<p>best of luck to c_q D!!</p>
<p>Good luck to cq D!</p>
<p>I need some serious parenting advice from the very wise and experienced moms and dad here. PLEASE tell me if if I am wrong. I’m serious. TELL ME if you think I’m wrong.</p>
<p>I have probably mentioned that younger D wants a tattoo (actually, many). I told her that if she really wanted one (1) she had to be 18, (2) she had to pay for it, and (3) I had to go with her to check out the place before she got the tattoo. We had a day planned to check out the place (are they still called tattoo parlors?) That was the week she sneaked the guy in the house, so it didn’t happen. She has pretty much been grounded since then, but now that she isn’t, she’s asking about it constantly.</p>
<p>H AND Son AND older D say I should never consent to a tattoo, that I should keep saying no. My fear is that she will go without me, and feel like it’s her only chance, so she’ll get one at the first place, even if it seems sketchy. Yes, I am pretty sure that she’ll regret the tattoo in the future, may even say, “Mom, why did you let me do it?” But I would rather see her with a quality, non-infected tattoo than the opposite.</p>
<p>Again, I am requesting your honest opinions. Really.</p>
<p>Now that I have posed my question, I too, can join in the wishes for good luck on the interview to c_q D. Did I miss how she got past the screening software? I read that they apologized, but how did she get to that point?</p>
<p>Things went fine with Mom. Our only outings were to the grocery store. I cooked her some good meals, where she’d have leftovers. It was cold and snowy - the snow in a neighborhood of folks middle aged and older folks stays pristine. Very pretty. I did her taxes. Three times. Actually, I did them, and free Turbotax said the form was fine, then the IRS rejected the e-filing, then I changed something, and free Turbotax said the form was fine, then the IRS rejected the e-filing. Then I read a lot of online Q and As and realized that once a deceased person’s SS# has been locked, you can’t e-file. Turbotax knew Dad was dead, even expressed virtual sympathy for our loss, but didn’t know Mom couldn’t e-file. </p>
<p>Back to the grocery store. I had heard from Mom that one of my HS friends has been a long time grocery store cashier - well I finally saw her. It made me feel sad. There’s nothing wrong with being a grocery store cashier, but my friend was pretty much the brightest, funniest, most sophisticated of us all. She subscribed to the New Yorker in high school. She knew what was playing on Broadway and had the soundtracks of the newest musicals. (Remember, this was the 70s, so no reading reviews online, ordering from Amazon, etc.) She went to a selective out of state U, her dad bought her a condo to live in. She wanted to be an industrial psychologist. That impressed me because I had never even heard of such a thing. I heard she dropped out after a couple of years. Now, think the Target Lady on SNL, only grocery store. Lives at home in the same house with her mother. She didn’t asked what I was doing, etc., just pretty much talked groceries with my mom. She had a missing tooth and the rest didn’t look good. No makeup. Never married, no kids. It just makes me wonder how she ended up where she is. She didn’t have to stay in our small town to take care of her mother, because her dad just passed away last year and before that they were self sufficient. </p>
<p>I bring this up because I think of our '09 kids, some of whom have had a straight path and some of whom are on very curvy paths and some of whom are in between. But thus far, none of them have just moved home, given up and taken a job with no opportunity for advancement. </p>
<p>I am feeling a bit guilty about being judgmental of my HS friend. What if she is happy as a clam? I admit that when a woman looks like she doesn’t care at all about her appearance (or her teeth), I feel like she’s given up. What if she just doesn’t care? How would you feel if one of your kids came home from college, lived at home and worked at a minimum wage job, never married or had kids, for the rest of her days? I see all the lost potential in my friend, as I would see it if it were my child. But what if a person is perfectly content with that life?</p>
<p>Still sad, MP. Hard to remember potential and see reality.</p>
<p>But, glad that you got the visit with your mom. The tax filing stuff is crazy – why not just advise you when you indicate a date of death (which you do fairly early in the process) that you’ll not be able to efile? </p>
<p>On the tattoo – I go with her and pick a legitimate place. She’s going to do it one way or the other; better that she does so at a place that appears to follow hygiene rules. This too shall pass.</p>
