Parents of the HS Class of 2009 (Part 1)

Parents of HS Class of 20xx
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<p>Plantmom, Moda, I appreciate reading about your at-home experiences. I quit my engineering job when D was born, figuring on returning to work after a couple of years. Kid was too needy for that - health issues - so I have never gone back to work. It helped me that I worked many years before her birth and got the esteem boost I needed then. In the same way that ‘it takes a village’ I often think that collectively, we need a few available people in our lives to help out when needed. I honestly don’t know what my sibs would do without the help I have been able to offer.</p>

<p>Missypie, you could always order one of those electric cats that purr when petted. Maybe that would warm her to the idea? Gosh, even my newly ‘retired’ SIL and BIL got a dog. They would barely let people walk on those floors. LOL.</p>

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<p>MP, Ellen Langer did a wonderful study in which she gave folks in nursing homes plants (half got them, half didn’t) and those who had plants to tend to (and thus had a feeling of control) were healthier, happier, and lived longer during the study than the control group who hadn’t gotten plants. So, maybe not a kitten, but something for her to be responsible for would be good. </p>

<p>A sad side effect of the study. At the end of the study, the researchers went back to the home and took out the plants. Mad sense. Study is over, but … the folks who had their plants (and control over something) taken away, died at a much faster rate than other folks. At one level, that should have been obvious from the results of the study.</p>

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<p>^^Good lord! That’s one for ‘The Journal of Ethical Research’.</p>

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<p>Well, Mom does have a few new “sympathy” plants to care for. And yesterday she was frustrated because she couldn’t figure out how to open one of the bird feeders to fill. So maybe she has enough to take care of. </p>

<p>So sad that the researchers took the plants away!</p>

<p>Surprisingly, Mom is really good about asking for help. She has a friend with “good handwriting” who “knows how to keep her mouth shut” who she asked over today to help her fill out paperwork. (The not blabbing part is important because it’s financial stuff.) </p>

<p>Meanwhile, my sister continues to live in la la land, posting on Facebook asking if anyone knows of an apartment for rent in a certain neighborhood. She needs to either move in with Mom or live in transtional housing (for ladies on the verge of homelessness), and her big dog won’t work with either. Mom actually knows a friend of Dad’s from church who has some rental units from time to time, but my sister tends to leave places in worse condition than they were before she moved in and Mom doesn’t want to ruin Dad’s reputation with the guy. How bad is that, to have a daughter that you can’t even trust to leave rental property in good condition?</p>

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<p>Im going to offer a vote of “no” on the pet…I know the tripping over them thing is very real because I have a cat, whom I adore, who has the habit of grabbing at my calves as I am walking up the stairs and who, if hungry, will literally jump in front of me to block my way. Maybe it’s a personality thing, but cat’s arent really trainable to any degree of certainty. Also, the whole litterbox thing is a pain. I clean our cat’s every day, but that’s because it’s in a corner of the laundry room and even though it’s one of those covered ones, he still manages to leave little bits of litter outside the hatch every time he uses it.</p>

<p>My sister bought a very nice piece of property at the Nook and is currently presenting their plans to renovate the current house (which is not only NOT architecturally significant, but probably hasn’t been touched interiorly since it was built in the 60’s.) She is doing the intro and “who we are” thing before introducing their builder. It’s kind of a really big deal because there’s a lot of rules (understatement). In any event, she sent me the bullet list of the things she felt were important and I wrote her speech. She calls it word-smithing. Weirdly, these are the kinds of things I do that give me some self-esteem refills. A few years ago, I wrote the description of her house for the Home and Garden Tour. (She just called and their build plans passed 5-0 and was told her introduction was one of the best they’d ever heard! - so I’ve got that going for me). :)</p>

<p>Got an email last night from a bride who is getting married at the same place D is in June. I had originally inquired with the site coordinator if I could have the name of the bride proceeding our wedding to see if they had any interest in “sharing” some of the costs of flowers in this very large planters. Some brides do nothing at all, but the space looks much improved if you put giant ferns in with the four on the corners having some sort of arrangement. Anyway… I get this email last night from this girl who says, she’d be very interested and that “I hear your wedding is to follow mine on September 28 from 2-5.” Our wedding is at that same time on June 15! Just talked to the site coordinator who said she has two brides one named wickham and one name Whitman and somehow confused the two. Phew. I literally almost had a heart attack, especially since we reserved the space two years ago!! Hoping to hear from this other bride (Who will get married at sometime between 11-2) soon! Good news is there is not a third wedding to follow ours, so we won’t be rushed and D can walk down the aisle at 4:30. Apparently no one up there had ever heard of it being good luck to get married while the hands of the clock are going up (vs down). Have any of you?</p>

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<p><a href=“She%20just%20called%20and%20their%20build%20plans%20passed%205-0%20and%20was%20told%20her%20introduction%20was%20one%20of%20the%20best%20they’d%20ever%20heard!%20-%20so%20I’ve%20got%20that%20going%20for%20me”>quote</a>.

