<p>Good Luck with the double move in historymom!!! The logistics for that would reduce me to paralysis!</p>
<p>Hi all-- course he is still sleeping. CountingDown–he has been quite busy helping me let him go this entire summer!</p>
<p>Hey HS–have a supper trip with your girls–they are going to just thrive.</p>
<p>Modadunn–you have given me an idea–there should be a “parent exchange” --we could move into someone else’s house and get their kid ready for the launching–like to hear my S tell some other parent to “chill”. He is THE most polite and delightful guy for everyone else…</p>
<p>great lost in it the grocery store yesterday. Was shopping in the deli and saw pepper jack cheese and thought “Hey, I should pick up some for S’s lunch this week” Then remembered that this is not my job anymore. Teared up thinking about it. Dont know about anyone else but meals suck right now.</p>
<p>My son left home 3 days ago. He did not call me and I don’t miss him much. But I had a sleep talk last night: I call his name to tell him to do something that I don’t remember now.</p>
<p>I tried to start a dad’s version of this thread but didn’t get much interest…I hope you will all forgive me and welcome me back into the fold. </p>
<p>The hard part for me is experiencing this volleyball-sized hole in my chest and wondering what I will find to fill it. When you think of yourself as day-to-day parent first and everything else second, sending offspring to college smacks you upside the head - that’s not your identity anymore. So now what? </p>
<p>I wish I remembered what was so important and interesting back before I had children.</p>
<p>Laxtaxi: Welcome back.</p>
<p>We still have to launch our D but I am anticipating the lack of direction just say. I’ve always balanced the job, kids and H and now it will just be the job and H. H has many hobbies and has managed to keep them up and even develop new ones during the first 18 years of our kids lives. Me – not so much. So there are things that I’ve wanted to do and haven’t over the years. I just signed up for a spinning class that I’ve wanted to take for the last 5 years. This is yarn spinning – not an exercise class although that might be better for me. 
I’ve never been able to take it because it’s always taught on Sat mornings and for the last however many years Sat. mornings have involved something with the kids. So now it’s my turn.</p>
<p>There must be something that you have wanted to do and couldn’t. Something that you wanted to learn and just didn’t have the time. Now is the time for you to remember what that something was and see if it is something that you are interested in.</p>
<p>We launch DD tomorrow morning. Leaving here at 8:30 a.m. She hasn’t packed a single article from her room yet. No clothes, no posters, pictures from her walls, etc. She is spending this last evening with friends. I guess she’ll be up until the wee hours of the morning. I am telling myself not to stress about it. Good luck to my fellow launchers!</p>
<p>eddieodessa - My S did basically the same thing. He hardly packed the day before, then went out to the movies that evening, got home real late and then packed - with us planning on leaving at 6 AM.</p>
<p>Everything worked out in the end, except he forgot his calculator (which Dad had reminded him about a few days before) and we had to send that to him priority mail.</p>
<p>We were also lucky in that he was going to school a few days early to participate in an optional program, so only about 15% fo the freshmen were moving in that day.</p>
<p>Good luck tomorrow morning, I hope things go smoothly.</p>
<p>historymom, good luck with the launch!!!</p>
<p>laxtaxi, I can tell you what I’m doing that’s been keeping me busy: bikeriding. I will be riding the C&O Canal towpath (all 184 miles of it) in September, so have been riding to get into good enough shape to do that. Because I’m doing that, I also have to make arrangements for lodgings (a lot of people camp, but I want hot showers and beds along the way!), figure out what I need to take, outfit my bike appropriately, outfit myself appropriately (and sorry, world, I’m wearing bike shorts, so avert your eyes!), read up on the towpath, and so on. Training and planning for this kept me busy while spawn was off at camp for six weeks over the summer, and it’s keeping me busy now!</p>
<p>And then, THEN, two weeks after that, I’m riding in a fundraiser (called, can you believe it? “24 Hours of Booty,” this for cancer charities). I’ve stated on my “Booty” webpage that I’m going to try to ride 100 miles over the course of the 24 hours. :eek: If you saw me, you’d know what a challenge this will be – I am soooo not athletic!!</p>
<p>Bruised, sometimes sore, a horror in Spandex, and definitely not athletic! (It’s the cookies, the cupcakes, the mushroom/broccoli/feta risotto and garlic herb shrimp pasta, you know…! All the food I’ve talked about in my time here? Not nearly so much fantasy as my hips might wish!!)</p>
<p>Also, I have a subscription to the symphony! First time ever in my life I’ve gotten a subscription. So I have concerts to look forward to.</p>
<p>Granted, I started these activities mainly to help me get over my unfortunate marriage, but I’ve gotta say, they are helping with the empty nest, too!</p>
