<p>my dad just friend requested me, and for some reason, it annoyed me to no end.
he created one two days after i left& headed for college, so i know he created one
to keep a tab on me.
which i know, is nothing to complain about.</p>
<p>but i’m relatively annoyed.
i’ve got nothing to hide on fb; i rarely post on fb, and if i do, it’s nothing crazy.
but i think i’m more upset
with the fact that my parents don’t trust me and felt obligated to follow me on fb.
they didn’t create an account when my brother went off to college. </p>
<p>i’m a relatively good kid; i call them once or twice a day; i do my work, i act like a decent human being; do they really need to do this? really?</p>
<p>i’ve ignored my dad’s response for two days, and he’s requested m again</p>
<p>parents- what is your main motivation in friending your kid& how would you feel if you were rejected/unfriended?
please be honest. </p>
<p>because from our point of view, it looks like you guys don’t trust us.</p>
<p>Both my kids harassed me for being totally uncool until I set up a Facebook page several years ago, but then they refused to friend me once I did. So I had to go off and find my own friends I was surprised at their reaction, though–I’m not a snoopy parent, but it hadn’t even occurred to me that people would put private or confidential stuff on their Facebook page. </p>
<p>My daughter sometimes uses my computer and leaves her Facebook page open there. There’s lots of tedious teen drama thereon; it makes me tired just looking at it.</p>
<p>I think you need to talk to your dad, not just ignore his friend request. Different people, and families, use Facebook differently, and my generation tends to use it differently from yours, so there isn’t really a standard etiquette about such things. If you end up not friending Dad on Facebook, be sure that you arrange another way to stay in touch–phone calls, email, skype, whatever. It sounds like you’re already doing this, but try to reassure him that you’ll keep it up. I doubt he wants to snoop, but just to stay connected to you now that you’re away from home.</p>
<p>I would NEVER consider friending my kids on FB. I think it’s like wanting to go to hang out with them at a friend’s house. I don’t want my kids hanging out with me and my friends all the time (there are, of course, appropriate times and places). I agree with the trust issue. It sounds like you’re keeping in touch, etc. etc. - they should be happy with that!</p>
<p>I am “friends” with all my kids on facebook. Part of our house rules to having one. Now, that rule was established to keep the younger ones safe on the internet and to be a way for us to teach them what is acceptable on FB, etc. With that said, I don’t typically do “facebook” checks unless there is a drama at school brewing. And then not to be part of it, but to make sure the kids are handling it correctly. Understand, this is a new world to most parents. Most of us are experiencing social networking for the first time and there are no guidelines to follow. Now for my college age kids and beyond, they obviously do not live under my roof anymore and now it becomes their decision as to keep me as a friend to defriend me. They have all kept me as a friend as I am not one to post silly things on their FBs to embarass them, etc. We really have open, honest relationships. And frankly with eight kids and half out of the house, it gives me an opportunity to stay connected to them all. </p>
<p>I don’t think for your Dad it is about trust. It is probably just about being connected to you now that you are away. If you have nothing to hide, there should be no issue. Like I tell my kids, if you would be embarassed for me to see a photo, etc, then you should not have taken it or posted it in the first place. Would it not be nice to get a phone call from home if they read a post that said, “I am having a horrible day.”? </p>
<p>Adult up and call your Dad if you are uncomfortable with it. Ask him his modivation. Only then will you have the answer you need.</p>
<p>I am a Mum-my vantage point…
I recognize that FB is a vehicle for communication, seeing & sharing pictures. He may have just heard about FB, and thought it would be a great way to stay in touch.
For myself, I wanted my privacy, and figured my DD would want her privacy,too. So-no FB friends. However, my husband and I are FB friends.
Now…if you take the high road, and figure it is nothing more that a desire to communicate…you can tell your Dad that FB is really just for your high school/college friends to stay in touch, and you would prefer to honor THEIR privacy. Would he be OK if you didn’t FB friend him, and instead send photos by email, and touch base with Skype?
