<p>Missy - seriously, THAT dumb OR just really really awkward around parents? I feel somewhat fortunate that so far we’ve had no truly stupid bf’s or gf’s BUT D1 did have one I truly didn’t trust or respect. Years later, she told me I was right to feel that way. Mostly I school S’s gf to raise her expectations and don’t accept less of him or excuse poor behavior. She’s getting stronger in that regard, which is good. I honestly don’t know why she finds him so charming, but then again, he is his father’s son and maybe my caution to her has more to do with me! Younger D has really ever had one male friend that could be considered any kind of BF. He was much older which had it’s good and bad points. But she is not the typical anything so I just need to be confident she’ll find her way.</p>
<p>And yes Missy - Options!! Exactly! And while it might make me a little sad if he somehow got on a track where leaving a good paycheck was too intimidating or working the business end of healthcare would dissuade him being a doctor at all due to the industry itself OR maybe it will be the thing that motivates him even more! But I m going to try very hard to not have much of an opinion. I can basically be positive either way because he’ll have a job.</p>
<p>I fully understand ShawD contemplating living in another city because that is also what S felt. He went to a very rural college with the idea that he’d likely be living in a city the rest of his life and this was a great opportunity to be productive in the middle of nowhere (vs being a unibomber :)) So… I guess my question to ShawD would be what “differences” she would be looking for? For example, would NY or Philly really be all that different in a larger way? maybe Boston is just that much more distinctive than the others? India would definitely be a curve. My brother really disliked living and working in New Delhi, but my niece loved everything about her study abroad year living there. Anyway, in S’s case now, I think he really hoped to be in the big city for a while because when or if he goes back to school, who knows were he would be and he certainly won’t have the cash flow to go out a whole lot.</p>
<p>Oregon - meant to say that you remind me very much these days of the adage, “as mothers we’re only as happy as our unhappiest child.” Here’s to hoping both your kids find some light soon. As for your D, I don’t know what motivates her in life, but I would be inclined to tell her that while she may be feeling slightly rudderless right now, it is only that she abdicated her captainship. Not only is she not defined by the BF, she shouldn’t want to be. And the best advice I could ever give her is to take ADVANTAGE of the opportunity that the only opinion of what she does with her time and her life that matters is her own. How freeing! It’s really hard to have a long view when you’re in the muck of it, but honestly and truly… how I would love to have an opportunity to not have to consider one other person when making a decision, to truly think only of myself. Seriously, I can barely do that when it comes to dinner, let alone making a life. It’s scary, but … and I cannot stress this enough… it is a VERY SMALL WINDOW in the grand scheme. Her routine is upended… when she talked to him, skyped or whatever… so she needs a few new habits to get out of the rut. And soon the weather will improve and the sun will shine more often and this too will help. Big Hug to you for being there for her. My mother never was, so you are a hero of a mom in my eyes. </p>
<p>OK… clearly procrastinating on the storage room. Will take before and after pictures mostly because Im annoyed I didn’t do it when it came to bathroom tile!!!</p>
<p>Forgot – H went snowshoeing up in the mountains on Saturday. Just like last year, he took our friends, who are 92 and 89. This year they moved to a senior retirement community, so he picked them up there. Apparently the expressions on the faces of the other oldsters in the lobby as they saw our friends walking out in snow gear with snowshoes in hand was truly funny. They all had great time, each taking turns breaking the path on the 18" of new snow, and she marveled to H that just four days before they’d been swimming in the ocean in Hawaii, and now they were up at 7500’ snowshoeing around a frozen lake under beautiful sunny skies. They are the people we would like to be if we live that long. </p>
<p>HI everyone - I have finally figured out how to get back on CC! The site was blocked on my home computer and i never signed on while I was a work. And I must say that I do not like many of these features. For heavens sake, I can read other people’s PMs!!
I hope S recovers quickly, oregon, and I’m sorry your D is having such heartache.
moda - congrats to S! Has he figured out housing in NYC yet?? Or will he stay with GF? After many anxiety-producing hours/days in the hell that is the Manhattan real estate market, I think my D may have found something. Keep your fingers crossed. I am so done with this process but get another chance when D and GF save enough to move out! It might be better though. I think they make enough together so we don’t have to be guarantors.
