<p>We had one poor mom at the freshman orientation parent session ask about frequency of calling their child. The president of the college was conducting the session. This mom was SO not ready for the child to fly the coop. Her question and answer period, because none of the rest of us could get a word in edgewise, started with “do you think calling my daughter 10 times/day is enough”…it got progressively worse from there to where the college president asked her to talk to him after the session so he could put her in contact with some people that could be of assistance to her…</p>
<p>“Teachers should take necessary steps to guide the students and should contact parents if it is really urgent and student is going out of control.”</p>
<p>I agree with others–it is not high school. The profs have no responsibility to contact parents of adults in college…nor can they legally.</p>
<p>there was a parent at my daughter’s orientation who asked what kind of filters they had on the internet system to protect the children. Lol! College is as big an adjustment for the parents, even more so sometimes</p>
<p>In most cases, checking in once a week is enough. More often is fine, too, as long as it is student driven. </p>
<p>However, there may be periods of time when more frequent contact becomes necessary, for instance during a period of physical or mental ill health.</p>
<p>DS usually calls once a week but could be more depending on what is going on. We rarely do the contacting. I was very used to not hearing from him for weeks as he started sleep away camp at age 7 and calling is a no no for the first few weeks and the rest of the time is discouraged.</p>
<p>We have an appointment for a weekly google hangout, and it usually happens. We text 1 - 3 times per week, but he often claims later not to have seen mine or my husband’s. None of us do Facebook, but if he did, I’d start, for the occasional proof of life. I talk to my mother 2 - 4 times a week.</p>
<p>And since the original question was “how often do you want to be contacted”, I’m mostly happy with what we have. I’d be completely happy if he responded to my occasional texts, the same way I respond to his.</p>
<p>About once a week works for us. However, I learned very early in our eldest’s college experience that it is best to wait for the call unless there is something urgent on our end. That way, the kids are able to call when they have time, privacy, and something to share. I found that when I would hear usually coincided with my eagerness to hear from them. Of course, there were more frequent calls if illness or exciting news needed to be communicated.</p>
<p>We usually have a fairly lengthy phone conversation just to catch up about once a week. There are texts and emails several times a week though, usually to ask a quick question or make a request for the next care package.</p>
<p>I worry less about D2 now than I once did. She has a tight social circle and a boyfriend that we have a good relationship with - so her “safety net” at school is actually much wider and stronger than when she first started. I don’t worry if I can see her and her friends posting on FB, pictures taken yesterday, new comments about studies, etc. Life is just rocking along for her and that’s great. A text, a FB message or a phone call every week is nice. :)</p>
<p>Maybe I’m crazy, but with the ease of a quick text, I’d like to hear from my daughter a couple of times per day. (She has bipolar, so maybe that informs my decision, but she has a much older sister – 33-- who lives an hour away and texts me at least that often voluntarily). We are a communicative family, and I see nothing unusual about touching base with a humorous text or quick insight or observation every day. Sure, if I observe my college freshman next year posting on facebook or I know she’s texting her sisters, then she doesn’t need to reach out specifically to me. As long as I know she’s doing ok – and when one is bipolar, or in the case of my oldest, living alone in NYC and keeping late hours at work, that is important – I don’t care if it’s a message to me or a message I know about through someone else.</p>
<p>It really depends on the kid. When my S lived out of state I was lucky to hear from him ever, unless I called. He’s always talked more often with his dad, so I knew how things were going. But I expected that, because he’s not a chatty guy.</p>
<p>My older D called maybe 2X a week when she was away at school, more often if she had something going on. She lives in the same city now and we talk about the same number of times, but have a standing lunch date once a week. We leave notes for each other on Facebook too.</p>
<p>The younger one is so plugged in that when she leaves I expect to get texts and Facebook messages daily. We’ll likely Skype as often as she wants too because she loves to talk, and we’re very close. </p>
<p>EK-I’m sorry about your D-my older D and her dad are in that place right now. They’re both responsible for what was said, but eventually they’ll come around. This isn’t the first time. I hope your D comes around too.</p>
<p>My DS and I rarely use the phone, although he has surprised us with some great calls on occasion. OTOH, I send him a few lines most mornings, just to update him with family news, ask him about his sport, etc. He usually responds with one or two lines back. I don’t really expect more! He and his sister have a running joke that he only replies in monosyllables! When DD heads off next fall I expect her to send us more information, but that’s just her personality. We expect them to be immersed in their college experiences but we also want them to feel that we are here for them. We are FB friends, but try not to embarrass them!</p>
<p>I like hearing from my freshman D once a week. I’m much more comfortable with greater time spans with my junior S. He still manages to text or call once a week but I’m less concerned about him at this point in time.</p>
<p>1-3 times a week by phone, email, or text. If they don’t call me, I call them. I just need to know they are still alive/well, hear any news, anecdotes, problems.
I still call MY parents once a week.
Also, when they are traveling, I want them to call me when they arrive or if they change plans.</p>
<p>I really love the idea of Proof of Life. That’s the beauty of FB…you see they are alive, it’s akin to holding a mirror in front of a baby’s mouth when they are sleeping. You can tell they are alive without disturbing them!</p>
<p>I am friends with both my boys at their request. S1 restricts how often I can post something (but again the older he gets the mellower he gets). S2 couldn’t care less how often I post. (usually a funny link or a tagged photo).</p>
<p>On the other hand I wish my kids would tell me a little LESS about their lives. Boundaries kiddos, boundaries! :D</p>
<p>Another vote for Proof of Life here … facebook is a wonderful thing, made even more wonderful by one of my kids having a friend who posts a lot of pictures! Ideally, I’d like some sort of weekly contact.</p>
<p>Of course, this changes over time. D3, now a junior, barely ever calls, but during her first year, she seemed to be on the phone home every time she was walking across campus. Likewise, DH used to call his family once a week and now it’s been bumped up as his parents age and require more support.</p>
I’m sorry.</p>