<p>mp - from my “advanced age” perspective, it’s hard to imagine why your D would even want to see the weasel who dumped her. What does she say? Would she get back together with him if he wanted that? Yuck!!!</p>
<p>Congrats on the 30th anniversaries. We hit 28 in December – most of the time it seems impossible to think it’s been that long.</p>
<p>I got to work this morning, and one of my co-workers announced “Sonic run!” so I have a diet cherry limeade coming soon. I’ve been craving one since our discussion yesterday!</p>
<p>D starts a temp job this morning. I’m glad she’ll have something to do plus will earn some money. She moved to Chicago a month ago.</p>
<p>S learned to drive a forklift at his summer job yesterday! He’s learning some great skills to have on his resume.</p>
<p>Great to learn the forklift. My sister’s son didn’t finish HS…she supposedly home schooled him but didn’t at all. He basically has a 7th grade education. Anyway, he has a full time job at a candy warehouse driving a forklift, making $17.50 an hour plus a lot of overtime (before the “candy holidays.”) His sister, with an undergrad 4.0 from a top U and a masters from another top U, makes just slighly more than him (maybe less given his overtime), in her non-profit job.</p>
<p>Just returned from younger D’s senior breakfast. The tradition is that the parents line the sidewalk and clap as the students walk in. Only the principal is new and didn’t know the tradition, the assistant principal who always makes sure it happens is leaving after this year so I didn’t even see her. the parents who knew the tradition waited outside for a while; the kids didn’t want to do it. So, another lackluster showing from the Class of '14.</p>
<p>
Love it.</p>
<p>Got back last night from the visit and came away with the impression our SIL isn’t fond of us, but is fond of my sister and her husband. Not sure what we ever did but I could totally feel D’s stress level when he was around. Long story, but both H&I felt a little like we were more pita than pleasure. Yes, it hurt.</p>
<p>S is stressed per usual about the med school application. Honestly, I have no advice since I have no idea who reads these things or what truly matters. There are some descriptions that I feel should take a different direction and/or spin to the much more positive. He tends to “belittle” those experiences that don’t require much brain power, but working for his Dad made him the most money. It’s funny - all this talk about fork lift operators etc - since that’s mostly the kind of people my husband hires in his business. S can run a fork lift, a loader. and load and unload pneumatic trucks etc. He also worked for a grunt for construction… same thing. Physical labor is good hourly wage. Problem is, you get old and it becomes harder. </p>
<p>Hugs, Moda. It sucks not to be adored, IMHO. I’m been chewing on this one a lot lately after the gradzilla event since i am also feeling less-than-adored and I have a theory I’m nursing. I think in some relationships, and among some personality types, there is a type of psychic battle that occurs centered around the love and concern for the best interests of the child/partner in the equation. I also think there is a kind of surrogate “killing off” that kind of happens when one person in the relationship wants their life to be happening afar…like there is some kind of break that has to happen, or some kind of insecurity that has the partner worried one day kiddo will up and run home. I’m not sure its entirely conscious either. And I do suspect – or at least hope – that the phenom wanes when everyone’s finally secure in their life choices and feeling validated.</p>
<p>Your SIL is in the early stages of creating a life that would “validate him” and may have a script running in his head about what your opinions on this might be 
So he might have a need to be killing you off a bit while he’s sorting out what it takes to be the guy your daughter can count on. </p>
<p>Another thing I’m given to ponder in this situation is what happens when a couple argues. I’ve often heard mcson trot out a "that’s how I was raised’ to defend a position or rationalize a counter-position on something. Or worse, even cite me When you’re influential, there are always those who will for their own reasons aspire to break your influence 
Strong personalities rarely land as neural, in my experience. In my case, its what it costs to be me, but I’m not interested in having relationships where I’m inauthentic, so that’s just how it is :)</p>
<p>Gotta get ready for an early meeting, but your post has me musing. Sending hugs and adoration!</p>
<p>Good luck Moda. I know that I struggle to be a much better MIL than mine is. To put it bluntly my H’s parents SUCK. Yest there is no other word for it. They are NOT nice people! That being said I work very hard to make my DIL feel like part of the family and not an in-law. My mother treated by H as a son. That is the relationship that I’m trying to build with my DIL. I don’t want to take the place of her mother at all but it’s always good to have 2 mothers! Or that is my opinion. I sometimes side with her during discussions and sometimes with my son but always say that they need to work it out the way that they feel they need to. I never put my .02 in unless asked! After all (as I have to remind myself at times) it is their live and they will make mistakes. I don’t expect them to learn from mine. They need to do things there way – not the way that I did things. After all – I’m not always right!</p>
