Powerful post, kmc.
Good luck, MP.
Today my “baby” girl turns 24. Hard to believe really.
Still waiting to here about S’s house. I’m hopeful as nothing bad has happened since the offer was accepted on Monday. S’s lawyer has approved. Just waiting to make sure that the seller’s lawyer has approved and then it’s time for the house inspection which we were hoping would be this weekend.
On the taking credit. That is my boss. Everything is “his” accomplishment. I have a pretty good sense of humor so I typically find it funny.
So to all those working out there I have a question. I have made it well known to my boss where I want to be next - next level management. At a meeting yesterday with just us - it was our every other meeting that is supposed to be about me believe it or not I wanted to discuss this some more. He’s answer was that I have to stop mentioning it. I took this as I’m a women and I should stop talking about it probably because when the men discuss where they want to go it’s not looked at that way. So did I take it wrong? Am I being too sensitive? This is a meeting that is supposed to be about what I’m doing, what I need to do, how to go about getting to the next step. It is supposed to cover my career.
I don’t think you took this wrong, RM. Is there someone else you can talk to? HR or other management? Not mentioning your boss, but just letting them know that you are interested in moving up. I was in a somewhat similar situation several years ago, when an opening came up, my then boss claimed he had no idea I was interested. I wished then that I had let others know that I was.
Also, Happy Birthday to your D and fingers crossed for your S and DIL on the house.
Happy Birthday to RM D!
RM…do you document your meetings? Many years ago I had a terrible boss and I learned to document everything! Could you send an email to him saying you just wanted to confirm his advice?
NM - good idea. Not that he give much advice but a good thing to do. I’ll start doing that. HR and actually his boss knows that that is my interest. It’s why I took my current position as it was supposed to be high visibility. Not finding that to be however.
There’s a book out there called “Women Don’t Ask.” I haven’t read it but heard a speaker talk about it. The story from the book that I heard about featured a female student, asking the prof why the men got all the juicy research assignments. His reply, “Women don’t ask.” The premise is that women think that if they do a great job, their efforts and competence will be noticed and they will be asked to participate in the good projects, be promoted, etc…whereas men ask for the good assignments and promotions.
So maybe we just need to ask. But RM, there are also insecure jerks and sexists out there for whom asking will bring nothing. Your boss may be in that category.
Meanwhile, I am telling my story to influential buddies in the firm, while also acting to deepen my relationships with folks here.
Thinking of y’all in Boston/east coast.
Anyone have big valentine’s plans? H wants to drive to a far away suburb to get a Chicago style Italian beef sandwich from a place that just opened. Romantic, huh? I may go along but I try to stay gluten free and Italian beef without the bun is sad.
I’m just making my H a meal that he will enjoy - rack of lamb, risotto, some kind of veggie dish that I still need to figure out, chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting oh yeah shrimp cocktail. If I can get my butt out of bed I will also make him breakfast - biscuits w/ sausage gravy (yuck) but he likes it. Planning on trying to put together a coffee cake as well tonight. We’ll see if I get it all done. 
We have season tickets for college hockey so we will go out to dinner at a little wine bar close to campus and then go to the game. Low key but fun for us.
D1’s plane was delayed for two hours last night. Hoping she has fun in NYC! D2 works tomorrow (tax season) and her H is making dinner instead of going out. They have started house hunting but not much on the market at the moment.
Missy…that story of not asking is also told in Lean In. Have you read it? I thought the book was very interesting. RM…you might enjoy it, too if you haven’t read it already.
RM et al., here is an interesting article by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant called Speaking While Female.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/opinion/sunday/speaking-while-female.html?_r=0
Sherlyl Sandberg is the author of Lean In.
I know. Just thought this article was particularly apropos to RM’s concerns. Also know the academic author of Women Don’t Ask. Solid work.
We drove down to the beach to check on the house, and to dig out from the previous snowstorms. Although there’s not nearly as much snow here, it tends to drift in our driveway/parking area. H thought he’d just blast through it in my SUV, but it was about 4 feet deep in places. I finally convinced him we needed to shovel. Anyway, we’re all set now, and plan to stay until Monday or Tuesday – through the next huge dump of snow, scheduled for Saturday night/Sunday. Our Valentine’s Day plans most likely include a fire, a pot of chili and watching movies. Oh, and wine, of course!
OK everyone, advice needed! We just got invited to an Engagement Party for the D of some friends in Cambridge. The mom is the one who invited me to join the Book Club I’m in; I went to college with the dad. (Insert long story here about just how well I knew the dad in college …) ANYWAY, their D lives and works in London, and is marrying a guy she met there. The wedding will be in England, with mostly only family attending from the US. So although this is called an Engagement Party, it’s more of an opportunity to celebrate with friends who won’t be at the wedding. Here’s the “dilemma” - the invitation says “No Gifts.” Is there a little something I can bring? (I’ve never met the daughter, and they’re flying back to England a few days later anyway.) Or do I show up with no gift? Or do I bring something for the parents/party hosts? Please discuss.
Thanks for the article Shaw. Very interesting.
