art History. Or whatever else will make your life complete!</p>

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<p>I’ve no personal experience, but I have read on these forums posts from more than one JHU student seeking to transfer because of the intense, competitive environment at JHU. </p>

<p>I agree, stick to your guns. Brown is a great school, and if it feels right you will have a wonderful time there. Don’t let them make you feel guilty. Stay positive, maybe have your guidance counselor talk to them and tell them what a wonderful presitigious school Brown is.</p>

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<p>My daughter is deciding between JHU and another school but is going into history or math…I have heard that those liberal arts areas are not nearly as intense and competitive as the sciences or engineering at JHU…anyone know more info about this??</p>

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<p>Hopkins is quite competitive across the curricula, but, if your daughter does her work, she will be fine. There are opportunities to take classes pass/fail, and if she should get a grade of c+ or below, there is an option to take an “R” grade, and repeat the course. Of course, it is probably not a great idea to do this often, but the option is there. I think part of what makes Hopkins so intense is that the students must take 5 courses/semester to graduate. Most other schools that I am aware of, require 4 courses/semester. That is why it is probably good to use that pass/fail option, so the student can spend more time focusing on the others. I go back to what I have always said. If the kids do their work, they will be fine. There is still plenty of time for lots of fun.</p>

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<p>BTW…Hopkins does have a wonderful performing arts department, headed by actor/director, John Astin. Also, the art history department is amazing. The terrific Baltimore Museum of Art is right on the campus, along with a couple of other museums. Very nice. My son, who is an IR major with a minor in business/finance (great business and entrepreneurship program), avails himself of courses in art history and acting/directing. Hopkins is quite well-rounded. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
My daughter graduated from Vassar with a major in history of art, and concentrations in writing and philosophy. As far as I am concerned, even though Vassar is well known for these areas of concentration, the Vassar museum cannot compare to Hopkins.’ The Writing Seminars are at least on par (and perhaps moreso) than the well known writing program at Vassar.
Hope this insight helps.
If your heart is in Brown, however, it is important to go with your instinct. Good luck.</p>

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<p>The undergraduate college experience is supposed to be enjoyed. The learning, the exploring, the experimenting…and the independence! I am planning to go to medical school and would love to train at a place like Hopkins…4 years from now! We are talking undergraduate here. The academic caliber of Brown and JHU in undergrad is not much different, however, you already know that you will be happier at Brown because you liked it better. </p>

<p>I want to be happy and have all the energy in the world to start doing this all over again 3 years from now. I do not want to get burned out along the way. If I attend a college where I am going to be miserable because of the location, the people, etc …am I going to be able to perform at my best ? Of course not.</p>

<p>We are very privileged now. We can choose among the top schools in the world. For medical school, we may just have to attend wherever we get accepted. Let’s make sure we are happy…NOW!</p>

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