<p>The bikeriding actually makes me feel better, physically and emotionally. I’ve never had the endorphin high that some people say they get, but boy, do I feel better on the days I get to ride! And, as the saying goes, melancholy is incompatible with bicycling. I’ve found that that’s true!</p>
<p>I haven’t caught up on everyone’s news (did see lindz126’s good news, though, about the biopsy!). I had to come here to vent, because I’m getting increasingly irritated with S. We leave to take him to college 10 days from today. </p>
<p>And now we’ll be going to dh’s family reunion in upstate NY from Friday - Monday. So that is four fewer days to pack. S did buy some clothes yesterday, and he accompanied me to Wallyworld for a stock-up trip yesterday. But there has been no forward motion in terms of going through his clothes and things and deciding what to take. He still has to find some more shoes and a new backpack. And he needs a trip to OfficeMax to stock up on school supplies. And a haircut.</p>
<p>I find myself biting my tongue more and more. I don’t want our last few days to be negative ones. But he is really trying my patience. He needs a stick of dynamite lit under him to get him moving on this!</p>
<p>Sorry to laugh, Deja, but I bet if you scroll back, 90% of us have posted the same rant in the days before launch (99.9% of those of us with sons). I had the same mixed feelings - Son was irritating the “heck” out of me, but I didn’t want the last days to be me screaming at him. I did allow myself some correctly placed irritation (e.g. exressing my irritation at him not getting stuff together rather than calling him lazy or irresponsible or whatever.)</p>
<p>One thing to make yourself feel better: I bet that where ever he is going, they have stores. The first time we saw Son’s roommate, he was carrying a Walmart bag of just purchased school supplies…who knows if his mom tried to get him to buy them in advance, or if buying at school was always the plan, but he obviously left his house without them. And if your son doesn’t take the time to buy shoes or backpack, he can take what he has and probably won’t care a bit.</p>
<p>It’s just so interesting to compare the applications/visits/admissions/decisions crazies of a year or 6 months ago with the “I can’t be bothered to pack” attitudes that almost all of us have experienced of late.</p>
<p>Owlice, you may have just inspired me! It’s good to hear that you’re doing something great FOR YOURSELF! Haven’t felt the empty nest too much yet…but I think the exhaustion of move-in (2 kids packed and moved in a four day span) is starting to wear off. I was actually planning on cooking a lot but I guess I better throw in some biking, too. Or some form of exercise a bit more vigorous than strolling with our soon to be geriatric Labrador who likes to do nothing better than amble two feet, plant his paws, lengthy sniffing of the ground, amble two feet, plant his paws…well, you get the idea.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>So as kids and teens and young adults it’s all about US…then we become parents and realize it’s *not *about us at all…then the birdies fly and then we feel hollow and guilty for making it about us again. I wonder if those who have always fit in a lot of community service have an easier time with the empty nest. As long as I have kids to raise I’ll feel like I’m contributing to the greater good of the world…but I’ve never found a niche in community service or church work, so then what?</p>
<p>So good to see a man’s viewpoint on this thread, but if I mention wanting my H to be forever lost in IKEA so I can get everything done that needs doing, don’t hold it against me. :)</p>
<p>I have to admit, however, that I think H understands more than he is admitting. It’s a fairly busy time with his business right now, which obviously is a very good thing, but he basically called in a couple of favors to get on the golf course today due to impending bad weather that would have cancelled it all together. Son has never really been much of a golfer (although he has clubs and knows how - it’s the patience thing he struggles with). In any event, they got a tee time at a great course and so the four guys are off golfing for the afternoon. My spousal unit however in taking my car also took HIS keys and his spare is in his spare is locked in a file cabinet whose key is locked in his car! How’s that for a plan?</p>
<p>All laundry is done and I am dividing S’s closet for things that can go much later. I am guessing warmer clothes beyond a sweatshirt or two can weight. While there is some warning about the weather in the Northeast, I can’t imagine it will even phase my son who doesn’t start wearing a coat until it’s 20 below.</p>
<p>Owlice’s plans are so inspiring it makes me ALMOST want to boot the D15 out of the nest early!</p>