<p>MP, I also vote to go with her and make sure it’s safe. And maybe the embarrassment of having to go with her mom to get a tattoo will make it less enticing! Although I’ve decided how I feel about tattoos is how my mother feels about pierced ears. She was very against me “mutilating” myself. And yes, I just have the “normal” one hole in each ear in the expected place ear piercing.</p>
<p>D didn’t give up after she was screened out by the software. Her first attempt was to contact someone in HR in the Chicago office. However, that person just said if she was screened out by the software, she obviously didn’t meet the minimum requirements. So D asked one of the executives she’s working with to help her out (her boss was out of town at the time). The executive forwarded her resume to the hiring manager for the position, with a glowing recommendation, and explained D had tried to apply online but was screened out. I think D contacted them recently to let them know she would be in Chicago in a couple of weeks (she’s going for a long weekend) just in case they wanted to meet with her, and they said they would like to do a phone interview. I REALLY hope it results in a job offer, but I’m trying to lower my expectations. </p>
<p>Sorry about your friend at the grocery store. It’s hard to know what’s going on. A young man who’s a year older than D graduated in 2012 with a degree in economics. He’s still living at home, working as a waiter in the same job he’s been in for years. He’s kind of quiet/shy; don’t know if he hasn’t tried hard enough? Not something I feel comfortable asking him or his family.</p>
<p>Morning all. The snow is gone. I had taken my studded tires off two weeks ago and H had warned me that if I did it would snow. Right now it is 51 degrees.</p>
<p>D has her appointment to have her car looked at by the insurance company of the guy who hit her Thanksgiving night and then reneged on his promise to fix it, then wrote her that sting of nasty and threatening emails, then just happened to not be near his phone or email for weeks and weeks as his insurance company tried to reach him. H and I made many phone calls and I became very insistent. Finally, we were told to send the emails to the insurance company to prove he admits responsibility (not guilt as he does not have any obviously) when he just happened to answer the agents call 10 minutes after our last talk.
Her appointment is in an hour. It can go either way–they pay or they do a song and dance about totaling the car and so on. It is a risk we decided to take as we can still just walk away. D is having the car cleaned inside and out before the appointment. Making me a bit nervous.</p>
<p>cq, wow and super for your D. Keep us posted. Fairy dust on her head.</p>
<p>mp, S went through wanting a tattoo to join in spirit with a relative who died who he felt close to. The man and his wife had it created and a bunch of other family and friends also had their symbol on their ankles. We were pretty adamant that he had to wait until after HS and that he had to have any tattoo where it would not be seen. No top of the arm or ankle. His friend has a really ugly one on the top of his arm and it is not covered even with a t-shirt.
Long story short, there were many arguments but S’s normal inertia set in and he never followed through. A tattoo would not have made a good impression in his DIL’s family. It might have been accepted but doubt if it would be liked. Can you enforce the under the clothes tattoo, such as the lower back or the hip?</p>
<p>D wants middle of the forearm, which she says she can cover with sleeves…yes, long sleeves and she lives in Texas. </p>
<p>I am in the ‘no-tattoo-ever’ camp. Neither S or D wants one. Interestingly, the mom of S’s GF has quite an assortment. I don’t like them but to each her own at that age…
My nephew is a ‘tattoo artist’ and both he and his brother are heavily covered in panoramic scenes on their arms and legs. His wife has a few delicate looking ones but I still don’t like them. Really I just don’t get it.</p>
<p>Might mention to her that some employers require employees to have tattoos covered. My mother’s health aide wore long sleeved shirts despite my folks keeping the temps inside in the upper 80s, and it turned out that this was a requirement because she had tattoos on her arms. I felt really bad for her. (I was dying of heat every time I came over.)</p>
<p>Update on car. I spoke with the young insurance guy. He said the car is in really good condition and is not totaling it at all. He did only offer $750 but explained that if the body shop says they cannot do it for that he then deals with them and adjusts the price. This sounds silly as she has two estimates already but he assured me they are going to get her car fixed. He has an office in a body shop that he rents but is not affiliated with. I told D to get an estimate from them while there. They will call her in 2-3 days as they need to find a used door–which I highly doubt they will find one but we shall see.
