<p>Zetesis, I missed the car rides (still do, which is part of why we drive S1 out to Chicago every year & pick him up, plus we did the haul to Boston and back this summer for his job). We always have the most amazing conversations there.</p>
<p>Also have heard next to zilch from son. In fact, I texted him last night about the backpack thing and how it was going… and his response was something to the effect of
what the…? Seems to me we’re paying handsomely for his experience. I guess I would relax more if I had any more information beyond the huge adjustment panic, stress and overall exhaustion that was mostly what i’ve heard from him thus far. He thinks asking for my credit card number is our having just talked? I will admit, I’ve called older D and put her on the case just to check things are going OK and that he’s just not talking to us because everything is now good and not because it’s not or even worse. If I knew he was handling all that was on his plate and hadnt tossed or pushed aside part of of it, I could handle not talking to him. But if all he has ever shared thus far is slight panic and complaint, I don’t know how he expects a different mood from me.</p>
<p>We have heard from D about every day since we left but mostly for questions she has. We answer and hang up. Did have a 15-20 minute conversation with her on Sunday as that is the day that she is supposed to call. Yup. I make them (D and S) call one day a week. They can always call more but need to check in once a week. What can I say – I’m footing the bill!! D’s college indicated at the orientation that once a week is enough contact and that the kids need to learn to adjust and make decisions on their own. I would never not talk to one of my kids that called but we do limit the conversations during the week to specifics. </p>
<p>I believe that I’m going to enjoy the “empty nest”.</p>
<p>westernhillsmom: I feel your pain. Mine is homesick too, and calls and texts several times a day. It is hard to be both sympathetic and encouraging–I don’t want to minimize her unhappiness but I do want to encourage her to keep it in perspective.</p>
<p>I discovered an unexpected down-side to a campus where a lot of students join fraternities and sororities–much the activity the first few weeks is devoted to rush. D is not interested in joining a sorority but many of the clubs she might be interested in joining have not met yet because of rush. Sigh.</p>
<p>modadunn–Ouch! I suspect some of his lack of response is because he knows how much he misses you and home, so it’s easier to just push it back and not think about it. (hey, that’s what I’m telling myself when D just texts one or two words)</p>
<p>congrats deja and mmaah on successful launches! lima–must be hard waiting and waiting. </p>
<p>I think I do miss family dinners (kind of like the afterschool time in our house) the most. DD was even good at getting DS to talk about HS. I am also a bit embarassed to admit this, but I also miss that D could drive S to/from school and practices since they had very similar schedules. I haven’t had to do much driving of S around for about 2 years. It is an adjustment.</p>
<p>I told my daughters that I know they are doing fine and handling most things on their own with no problem, but that ME I and WE like to hear how its going, just something. </p>
<p>I reminded them that isn’t all about them, and that part of growing up is having feelings for other people and taking others feelings in account.</p>
<p>So if I ask how they are, don’t blow me off, I am asking not becuase I don’t think they cant handle it, I am asking for me. If that is explained, often you will get a more responsive answer than " its my experience" which I find just rude.</p>
<p>Thats like sending your kid to france or china and them saying “oh its my experience” well, let us live a little vicariously!!!</p>
<p>If my husband lost a backpack and I asked if it had turned up, he wouldnt get snippy. If my daughter asked me if I ever found my necklace, I wouldn’t snap back, so for a friend or family member to ask about something that was missing, or a class change ( if they were able to do it etc) kids need to respectfully just answer the question like they would to any other person, just cause its mom doesn’t mean they can be rude. jmho</p>
<p>Oh and maybe have dad remind son that mom is also adjusting to this whole thing, that its not just about the son. And part of being an adult and a man is thinking about others. </p>
<p>(also thinking about others and how they are dealing can take the focus off of oneself for a moment and maybe that is what son needs to hear)</p>
<p>next time he wants credit card number, say its yours and you will share when you feel like it)</p>
<p>I don’t believe that mine is homesick at all. Seems to always be busy when we talk. She just has questions about different things and isn’t sure where to go so calls home first. We’ll need to break that habit 
Yesterday she called because her roommate wanted to raise her bed as we did D’s and D didn’t pay attention when we did it so I had to walk them through it on the phone. Both D and roommate are on the small side. They couldn’t get the frame off the head and foot boards. I told them to find a guy to help. They had and he couldn’t manage it either at first. Seems like they all were a might to small. Once they put some muscle into it they had it. It was hard for me to not laugh – not sure that would have been appreciated. ;)</p>
<p>I think my mom might be making unnecessary trips to her clients house so she has an excuse to drive by in case I need anything. Conveniently it poured so hard today that my phone got soaked IN MY PURSE and I needed a bag of rice to repair it. It would have taken me an entire afternoon to get to the grocery store and back on the bus and I wouldn’t have been able to til Friday, so that was nice. </p>
<p>It’s strange, when I lived at home my mom hardly ever cooked, hardly ever talked to me, and no favor came without a guilt trip. If I’d had known she’d be so much nicer once I moved I might have moved sooner. :P</p>
<p>I have been texting my mom pretty much throughout the day every day, probably just a few times, whenever anything interesting happens and she has been curious about roommate relations. She seems happy with that though I think she is hoping I’ll call this weekend so I will if I think of it. I haven’t talked to my dad at all. I was thinking about sending him an email. That’s more his thing I guess.</p>
<p>Be careful what you wish for …</p>
<p>D just called (skype); long conversation. Said she wanted to talk about extra-curriculars, but tired and a little teary. Guess she misses those after school chats, too…</p>
<p>It’s hard not to overreact …</p>
