<p>I know this family where the father was convinced his daughter was a genius and much smarter than the teachers. He was one of those fathers who would always be buttonholing you at parties telling you how he had to go to the school and give the teachers “hell” for not challenging his daughter. He was completely incensed that the English teacher wanted his daughter to rewrite an essay, because she was so much more creative than the teacher that the teacher was incapable of understanding what the daughter was getting at. </p>
<p>Fast forward: the exclusive private school they thought their daughter was going to get into? It did not take advantage of opportunity of accepting fabulous genius daughter. Now she’s at regular high school, too “burned out” to take honors classes. </p>
<p>I think child needs a breather from being Dad’s special ego extension/project!</p>
<p>I remember one mother who was always making excuses for her son, who was not being “challenged.” He was very smart, but in HS never lived up to his elementary school potential for whatever reason. She just kept making excuses for why he didn’t turn out to be a class leader (and he might have been fine with being anonymous and not taking all APs.) It got old after a while…she felt the need to prove something.</p>
<p>Edit: In particular, she said he wasn’t on Quiz Team because it was like a “private club” and you had to “know someone” to be on it. I know this was false because my S, like half the members, was fairly socially challenged. They were on the team because they were smart and because they showed up to practice. :D</p>
<p>Lots of people think they are good at disagreeing about everything, but that doesn’t mean they will make a good debater. This boy doesn’t sound like he would do the necessary research and hard work to become a good debater (similar to the not showing up for practice example for the quiz team).</p>
<p>there there
I am talking about wider bigger picture
I never said this kid wants /should be in debate or this and that club that prevent him from involved in something more fun and social
being top debater or quiz team head might help you get into top schools but won’t earn you money to live.
sure, you can be a lawyer ( now out of job en masse) quiz show winner ( well…) go to grad school ( more debt. less job)</p>
<p>If he is “exceptionally” good at something I listed, chances are he would have happy fulfilling somewhat money making community helping adulthood.
plumber makes more money than some doctors, so is AC fixing folks, truck drivers, and are more in dire need for functioning society assuming people go see doctors only when they really really need.
unless you are agreeing with that Yale grad who could not find anything common to make small talk with the plumber who came to his house to do the job or the other Ivy kid who was appalled by blue color laborers he had to deal with while working at campus library : posted here in CC, you know what I mean</p>
<p>If you are saying he doesn’t have to go to college to succeed, of course you are correct.</p>
<p>It’s just that he doesn’t seem capable of putting in the work required to succeed in ANY field, and he and his parents seem to think that just being smart is enough. The world will bow to your evident superiority and provide you with the lifestyle to which you are entitled.</p>
<p>most 15 16 year old are like that, on the surface or behind you and teachers’ back
and they sure have to learn lesson hard way, and that’s why his auntie better save up emergency funds for bail him out or get treatment or tip in for tuition (yes!!)
^^ did any of you read the whole pathetic book " white people…"
bakery, tibet, portland OR, film festivals, not having TV…
it is making fun of itself, it is making fun of most of your lot.
I do wonder how it become best seller… who buy the book? white people? non white people? is it joke gift item like, worst case scenario or zombie survival guide? you don’t have to pay for it, you can read standing in the bookstore within hour or so, try and let me know.</p>
<p>Oh goodness. Face the fact that the child is not academically smart. That doesn’t mean they aren’t smart in other areas or won’t succeed in life, it just means they aren’t scholastic stars. Get ova it. And if you find you still can’t get over it, delete you CC account because all the little geniuses running around here probably won’t make you feel any better. Plenty of successful people failed miserably at school. Like Margaret Cho! She had a lousy 1.something GPA and is now the funniest comedian ever (IMHO of course).</p>
<p>^ maybe around you and in your holy moly value</p>
<p>^Margaret Cho
and if I remember correctly, her tween teen dream was to become just normal, not high GPA or elite colleges… like having parents who buy Elmer’s glue for her school project instead of making her use squashed grain of cooked rice.
or be that small faced pretty skinny popular girl from christian camp.
