<p>Got the first big call since the drop-off 10 days ago - she is out of granola already (misses Wegmans big time), she has not done laundry YET (not a good visual given the size of the room), her legs are holding up after over a week of two-a-day practices and the bookstore forgot to order her Psychology textbook, so “can you please find a used one on Amazon?” Not too bad…except that they combined the two sections of Chem (not enough freshmen passed the placement exam) and of course they kept the earlier 8AM section (somehow classes at that time are a freshman requirement lol)</p>
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<p>I remember, missypie. That’s why I know I could come here and vent, because many of you have been through this trying time and came out on the other side! I have to remember that. It seems like I am one of the very few whose kids have yet to leave for college yet. </p>
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Oh, yes. He was plenty interested to go off on our jaunts last summer to visit colleges. And now it’s come to this, so it seems ironic. He’s having a hard time finding time to do things like go shopping, because of his erratic work schedule. He’s only been working three nights/week most weeks, but that means he takes a nap the day of an all-night shift and sleeps most of the day the day after. And they usually two days in a row. He’s working tonight and tomorrow night, though, and then we leave for upstate NY as soon as he gets home from tomorrow night’s shift. That means the shopping days will be Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of next week. And that is it. So he’d darn well better not snap at me when I suggest that he go out and get the final things he needs! He’s lucky I’m doing a lot of purchasing on my own for him! </p>
<p>I was immensely cranky earlier today because of poor sleeping last night, but things improved greatly after I shut the rest of the world out and took a nap this afternoon!</p>
<p>I’m new here and I hope you don’t mind me venting. My first child is leaving for college on Friday. I am having a very difficult week…and although I know it’s all part of the “normal” process of letting go, that doesn’t make it any easier for me. The main issue has been her leaving her boyfriend. I am struggling with the fact that she is having a more difficult time saying goodbye to him than she is to us. She has spent all of her waking hours with him this week. He wanted to come with us on move-in day and I told her I thought her good-bye to him should be separate from my good-bye to her. Well, that has created a rift between us and it’s hurting me. I am standing my ground, but I hate the negative emotions between us this week. Maybe I had unrealistic expectations of what her “last” week at home would be like. I know it will “all be fine” eventually, but I am an emotional wreck right now!! Thanks for “listening”.</p>
<p>Welcome, cazmom! I can certainly understand your feeling hurt about your d. My son said goodbye to his gf when she moved out of state immediately following high school graduation (she will be going to college in that state she moved to), so we don’t have that issue, but he’s certainly been passive-aggressive about getting ready to go away to school. I’m also suspecting he will be uncommunicative once he gets there (and that will hurt me). I’m trying hard to not have rifts between us, but we still have 9 days to go and there’s plenty of time for a rift to form!</p>
<p>While not exactly the same, we had a similar issue when my oldest D went away. We loved her BF, so he was really great about hanging out with all of us while she did her stuff packing and stuff. My problem, if you will, was that they were going to try to make the relationship work long distance which I thought would cut her off from a lot of stuff making new friends. Anyway… What I think happens is that your kid KNOWS they are going to see you again. They know you will always be there. The BF on the other hand, the odds are that things will change in a big way… even if they DO stay together. So, she’s trying hard to hold on to things as they are, and he is probably a big part of that. So… not sure what his plans are - is HE going to school somewhere? But perhaps if you explain how it’s been a long road for you as well. I am almost certain however, that her mood towards you is a convenience that helps her to move on.</p>
<p>My sister has told me for years that sometimes these moods they “share” with us is their way of letting go as well. We get to the point that they have driven us just insane enough to say, “Don’t let the screen door hit you in the butt on your way out.” Certainly we don’t really feel this way and neither do they by being angry or pushing us away… but sometimes that’s the way separation manifests itself.</p>
<p>cazmom48- we are in a similar situation. We leave Monday for a college 3,000 miles away, and my D’s spending pretty much all of her free time with her bf. I agree with Modadunn, and my D has even said as much- she knows she’ll still have us, that we will always be her parents, while the Bf she’s been with for a year isn’t a sure thing (and in fact an extremely unlikely thing, seeing as how they’ll be 3,000 miles apart). They are trying to decide how to handle the separation, and I’m trying not to be the voice of doom :(. I also feel that some of it is a displacement; focusing on the bf means not noticing everything else that’s changing. But, that said, I’d draw the line at move-in day. You’ve earned the right to have that time to yourself, IMO. I’ve drawn the line on a couple of things with the bf recently too and honestly, she seemed kind of relieved to have someone else deciding the issue. Bfs come and go- moms are forever :)</p>