D said insurance guy really liked her and also that she was honest about a smaller dent having already been there.
He sounded believable but since I am a pessimist it is a “wait and see” situation.</p>
<p>I am with you woody in that I don’t like tattoos at all and my kids tell me I am prejudiced but I say “ugly is ugly” and I do not have to dislike the person just the tattoo.</p>
<p>So you who are in the “no tattoos ever” camp, would you just keep saying no, knowing that at some point D would come home with one?</p>
<p>One of the things I said when S was pushing is that his DAD had to go with him, not me. I knew that H would die before he cold handle that embarrassment. But I still think that S just became focused on something else and it did not get done. When D wanted a belly button ring we said she had to be in college. Once there she found out hers would be upside down due to her bellybutton so did not proceed.
One thing about this is that you have every right to break your word given that she has broken hers. I guess you and your H need to decided what you will do should she come home with one and tell her upfront. It seems that only taking away the car has mattered so it could be that until graduation. I realize you would just be buying time but maybe that is all you can do.
I know I raised my kids saying we would not pay for college if they became pg–and then…</p>
<p>That’s the thing, Oregon…I’m not willing to do anything drastic (kick her out, not pay for college) over a tattoo. </p>
<p>(Once again, my own avitar is cracking me up. I don’t think a happy 50s housewife had to deal with issues like daughters wanting tattoos.)</p>
<p>Oh, I agree with not doing anything drastic over a tattoo. Just asking if you think buying time will make any difference in her decisions.</p>
<p>MP would agree but tell her it needs to be somewhere else. My H told our girls he would not pay or college he hates them so much. Older D does not have one (that I know of) she did get her cartilage pierced. tattoos look ok on the young but on older … IMHO. A doctor at work talked to me about a research position. I plan on talking tohim about it, wondering how it will go. CQ best wishes. How is the recovery going or Oregon son. NM and Oregon your D’s are grieving, stinks to see this. </p>
<p>Yes, I would say no to the tattoo while kid is in HS. I have yet to meet a full grown adult who is not ashamed and embarrassed by their tattoos. They won’t talk about them. I was just at the dermatologist for my dad this week where they do tattoo removal. Have her price that procedure. And tell her that some people, like me, have a very negative reaction to them. Stupid and ugly, IMO.</p>
<p>Regarding the store clerk - I can think of a few people who did not come close to realizing their potential. Sometimes it is truly a mystery. But let’s face it, if you start out in a small town, and decide to stay there, you limit your options.</p>
<p>I have a co-worker the same age as me and she recently got her second tattoo. Another good friend who is a bit younger also has a couple tattoos. It could be regional or cultural, but they seem very commonplace here. D is terrified of needles so tattoos and piercings are not an issue I’ve had to deal with!</p>
<p>I have a BFF who has a tattoo on her hip. Did this when she turned 60. I do not care for it but it is discreet.
Just a reminder (per H) tattoos can be successfully removed as long as there is not red. Red is too close to the color of blood so cannot be successfully removed.
I have had clients with loads of tattoos and they are always those with financial issues. Also one swastika and put an ink one his GF. Such a difficult session! Being honest but not judging–can be done with stretching…</p>
<p>dt! super and good luck. Thanks for the kind thought for our D’s who are heartbroken. NM’s D situation is much bigger than my D’s and she seems to be moving forward. She must be a strong young woman. My D is finally angry. Anger is strength and I wish her much of it. </p>