<p>laxtaxi, as a day-to-day dad myself, i appreciate your sharing. both my kids loaded up the car yesterday and drove off on their big adventure. we live in the midwest and they are both heading east. S1 will act as a parent as he helps S2 move into his freshman dorm in Boston. then he will drive north and begin his junior year at another school. we threw a frisbee on the front lawn just before they drove away (both play on ultimate frisbee teams, and we’ve done this ritual for years) and it was unbelievably hard. three hours later i got a call from S1 complaining that his brother failed to navigate correctly, they missed a turn, and he finally figured they were heading north instead of east!! i had to laugh. they figured a new route, drove through the night and arrived in our old hometown in central new york this morning. the latest phone call said all was well, they were visiting old friends and places, then will continue on to Boston after a day of rest. they are doing this trip on their own and will make some mistakes but there-in-lies the fun. i’m especially interested to hear how they manage to parking and unloading the car in Boston;-) when i offered advice, the return chorus from both was, ‘don’t worry dad, we’ll figure it out’. . .i trust they will!</p>
<p>point is, while they are no longer here, the conversations continue. this has especially been nice to experience with S1 these last two years. our relationship has matured in surprising ways already. with S2 it will be different–by nature–but i’m excited to see how it will, also, evolve. while watching them drive away was emotional, it was tempered with the excitement i know they must be feeling while heading out on their own–well, sort of on their own—'-)</p>
<p>i will busy myself, now, with new things. . .</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I was a stay at home mom for almost 11 years so I had time for a lot of community service. At this point (4 days away from a half-empty nest), I am feeling more like doing other things.
A few years ago as my kids starting getting older and more independent, I started to do a few things just for me. I joined some groups (card club with DH, sorority alumnae group) that had nothing to do with my kids and were not focused around volunteering. I met people who were already empty nesters, people with little ones, singles, retirees, etc., people whose paths would otherwise not have crossed with mine. I also returned to work part time. I was always one of those people who enjoyed working outside of the home, so I enjoy being back in the office. I will return to doing community service/volunteering more at some point, but right now I am feeling the need for a break.</p>
<p>Reminds me of that saying “you can do it all, just not all at the same time”.</p>
<p>I think it is very tough to fill the empty space where the kids were. My son I know is worried about me but I think we’re doing OK. I had my weekly volunteering at the HS today (very strange with no kids at the school) so I got a chance to visit with some grown ups I’m fond of. Will probably start some other form of community service maybe helping organize food at the food bank. DH and I got a subscription to the ballet. Without DD home we purchased extra performances and if I come across other things like that I know that H will be open to them. H and I both started a diet which was long past due. It is so much easier to do without having to worry about feeding others as well. I did warn H that I don’t want to hear any complaints about it and that he’s welcome to eat anything additional he wants – just no whining.</p>
<p>We will see D at the beginning of October so many weeks to go. SIGH</p>
<p>Well, we made it to Occidental with nothing lost and very little forgotten! However, I have a Target shopping list as long as my arm, which I will do my dutiful best to take care of while D is busy with her pre-orientation adventure the next couple of days.</p>
<p>Briefly met her roommate, who is much more of a girly-girl than my daughter, but seemed very sweet. Their introduction was a little awkward, as my D is so shy and gets tongue-tied with new people. But I’m hoping they had a better chance to get acquainted after I left. We also met the girls who live on either side of her, who broke the ice and introduced themselves.</p>
<p>My D has a plan to leave her room door open a lot, and entice people in with her bowls of M&Ms and Starbursts. (Note to self: Add candy to the Target list. And bowls.) </p>
<p>I haven’t gotten over-the-top emotional yet, since I haven’t really had to <em>leave</em> her yet. I’m staying through the weekend, when the regular orientation begins. I had to walk back to her room 3 times to tell her “just one more thing” before I actually left her in the dorm for the night, though. </p>
<p>Then my adventure really started: the GPS quit working in my rental car, I got hopelessly lost & turned around, and found myself headed into downtown L.A. at rush hour. Oh, joy. Thankfully there was nobody else in the car to hear me cuss a blue streak.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I guess that’s one advantage of dropping a child off in Georgetown, Texas.</p>
<p>Laxtaxi, glad you’re here and speaking up. My H retired a few months ago, so my nest isn’t empty even though D was the only child. Retirement was good in that it meant that he got to join in the full launch instead of scrambling to juggle work and spend as much time with his Blackberry as with us. I think the dads don’t always get as much support. Everybody’s been asking how I’m doing without her, but I don’t think he gets as much acknowledgement that he’s missing his girl too. She called today while I was out and I’m really glad that he got to hear her voice. I expect it will usually be me who will grab the phone first, so it was a treat for him.</p>