<p>Modadunn and westernhillsmom: You both have expressed perfectly what I went through with DS these last few weeks with his newly intense relationship with his GF. “moms are forever” - that is perfect and so comforting. Easier to focus on the separation from GF than on the pain of separation from family. Thanks to both for your comments. And good luck to you cazmom - I agree with your stance on the good-byes. I had to completely lower my expectations for Ds’s last week home and focus on the bigger picture - we will always be a family whether or not we had a Norman Rockwell send-off.</p>
<p>Have to get to bed - launch begins tomorrow - finishes Saturday. Knowing this community is here, is feeling the same, is a great comfort. Thanks to all…</p>
<p>Ok–I am usually the one to shut down the thread for the night–so the car is packed and all that is left is for me to find something clean and decent looking for MYSELF to wear at 6:30 am tomorrow. I spent the day going through various ups and downs with S. First we start with the snarls and then sweetness meeting the new dentist and then happiness when I (reheated) gave him prime rib for lunch (I am veggie and this is the first time beef has ever been cooked in my kitchen–but I have encouraged the kids to try stuff and make their own decisions esp as they prepare to live a college life) then a down as he rehomed his cockateil. Then he was “suppose” to let me know when he had everything packed as he DID NOT want my help but after 2 hours of waiting for him I found him on the computer and he had “forgotten” that he was packing. Fast forward–got him out of the house to visit some friends and H and I packed the car (I! made it all fit into a small subaru station wagon when they both thought it could not happen (even if you cannot see out the windows) AND THEN S returns home to criticize and blah blah blah but at this point it is almost funny so just shrugged. So we are not “suppose” to help him unpack (just as I was not suppose to help him today) but now I know I just need to pretend I am not helping and have a go at at least some of it. Gosh, I found my D so much easier than S. His is all pride and face and knowing everything while hers was how many jeans could she buy. Although, my S has an embarassing amount of shirts and hoodies and they will never ever fit in his dorm room (which we have very clear pictures of the closet space) but when I pointed out that…anyway that will be something he will have to deal with. He became quite the clothes guy this year working at PacSun. but he did get his jeans for $10 each! Anyway, thanks all for listening and letting me vent and if you actually read this whole thing you get extra cherries on your ice cream or in your manhatten which sound great right now. But don’t have any bourbon:(
Night–fill you in soon and good luck to those still packing and launching.</p>
<p>He forgot he was packing!!! That’s a good one…</p>
<p>Good luck Oregon101. I’ll be there soon.</p>
<p>D is packing a bit every day. Surprises me but then I saw WHAT she is packing. Last night I asked how many t-shirts and pants she had packed (this doesn’t take into account shorts, pajamas, hoodies, running clothes, dresses, shoes, etc.). She has packed 20 pairs of pants and 30 t-shirts. I don’t think this kid is planning on doing laundry the entire YEAR with the amount of clothes that she is taking. But in her words she needs them ALL. So instead of fighting the battle now I gave her more space bags and said go to it. We will take some garbage bags and when everything doesn’t fit we’ll hoist a lot of stuff back with us I guess. Now if I can just pack the car as good as oregon101. Luckily I have an SUV. :)</p>
<p>Oh and she has 22 pairs of shoes. This does count flip-flops but… As she pointed out it’s only 1/2 the amount she owns. I have created a monster I think.</p>
<p>Thank you all so much for helping me to put things into perspective! I’m so glad I came here for support!! I will try to be more understanding of her need to spend today (and most of tonight) with her BF. Although, I almost caved, I have decided to stand by my decision to not allow him to come with us tomorrow. As you said, westernhillsmom, I have earned the right to have my own good-bye! Centraleagle - you are right - we will always be a family with or without a Norman Rockwell goodbye! Modadunn - my sister has been telling me the same thing - D’s moods towards me are meant to make it easier for me to see her go! I guess I still feel like I’m just not ready yet!! Deja - good luck with your S - I too am worried about the lack of communication once she is there - we will get through this!</p>
<p>Westernhillsmom - I have to say I feel a little guilty - my D is only going to be 2 hours away from us (and BF) - 3000 miles away? I wish you nothing but the best as you deal with that separation!!!</p>
<p>I will be back to let you all know how tonight and tomorrow go! So glad to have found this site (Ds college actually suggested it for parents)!</p>
<p>Good luck oregon and cazmom! Let us know how it goes.
