<p>You need to at least attempt to talk to your roommate directly about this first. It’s the grownup thing to do. You don’t want her to be able to say, “She went and complained about me to the RA without even trying to talk to me first!” So, practice what you want to say until you can say it in a way that’s calm, fair, and mature.</p>
<p>“Roommate, I know you were excited to go out clubbing with your friends, but I wish you had talked to me beforehand about them sleeping in our room. If I wanted to have an overnight guest, I would talk to you first and make sure it was OK with you. I’m really not comfortable with surprise overnight guests, especially ones covered in smoke when I’m badly allergic to it, so I’d really appreciate you checking with me before you let someone stay here.”</p>
<p>But don’t hesitate to get the RA involved if that doesn’t go well. That’s what RAs are there for, and your roomie’s behavior is definitely out of line and disrespectful of your rights as a co-occupant.</p>
<p>Just realized that I haven’t been back here since D1’s “launch” at Occidental–probably because I needed to avoid thinking too hard about her being so far away until my emotions settled down!</p>
<p>Doing a pre-orientation program turned out to be a really smart choice for her. She’s a very introverted girl by nature, with some social anxiety, so being able to spend three days immersed & busy with a relatively small group was a great jumpstart in getting her out of her shell and acquainted with people before the entire freshman class arrived. It also meant that she got to move into her dorm early and get to know campus early, which gave her more confidence before the regular orientation started.</p>
<p>Oxy is a beautiful campus, just ridiculously beautiful, and D got the best freshman dorm (A/C! micro-fridge in every room!). It calmed my nerves just to be able to settle her into her nice room and meet her very sweet roommate. But it was still so hard to leave her there. Seeing all those palm trees and that warm-weather architecture, it finally hit me how very far away she would be. I mean, my head knew it all along. But my heart didn’t.</p>
<p>But so far, so good. I talked to her Friday night, and other than severe sticker shock over the price of textbooks (she’d just spent $500), she’s had a good week. She’ll probably never be a social butterfly, but she’s definitely getting out & about. She watched a movie with a group of people one night, and had plans for a beach outing this weekend with some others. And she’s met at least two other girls who share her love of anime and want to join the anime club. </p>
<p>She hasn’t done any laundry yet, though, despite complaining that her brand-new towels are leaving lint all over her! She’s worried that she doesn’t know how to use the machines. I said, “You’re not worried about linear algebra or intermediate Japanese. I think you can handle a washing machine!”</p>
<p>Her room here looks so strange to me now. I walk in there and can’t decide whether to smile or cry.</p>
<p>Off to pick up S from UCB for a sunday at home. He has been on campus for about two weeks and has not visited (we live 35 miles away). He should be nice and exhausted from the attending the Football game last night! Not going to make a habit out of this, only once in a while, on long weekends and such. I feel a little torn, want him to assimilate on campus as fully as possible, but want to make sure he knows home is always there for him. <sigh> might have been easier if he has gone oos</sigh></p>
<p>I am going to talk to her when I get a chance. I slept really late today because they came in at 4am and then walked back and forth to the showers for the next hour and a half, and then all their alarms went off at 8am. Nice. She is already gone now and will be back god only knows when so maybe we’ll talk about it tonight. My cousin is a new RA at another school and coached me on some phrases to use and ways to say it so she doesn’t feel the need to get defensive, and if talking to her myself doesn’t work I’ll go to our RA. We have a floor meeting tonight so I’ll make note of who he is then to be sure I am prepared.</p>
<p>Kumitedad: I moved 20 minutes away from home and my parents came back for the first time about five days after I moved for another shopping trip and to take me to dinner. It was VERY nice to have some normalcy after all the craziness, and a little familiarity. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. My parents left the offer on the table that if I am ever bored or lonely if I give them a call if they can one of them might come up and get lunch with me or something. For me, the offer cemented the feeling that they are nearby and still there for me when I need it. I think your S and I are in the perfect situation in terms of closeness to home, even if it does take some feeling out. We get to experience and experiment with independence, but in an emergency we have a safety net nearby.</p>
<p>Twisted… perhaps you would find more appropriate advice and connections for life at college on this thread. I see there is already an entire thread on roommate stories. </p>
<p>The people in that section of the forum are mean. They make fun of freshmen who are having difficulty adjusting and give ridiculously awful advice, sometimes on purpose to be funny. One told me that, as a female, if I am having trouble making friends I should work on my appearance, because that is my “main social value.” And If I’m not making friends easily as soon as I arrive, I obviously don’t have enough “value.” And now in any thread I post in reply to someone else about how socializing is going, they follow me and bring it up. But I won’t bother you guys anymore, don’t worry. I have it under control now.</p>