it all fueled her and made her “success” it all works out in the end ( maybe… let’s hope)</p>
<p>IMHO there are 2 main traps of parenting: denial and wishful thinking
Scenario: Kid fails test and he says: “I was sick” “Teacher didn’t teach to the test” “everyone says it’s too hard” (though others didn’t fail) etc. As the parent, it’s much easier to accept the excuses than to enforce some rule or to think poorly of own kid. Denial.</p>
<p>If parent doesn’t fall into trap 1, kid says: “I’ll do better next test” “I’ll work harder” “I’ll go to teacher after class for tutoring.” So parent is happy “This child is to be commended for not giving up” “he’s turning over a new leaf.” This is wishful thinking if the kid doesn’t follow through with promises and the cycle is repeated, with no improvement. </p>
<p>Is that familiar with anyone else or just me?</p>
<p>This boy is katyy123’s beloved nephew. He’s only fifteen and she wants to help him. It’s way to early to consign him to a life of failure or heroin dealing. So let’s try to figure out what she can do. His delusional parents aren’t helping, so Aunt Katy needs to step in.</p>
<p>Katyy123, the testing said Nephew <em>doesn’t</em> have ADD. What did it say was going on with this child? Have you seen the report? It would be ten or twenty pages long and detailed. Does the report say he’s quite bright? Are all his subtests equally good, or does he have some deficits? Since you paid for this testing, you might be able to take a look at the results.</p>
<p>How is he socially? Was he tested for autism spectrum disorders? Even very expensive psychological testing doesn’t include testing for autism spectrum disorders unless the parents specifically ask for it.</p>
<p>I suggest trying to have a long talk with the boy without his parents, just him and Aunt Katy. Take him out to lunch, or something, and go to a place fairly far away so you have time in the car to chat. Then, instead of lecturing, listen to him. See what he is thinking about his underperformance in school and his future. What does he like to do? </p>
<p>When he complains that school is boring, agree with him. Don’t listen to these CC parents: school is really really boring, and for a bright underperformer who is in lower-level classes, it’s stultifying. See if you can tease out areas of interest. See if you two can brainstorm for him to pursue those areas.</p>
<p>He’s a bright kid. He knows that students with D averages don’t go on to academic powerhouses. If you can convey to him that you are on his side, but you aren’t going to offer him the fawning adulation his parents give, the two of you might be able to find a way out of this mess.</p>
<p>My kids are 20 & 22. In HS, they NEVER went out late (past 10pm) during weekdays and only stayed out on weekends with advance permission for special events. 4:30 is WAY too late of a 9th grader to be out, and as what was said above, nothing good happens that late/early.</p>
<p>Being smart but never turning in work will not allow your nephew to progress and might even cause him not to advance to the next grade. The attitude that your nephew doesn’t need to do repetitive work like the rest of the kids in HS won’t play very well either, as you know having been a teacher for so long.</p>
<p>Can the kid consider studying hard so he can test out of classes he considers too easy to take ones he would be interested and willing to work at? Could he take a study skills course over the summer? Time management is such an important skill set that your S needs & can use for the rest of his life, no matter where it leads. </p>
<p>Your nephew is lucky to have you in his corner. How is your relationship with your brother? What can you say to him to help him understand and take a more active role in S’s life? S needs much more guidance, especially on what is expected of him.</p>
<p>On parental denial, my husband’s brother’s daughter Helen couldn’t be understood even at age 7. The mother kept calling it her “accent” and said it’s was cute. The father though, did finally face the issue and called it a speech impediment. Helen had speech therapy, and now at 17, she’s fine, is a good student, and looking forward to college.</p>
<p>But till now, her mother constantly talks about how she’s sad that her daughter lost her accent.</p>
<p>Fifteen or sixteen is a fairly non-communicative age for guys. He may not have much to say, and won’t have any foresight, but letting him call or drop by regularly will help. It’s a long process, and it’s going to depend on his growth in maturity, and that goes in spurts just like his physical growth. One significant development, actually, is learning that parents are wrong about things. This can be a freeing experience; teenage guys are ready to break away, but don’t know what avenue to take. I applaud the effort to reach the parents, but doubt if anyone, even a psychotherapist, could undo this family’s triangle of apathy without months of work.</p>
<p>Although I wouldn’t give up on helping the boy now, I’d probably also start communicating that I believe in him and that I will support him in any way that I can so that if things went badly for him as he hits young adulthood he knew that he hadn’t blown his only chance. </p>
<p>It’s a lot easier to get a degree in your first 4 or 5 years after you finish high school, especially if someone is willing to help you pay for it, but there are plenty of people who get jobs, pay for community college as they go, and save so they can spend two (or more if they can only go part-time) years at a 4-year school and finish a Bachelor’s. It’s a legitimate road to success, and if a kid doesn’t succeed right after high school he needs to know that it’s an option for them.</p>
<p>Even if you’re not in a position to help pay his tuition or let him live with you rent-free so that he can apply more of his paycheck to tuition and fees or whatever, having someone who believes he failed because he made mistakes and not because he is inherently a failure will mean a lot to him, and laying the groundwork for that now – while absolutely not giving up trying to steer him toward better choices – can make a difference later.</p>
<p>Isn’t it possible that there are teenagers who don’t enjoy studying (who truly does), aren’t passionate about anything, simply likes to watch TV or the ceiling, and still NOT have depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, ODD, PTST ETC?</p>
<p>Was talking just today with someone from D’s elementary school who remembers her from first grade. She was saying something to the effect that a lot of kids plod along in the middle of the herd without any particular ambition or talent. They don’t have great negatives, like antisocial behavior, but don’t bring great positives either.</p>
<p>fancyfanny, it can work both ways, my younger son had a speech impediment that I thought was really interfering with learning to read, but I couldn’t get anyone to do anything about it. He finally had some sessions with the school speech therapist, and either grew out of it, or was helped shortly thereafter. </p>
<p>But I do sort of agree, it’s pretty normal not to be passionate about much of anything.</p>
<p>I do think, that an aunt can have a beneficial influence, and hope that it happens in this case. I liked Cardinal Fang’s post (113).</p>