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<p>That’s awesome! I used to be able to write pretty well, but now I can just write like a lawyer.</p>

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<p>Moda…yes, knew the time/hands of clock adage. D1 also got married at 4:30. :)</p>

<p>It is freezing here! -20 to -30 with wind chills. Not going anywhere today.</p>

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<p>Whew, Moda. That’d have me in a panic, too. Glad you looked ahead and decided that the plate was going to rapidly be too full. Smart. I hope your nails look great!</p>

<p>I spent a good chunk of the last 20 years as a heavy-duty volunteer. Not much any more, as I started a business and that keeps me really busy. But one of the things I learned about myself as a volunteer: I could do the boring tasks that go along with a job IF the job was one that generally was a good fit for my skill-set. </p>

<p>I am good at running meetings, workshops, negotiating and understanding complex or new information. I am a horrible, terrible, no good party planner. I am awful at keeping spreadsheets updated with things like donations. I can’t stand to spend time in meetings that don’t have a crisp and purposeful agenda. (Especially PTO-type meetings. Gack.) And I am incompetent with fancy formatting for Powerpoint and Word, and mail-merge gives me the willies. No surprise that the volunteer work I really enjoyed was the work that was a good fit with my skills, and I do my best to turn down anything outside of that. </p>

<p>A friend once asked if I felt guilty because I didn’t volunteer to help with day-to-day volunteer work like answering phones in the office, having a set time in a classroom, or being a playground volunteer. And no, I didn’t feel guilty. Not too many volunteers want to wade through budgets, evaluate policy and legislative effects, negotiate contracts or run meetings. Adam Smith had it right – we can’t all be great at making the heads of pins. The nice thing about volunteering is that you control what you say “yes” to.</p>

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<p>Oregon thank you so much that was so kind. I am also a person who gets away with nothing. My H has said " I can say anything and get away with it and you say ONE thing and you get hung by your pitard" I have that sensitive/say it like it is combo. Perhaps those in business would not see this as the best combo. am always kind, never intentionally mean, but I say what other people think and dont think much of it. My His is liked by everyone and if you dont like him he thinks there is something wrong with you. e always says that I make him look good. that is my karma.
I am amazed by all the people who do spread sheets etc… I am not that person. There is a spot for everyone.
Sad thing a co workers ex committed suicide, they have 3 kids our kids age, great kids, I could not go tot he service, I sent a donation to the fund for the kids and her a GC for a massage, i thought better than flowers. I hope that was ok
You guys are a wealth of knowedge on so many levels. thank you so much</p>

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<p>So sad about the suicide. When we were planning Dad’s service, I remarked that I don’t know how people who are truly traumatized do it.</p>

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<p>arabrab, I think it is very sensible to make the kind of contributions that work for you and tap your talents and not the ones that you don’t. That is what I do. I don’t do the normal stuff and was very frustrated as a board member of a slow-moving but worthy non-profit. But, I volunteer my time for things where my talents are distinctly useful and they line up with my sense of purpose. I mentioned the civil war and I’m now helping some diplomatic muckety-mucks with a seemingly intractable regional conflict. These guys offer to pay me nominally for my time and I always turn it down. But, I’m actually not good at lots of the organizational stuff and even if I were, other people can do that as well as I can. </p>

<p>ShawSon is driving to NY with his team – a prominent Silicon Valley VC who has been talking to ShawSon every couple of weeks has asked to meet ShawSon and team. Pretty cool.</p>

<p>DTE, very sad but a very thoughtful gift.</p>

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<p>downtoearth,Sorry to hear about the suicide. Your gifts to the family sound very appropriate.</p>

<p>shawbridge,Good luck to your son and his team with the meeting!</p>

<p>I just purchased tickets for H and I to go to a basketball game next weekend at S2’s school. That will be our last trip there until graduation. Kind of a bittersweet feeling. The end of 8 straight years of having kids in college. Can’t believe graduation is so close!</p>

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<p>The plan is for a very short ceremony - which if I were really honest is somewhat disappointing due to the fee associated with the ceremony site! Still, I don’t much like long weddings anyway. I remember going to my first really catholic wedding in college. Mass and everything. Having never really been a catholic mass before I got the giggles at one point because I felt like it was part square dance - stand up, sit down, kneel, stand up again, turn around, shake your neighbor’s hand. I was seriously thinking any moment the caller - err, I mean Priest - was gonna ask us all to dosey doe!</p>

<p>I had no idea it was that cold, although I had no plans to go outside today anyway! And I didn’t manage to get my nails done yesterday because he was booked. I really regret telling so many people how great he was, and am sure i wasn’t the only one. While he gives me a great deal and does a beautiful job, I used to just be able to walk in and sit down. However, I did get my hair cut. Jury still out, but I do like the color.</p>