Re: the BF/GF going to help on move-in day: I remember one young man at convocation at my D’s school who had apparently brought the GF along. She was literally draped all over him nuzzling and kissing him while he - and his parents - sat ram-rod straight listening to the speeches! Oooh it was not a pretty sight!</p>
<p>D starts classes today. She met one of her professors at a reception the other night who told her to cancel all social plans for the weekend as they will hit the ground running with a huge project. I think the fun and games of orientation is coming to an abrupt end…</p>
<p>My D’s friend who is going to a school in the same city was planning to meet her at her dorm between classes on her move in day. Called in a panic after her first class 'I cant meet you i have homework already!!! My D went to a more rigourous school and just reassured her it was fine. Reality check
Fortunately I avoided the clothes fight by utilizing D2 who was very strict with D1 about wittling her clothes, although she did manage to sneak in a couple of extra skirts. My D2 is very practical and for a little thing pretty forceful I actually think they had good time together doing it. Their relationship is typical so I think it was a good start to their “new” one!!!</p>
<p>cazmom, we went thru the BF thing as well. He’s still a HS senior, so he has none of the excitement of starting college to look forward to. He seemed clingy. Although my D tested the waters about having him come along for move-in (200 miles away), she seemed to get that that event was our turf. I saw no more than 1 or 2 BF/GF at move-in last week, so we avoided any kind of “see, everybody does it”. Still, she spent all her time with him before she left. She had done her goodbyes to most people at graduation time. She had two part time jobs this summer, but he seemed to have nothing else to do besides hang around her endlessly. She was all puffy eyed the morning we left after a tearful goodbye session with BF the night before, but there’s no question that it was the right thing to have move-in a family-only event. Good luck.</p>
<p>Yesterday was the first day since we dropped D that we didn’t hear from her. I know her schedule is particularly filled on Wednesdays but H was kindof bothered. I think its important for her to do her own thing and we’ll just have to save all the questions about how things are going until we talk to her probably this weekend. We both miss her something fierce.</p>
<p>Somewhere – was it on here? it said to make a list of questions to ask when you do finally hear from her. That way, you don’t focus on not hearing from her and make it more about what you’d love to know. My D has called every day since starting back to school (we’re definitely getting more info this time around vs the first time when she was so anxious to be on her own).</p>
<p>I think I am in big trouble. We leave Sunday. I woke up this morning and thought it was Wednesday. I’ve lost an entire day somewhere. And I only WISH we were taking the SUV - albeit ours is a small one - sure is going to beat checking boxes/bags at the airport. I finally blew a small gasket last night when I was trying to point out all that was left to do, H says that “my problem” is that i try to relay too much stuff/too many requests at once. I had a sudden flash of my being the focus of one of those “snapped” episodes on lifetime. THEN, I tried to explain that I let the kid sleep in – thinking that’s nice. I then don’t tell him anythng right when he finally gets up – as that drives me nuts when someone does it to me (we’re not great morning people except for H), but then he is rushing out the door. S says he will be gone for an hour (and can I have your car since you gave mine to sister 1000 miles away), and then comes back in three. Home for five minutes waiting for friend to pick him up and then gone for the night so it seems. When the heck am I supposed to even TELL him what all needs doing?? I almost have to talk at warp speed because we only see him for five minute increments. And now with this whole lost day… </p>
<p>He is not leaving this house today until his bathroom and bedroom are clean. Of course, H told him to get his licensed renewed and so that’s now on the front of the list.</p>
<p>S2 has a challenge getting in his meals, so has been starving. He has missed dinner several times because the cafeteria closes by 7:00 pm (he says they have senior citizen hours, opening at 4:30). On Mondays and Wednesdays he has classes from 11:30 to 2:50 with no break, so he hasn’t been able to make the cafeteria for lunch. He has an 8:30 am class every day and wasn’t intending to get up in time for breakfast. After missing a bunch of meals in a row, however, he is making it to breakfast now and I think that early dinner looks good on the days he is missing lunch. He has thrown an apple in his backpack for lunch, but that is not going to work long-term. He is a big eater, so he needs something more substantial than a piece of fruit. I suggested he add a bagel and as much other stuff as they allow. They really should have box lunches available and let the students use one of their meal tickets for it. He doesn’t like the nutrition content of most fast food so hasn’t wanted to go that route even if starved. He is walking between the upper and lower campuses (just over a mile) because it is more reliable and less crowded than the bus/tram system and has been able to squeeze in a work-out during the day because he says the gym is too crowded at night, so getting plenty of exercise. </p>
<p>On the academic front, he thinks Calculus, English, and Intro to Engineering will be fine, but expects his Biology and Chemistry classes to be killers (both have labs). He does have an extremely challenging semester (18 credit hours) and it only gets worse. I think the school is trying to cram five years of classes into four years, which is probably one of the reasons for the low four-year graduation rate. I will let him find his own way, but I would be tempted to cut back a class and go to summer school, except I don’t know what he could cut. None are electives and it would mess up the sequence to leave anything out.</p>
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<p>Son’s school let’s you make a take-out box. In the past it was in styrofoam containers…but the darned environmentally conscious students talked the school into going “no styrofoam” so now the student has to bring his or her own container (!) for takeout food. So I guess if a student remembers to throw some tupperware in his backpack at the beginning of the day, he can get takeout.</p>
<p>DD just called and asked me to come pick her and her roommate up for the promised Target run. It was a relief to hear from her today. </p>
<p>I was a bit worried this morning. I knew she had an Honors College orientation session fairly early and also knew she sent me a message about 1:30 a.m. I know it was over the top to worry about her getting somewhere she needs to be, but after 18 years it is a bit hard to give it up totally. I did not text her though and waited to hear from her. </p>
<p>DD’s school does have a program that allows students to pre-order a sandwich/salad and pick it up in a couple of different classroom buildings. Most of D’s classes are between 11-2 so she may try to take advantage of that.</p>