My sense is that he won’t be put off, if you are honest in your approach.
My two cents, APOL-a Mum</p>
<p>I felt little hurt when I joined FB and my college student son who’s on FB said he didn’t want to be FB friends with me because he thought it would be “weird” to be FB friends with his mom. I didn’t convey my feelings to him, however, because I figured he was testing his wings and that’s a normal part of young adulthood. </p>
<p>Then, about 6 months after we had about 25 FB friends in common – ranging from people older than me to some of S’s friends-- S finally friended me, and I laughed. </p>
<p>I was a little put off when he removed some of my FB comments on his posts because he thought it was “weird” for his mom to have commented. So, I would comment only by e-mail.</p>
<p>Now, S is a senior, we have 93 friends in common, and he’s comfortable with my commenting on his FB posts.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I would not have ever wanted my late mom to have been my FB friend. She did not share my humor or passions, and just wouldn’t have gotten what I share on my FB.</p>
<p>When my son started college, he created a blog just for family, and posts there pictures, and updates about his life. It’s something he continues as a senior, and it contains more info than his FB updates contain. and it also contains info (such as what books he’s reading for class) that he doesn’t usually post on FB. Offering to do that could be a nice way of staying in touch with your folks.</p>
<p>“I don’t think for your Dad it is about trust. It is probably just about being connected to you now that you are away”</p>
<p>^As a parent, even I don’t believe this explanation. Connection can easily be maintained via Skype, AIM, email, text, and cell phone calls.</p>
<p>OP, I don’t blame you at all for being upset. You finally have a bit of privacy and independence as you enter your college experience and now your parent may be trying to invade your personal life (by monitoring you through your facebook posts and photos). I understand your feelings. As a parent, I also understand the difficulty in letting go of some of the control and letting our kids spread their wings and fly off from the nest.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to hurt his feelings, you can accept his friend request. Then, go into your “privacy settings” and limit what he sees. </p>
<p>Another approach may be to have a calm and mature talk with him and explain to him that you understand that he loves you and wants to remain connected to you, but there are better ways to do this than monitoring you via Facebook.</p>
<p>You’ll have to decide how you want to handle the situation. Are you ready for a mature discussion or do you want to placate him by accepting his friend request and then limit what he is able to view?</p>
<p>My college junior daughter just accepted me as her FB friend. It was a big NO for the last 2 years…but I guess she has matured and is less threatened by having me see her FB life. We have a great relationship…it has morphed over time as it should. I guess she knows I know she is a good person and will lead a good life…so she really is not hiding anything on FB.
As a matter of fact I now have to watch what I say about her when I post on FB! Nothing to embarrassing and no comments about the boyfriend!
Thank goodness there was no FB in 1980—I am sure I would not have wanted my parents to check up on me at college----but that is a definition of the relationship I guess!</p>
<p>My daughter had always said she would never let me be her friend on facebook and it did not bother me as I had no plans to ever get a facebook. Then my brother, who I only get to see once a year as he lives in another country, suggested I get one as a way for us to keep in touch more and was saying how he had managed to reconnect with some old friends. So I did get one but blocked my daughter as I didn’t really want her to even know i had one and have to have her telling me repeatedly that I could not be her friend. But i guess we have enough mutual friends that she found out and then she ended up friending me. My son told me he was not going to friend me because he felt I would not like some of the things some of his friends post on his facebook - he is probably right.</p>
<p>I agree it is probably best to let the child do the friending. Several of my daughter’s friends that I have known for years also friended me. None of them post anything on their pages that would be something I should not see. I think perhaps the difference is their age and maturity levels - they were Juniors in college when I got a facebook (though my son is 24).</p>
<p>Accept his request and then make it such that he can’t see your wall, or only has access to selected photo albums. Problem solved. </p>
<p>Or if you want to be particularly tricky, you can set it so that it will show “Bob (you) posted on Mary Smith’s wall” but it won’t show your own wall posts, so it looks as though you are posting on other people’s walls (which he can’t see) but you don’t really post on your own.</p>