I was itching to downsize here but now get exhausted/anxious just thinking about it.</p>
<p>Just a quick update. S called this afternoon and the surgery has been rescheduled due to an emergency. So back on the phone undoing everything I spent time doing. H and I are really unhappy right now as S could have done this surgery here at everyone’s convenience. grr grr grr. Sadly I had a BP spike and don’t know if I can have a drink or not…someone hurry and have one for me.
If he was 33 and DIL 31 I would say “call us when it is over” but at 21 and 23 I just can’t see it yet.
Thanks everyone for you support. Congrats to woody’s D for finding housing. I remember when D paid $1200 for a room in a Brooklyn apartment. It was nice with her friends but her room had no closet and was on the street with much noise. And that was 4 years ago. Hope Your D has a fun time in Manhattan.</p>
<p>Based on the very little I know of this surgery… I can’t tell whether to be ticked at Drs/surgeons or yes, OregonS. And I agree with needing to be watchful. My H has never had surgery or even been in the hospital in the 24 years we’ve been married. I’ve had three children and a gall bladder, some dental surgery. That’s it. So… I guess I just don’t get the constant reschedule. This isn’t a hair appointment, for pete’s sake. So, was it the dr.'s emergency (and yes, they’re allowed to have them as well, but this seems like a domino of a cluster pluck that keeps everyone in limbo. So has H or you spoken directly to the dr here? I know DIL says she’s asking a lot of questions, but would they give you permission to speak to them directly? Maybe that’s overstepping. I really don’t know.</p>
<p>Yikes on the $1200 in Brooklyn as S wants to definitely be closer to work which will be in the meatpacking district. His GF lives closer to Columbia. But Interestingly, he is not going to live with GF and crew, but instead stay with his college roommate as they have two bathrooms and more space and closer to his work. Pretty sure they also started at about twice the salary of what he is, so who knows how long they will be down with that. But at least they both know what they’re going to be living with since they did it thru college. I will call a friend of mine in NYC, the realtor who actually sold us our nook, lives in manhattan, plus younger D and her oldest are best friends ask for advice and perhaps hook S up or maybe a number? I know the whole NYC thing is very different from apt in SF, but considering SF knocked NYC off as the top rent in the country, I am hopeful it won’t be too shocking; at least S is looking for a roommate or two, depending on situation.</p>
<p>PS it’s not that you can read PM’s, the messages seen now were never private. It just also didn’t seem so obvious to click on people’s names. But you could technically read these before if you had wanted to, they just weren’t “opened” when you initially clicked on someone’s name like they are now. In any event, private messages are still private (as far as I can tell. anyway).</p>
<p>mod, H has spoken with the surgeon and expressed his desire to be there and the difficulties scheduling his/my stuff. However, as S has a chest tube and is stable and they are basically in a more rural (ish) area an emergency usurps S’s surgery. Again, if S was just older than 23 we would not feel such a need to be present. That said, H called and reassured S that we understand that this is not a change he has caused (S does not react well to guilt–always backfires) and yet S NEEDS to schedule here if this gets changed again. S became indignant and so on. IF it is changed again we will not be there and just hope for the best. At some point, as in now, we will let the gods do what they do. That said, if this gets changed again and I talk with DIL I know that she will totally agree with me and we will move on as she takes charge.
The rooming situation in NYC in general is really amazingly crazy. Sounds like your S has things under control.
