<p>missypie, I know how tough these visits home to mom can be. I miss my mom but not the stress of frequent visits home, and some of the drama involved.</p>
<p>Wow, that is very creepy about your aunt’s new neighbor. I wouldn’t wish that kind of creep on anybody! Isn’t that something the police could/should be called about? I assume she is not prone to making things up or exaggerating?</p>
<p>dte…hoping you get positive results from your surgery!</p>
<p>sevmom…congrats to your S on the new job offer! Yay!</p>
<p>shaw…D1 is doing well! Thanks so much for asking. She loves working in HR. The company is currently in a hiring freeze but the department director touches base with her regularly to let her know that they want her permanently as soon as they get the administrative ok. It has been really good for her. She has only gone out with co-workers or friends of D2 a handful of times. She is going away for the weekend for the wedding of a college friend. I think her professional life is right on track but the social piece needs some work. She has been saving her salary for the down payment of a small house. Her large dog will keep her in the suburbs instead of the city where there is a younger population. </p>
<p>Heading out for a day of shopping and then H and the girls are cooking dinner for me. Wish it was warmer!</p>
<p>Thanks, NM, and glad your daughter is doing well. Hope the social piece improves for her-that’s the tough part given what she’s gone through.</p>
<p>Yes, the police should have been called. And no, I don’t think she would make that up, because when we visited her a few days before, she was bragging on the house to beat the band.</p>
<p>sevmom, the question on equity v. salary is how much he believes in the growth of the new company and its prospects for either being bought or taken public. If it is more a consulting firm, an IPO is less likely but a purchase might be a possibility – less likely to have a big kick-up in value but if they distribute the profits to shareholders, that might also work. Taking equity directly will have tax consequences. Stock options will be valued at today’s valuation but there are no real tax consequences, I don’t think… The more he believes in the new company, the more he should favor options over salary. Not sure this is helpful as it doesn’t go beyond the obvious, but he will also figure out what he will need to live on and that will give him the max he could take. But, given that his job and his savings will then both depend upon the company’s success, he may want to be a little more diversified… </p>
<p>MP, how about your aunt filming the next such incident and bringing it to the police?</p>
<p>Thanks, shawbridge. The company started as a startup but is now about 10 years old so I guess not technically new. I’ll PM you.</p>
<p>Oh mp, that’s sounds so icky.</p>
<p>DTE, hope you are feeling topnotch very soon!</p>
<p>Congrats to sevmomS and NorthminnD! Moving right along!!</p>
<p>Thanks, woody. </p>
<p>And MANY thanks to shawbridge for the guidance he’s imparted through our PM’s. It is great to have such knowledgeable and helpful people here.</p>
<p>I’m always afraid to hit the “like” button beneath a post, for fear it will somehow connect it with Facebook.</p>
<p>I have hit the like button on other threads, but not here. I like all of the posts here and I don’t want this thread getting on FB (other than our private group).
MP- I echo the others here - that guy is creepy. Sorry to hear that your H had some issues with your D when you were gone and that your mom seems to be struggling. Sounds like possibly depression? You have alot on your plate.
dte I’m glad your surgery is over and wish you a good recovery.
Congrats to your S, sevmom!
kcm- I think shaw has some good advice re: your mother.
