<p>The reason I am starting this thread is for the ‘09 parents but I also just want to confess. What better way to tell your sins without looking someone in the eyes?
First D2 applied to nine schools last year. After many meetings with her college counselor they agreed on six schools. My H and I added three schools that she hated. One of them H Alma mater
What a waste of time and money.<br>
Secondly one of of the schools she liked both of us dislike. Instead of just telling her once how we feel about the school , we mentioned our disapproval any chance we got.
In retrospect we should have let her apply to the six schools. D2 knew what type of schools she wanted and the college counselor did a pretty good job.
Ironically she got into all the original six schools, but got into one of the three we added.<br>
I also want to say applying to college is a stressful time. kids have to keep up their grades,ECs and deal with Applications.
April was the most emotional month for D2. when her classmates heard from the colleges, some of them were crying , some were agonizing over what school to pick. Some were boasting .This is the time when homes should be a respite for them.
D3 who is freshman told me she was sick of hearing about colleges. Apparently , not only she felt we talked too much about them but her friends’ parents were asking her about her sister’s choices.</p>
<p>My only regret is that I worried and nagged too much. My S was cool as a cucumber most of the time.</p>
<p>I believe that parents should have honest discussions with their children about the financial aspects of college and state clearly whether there will be any financial limitations. After that, I believe that the choices are up to the student. In our case, my S did not have a college counselor at school (well, he supposedly did, but she did not do any “counseling”). So I helped him with the research part of his search, and we discussed the pros and cons a lot. But his decision about where to apply and ultimately where to attend was up to him. He knew what he was looking for, and he was very sensible about evaluating his options. He eliminated one of my favorites from the list because, even though he loved the school, it didn’t have what he wanted academically. That was an interesting moment, because he thought I would be upset when he told me he was dropping it. Instead, I said, “Sounds like the best decision. You’re right.” </p>
<p>Just to repeat: We had the financial discussion up front, so he went into the search knowing what those limitations were. Parents do pay the bills, but as long as our kids hold up their end of the bargain and focus on academics in college, making the choice is an important step toward adulthood. I saw some nasty control issues between parents and kids last year. Doesn’t have to be that way.</p>
<p>Interesting thread - which is causing me to really think…</p>
<p>As background, DS is an 08 Grad who applied to a range of schools with the intent of going to play college athletics. What he (and I) did not anticipate was a major injury in the spring which would require months of rehab and also resulted in him staying home and spending a year at the local JC rather than going away to college last fall. He will be going away in September 2009 but one thing I learned from the experience is that all of the best laid plans can disappear in a flash (or in this case a torn ACL).</p>
<p>DS took a shotgun approach to applying, getting into something like 18 colleges (based upon who was showing interest in his athletic abilities as well as having a good academic fit.). Many of these took the common app and, due to his academic strength, many of the applications were free. What I would do differently is that I would start earlier in visiting colleges, developing a better set of criteria to narrow the number of schools down to a more reasonable number. </p>
<p>Finances were discussed up front - and, if anything, he took the constraints too seriously, placing a little too much importance on the cost of attendance. One school that he really liked came back with a nice FA package - but it would result in a COA $3000 a year more than another school that was his second favorite. So he selected the second school - despite my telling him that we would find a way to make the extra $3000 difference up. Understanding the finances is important - but it should not be the only factor in the decision.</p>
<p>We don’t qualify for any need-based aid. I slightly regret that we didn’t have a family discussion about what we all thought about her applying to colleges that cost $50,000 per year and offered no merit aid. I’m happy that D chose a school that was not a “college that cost $50,000 per year and gave no merit aid.” With the current economy, I’m so glad that she and our family are not in that boat now.</p>
<p>Oh, and I worried too much last year. I am quite a worrier. I will try to worry less when it is my son’s senior year and he is doing his college apps. He is more mellow than his sister, so maybe some of this will rub off on me.</p>
<p>A few things I wish I had paid closer attention to: First, looking into the study abroad programs to see if anything sounded really inspiring. Second, paying closer attention to which AP classes/tests actually allow you to place out of the class. Some universities give more, some less credit for APs. Visiting your top choice school is very important before putting down the deposit.</p>
<p>Thanks for sharing these thoughts, parents of '08 kids! Appreciate it! (from '09 parents!)</p>
<p>Another question for '08 parents, especially those who travelled far and wide to visit schools –</p>
<p>Are you glad you spent the money to visit so many schools? How would you have approached travel differently if your budget to do so had been more limited?</p>
<p>I am definitely glad we travelled to see the schools (well, except for the trip where older s broke his leg while with us and ended up in the hospital having emergency surgery 3000 mi from home and 1500 mi from his schoool–that was rather challenging…) But I digress…</p>
<p>We travelled to see schools with both our s’s. We saw the NE schools in the dead of winter (it was -4 degrees at Williams and the car locks froze. Important experience for DS), and the Calif schools-- well some in the summer and some in the late winter/early spring b/c younger s wanted to look at a college where he could go skiing in the morning and to the beach in the afternoon, so we tried that out. (Thats where older s broke his leg).</p>