One of D’s friends mom told me how she visited her D and while walking through the courtyard to her apartment there were rats in the garbage can looking at her. Luckily her D was only there for a summer subletting from a NYC prof. </p>
<p>Good morning. Oregon, sending more of the mojo!</p>
<p>Arabrab, I just knew our puppy would be that way :)</p>
<p>In other news, life may get interesting for mcson. Just when they’d talked about sticking around these parts for a while, (and now that hes applied for a couple of local, career related “real jobs” based on that assumption) there’s now talk that mcgf may be offerd a job in SF at a theatrical guild she’d interned at. She loved it there, so that would be truly lovely for her if it pans out. At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if it wouldn’t serve mcson to just start really focusing on his career interests instead of this holding pattern he’s been in. I guess that holding pattern will be over in May when she graduates…and that its for them to work out. (He’s literally following his passion…but said passion is a person We don’t really think about that when we tell our kids to follow their passion, do we? ;)</p>
<p>He did, as it turns out, apply for grad school, but he wasn’t very happy with the portfolio he pulled together with so little time available and isn’t sure he wants to go even if he’s accepted. I had assumed he’d blown the deadline since he was conspicuously quiet about it at the time. I guess we’ll soon see what new twists and turns there are.</p>
<p>His passion is a person. Too funny, kmcmom! I’d guess San Francisco might have a lot of opportunities for McSon if that came to pass. </p>
<p>Oregon – I hear ya on all the rescheduling. Not so sure I’d want to have a potentially complex surgery in a smaller hospital unless they were particularly known for it.</p>
<p>Oregon, all that rescheduling would make me quite grumpy…and then still worried because it’s a health issue…so many hugs to you and maybe try a flavored herbal tea if a drink won’t work.</p>
<p>Glad I don’t have to pay for a NYC apartment. Lincoln Park in Chicago is high enough.</p>
<p>H skyped with older D this morning, so I got to hear about their first European hostel experience. Their room was coed…5 girls and one business man in the bunk above D. I’ve never heard of such a thing! The business man said he was too cheap to pay for a hotel room but how do we know he’s not just a pervert looking to room with young girls? Anyway, pretty interesting to hear that D complained about no one in her group knowing how to behave in a museum, how the others just wanted to wander aimlessly, how expensive everything is. I think it is so WONDERFUL for my pretty little suburban princess to have a long list of things she wants to do and see while in Europe and to have to actually BUDGET tightly to be able to see and do things while still having money to eat. </p>
<p>As I have probably mentioned, younger D has been grounded since her NY Eve escapades. The doors of her prison will inch open soon (car and phone returned) BUT H hid the car keys so well that he can’t find them. Secretly ROFL but last night was earnestly searching with him.</p>
<p>Aww missy…D1 will just have a boatload of experiences to last a lifetime! (My D did the co-ed hostel thing in Prague and there were guys in the room with them. I’m glad I found out about that after the fact.)</p>
<p>A businessman in the upper bunk? Yikes comes to mind! S went to Chicago on a road trip a few months ago and stayed in a similar place with two other guys and two girls. He could have stayed with my very cool and much younger cousin but was going for the “experience” OR didn’t want to risk being too drunk and stupid (going with the latter). Speak of which, S sends me this personal statement he’s written for his school’s dossier, recommendations etc. It is not even the one he would use for primary applications but required to stick to character count. So I whittled this thing down quite considerably and sent it back for final edit. So today he sends it back again… he “had some new ideas. Can you please help?” Well, at least he said please because his new idea/thoughts added up to nearly 8000 characters (the limit is 5300 with spaces)!! Needless to say, I handed it back in a virtual way and kindly said get it within 500 and you’ve got a deal. But I refuse to touch it as it is now… I told him verbosity and tangents don’t mix with character counts and either he will need to say far less or figure out a way to say it with far fewer words</p>
<p>As it is, I spent the day working on the verbiage for selling the house. There are stock phrases, I know, but I would feel very dishonest for example to say my kitchen is gourmet or has high end appliances. Yes, it’s a nice kitchen design and the appliances are stainless, but while good enough, whirlpool is hardly high end, even gold. Also, renovated or remodeled are very different animals from updated. It can only result in potential buyer disappointment and looking harder to see what “else” has been misstated. </p>
