Well for my Gen Z’er i was VERY involved in her first job/interview. I sat next to her during the whole thing…
Of course it was required that I do that because she was ELEVEN at the time Lol. (it was for a counselor assistant’s position at a day camp and the camp required the parent of 11 year olds to sit in on the interview). I did have to keep myself from bursting into tears because she did such a good job of answering the questions. She is very good with people and I could tell that the interviewer was charmed by her.
She did recently get a job with the help of my mom. DD was moving back to our city and my mom’s friend’s granddaughter is a nurse at a hospital here. The grand daughter gave my daughter the name of the hiring manager. She didn’t need much help though because when she sat down for the interview they immediately said “we really need you, when can you start?”
She now in her 20’s and works with older patients and just did a rotation with hospice care ( she’s in school for an advanced degree). My friends dad was in the hospital and they were making end of life decisions and my daughter went to the hospital several times to help them work through decisions. After her dad passed away I was at the shiva and so many of the family members came up to me to tell me how special my DD is. I mean I agree but it was lovely to hear!
Absolutely we need to allow our kids to be adults, but I’m guessing you are not a Jewish mother . My mother was parenting me until the day she died. That doesn’t mean she was swooping in and taking over my life, but she was always there to offer her advice, her sometimes unsolicited opinions and above all else her love and support. Parenting doesn’t stop when they turn 18. I have a similar relationship with my sons. They routinely ask for advice - everything from can you help me pick out a gift for my girlfriend to which health insurance plan should I choose to how much should I spend on a wedding gift. This doesn’t mean that they are not functioning as adults or that I am running their lives.
In terms of their job searches, my S22 asked me to proof read his resume. He asked my sister for advice when he landed his first real interview. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. S17 never asked for help and there was no reason for me to step in. I think the important thing is that my young adults are the ones in the driver’s seat. But I have no issue with making suggestions to them. They are free to ignore my advice and they know that.
Last week I ran into an old friend who asked what S22 was up to. I shared that he is a rising senior and that he doesn’t yet have a job lined up after graduation. The friend asked what he is studying and what type of jobs he looking for. He handed me his card and said have S22 call me. I have a few ideas for him. It’s completely up to S22 whether he wants to follow through - but it would be idiotic not to.
See, but you’re kind of judging him. He may have his own ideas and NOT be idiotic.
IMO sure it’s fine for graduates to ask for advice. I mean, they are adults as adults we still seek advice. So give the advice, adult to adult - NOT adult to kid.
But like when we give advice to others, don’t judge them if they don’t take it.
Of course I am judging. S22 happens to be very happy to follow through on any leads that come his way so there really isn’t any issue between us. If he had a reason why he didn’t want talk to this guy,I would respect that.
I AM a Jewish mother. And the one and only time I got involved in a kid’s job search (my daughter-in-law; she asked me to proof her resume) it backfired. I told her to take a certain skill off the resume (a software package which was no longer state of the art and had been replaced by one which was much more sophisticated and powerful.)
She did not take it off, and after landing a fantastic job, she asked the hiring manager “what was it about my resume that got me through the ATS screening system and got me an interview?” The manager replied “we posted the job on our website and got hundreds of resumes. But yours was the only one who had experience with this software”."
Well- no. Of course not. Someone using the next gen, more powerful version of this software could learn the old one in a few hours-- and probably is fluent in using it, but it’s like writing “can build a fire using matches and accelerant” (i.e. too obvious for words). BUT-- for DIL it proved that I had no idea what I was talking about, and that was the beginning and the end of my professional advice to my kids!
Keyword search- it’s a thing. Whether or not it makes sense…
You bring up a very good point. Oftentimes we think we are helping but we are not. The only advice I gave my son about his resume was to use the active voice and to make an appointment with career services to get their input. If my kids want my advice, I give it to them. If it is something I have no business opining about I suggest they ask someone else. I am their mom not their career coach. My job is to love and support them.
Hahaha! The first agency did one test. The second did three, with three different polygraphers, because they refused to believe he had never done a drug of any kind. Both offered him a job.
I went to my daughter for advice when I had to update my resume because she got great guidance from her career center which made her resume more relevant for today’s market. Plus at this point, she reviews hundreds of resumes when she’s recruiting. She gave me pointers I wouldn’t have considered. I then had the opportunity to have my resume professionally reviewed by the head of HR at one of our biggest local employers and she told me to not change a thing.
As far as parents helping with making connections, my daughter was totally opposed and hell bent on not doing that, but IMO, it’s a different market just two years later. I agree with @greatpyrmom that it would be silly to not take advantage of any networking opportunities that come along, whether they are from mom and dad, school, profs, neighbors, friends, etc… Work and grow that network whatever way possible!
The best advice parents can give their kids who are searching for their first jobs or internships (or even an alum a few years out) is to use their college career center. I know this sounds obvious, but so many college kids don’t understand the amount of assistance their college career office has to offer. They know what to put in a resume, they can do mock interviews with kids, they know where to look for jobs (they sometimes have their own databases of jobs), and they have connections to companies in many different industries.
I have friends whose kids have struggled to find their first jobs and the kids poopooed their parents telling them to go to the career counseling office.
D22 is an education major. I am also in education and have sat on many hiring committees. I will direct her where to find job listings (although I’m sure I won’t need to) and answer any questions about districts and positions. Once she gets some interviews, I may go over with her what to emphasize, keywords, what she’s done that’s relevant to the position or run her through a few of the “scenario questions” they always use if I happen to know the district/position/ principal, etc and know what they will be looking for. Teaching positions are very competitive in our area, and this is something that I can actually share expertise on. I wouldn’t call anyone about positions I know she is applying for because we have the same last name, and someone along the line of resume readers will probably recognize it as it’s not a common name. Plus, most people I know are aware that she is an education major and has worked in our local preschool since she was 16. The last thing I want is for her to get “courtesy” interviews and then become discouraged when she doesn’t get a callback after going through the whole process for a job she wasn’t going to get anyway.