<p>My D is only an hour away, 30 minutes from my workplace. The first week was really tough. A lot of anxiety over coursework, suitemates, extracurriculars. There was alot of texting, alot of FB chat, alot of phone calls, alot of emails. H thought I was enabling her dependence upon me, but I don’t think he realized how much time we spent together before; hard to see why I would suddently cut her off and say “you’re on your own now”. Second week went really well. Tried new activities, classes went well, new friends, tried new things (including a frat party which was definitely not her cup of tea) and now today I think I had one email and five texts. I admit that Sunday I drove over to see her; delivered cookies, cupcakes from Grandma, a fleece, some sweaters and some scarves that were left behind. We had a great morning and a great visit including some of our usual activities (i.e., a Target run) and I know she’s all settled and happy. </p>
<p>These anxious moments will definitely pass. I think being supportive and available when your kids need you is really important. Zetesis, she will feel better. You will too. I think for many of us it’s just really, really hard not to have that familiar routine and ritual. Now it’s just time to build the new routine and ritual. Hang in there everyone!</p>
<p>ugh…just when things were going well, another little setback. D2 missed first two days of classes as she was OOS for sport. Had contacted all her profs and asked for syllabus from each. Two profs contacted her, one sent syllabus, one said no problem she could get in class today and the other two didn’t respond. Went to class where prof said no problem…no one showed up except D2 and a another student who just added the class. D2 went to office and asked where everyone was. Receptionist said they should be there as there had not been any changes. Sent her across campus to check another building just in case. Nope…not there. She was panicking and called me. Told her go back to business area and look for his office. Woman took her name and email as no office hrs listed yet. She said come back and she would try to track him down. Reached him and he said class change was noted on syllabus which she didn’t have because he said she didn’t need it!!! Arrgghh!! Told her to email him again and ask if he could email syllabus or could she stop by and pick one up before class meets on Friday. Third day of classes and she hasn’t made any. Did stop by one of the profs who didn’t respond to email. He gave her a syllabus but I had to laugh when she said she couldn’t understand him. Now she is trying to track down the bio prof who didn’t respond to email. All of this has started her down the path of doom and gloom again. Not responding to her negative texts. I hope it gets easier for her. sigh…</p>
<p>NorthMinnesota, as a very uncoordinated person who was taunted mercilessly in PE class, I admit that I spent a lot of my life having little respect for athletes. I’ve slowly come around, but your posts have been helpful to me. Over the weekend when I was glancing at the sports page recaps of the college football games, I thought about how those guys were college students and that some were even interested in getting a good education. It’s got to be so difficult.</p>
<p>Strange how sports is taking so much precedence over academics. Daughter made a choice and these are the results of trying to do a college sport that takes you out of state so much. Can’t really complain, it is what it is.</p>
<p>D can get all upset, but this was a good lesson to learn. She will have to sacrafice much and such for her sport. Not a bad thing, but with that choice things won’t be all easy and peachy. </p>
<p>I would remind her that she made the choice to play a sport that seems to have them on the road alot and doesn’t seem to really concern themselves with kids missing classes.</p>
<p>She obviiously can’t assume anything and I am guessing emails may not always be the best plan.</p>
<p>If this was my kid, I would question playing the sport. Is it worth all the hastle? Can she do intermurals, etc and still get that thrill but without the complications. Seems from the beginning, this hasn’t been a good thing- drama, missed classes, etc.</p>
<p>It would be something I would ask my daughter to seriouslly think about. And once she makes that solid decision, she needs to be very proactive, and not get all doom and gloomy if there are problems. She needs to realize the problems will always be there, so she has to adapt and deal without having it affect her so profoundly.</p>
<p>sabaray – I agree that it’s not real to suddenly cease all conversation, etc. We’re all just trying to find the right patterns of communication.</p>
<p>And our kids are finding their respective ways. There’s a lot more that’s new for them than for us. Guess we cut them and us some slack. Today’s the first day I’ve been teary too…</p>
<p>I think it’s time for a nap.</p>
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<p>Most people don’t realize that there are some Division I athletes interested in getting a good education too. Myron Rolle (safety at FSU) graduated pre-med in 2 1/2 years and received a Rhodes Scholarship last year… He skipped the NFL Draft this year to study medical anthropology at Oxford.</p>
<p>Another example: Christian Ponder, FSU’s starting QB, had a 3.89 and graduated with a finance degree in 2 1/2 years. He’s getting an MBA now.</p>
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<p>Ah, but everyone is entitled to complain and vent here in our safe place. </p>
<p>It is certainly possible for a student to participate in a sport and do well academically, but they really need to have their acts together. When I think about the boys from Son’s class who are playing college football, I don’t know if all of them are together enough to end up with a degree.</p>
<p>NM, I can’t imagine how challenging this must be for you and your D. She made it this far, got a great scholarship because of athletics, and will be fine. It sounds like she’s doing all the right things, it will just take some time to find the balance (and her class!!). My bet is on her success.</p>
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<p>My favorite is gymnast Coutney Kupets, 2009 female collegiate athlete of the year, with a 3.8 at Georgia. My friend has a nephew like that …at Duke Med School after being on two Olympic teams (and of course, he’s very handsome as well.)</p>
<p>I think those are genetically superior beings who make the rest of us mere mortals feel bad about ourselves.</p>
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<p>Sounds like she’s actually handling things quite well…we’d all need a place to vent if we’d had a similar experience…better to vent to you than to sound like Debbie Downer to her new friends.</p>