<p>Also, H wants me to go out to dinner with him and his new salesman tomorrow. Ugh ugh and double ugh. Forgot to take before picture of storage room, but as I predicted it’s incredibly slow mostly because there are a lot of diversions down memory lane and contemplative debates about whether tossing things like a clay cement heart made by D1 in 1990 should be kept or tossed among all the other crap I’ve kept vs tossed.</p>
<p>Missy - I did that exact same thing before. I now have only three top-secret hiding places all relative to size. But this summer my uncle asked me to lock this storage locker of his in the basement of the family house and hide the key somewhere other than where it typically would go. I recall thinking I was being very smart in the hiding place, but for the life of me never did find it again! We had to call a locksmith. I imagine it will appear as if by magic next summer.</p>
<p>Moda, she was thinking Denver or Boulder (speaking of arabrab). India because she is a yogi. She’s also thought about working as a traveling contract nurse in various cities. Not sure she’d like that. She’s lived in Boston for her whole life except for one semester in Ontario.</p>
<p>arabrab, we’ll find out as the humidifier that is part of our heating system was not turned on, but I think that is only part of the problem. She became hypersensitive to stuff in the environment. She improved a lot in Asia but it is now back.</p>
<p>Shaw, I think you need to test for mold spores. I know you had all that damage from the storm, took a while to get people to do their jobs and then well into summer etc and now it’s been a cold winter. Not sure how one checks for mold (or maybe it’s related to new materials used?). But it definitely sounds environmental. Then again, H was feeling much better on his golf trip to Phoenix only to return and feel sick. I blamed the flight and a run down immune system to begin with.</p>
<p>Denver is an awesome city no doubt. And if I remember correctly, India has been on her mind for some time. As I am beginning to say to just about everyone, certain windows open for only a short time… go, do, be.</p>
<p>Oregon - intended to mention that I know you are very much on top of everything and I wish I could bring you some hot tea and a scone and tell you to take the day off - if anyone deserves one, it’s you. Too much for too many others leaves a girl feeling low… </p>
<p>Thanks Mod that is so kind of you. Talked with DIL and S failed to tell us that they are back with the original doc and the original time set a few weeks ago. I am watching the weather closely. It has turned from ice and snow to scattered snow showers on Sat when we hope to come home.
arabrab, it is not a small hospital, it is just north of Seattle but it covers a lot of the smaller towns around as well as the larger city. I am relieved that his doc has great reviews.
I had to laugh as DIL was telling me that G’son was moody yesterday and only wanted to watch tv. She felt it was the off schedule they have had recently. They let him watch a movie. I do not think many would openly admit now days that they let a 23 month old watch a movie but I thought it was at least honest and in a way refreshing.</p>
<p>I will keep you all posted. Surgery is Thursday afternoon. Fingers crossed.</p>
<p>I found a book about learning to use the potty and the title is "(G’son) learns to use the potty. Every page has his name on it. Fun.</p>
<p>Mod, I agree about the windows open comment. Shaw tell your D to go and live her dream. Hope you wife feels better and agree about the mold spores. There are companies that can come in and do air tests. The couple in the house that has ruined part of our view has still! not moved in and I have a feeling that they did find mold. They finished the house 10 months ago and it sits dark. The wife sounded like she had a terrible cold but when I asked a bunch of questions it sounded much more environmental.</p>
<p>MP, did you find the keys. Don’t forget St. Anthony if you didn’t. Don’t think your religion matters.</p>
<p>Arabrab, ultimately, mcson has always wanted to end up in SF even before he fell in love with a girl from there. In his jr or sr year of high school, he had a recurring dream that felt very lifelike of his future and there was a distant view of the Golden Gate Bridge. He’d never been to SF before, so in his freshman year, he and I did a 4-day Mother’s Day trip to SF in search of the vantage from his dream (and to check out a grad program.) ironically, that was months before he met the gal o his dreams!</p>
<p>He loved the city, and felt “at home” there When this kid says something like that, you can pretty much bank on it…he has a weird sixth sense about things. For example, after I’d dated mch for a few years and mcson met him, we were visiting him here. Mcson said he absolutely knew we were going to live here because he felt like it was “home.” At the Time, I had absolutely no intention of that happening and had pretty much gone on record that if present day mch and I couldn’t manage long distance, he’d either have to come to Canada or let things be.</p>