For S23, I don’t know anything about his field and he has done exactly what we had hoped he would do. He has found great mentors to guide him through the process. One of those mentors happens to be his GF’s father, who is very well known in the field and anyone involved in the field would instantly recognize his name. He might be THE most well-known name in exactly what my son wants to do. He has urged my son to use nepotism to his advantage. It is such a niche field that he probably can’t help but do so, as he’s already been working for him for a few years on research projects.
It never occurred to me to accompany my children on interviews and if it did, I would have immediately suppressed the thought.
With ShawSon, I encouraged him early on to get a research assistant position at school, which he did. I did encourage him to look for an internship in a subsequent years and he did not follow up on my advice. He had started a tiny startup in the fall of his senior year and applied to jobs (as a math/econ/psych major), he interviewed at Morgan Stanley, a quant hedge fund, an economic consulting firm and I think one the the MBBs. He asked for my advice on resumes. I don’t think i coached him on what to say. I suggested he go to his career center to work on the case interview. He received one offer and was still interviewing others, but, he chose to run his startup, which helped him into grad school (Computational & Mathematical Engineering and an MBA) a year later. While in grad school, he was given a research assistantship in CME, I believe, and talked to folks at my suggestion in BCG (I think) about the new division they were setting up that was quantitative (ML, AI, etc.). He was not impressed at all by the quality of the people or the role they would slot him into. Instead, he raised capital for his next startup. VC is not my world but I do know a few people and I did introduce him to the investor who would lead his seed round. (Fair play: I met his pre-seed investor and one of his pre-seed investors and one of his investors invested in a company that I later co-founded with one of ShawSon’s business school classmates). He does ask my advice on some of his business and deal issues.
With ShawD, she always ran her resumes and cover letters by me. We did not coach her on interviews, though we strongly suggested that she not take one job that was offered. She took it and quite after one or two days. Now, she asks me about promotions. Her boss is leaving her job and suggested to ShawD that she would be excellent and should apply (after the boss announces she is leaving) even though ShawD would likely be the youngest person in the company with that job (by quite a bit). She talked to me about the pros and cons of that.
I don’t see tons of downside to using contacts if their purpose is to get a kid considered, @vwlizard. Similarly, ShawSon had to get approved not only by my friend but by his partners and then raise a whole round of capital. The problem would be if S23 were getting a job he was not qualified for or not capable of doing. It does not sound like that is the case.
A few years ago. The current question is whether ShawD should put her name in for her departing boss’s job, which would entail a series of interviews (like those she had a couple of years ago for her current job). But the original interviews were a number of years ago. Do you think the shift in the world is sufficient to make it sensible for parents to attend interviews?
One of my non-paid roles in life is help people think about career choices and career trajectories. I have a talk that I have given (and modified over time) that somehow attracts a fair bit of interest, though it is probably aimed at kids in grad school and beyond. But, I get asked a lot. I was at a wedding this weekend and three separate kids – one four years out of school, one year out of school, and one one month out of school – asked me for advice and the youngest one a bit on how to handle the interviews/negotiations.
It is never sensible for parents to attend interviews. I never suggested it was, and in fact, I pointed out that click-baity articles claiming this is common are greatly exaggerating the phenomenon (if it even happens at all).
However, parental involvement and help can take many other forms: tapping into networks, reviewing resumes, assisting with interview prep, brainstorming career options, and so on - the same kind of support you say you provide. In my experience, there’s definitely been a noticeable increase in this kind of involvement since last year, given the shifts in the hiring landscape for new graduates.
I also believe that job hunting for new graduates seeking their first role is quite different from the process experienced by established professionals pursuing new opportunities or promotions. The former are facing special challenges in the current environment.
My thumb rule - anything leading up to the beginning of the evaluation process (applying, resume edits, strategizing about target companies, outreach to network) and anything downstream from the application decision (positioning for next cycle, negotiating an offer), parents should help as much as possible from the BACKGROUND. At least, this has been our strategy.
Agreed. With the rapid advancement of AI, finding entry level positions is more challenging. For non-tech folks who ask me for advice, I say that you should make sure you are really up on AI and say that you would see yourself as someone who will work on automating any entry level jobs they give you (but that you should be spending time making sure you can deliver). [Tis better to be the one who automates the jobs then the one whose job is automated].
@ucscuuw and @DadOfJerseyGirl, my sense is that, at least in my social circles, parents who could were always doing big parts of this (suggesting ideas/possiblities, using contacts to help with internships or jobs, brainstorming career options, resume advice, etc.). No?
ya I think the social environment is a huge factor since it affects everything from the academic rigor pursued even pre-college, the level of focus and prep towards specific career, and access to professional networks within geographies and industries.
Every parent in my environment is involved in their kids education and careers, to various degrees - from healthy to really unhealthy. Apathy or a neutral level of involvement is a rarity.
. My mother was parenting me until the day she died. That doesn’t mean she was swooping in and taking over my life, but she was always there to offer her advice, her sometimes unsolicited opinions and above all else her love and support. Parenting doesn’t stop when they turn 18. I have a similar relationship with my sons. They routinely ask for advice - everything from can you help me pick out a gift for my girlfriend to which health insurance plan should I choose to how much should I spend on a wedding gift. This doesn’t mean that they are not functioning as adults or that I am running their lives.