boysx3 - Sounds like a nice Mother’s Day for you. </p>
<p>I will have to disagree with you NMN - coolest part of town is where we are and I am not kidding to say it seems EVERYONE has a dog! I also hear that Nokomis is actually very much the place to go for young home buyers who may not want to go the apt/condo route. And honestly, as someone who spent 25 years living in the suburbs, I’ve never felt safer walking around. Everyone is so nice, there is always a little bustle and even if it’s Minnesota nice ;), that’s still a helpful kind, right? Im really learning quite a bit about all the little pockets and while there are some clear boundaries, Im just saying I don’t think she should limit herself to the suburbs, especially if she needs the social piece. It is HOPPING down here and honestly, it’s a great social scene. We’re actually going out to dinner with a friend of my daughter’s and his GF/wife? not sure this weekend. My H plays pick up basketball with him at the health club. Concerts start at Harriet Memorial day but there is always something going on… it’s defines vibrant. </p>
<p>Headed to San Fran to see my girl. I cannot believe I haven’t given her a hug in almost a year!! Just too long for me and so I moved some stuff around and just did it. And while it’s “family” related, it’s the first time I’ve done anything not commanded and will have zero obligations to anyone. D will work a lot but her last day of school is that Friday and so when she said this was her only week off from one of her jobs, I booked it (but only taking up the weekend and a day plus a lunch). We rented thru airbnb and I will hope they get back to me soon to confirm… as there wasn’t much left available to begin with but this looks very simple yet very nice with internet… that’s all we really need. </p>
<p>As for the late marriage… I agree with Shaw about the trust and the prenup. I see no reason why they need to get married either. But the truth is, common law marriage is definitely a “thing.” As someone who has seen my share of messy situations with parents and their partners (although thankfully not my Mom’s husband - in fact, I truly wish I had liked him as much now as I did while they were married!). I just think you should take your mother’s confidence in you seriously. I don’t think everyone should raise up their arms, but if the guy has no income of his own - investments etc - I see red flags that shouldn’t be ignored. You know?</p>
<p>Moda…I meant real downtown…urban, North Loop and Warehouse District ,not around the lakes. Plus she could never afford to be around the lakes at this point in her life! She would love to live on the chain of lakes! 
Isn’t it a right of passage for young 20 somethings to live/rent in Uptown??? ;)</p>
<p>Have a great time in San Fran! I love the city. When do you go?</p>
<p>We leave the 28th thru the 2nd… We land late so will stay at a hotel at the airport so no one has to come and get us just for us to fall into bed (or they get out of theirs!). </p>
<p>And yes, I think it is the right of passage (or they think it is)… And every single lake has a very different personality. It’s definitely interesting people watching wherever we go. A warm up for SF for sure. Today my sister (who lives in SF) commented that she tried to give a homeless guy a slice who was panhandling outside a pizza joint. He refused her offering saying he was lactose intolerant. :)</p>
<p>Oh… I also meant to comment on Missy’s trip… While I agree that it wasn’t kind to share, as if you could do anything, the alternative it to hear about it as soon as you walk back thru the door. Not sure which is worse to be honest. And one of the driving forces of our selling the house was yard work. It was great when the kids were young and spent a great deal of time playing in the yard. We stay at home moms dubbed ourselves “yard moms” since most of the time I spent in my garden was because I was watching the kids as well. Parallel play? My version of it anyway. But there has to be some thoughtful way to let your mom know your Dad wouldn’t want her to be unhappy in life without him, that it doesn’t serve his memory well or something. But that my Mom’s husband went into her sewing room and measured two stuffed tall dressers filled with fabric and marked all their dimensions tells me he has a little too much time on his hands since my Mom’s passing. But all that care and time he spent on her the last three years, I am sure he really doesn’t know what to do with himself. (I noted above I said, “when they were married” vs before she died.) Hmmm…</p>
<p>Hi guys! Missy, I’m sorry you’re worrying about your mom. Has she had or is she willing to join any grief support groups? </p>
<p>Re: red flags and pre-nup…I had convinced her to do that part way back when he moved in, because in Canada, common law after a certain period of time is virtually equivalent to marriage anyway. Part of why she doesn’t want to get married is she doesn’t want to re-open the pre-nup, which he’s already not happy about, and which the sisters already gossip about because they’re furious that BF gets a share of the family home… (Yes, another red flag that he’s unhappy about it even though he gets a share of the family home for which he has contributed nothing 
</p>
<p>Like most of you, she also doesn’t see the point in maaring now. On the trust front, she’s not historicaly been willing, mainly because I think she’s concerned about control and ever letting anyone know what exactly she’s up to - she’s always been sneaky that way. The sister who lives in her city is co-executor with me, and I’m inclined to agree that there are things she does that would become fodder for hassle on her part. Eg. Putting one of my Stepdad’s mutual funds in boyfriend’s name for “tax advantage” </p>