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<p>Treetop, thanks. I’m glad to know there are others. I have an advanced degree, chem, and like you, left my research job after D was born. I fully intended to be the travelling mom, great inventor, female conqueror of the chemical industry (jk, I was young), but I also remember thinking that no one had ever told me how fiercely protective I’d feel about my first born. I was miserable when she was in daycare. Who knew??? I have no regrets now, and like you, I’m glad I had the opportunity to do work that mattered, then. I spent years volunteering in a variety of jobs–fund raiser, room mom, soccer coach (ouch), Junior League, boards of very different but worthwhile organizations, but I’ve taken a big step back in the last few years. I never questioned the importance of educating my kids or seeing that they had the tools to succeed as happy people. I get more bogged down when I question if I’m adding value to the world, other’s lives and also wonder if I or my actions are valued or recognized, especially when I compare myself to people who seem to be doing such fantastic things. Such big questions, and the answers are so complicated :-o </p>

<p>Shawbridge–to be a plant mom–such a wonderful idea :slight_smile: And to know the researchers took the plants away, just criminal!</p>

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<p>I dont regret not doing things, because I raised two great kids whom I am very proud of. There is no do overs with them. I see the younger ones at work dealing with this and always tell them this.
This may be indiscreet, but Modas laughing at the wedding reminded me of a wedding we went to when we were young. At a quiet part in the ceremony, suddenly someone passed gas, our whole group started to laugh, that shaking kind of laugh, where you stop and then someone else starts and you are just shaking and right when we calmed down he did it again then the laughing started all over again Unfortunately we will always remember that wedding for that, turns out the guy just did that where ever and when ever.</p>

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<p>This is a pretty cool idea, for recent grads launching startups and for a community that wants to attract smart young people:</p>

<p>[Addison</a>, Baylor to launch incubator for student companies - Dallas Business Journal](<a href=“http://www.bizjournals.com/dallas/blog/2013/01/addison-baylor-to-launch-incubator.html?ana=e_du_pub&s=article_du&ed=2013-01-31]Addison”>http://www.bizjournals.com/dallas/blog/2013/01/addison-baylor-to-launch-incubator.html?ana=e_du_pub&s=article_du&ed=2013-01-31)</p>

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<p>very cool idea, missypie. I just sent D a link to an article about a new firm that works in all three of her interest areas (communications, social media, nonprofit/philanthropy) with the comment that, at the rate things are changing, her perfect job probably hasn’t been invented yet. I should have suggested she could be the one to invent it!</p>

<p>(sorry for the length of this post. writing it was therapeutic for me. thanks for indulging me.)</p>

<p>moda, your post from yesterday struck such a chord. I admire your self-awareness and courage to change things up midstream. I’ve always been a “I said I would do it, so I must do it, no matter how much pain, angst, etc it is causing me” person. truly my mother’s daughter.</p>

<p>I’ve been a SAHM since the girls were very young, but have served on several non-profit boards for organizations I am truly passionate about, often in leadership positions, which really just means more meetings and more work. I’ve really enjoyed the work - it’s been a great way to use my brain and my fancy degrees (and in the early years it was a reason to put on lipstick and go talk to grownups ;))</p>

<p>I’m reaching the end of lengthy terms on the 2 major boards in the next year and had been grappling with what’s next. I seem to be surrounded by SAHMs who’ve gone back to school or otherwise prepared themselves for an empty-nest career. me, not so much.</p>

<p>but getting sick completely changed my thinking. when you are facing the possibility of a shortened life span, “life is too short” takes on a whole new, literal meaning. (and trust me, sunriseeast was on my mind.) being sick required me to temporarily give up most all the board work and now I am seriously thinking about how I want to reengage. DH has been a great help, first suggesting I list all the things I do in order of how much satisfaction and pleasure they give me. when I showed him the list, he said “but this is just your volunteer stuff. what about that class you love? and more time with your friends? and the girls? and D2’s unfinished scrapbook?” (he didn’t say “and me?” but he should have.) </p>

<p>it’s probably obvious to all of you, but it was a huge “aha” moment for me. I was consistently putting outside obligations ahead of the things that are truly important to me (see “I said I would do it…” comment above). so as I recuperate and my calendar is pretty empty, I’m free to do things like have lunch at the last minute yesterday with a friend who really needed to talk. that’s who I want to be, not the person who always says, oh, I wish I could but I’ve got this meeting…</p>

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<p>PRJ - I think it was wonderful of your H to point out all the things of value you missed on your list. I don’t think we’re really trained to see joy or happiness as the same as work or commitment. Society talks a good game, but I don’t think we really stand behind it much. And I used to be very much a “I said I would” person and then a few years ago, not so much.</p>

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<p>Well, ShawSon got back from his meeting and gave me a call. The VC has screened a bunch of companies and narrowed it down to 4 of which plans to choose one. He will invests $250K and be an advisor if he chooses them. ShawSon thought he and his chief developer did very well under some tough questioning. But, that’s a 25% probability so they have to be, and are, not expecting anything but are going to apply to all of the incubator/accelerator programs (like the one MP set up) but some have terrific brand value (being an alumnus of some of these programs provides a lot of cred). From my perspective, the good news is that they got to the final cut as that increases the probability it is for real.</p>

<p>I think the hard part for a startup outside of the mainstream (e.g., Addison) is attracting top talent when you are growing.</p>

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<p>Awesome news, shawbridge!!</p>