On the engagement party dilemma. I would probably bring a hostess gift (bottle of wine, chocolates, something) for the parents. Since they live in London I’m sure that they don’t want to have to “lug” something back with them. However a nice engagement card with if you could pull it off somehow a gift certificate to a nice restaurant in London would probably be welcome or a gift certificate to Harrods.
Are they living in the US or England after the wedding? I would attend the party with no gifts (except what you might normally bring for the hostess), then have something sent to the couple later…IF you are close enough to do so.
Found out (through the NYT of all places) that someone with whom I have worked here is transgender (if that is the PC term now for post op folks). Interesting, mostly because after all of the trans mentions at the Emmys I wondered “how many of them are there anyway?” The fact that I had no idea with the person at work makes me think I wouldn’t know (and that it should be a non-issue as long as the person is personally content.)
Of course, I thought of my own “how many of them are there anyway” musings last weekend when my mom was talking about how “no one was gay” back in the day. Her point was that the mainstream media/social media is making people gay. My sister and I tried to persuade her that gay folks were out there when she was younger, but at the risk of their reputation, jobs and perhaps freedom (from incarceration) they kept pretty quiet.
I wonder what kinds of things I will say when I am 81 that will make others cringe?
Well, I have finally learned that it is grass or weed but not! dope!!
Beautiful day here. Happy Valentine’s Day! H went to my favorite florist (vs the grocery store) and put together a beautiful bouque. The florists there told him what a great job he did so he is rightfully proud. I made a simple card and gave him chocolate. I cannot bear to spend the money they are now asking for pretty cards. Such a waste–at least to me.
This past week H saw his surgeon. They will take it to their committe, call the Palm Springs surgeon, and (I hope) consult with one of the big teaching hospitals. No one actully knows how to fix him. The Italy trip looms but both his doc and mine said they would help if travel insurance was activated. Changing one part of the trip as Varenna is too far from a big hospital. I am sad but acting gracefully as that was the #1 place I wanted to go.
Yesterday I had a mammogram and ultra sound on a slightly suspicious cyst but came out completely OK.
We have been an extremelly healthy family until a few years ago (although looking back H’s problems emerged about 8 years ago) so it is so odd to have things pop up. My new theory is that if you live through your 60’s you will live a long life. So many seem to have issues during this decade and just after retirement.
It is as if the body decides it can let the survival gates down.
mp, hang in there. Really liked the NYT article. I had H read it as I think it fits marriages too. He agreed.
Sorry I have not caught up with everyone. I hope the snowed in folks are finding interesting things to do. The news on the difficulty getting rid of the snow is amazing. Probably would make a good scifi movie.
D is BF-less but seems OK. I forgot to send her anything so think I will put some money into her account which she will love.
Hope Valentine’s Day was nice for those who celebrate. H and I went out for lunch, since the forecast was for snow later and we wanted to avoid it.
Today it is cold and windy. Even though it’s a warm 18 degrees, with the wind chill it feels like 0. I am headed for slightly warmer weather tomorrow (50s) so that sounds nice.
D has started attending a church and joined the handbell choir. She is great at sight reading and can play both treble and bass clef bells. She use to fill in for anyone who was sick at a moment’s notice, or if someone had plans to be out of town, she would attend practice ahead of time. I tried playing bells once and it is not a skill I possess!
Looking forward to the SNL anniversary special later on. It started my freshman year in HS, so I have grown up watching the show.
Quiet weekend for us, with warm weather yesterday transitioning to light snow this afternoon. No complaints; we’ve had two weeks of unseasonably warm weather.
We have been working on a little decluttering project, and got a whole station wagon full of stuff out last weekend. If we do that for about another 20 weekends we should be good. 
D ventured out and made it up to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, but brrr it sounds like it was cold getting home. Glad she’s getting to explore some of NY, though I’m sure she’ll be a lot more excited about it when spring finally arrives. And her furniture – the moving company is due to deliver it Tuesday, merely 19 days since they picked it up. (And I’m sure she’ll be happy to have some clothing that isn’t what she brought in the stuffed suitcases.)
I rarely buy cards anymore but if I do , I buy them at Dollar Tree. I tell my H to save his money on cards, flowers, and expensive gifts. We did take a drive yesterday to the beach and had a nice late lunch at a cool, locals type of place that we happened upon. Good local rockfish, good oysters at great prices. My kind of place. Hope everyone had a nice day. My older son took his girlfriend of 4 years to an expensive $130 a person five course place in DC. When he told me he was doing that, I did wonder if I would be hearing about an engagement, but I guess not. At least he’s not telling me!
Hope everyone stays warm and safe in this weather. We’re even supposed to get some snow here in southern Virginia. And people really don’t seem to know how to handle it here since bad snow storms don’t happen that often.
I’m looking forward to all the SNL stuff too.
We have got another bunch of snow. The forecast was 8-12 inches but seems like at least 2 feet. Our outdoor furniture is completely covered. But, ShawD will have class tomorrow – the last three Mondays (and Tuesdays?) have been cancelled.