<p>Which of course is exactly WHY there should be a living trust…but in the interest of just enjoying her company in whatever time we have left, I’m not going to go there at the moment. I’ve already spent too much of my life marveling at mom-logic. </p>
<p>(Eg. The money in said mutual fund ironically wasn’t my stepdaf’s either…it was money she’d received from my birth father in her divorce settlement to send my sister and I to college…that then got put into her second husbands name and was immediately seized by the court to pay a palimony claim against him…that was then slowly replenished over the years until he passed…and now bf…oh the irony of the boy toys financing the boy toys ;)</p>
<p>Let’s just say mom didn’t go to Women’s School :)</p>
<p>What I gently explained was notwithstanding people’s opinions about what she’s done with various inheritances (there’s a bit of a history there) the fact is that since she’s steadfastly refused to help any of the girls (often for good reasons) there is also the likelihood that none of them will in turn help finance her upkeep once she cannot live independently, so her primary concern ought to be ensuring that she protects herself so that her money outlasts her. While in her shoes that sounds easy enough, with a common law live in who’s now already had a stroke and not fully recovered, she’s already put herself via her assets at risk in terms of the assisted living he will inevitably need. </p>
<p>It may already be too late in terms of look back for a trust, but perhaps I should attempt to spell that all out for her again ;)</p>
<p>So sorry your mom is having difficulties missypie. That must be so hard on you. Hoping her grief lightens a bit and she finds some peace and comfort.</p>
<p>H and I are in the midst of some estate planning ourselves. We are trying to come up with the best way to protect assets for our Ds that won’t be considered joint property in their future marriages. </p>
<p>Had a very nice birthday yesterday. Some shopping, walking and H and the girls made a delicious dinner for me. H made grilled salmon, D1 made a yummy avocado, tomato and mozzarella salad and D2 made a wild rice,brown rice, dried cranberry and squash salad. Really nice! </p>
<p>NM, sounds like a wonderful birthday meal.</p>
<p>Yes, my mother is very likely clinically depressed, has probably been for years, given that it’s deep in her children and grandchildren. She refuses to even consider an antidepressant because she’s heard that they may cause people to act on suicidal tendencies, so she thinks an antidepressant will cause her to kill herself.</p>
<p>Kmc, your mom defintely falls into the “piece of work” category.</p>
<p>DTE, how are you feeling today?</p>
<p>Son has the internship that he needs to finish his Associate’s Degree! Unpaid, but still a wonderful development. The path to said intership? I got myself invited to a party at our San Antonio office and was randomly talking to a couple of the guests who talked about their children, including one son who works in a Dallas suburb in a position that possibly had interns in Son’s area.</p>
<p>I spent all last evening on Snapfish, working on a photo book of D’s senior pictures. I thought that was going to be the “quick” one. I still want to make another one for pix from gymnastics, dance, sports, cheer, choir, etc. Of course, many of those pictures will have to be scanned in. Does this bring back memories to any of you? Seems like I recall reading about some of you doing this 5 years ago.</p>
<p>mp – funny, just the other day I cam across an envelope of photos of S that I had pulled out to make a yearbook collage/parent ad page.Considering I 'm not entirely sure where all the older photos are at this point, I’m glad I don’t have to do another one.</p>
<p>NM – your dinner sounds yummy! And H & I are also starting the discussions/work needed to put our ducks in a row for when we’re gone. We want to leave the beach house to D & S, but not as joint property when they marry.</p>
<p>kmc – OK, in spite of the ongoing “graduation party wars,” my family sounds downright boring compared to yours!</p>
<p>Headed back to Cambridge today. We’ve been giving Kiley Dramamine to help with her intense dislike of riding in the car. It does seem to knock her out, so the last several trips haven’t been as “messy.” H, who is now a Trustee at WPI, has meetings starting tonight, running through Friday morning – and then is expected to participate in all things Graduation. I’m also going to a couple of the dinners. Since my niece (of the graduation party wars fame) is graduating, I’m also going to the ceremony Saturday morning. H, of course, will be sitting up front on the stage in full academic regalia – protected from the expected rain by a huge tent. He was able to arrange special, reserved seating for my brother, SIL, their younger D, my father and me. All well and good, but we’ll still be out in the rain. (it’s outside no matter what.) I seem to have very bad luck with graduations – I’ve attended many more in lousy weather than nice. </p>
<p>Can someone explain the connection between CC and Facebook? How can “liking” a comment here end up on FB? I don’t sign into CC (or any other forum) using FB, so does that make it “safer?”</p>
<p>CBB, very likely there are no worries about “liking” a post…it’s just that some comments have turned up inexplicably quoted on Facebook…</p>
<p>It does seem odd that comments could somehow get linked to Facebook. That is a concern. Does anybody have any thoughts about how that could be happening. How often has it happened?</p>