<p>Found out that D’s 3 very close friends from hs will all be visited by their parents on their respective campuses this weekend. And guess who’s not going to see their child? She seems to be doing very well so far, but I wonder if I will hear anything about this :)</p>
<p>Another note about cleaning house after a freshman is launched. (We have an only child.) I have been doing Flylady for about 2 weeks now. And boy, does my house look good. Although I’d rather be busy with my daughter and her crazy hs schedule, than have this clean house…
Anybody else doing Flylady?</p>
<p>Twisted, that forum sounds pretty obnoxious. My D has already discovered what it means to be “sexiled”. Roommate issues can be very distracting, and I hope things settle down soon. Good luck.</p>
<p>Just heard from D (again) we have talked with her about every day but little questions that she needs answered. This time we really “talked” with her. She seems to like the school although classes don’t start until Wed. She really seems to be enjoying the team and currently is doing “floor activities”. Currently they have taken her wii and put it in the lounge so that they can all play and take turns. Sounds like they are getting along and my shy little girl seems to be adjusting just fine. I’m so pleased.</p>
<p>lunitari – My D did a pre-orientation program, and I agree it was a great idea. She felt so much more confident when the other students arrived.</p>
<p>And, like cpeltz, we are close to Occidental (5-10 miles, max), if your D has an emergency in the area.</p>
<p>FallGirl – Our D’s far away too. She couldn’t come home for a day, or a weekend, and we couldn’t easily go there… We settled for a LONG Skype conversation earlier today. (She went to a FOOTBALL game last night – she didn’t go to one in HS; go figure).</p>
<p>eddieodessa – What’s “Flylady”?</p>
<p>LasMa – how’s D doing? Haven’t heard an update lately … Hoping she’s doing better!</p>
<p>Twisted… didn’t mean to suggest you were bothering… but I really think you need to get out into the general population of kids your age more. Although I am sorry about that other thread; I hadn’t really read much of anything over there since we were buying computers.</p>
<p>My own mother bought me a copy of the flylady book and while I am sure it is wonderful for some people (and I guess I didn’t really think about it as a “program” to do), it felt a little over the top to me. I live in the snow and muddy midwest and well, we don’t wear shoes in the house (ours or anyone else’s for that matter and isn’t that one of her "rules?) BUT I do try to get rid of something for everything I buy that I may already have – except when it comes to a white blouse. :)</p>
<p>Twisted: I envy your parents being close by. My D is on the other coast from us. She asked me today if I would come for parent’s weekend, but it’s an almost six hour flight, never mind cost and paying for a hotel, and I want her to come home at Thanksgiving, so I’m going to have to say no :(. We knew it would be tough, but it was the best choice of school, so we’ll have to cope.</p>
<p>We aren’t going for parents weekend. Ds will just have to enjoy the football game, the bbq, etc without us!! Poor things</p>
<p>I get the “what credit card do i use for my books” phone calls, and then “I KNOW” when I reminder her to shipping and billing addresses are different</p>
<p>Cooking a pot roast for dinner, just did a major children’s book cleanout while everyone was home…wouldn’t want to get rid of anyone s childhood favorite. I noticed yesterday that Barnes & Noble has some nice cards. My favorite place for non-Hallmark cards just switched out their entire stock so now their cards are 100% Christian. We are Christians, but I don’t really think that Son would like Bible verse cards every week (and none of them are funny!)</p>
<p>I sent D a very lame card last week in a box with some stuff she needed. Zetesis, maybe I’ll drive by the car wash and check out their selection!</p>
<p>I was just texting with D and found out she has classes tomorrow (See! I’m not a helicopter parent! I didn’t memorize the academic calendar.) Anyone else’s little darlings toiling away on Labor Day?</p>
<p>chintzy-our little darling also has classes tomorrow. She mentioned “no one” she knows from HS has classes tomorrow. I did notice her HS/neighborhood friend is home for the weekend. </p>
<p>I too have been wondering about Las Ma and her D. I hope all is well there. </p>
<p>We met D for an early dinner this afternoon–H’s suggestion. Since he left town soon after D, I think it hit him when he came home that’s she is gone. D is making friends (yeah), turned down an invite to a beer pong party (and that was a fine invite to turn down), already hates dorm food so has requested more of the tuna/cracker packages, finds the walking to be more tiring than she imagined (kind of strange because she works out daily–usually swims a couple of hours a day), likes her classes, is keeping up with her work, and seems happy. She did think she might be getting a cold. </p>
<p>I think she’s doing really well, but still miss her being around. I teared up again when we left.</p>
We get to experience and experiment with independence, but in an emergency we have a safety net nearby.</p>
I’m so pleased.</p>