<p>Moda, so sorry! As long as we are positing theories, here is mine. We all share traits with our same gender parent, even if we don’t want to. The things that irritate the husband a little in his beautiful new wife irritiate him a whole lot in his MIL. The MIL is the amplification of anything a H doesn’t like about his wife. That is the MissyTheory.</p>
<p>I am rather an emotional basketcase today. Graduation day. So much has gone on with younger D - some that I haven’t posted here or anywhere. But still I want it to be a happy day for her. Presents wrapped. Graduation cupcakes to be picked up soon. Special late lunch. Photographs, smiles, then a summer of the same kid, same issues. Sigh.</p>
<p>Good luck MP! Hope the day (and summer) are better than you expect.</p>
<p>Thank goodness I see nothing of my in-laws in my H. Otherwise I would NOT be approaching 30 years together.</p>
<p>Hope at least this day is happy for both you and your daughter, MP. Congratulations on the graduation!</p>
<p>Well I guess I can announce this now. I’m going to be a Nana (grandmother but I want to be called Nana). DIL didn’t think that she was that far along but went to the Dr and she is almost 3 months. Baby will be due early Jan. S is hoping for very late Dec. baby for the tax purposes – the lawyer in him! H and I are very happy although don’t really get how we are at the grandparent level…</p>
<p>Congrats, RM! Very exciting ( and I am also a bit jealous).
Good Luck, MP, hope all goes well.
Sorry to hear, Moda and here is another theory. Some people feel as if getting close to the in-laws means rejection their own family, hence they keep a distance. That could be at work here. </p>
<p>Congrats, RM! And missypie, hope the graduation celebration is wonderful!</p>
<p>Congratulations, RM! How exciting!</p>
<p>Well I haven’t been around for a while: life has just been busy. First things first, RM, congratulations on the upcoming grandchild; wonderful news. </p>
<p>Our news – H’s sister and b-i-l were on their tandem bike the other night (on a designated bike trail) when a pedestrian darted across the path in front of them. BIL says that’s all he remembers, but here’s the result : BIL had one cracked rib and a few other scrapes; but my husband’s sister is in the hospital with 3 broken ribs, broken collarbone, bruises, scrapes and, most scary, undiagnosed brain injury (she is not conscious, in ICU, intubated, etc.). She does not respond to voice commands; but she does move all her extremities (toes, fingers, etc.), probably in pain the staff says, but it’s a good sign, isn’t it? A friend of mine who’s an ER doc in the area where they live says she’s in a very good trauma center/hospital; and that her helmet probably saved her life. We are just waiting, and praying.</p>
<p>Otherwise, I’m supposed to leave for Germany in 10 days to visit younger daughter before she comes home from her Fulbright year at the end of July; I’ve got a nice 4 day outing on the Rhein and Mosel rivers planned for us, very low key, castles and boats and wine; then I go on to Israel with a group of 24 students – a challenge to a bona fide introvert.</p>
<p>Later in the summer H and I go to Switzerland/Italy – he’s got a conference in Zurich and I said he had to go; we will continue on from Zurich to Italy to celebrate our 35th … which is amazing since I’m only 40!</p>
<p>Congrats to all on graduations, weddings, and other various life events I’ve skimmed over. Hope the summer bodes well for all.</p>
<p>Hi All! I am at the lake and am catching up on all of your posts! Sounds like everyone has been busy.</p>
<p>H and I will celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary on Monday! 40 years ago yesterday H and I graduated from HS! Time flies! ;)</p>
<p>Hope the graduation goes well missypie! Good Luck!</p>
<p>I have never been to a Sonic!</p>
<p>Oh, Moda! Sorry the trip didn’t turn out like you hoped/planned. Is it something you can talk to your D about?</p>
<p>kmc…H and I were in Monterey/Carmel last October. Beautiful area. Lots of cute shops and art galleries. Loved the trails in Muir Woods, too. If you go to Napa/Sonoma I would recommend picking up lunch at the Dry Creek General Store and then heading to Lambert Bridge Winery for tasting and picnicking. They have a beautiful property there and the wine is delicious! Another winery we really enjoyed was Kunde. They have a mountain top tasting experience that was very lovely.Sitting up top and watching the valley below was a wonderful experience. Make sure you get the 2 for 1 app on your phone for discount tasting throughout the area. I believe the site is econcierge dot com</p>
<p>Hugs to moda and MP. Congrats on your D’s graduation, MP.
