I have two kids in banking/finance. I was completely hands off with the first one as I really had no idea how the process worked. She secured her own interviews for internships and the one she accepted offered her a permanent position. I never even looked at her resume (this was back in 2017).
My recent (2025) grad did a great job identifying and creating her own opportunities. She typically wouldn’t even tell me she was a contender for a job until she was in one of the final interview phases. I did gently review certain interview issues with her (e.g. she has a wicked resting “B” face, so I would remind her to make sure her facial expressions during interviews reflected interest in the position and not boredom).
She also went to a college that is well-known for its abbreviated form. She thought it was more professional to write out the official, very long name of the university, even though I suggested she use the abbreviated form. At one of her first interviews, the interviewer said “Where do you go to college?” with a very confused look on her face. Once she gave the abbreviated name, the interviewer was very familiar. My daughter immediately made the change on her resume
Like most on this thread, I will always maintain a position of light support when my kids need it. They would both be appalled by the idea of me accompanying them on job interviews and I don’t know how that just doesn’t immediately eliminate someone as a candidate.
S22 is a senior this year and hasn’t really started looking yet — he isn’t sure what he wants to do. If he asks, I’ll be happy to help review his resume and do interview prep — depending on his interests, we could do some light networking on his behalf but I can’t imagine being any more involved than that. I don’t want to snowplow his adult life as seems so common these days. How can our kids gain autonomy if mom and dad are managing things from behind the scenes? When does it stop?
We talk about job searches a lot. I did ride/drive with him to one interview. It was a 3-3.5 hour drive each way, so just easier with 2 people. He dropped me off in the downtown and I walked around and shopped, etc while he was interviewing though. That’s as close as I’ve come to going with him - I can’t imagine that. I can’t imagine the most helicopter parents I know doing that either.
I do prod him to do more networking. I know he doesn’t like to and I have mentioned various people he knows that could help. He’s very hesitant to contact them though.
Otherwise, it’s mainly conversation, proofreading if asked, etc.
Articles like this are meant to shame parents into not helping their kids-- kids should do it all on their own. You will find the same “shoulding” regarding not helping with homework and college applications.
But I will note that helping kids find jobs is what rich parents have done forever. Calling up a favor from a friend in their networks? They have zero shame about this. Same thing with hiring private college counselors (or paying for private day schools/boarding schools where college counseling at this level of attention is part of the standard package.) Same with tutors. You will find posters on CC sniffing about “scaffolding”, but there are some parents on CC who will admit they hired tutors for their kids even as graduate students…and their kids are super successful today.
Spot on! I have had this discussion with D22, who sees this as nepotism. I told her exactly what you wrote above. And in the current market any connection who can open doors (because that’s all a connection usually does, the kids still have to rock the interview and secure the job themselves) is even more important.
I got my 1st job from dad’s golf buddy—summer internship. It worked so well, they offered me a permanent position after I graduated. They were a dream firm but I was 1st female they hired as an attorney. If it hadn’t worked, it would have been an interesting experience but would not have gotten me a job offer.
I don’t think it’s morally problematic. If one has connections, so be it.
I deal with car dealers. Many are 3rd or 4th generation.
Many of these kids are born into these money minting machines.
That many don’t want to be there is the issue vs they’re supposed to be there.
Is it wrong kids go to boarding school or prep school or get SAT prep (which we did)?
Why is that wrong ?
If so and so knows someone who can help their child - so - yes not all have that opportunity.
But while some may be penalized, we all don’t live in 200k houses, take the same curriculums, drive only beater cars etc.
It’s a society of differences - that includes education and college search.
Because I knew of the organization my daughter now works at (she didn’t) and suggested it to her - is that morally problematic ?
Because I helped my son set up indeed searches, is that problematic ?
Maybe I’m missing the theme or point here but while many have advantages, right down to finding a job, I don’t see a moral issue as opposed to an equality issue - but we’ll always have that given our our society is set up.
Somehow I missed this thread and am now guilty of the CC faux pas of commenting after reading only the first couple posts. I’ll eventually make it through the others, but I just had to post my shock at the headline about bringing parents to job interviews!?? Hopefully I’ll discover that is clickbait once I dig into the details.
As for D21, my involvement was limited to expressing interest in her post-grad plans, asking about the resources she was utilizing to identify options and offering to act as a sounding board if needed. If I’d had concerns that she was not being proactive I would have pushed harder, especially as graduation neared. As it was, she occasionally discussed her options with me, the pros/cons in her mind and I added my two cents. I felt my role was to help her to ensure she made an informed decision with hopefully no regrets (as much as that is possible without a crystal ball).
My involvement was really needed for the logistics of moving to a new city, but I was not a significant part of her job/fellowship search.
Back to unfair - one could argue things like Pell grants, Questbridge, paying full pop vs getting discounts due to affordability are un fair. And germs preference in admissions due to wealth and/or first gen status. Some high end schools favor the non wealthy.
My kids couldn’t go to Ivy or any school with no merit because dad set a budget. And we did not qualify for need.
Races or genders given preference - and they still can be even with the Supreme Court ruling - they can’t use the box check - all these things are unfair.
I’m personally ok with it but I do see how they are unfair - to the ‘haves’. We often just talk about unfairness to the have nots.
My comments sound MAGA and that’s not me. But I do thing certain groups do have advantages in certain ways. Don’t get me wrong - better to be wealthy than not knowing where dinner is coming from tonight.
But that kid potentially gets a free ride vs mine costing $90k.
Connections have always been a key in getting jobs. As an adult, I have secured most of my jobs (not big deal jobs, just part-time positions) through connections. A friend of a friend who had a job they thought would be good for me, a person I met at a professional event who told me about a job they knew about, etc. So, any networking, including through parents, can be useful.
My kids have always gotten their own jobs with no parental involvement, including non-glamorous high school jobs like caddying and working in a taco shop. One child is especially driven and got internships after their freshman, sophomore and junior years of college, with a return offer from a large company for after graduation. I know some people do not like “pre-professional” colleges, but I think it was great for them, and helped provide them with a lot of skills and knowledge for marketing themselves to employers. One child is more social and outgoing than the other, and that helped their job search. I think having two working parents was key to setting an example to our kids for independence and work ethic.