<p>Years later, while touring universities, we visited UMich for the first time. Mcson was in his sophomore year of hs, and technically at that time wouldn’t have met the experience/portfolio requirements of Umch’s music/comp/tech program, which are extensive. But he said he had a feeling he would end up there because it “felt like home.” I actually didn’t believe it was possible at the time for a number of reasons, including his GPA, but also considering his compositional deficit in music theory, etc. Somehow in the ensuing two years mcson started getting straight As and took all kinds of extra music and tech couses as a dual-enrolled student at our local university and college, and got himself into that program :)</p>
<p>So I’ve grown used to the possibility that he’s quite likely to end up in SF, and agree that it is a good fit for him with his particular skill set. I just worry about the mechanics and the power dynamic of his getting there…eg if it means he’ll be living initially with mcgf’s family without means of his own, etc. I’d like to see him get there under his own power and with adequate means to make an independent start. But his little angles always seem to look after him however haphazard it may seem to me, so I’m just going to have to trust that :)</p>
<p>I have a snow day! I should have had one yesterday, but my place of employment was one of the few in our area that DIDN’T close yesterday. Even D the temp was instructed to work from home yesterday. She’s checking in right now to see if she has to come in today. Where we live includes snow removal and when I took the dogs out was happy to find they had come during the night and cleared. Yesterday we had to shovel before we walked.</p>
<p>I suppose you folks with virtual dogs don’t have deal with that hassle!</p>
<p>oregon101, when D was little we lived someplace cold with lots of snow (writing this where I am now, where it’s 3 degrees and we have over a foot of snow). I stayed at home for the first few years. We used to have Barney marathons on days when we couldn’t get out. I would fill an entire videotape full of back-to-back episodes I recorded from the television (12 hours?). D would have several wardrobe changes while she sang and danced to each song. Developmentally she turned out okay, I think. Seems above-average intelligence.</p>
<p>MP, hope you find the keys! When H and I were first married, I put our passports in a safe spot before a big trip. Lots of scrambling to remember where they were! </p>
<p>shaw, one of my good friend’s D did the traveling nurse thing for a while. She graduated when she was older, was single, and made very good money doing it. She liked some of her jobs, counted the days on some of the other ones. I hope your D can experience someplace new and different. I moved to the opposite coast after I graduated from college, for the purpose of experiencing someplace new and different.</p>
<p>shaw, hope you figure out what’s causing W’s respiratory issues. oregon101, all the rescheduling is maddening. kmcmom13, I think mcson will do remarkably wherever he lands, but it is frustrating being in a holding pattern. arabrab, I LOVE the snowshoe story! woody, glad you found your way back. modadunn, hope you make progress with the storage room. </p>
<p>Cool moment: my nephew the would-be Broadway star got to be on the field in the audience for half-time during the Super Bowl! He’s dating a Rockette; guess the beautiful people stick together!</p>
<p>kmcmom13, H and I lived in my great-uncle’s home in the SF bay area for a year, for minimal rent. He was in his 90s and moved in with a caretaker, so we were basically taking care of his home for him. On my walk home from work, which was mostly up-hill, I had a spectacular view of SF at one point. It was magical. Hope your S’s dream comes true.</p>
<p>Trying to keep up with everyone. Not much going on in my life currently. Feeling blah with all this cold weather and snow. Why is it that this year the winter is so bad and instead of planning a winter vacationto somewhere warm H and I planned a vacation in early summer to Alaska? Really what were we thinking? </p>
<p>D’s company has been purchased and at least for now the new company is saying that they are all okay and that there are no plans to lay people off. We’ll see but really if she can just get 2 years out of this job to gain experience that would be beneficial.</p>
<p>S and DIL are getting ready for their honeymoon. They had postponed it since S had just started work 3 weeks prior to the wedding. We’ll be here in the cold dogsitting. :)</p>
<p>New boss is a git bipolar I think Very up and down. I wish he would just get out of my business and let me do my job. I do know what needs to be done but he just can’t seem to let it gooooooo… It is a big deal (large strategic contract) but let me do my job and I’ll let you know when I need help. In at 6 this morning and he has planned a 4:30 meeting. I was planning on leaving a bit early to avoid the traffic and go to the gym. ARGHHH!!! And so my day begins…</p>
We don’t really think about that when we tell our kids to follow their passion, do we? ;)</p>