<p>NM - welcome back. I’ve been thinking of both you and your D. I’m glad to hear things are going better for her, and I definitely understand the puffy face. I heard a grief expert recently refer to “empty nest syndrome” as just different words for the very real grief we experience when our kids leave. So you really have had a double whammy.</p>
<p>I had been doing so well - enjoying D’s company after her summer-long absence. But some switch got flipped this morning and I am weepy. Maybe it’s being within the 2 week mark (12 days), maybe it’s having my niece (same age as D) here for what is the last of 18 years of sleepovers and pancake breakfasts, maybe it’s the college stuff finally beginning to pile up in the spare room. As long as D was gone and I wasn’t shopping for college, I think I was in denial. Sigh.</p>
<p>Modadunn - thank you for sharing your your lovely words, although I read them through my tears.</p>
<p>H and I are taking up backpacking, now that we will be empty nesters and not so tied to the house. We attended a seminar on ultra-light backpacking over the summer and enjoyed the research involved in assembling the necessary gear. We will do an initial equipment test over Labor Day week-end in Shenandoah National Park, followed by a backpacking training course in October and Wilderness First Aid training in November. It has been wonderfully invigorating to have this new focus.</p>
<p>We drafted S2’s “college contract” today and will present it to him when he gets back from his trip this week-end. We did not do this with our older son, so we may encounter resistance on those grounds. On the other hand, we are not holding S2 to any standard the older one hasn’t met. We can let him know the consequences of poor grades would have been identical for S1 with or without a contract. We are just doing S2 a favor by spelling it out in writing so there are no surprises. Is anybody else doing a formal contract?</p>
<p>Formal Contract: I don’t know about “formal” but I would like things discussed in a way that clearly outlines our expectations. How many and what kind of points are you making?</p>
<p>I’ve been trying to figure out my emotions, and Modadunn, you hit it on the head, coupled with the empty nest=grief. I’ve experienced far too many losses the last few years - my mom, both my H’s parents, my dear SIL, one of BF (murdered by her H), my ex…and S leaving for college is another loss, but one that is an exciting adventure for him, so it feels selfish to express it as loss.</p>
<p>H and I are golfers, and the past year we’ve been playing a lot. We’ll be able to travel for weekeds away more, and that will be fun.</p>
<p>We’ll be doing a formal contract here too. Basics are minimum gpa and consequences, what we’ll be paying for AND what we won’t, requirement that we have access to grades and class schedule, minimum requested contact (this is the tricky part) - anybody have other things?</p>
<p>Definitely the access to grades - Wooster has a release form that she had to sign so that we could get access, that was a not-so-pleasant conversation but I think now she understands. Came across the final HS transcript while packing over the weekend - OUCH! the senioritis defninitely showed, but to think about it the good AP scores overcame the not so good final grades. </p>
<p>She does not need a minimum GPA to keep her scholarship, but being a pre-med she defninitely needs a self-imposed one, and we are setting one with the summer program in China reward if she makes it…</p>
<p>We didn’t have a formal contract with older daughter, nor did we ask to see grades, etc. She, however, regularly reported to us how she did on tests, papers, and how she did each term. Her college did everything electronically and we would have had to have access to her email account to get grades, which we didn’t want to do. She shared her schedule with us on Google calendar. </p>
<p>We told her her main job was to be a student. She had to have a minimum GPA to keep her scholarship; but we didn’t stipulate what would happen if she didn’t. I suppose we’d have worked it out. D2 also needs a minimum GPA to keep her scholarship, and we’ll probably tell her that’s her “job”, although in this case it seems like carrying coals to Newcastle!</p>
<p>Just visited the 2012 thread and saw this post by pugmadkate (I don’t know how to link to a specific post, so I just copied.) This one should come with a 4-hankie warning!</p>
<p>Our seeing the grades is pretty much a given…(my older sister (no kids) has promised some incentives for A’s), but he’s always been incredibly good about sharing the grades. Communication regularity will also be on the docket and we’ll probably have to fall back to the rules of elementary school :best and worst. While back then it was a daily thing at dinner, maybe now it will be the weekly thing, “what the best thing that happened this week?” and then “what was the worst?”</p>
<p>Thanks for all the empty nest sharing. I am looking at being alone for the first time in thirty years. Well, there will be a dog and cat needing feeding, walking etc. but its down to them and me. D and I spending a lot of time packing and sorting for her early September start. Loss is what it is, even if the precipitant is something desired and good, you are still left handling the feelings as they come up.</p>
<p>Our contract includes a discussion on the implications for changing his major. His current choice of major (biometric systems engineering) is a well regarded major at WVU. In addition, it is available at in-state tuition through the academic common market (plus he has a scholarship). If he decides it is not to his liking, a different major would cost 3x as much and likely not be as well regarded. So if he wants another major, we would want to at least have a discussion about transferring (which he is highly unlikely to want to do for social reasons). As long as he is getting strong grades (3.0 GPA minimum), he will have more bargaining power with us to stay at WVU (as well as more transfer options), so we believe it is important to emphasize grades, in writing. He has not historically been oriented toward achieving good grades for their own sake, although did have a strong senior year. </p>
<p>I haven’t seen anything that lets us see his grades automatically, but haven’t looked for that. Our older one tells us GPA for the semester and cumulative after grades are in, once a semester. We seldom heard any details by class, which is fine. He hasn’t had any problems. I can see it being more of an issue if the student isn’t doing well but wouldn’t expect either would actually lie to us.</p>
<p>PRJ–thanks for the link–we have heard her before but forgot how much we like her and that is a lovely song. </p>
<p>Sad funeral this weekend (a 40 yr old). They had a memorial video and seeing her college pictures…
made the red wine spilled later on my best rug seem so very unimportant.</p>
<p>Ok–enough of the sadness in life–S has been pretty pleasant lately–clearly trying to make an effort and mentioned to someone that he needs to start shopping. And tomorrow I turn in to a bossy bear because it is time with just over 2 weeks left.</p>
<p>Yes, I agree. It was funny, I went to the grocery store, and was checking the date on the milk. Usually I look at a few, to make certain I get the freshest, but when I realized the date was 3 days after D leaves (I dont drink milk), I just put in the cart.</p>
<p>I don’t know how you can avoid seeing grades. Our car insurance (even with away at school rates) needs to see a transcript at least a year in order to maintain a good student discount. I never had an issue with S and don’t really expect to have a problem with D (probably famous last words).</p>
<p>I think that discount only really counts until their 18… unless I am mistaken. However, now I think about it, we just had to send S’s final transcript, but I thought that was for the year in arrears because he said he hadnt had one on file since sophomore year.</p>
<p>State Farm continues the good student discount on to college and then you’re eligible for a different set of discounts until age 24 or something like that.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for all of the great information here. I finally signed up with my own acct. Been following through my son’s (soccer318) but never posted. Thought I would join you all :)</p>