<p>Was it costly? Well, in the short run, yes, but in the long run, no. Because, for example, younger son was really charged up about the So Cal schools but when he got out there he wasnt as comfortable with the whole “California” thing, and one of the 3 schools we looked at in Southern Cal that is known for giving lots of $$ to NMF (USC) he just absolutely didnt like. So, he didnt apply, and in the long run he chose not to apply to Calif school, which also in the long run saved us lots of money in school/transportation costs.</p>
<p>Older s was much more picky about finding the “best fit” than younger son. Younger son’s personality is more laid back and he would probably have been happy at most any school. That said, doing the trips, seeing the schools, talking to students and faculty, tasting the food, checking out the dorms, the nightlife, the cities, sitting in on classes, seeing the labs, etc really did make a difference for both boys and really did help them with their choices. </p>
<p>I looked at it as both an opportunity to have some brief family trips with the boys and also as an investment in their future. Airfare is pretty cheap right now (we happen to live in a major hub so airfare deals can be found) and there are lots of hotel/car deals too. One trip younger s made without us (to visit older s at his school). The rest we did with him. Some were road trips (anywhere from local schools to schools 7 or so hours away). Was it a lot of work? Yes. Do you need to visit a million schools? No. But for us, visiting the schools before decision time was much more helpful than visiting after the acceptances came in. But the reverse can be fine too. Some schools, though do consider visiting as a sign of “interest” so its better now than later. Good luck. PM me if you need help with travel deals. There are also threads we’ve started on that topic it he past!</p>
<p>** Note: We visited the schools before they applied to them, which changed the choices of where they applied. I believe we visited 13 schools with older son, and 10 with younger son. There was only one school that we considered having younger son apply first, hopefully be accepted, and then visit. After the local presentation he decided he wanted to visit and apply (I dont recall if he applied first and then visited… but they happened pretty close in time last fall) and that is the school he is at!</p>
<p>We visited most of the schools my S applied to–and a few that he didn’t–before he applied. The trips were enjoyable family excursions that gave the three of us (or the two of us, depending on who went) a chance to hang out together and imagine what it would be like for him to go there. He ended up with a short list of six, partly because the visits helped him narrow things down. He said, “There’s no point in applying to X, Y, and Z, because I know I like X best and it’s a definite safety, so I’ll just apply to X.” We visited during the winter and when class was in session, so we had the worst weather and the most activity on campus. I have no regrets on the subject of visiting. Do as much as your time and budget allow. However, back in the day, I attended a college I had never seen, except in photos! Visiting wasn’t the norm then. I had a happy four years.</p>
<p>Fendrock if traveling is too costly, kids can visit schools during Admit weekend (the colleges will pay for it).<br>
D visited the school she is currently attending during Admit weekend.</p>
<p>I dont think schools pay for all admitted students to visit. That would be prohibitively expesnsive.</p>
<p>subscribing. </p>
<p>(The “thread tools” never work for me. So I have to do it this way.)</p>
<p>
Some schools will pay for some kids to visit, but you can’t count on it. (My daughter was offered airfare to visit a school to which she applied ED, which I thought was strange…)</p>
<p>I think Geezermom hit on what the college trips were for our family-bonding and fun. It was like a rite of passage event for each of our kids, a time when we discussed their future. Priceless. The other thing I believe is that by fully vetting many colleges your child is less likely to have buyers remorse and happily settle into their choice rather than always wondering what might have been.</p>
<p>What I would have done differently is to have taken the time to really understand what it takes to get in. I bought into the holistic approach thing with my oldest, so he applied to several schools I would have known he had no chance at had I read the common data sets and Naviance closely as I did for my second child. Outside of HYPS, there are few mysteries. By number 3, the '08, we had much less stress because we looked at the numbers and realized his ED school would happen if history repeats itself and it did.</p>
<p>We visited schools on Spring break of junior year (before she applied). summer between junior and senior year (before she applied) and then fall and early winter(Jan) of senior year. Her first choice remained consistent throughout visitations, she did get in and is attending- but the trips before she applied really did help eliminate schools from the list. </p>
<p>The fall and winter trips were to “safety/high match schools”- they were helpful for her to determine where should would go if she did not get into #1. </p>
<p>In the current financial climate, I would not eliminate visits, but I would have done more summer visits- perhaps to the perceived safeties. </p>
<p>The other thing I did was make her take visits to local universities early, even if she had no desire to attend there, just so she could get the hang of what a visit entails and gain confidence asking questions of the admissions officers and students. Sort of practice for the “real” trips.</p>
<p>The only thing I would have changed is not to have her visit schools so far away! (this is very tongue in cheek as she is so happy at her first choice school) I would have made her only look at schools that I can drive to and back in one day.</p>
<p>I’m sad today. Tomorrow is her birthday and I can’t be there as she is so far away. She is fine with the distance and is making great friends and things are great. We did not anticipate that airfares and gas would go up by so much although gas is better now. But everything is so expensive and we could not have anticipted the way the economy is going at the moment.</p>