And simply wonderful news, RM! …not wasting any time now, re they! ;-)</p>
<p>And although I’m glad to hear from you, Zetesis, your news is so sad. Sending healing thoughts…</p>
<p>A Nana!! Congrats! However, much as I look forward to being one myself and despite our D turning 30 in November, I am not anxious for her to have children quite yet. She is a number of years behind in life having gone back to school and just graduating last year.</p>
<p>I have lots of theories too. But I will be clear to say I did not offer an opinion on anything and in fact, made sure to say how darling I thought their place was, how cool a neighborhood, how interesting everything was. I recognized the pushing away as what I had done with my own mom, which made me feel even worse. I think what hurt most is the spontaneous hug she gave my sister, but never felt the same towards me. Everything I said seemed to annoy her and while at first H thought I was being too observant, even he felt the annoyance (and became annoyed himself). It wasn’t as if there were any arguments per se, but I did thank H for always just being a duck (which is what we call it when you just go with the flow - water off a ducks back - kind of thing). He was/is always game to go with the flow when it comes to my family. It’s large and it can be loud, but he always was engaging and kind, and present. He took time off from work, went golfing, etc etc. I truly thanked him for that because I know he sometimes did that to help me buffer from my Mom. I’d like to think they are happy as clams, but the truth is… I am not sure and perhaps that was somewhat of the issue as well? I had wanted to have a moment to “see” her and felt like she rushed so much just to guarantee I wouldn’t somehow. Don’t get me wrong, we had fun… and maybe it went too long, but I honestly thought she was going to be working more than she was and thought he was going to actually be present when we got all were together. Just a mixed bag is all.</p>
<p>Congrats, RM, on imminent nannihood! And kudos/hugs missy on d’s graduation.
Z, great to hear from you but sending prayers for your SIL. Your travel plans sound lovely.</p>
<p>Speaking of travel, Nm, thanks for the tips! </p>
<p>Zetesis - how awful! I can’t imagine. Good to hear from you though!</p>
<p>I always said that I saw these 2 married, with a house and a kid within 15 minutes after the minister said “I know pronounce you”. Well they haven’t managed the house yet - D is doing that. I’m thinking early in the new year the house will be on the agenda. Mostly it comes down to money. He used a lot of the money that my MIL gives the grandkids on law school. What didn’t go to that either went to buy his wife a new car a couple of weeks ago or went to help pay for the wedding last year so he needs to save up the down payment. D has all hers in the bank so is able to do the house now quickly.</p>
<p>Moda - Hope everything works out. Sometimes they just need to find their feet.</p>
<p>Just purchase a couple of sewing books. Got to get sewing the layette and the Christening gown. So much fun!</p>
<p>Sorry to hear about the accident, zetesis and sending recovery prayers to your SIL & BIL.
Moda- I had read your prior post and just thought it was the awkwardness with your SIL not your D. Sending good thoughts that things are OK with them.
MP-hope the graduation went well, the FB pictures were lovely especially the one of you, your H and D. She is a pretty girl, looks a lot like her mom
Speaking of pretty girls, D ran her second 5K last evening. Sent a picture of herself after the run and she looks wonderful. Since joining the gym in January and eating healthy, she has lost 30 lbs!
H and I are hosting euchre tomorrow night, should be fun…we usually do all of the work together (H being the better cook and all), but he is working all day tomorrow. S won’t be around to help either. Good thing we have a Costco, Sam’s Club and Wegmans!</p>