<p>D friended me, but only lets me see profile and photos. I’m OK with that. Her wall is between her and her friends. But I like seeing new pictures when she posts them. S (still in HS) doesn’t care that I can see his wall. My only comment to him was that his wall was too boring, if I’m going to cyber-snoop, I want to see the good stuff.</p>
<p>I’m a parent and I Facebook friend my son so I could stay connected to him while he was away. I’m not sure why this is so unbelievable. The few times he could get a connection at camp this summer, he put up pictures and updates. It was great, better than I had expected. I am really looking foward to the same while he is at college. </p>
<p>I trust my son. I’m sending him 1500+ miles from home to go to college in a big city. I also miss him and I think of Facebook as a place where we can meet in the middle (I would prefer phone calls, he would prefer text.) </p>
<p>He did tell me that he did not want me on his Twitter account. Considering that I would not be able to pick Twitter out of line up, that has worked out fine.</p>
<p>Friend your dad. But before you do that, you need to do a little work with your privacy settings.</p>
<p>Set up several groups on Facebook. Name them whatever you want – you might have, “parents”, “true friends”, “prospective employers”, etc. Set a different set of privileges for each. Assign all your existing friends to an appropriate group; and from now on assign all new friends to the appropriate group. Keep in mind that facebook allows you to assign one individual to multiple groups.</p>
<p>You aren’t going to let your dad see your wall, but you will set it up so that he can see some of your photo albums but not others. (Depending on content of course)</p>
<p>I’d note that I am fb friends with my kids and many of their friends – the only issue that ever came up was what to do when my d. broke up with her bf. (She said it would be uncouth to unfriend him, but I needed to set up the privacy settings to keep him from seeing family photos or wall posts). </p>
<p>If you don’t use fb that much, it won’t be an issue – but you may find that down the line your parents will be less intrusive if they are getting news that you are alive and well from occasional status updates. Sometimes we parents call our kids simply because we are hunting for some sort of evidence that they still exist.</p>
<p>I don’t see why you can’t connect to your kids via facebook. Maybe our family is a little werid, but we are very open and honest with our feelings and with each other. Heck my sons call me for advice from toliet bowl cleaners to the timing of sex in a relationship. It is not being in their business, it is about a strong woven support system of all life throws at us. I guess in our family, I can’t think of any of our children that would not prefer to talk with H or I or an older sibling over major issues instead of a BFF. It is just how we have always been and suspect how we will always be. So facebook is no deep secret, just a reflection of the lives we already lead.</p>
<p>I am “friends” with my kids as well. I use the in-box message to communicate and I am also careful about what I comment on family pictures because I could understand that they may not want mushy mother statements all over their wall (I send those over the in box). I never write on their walls.</p>
<p>My sons added me immediately when I created a Facebook a year ago. The funny thing is, my oldest, who is a sophomore in college, encouraged me to create one so that I could keep up with his comings and goings. He also felt it would be great for me to have one so that I would keep up with former students. At first, I balked. But it’s been great – and he was right, a lot of my former students send me messages. Several sent me their addresses so I could send them a birthday card or a note of encouragement (it’s still a big deal when a kid gets a note or package from home).</p>
<p>Now, when my sister made some nasty comments on my son’s wall, he decided to set his wall to private – but only with her. He does not need everyone reading that.</p>
<p>I would never want to be my girls’ friend on facebook. I don’t even have a facebook. It’s their way of communicating, not mine. They would not particularly want me on there or want to have me as a friend. We e-mail and talk on the phone. They have shown me their pages and pictures, and I have no problem with what’s on them.
That being said, I have many friends who do have facebook pages and are friends with both their own children and their children’s friends. To each his own. I have often wondered how some of those kids feel when they get a friend request from a friend’s mom!</p>
I was surprised at their reaction, though–I’m not a snoopy parent, but it hadn’t even occurred to me that people would put private or confidential stuff on their Facebook page. </p>