Ever since I had radiation when I get a cold I get very sick and need steroids. I found out this year, I had laryngeal reflux which was irritating my lungs. Since I have been taking meds I haven (knock knock) been that sick. It is wearing.
My mom has dug her heels in and wont get her knees done she is 78 and should have done it 10 years ago. She suffers form depression and now feels housebound etc…She is her worst enemy and it is frustrating. When you visit you cant walk far, or leave her out, so you cant go anywhere. Movies , malls, etc…are impossible.We drop her off at the front door then have to find a spot where she can stretchout her knee etc… problem is she wants to travel but never will. She is so lucky to be so healthy but not in spirit it makes me sad and frustrated.
Back to the books. Have decided no DNP right now, so hopefully will be finished in a year.
We went to pick out tuxes today. Medium gray, white shirt, aqua long tie, matching pocket square.
I also spent quite a bit of time online finding a hotel for my side of the family for the wedding. The “official” hotel doesn’t have the variety of rooms my folks need.
Spent the afternoon with the neighbor who is a Glass Fusion Artist. Very helpful. I get crazy nervous if anyone watches me perform (cutting glass, cooking, sewing, computer work) thanks to my hypercritical mother.
So! H finished the piece I was making and she and he programed the kiln. I would be thrilled if this could be his new hobby, even if it was to be mine.
My issue is that she never laughs out loud. This really bothers me. H not so much as he is from the same background.
So, she cannot cook at all----sent her home with (delicious --you never know) soup, bread and desert.
While her mind is awesome I would rather laugh and cook…
dt, her own mother is 82 and has fought a knee surgery for years but did do it last summer and now looks like she has alzheimer’s… neighbor is an electrical engineer and trying to make apps for her mother so she can remember her appointments and so on.
mp, I approve!
DTE, sad about your mom but would she still consider doing it now?
My mom did it about 5 years back and wow, what a difference! Now she can dance like she used to, walk and otherwise entertain herself. Its also allowed her to stay in her home with stairs, and if she does downsize in the next five years, it will be because of boyfriend, not her.
She waited til almost 70 to do it because doc said she was pretty healthy and might make 90s 
But however many years she gets with them, it was totally worth it.
The croak is about 50% better than it was, but it still sounds like I need to lay off the three-pack-a-day habit. What hasn’t yet come back is the oomph. I’m just exhausted after doing anything. I keep reading all these stories about that drug Maria Sharpova was taking that just got her banned, and I keep thinking it sounds just like what I need. Faster recover, more energy, …what could go wrong? I’ll hang my head in shame and accept that I’m banned from competition.
MP – when is the wedding?
C_Q – the tour of Kuwait sounds like a lovely way to spend a day, and so nice that it was with one of the women in your course. You travel to such interesting places.
My mother is 78 but just wont do it. I wish she had done it 10 years ago. It might have made a difference.
The kiln sounds so cool. MP when is the wedding again?
May 21st. Still working on finding my dress. I have two possibilities but more coming from online orders.
The weather was utter perfection today and H and I took a very very long walk. I’m not going to be a able to move tomorrow.
Wow, missy, it’ll be here before you know it! Fun!
I’m half expecting mcson to announce one of these days. They’re moving in together in August once her lease is up. But in the past, he’s gone on record saying he would never marry unless he knew for sure he could live compatibly with the person, so maybe that is all a good while off
In an unusual move, my generally shy, retiring mother has requested a birthday celebration for her 75th. Broad hints that she’d be willing to have it early, eg pool season, at my place. So I cook up a family jamboree plan for Labor Day weekend and I mention inviting some of her far-flung friends and she gasps and says “I just meant FAMILY.”
Not sure whether to believe her or not. I have ample time to ponder.
I have a back lot on the edge of a forest that’s very camp-able, which is where I plan to put three out of town families with the nieces and nephews. I can host two elderly couples in house, and maybe one more couple in the pool house, but the stairs are wicked. So I guess that limits who I can host onsite in terms of age and capability.
If I get into extended family, I’ll have to work out something hotel wise, I think. This may be my equivalent of wedding planning for the year
Good luck, MP. It is quite soon. And, kmc, sounds like less than fun, but what needs to be done needs to be done. I’m stopping on my way back from Europe at my mother’s house to pick up her tax stuff and FedEx it to the accountant. We have negotiated the sale of her house but she is not moving quickly on finding a place. I’m not around to help. Not sure what I can do.
My my. Talking to my mother is so depressing because she is so depressed. Latest reason that she doesn’t want to do cardiac rehab is that she is afraid it will make her live too long.
Good grief. Hugs, Missy, is all I can say.
If you were a naughty daughter the way I can be a naughty daughter, you might ask her if she’s interested in accelerating her dependence on hired help for her personal upkeep
Quite a while ago now my mom was afraid to do the double knee surgery recommended for her that I’d mentioned to DTE. Just plain old fear. I asked her something similar (I am a frank daughter, but not always especially kind, short term.)
Boy, did that cause the light to go on for her.
It was funny because after DTE posted about her mom, I’d told mine about it and asked her if she’d do it again, even at an advanced age, and knowing the pain of rehab. She said in a heartbeat – it gave her a life. She was really grateful that her boyfriend and I had pushed her a bit.
Maybe your mom need to get in touch with quality of life issues. Would she consider counseling? An intervention?
I guess to some point I get the “put if off”. I was told by a surgeon that I should have knee replacement now. Well they really don’t bother me that much and there are things that I do that I wouldn’t be able to do after knee replacement (running would be one of those things). I know I with my arthritis I shouldn’t do it now but I do. 
For the most part it makes my knees feel better - not that the surgeons would believe that. My feet hurt worse than my knees – again arthritis. Still holding out to keep my own parts. So far they work okay and my pain levels can be controlled with Aleve a few times a week so all is good. Surgeon was surprised that I wasn’t begging for replacements.
However I think if it impacts your life and what you can and want to do than you need to figure something out.
kmc, my sister and I think that Mom has likely been clinically depressed for her whole life. She tried anti-depressants for 2 weeks a few decades ago, didn’t like how they made her feel. Being blind, with most of your friends dead and no family around except for one fairly neglectful daughter (my sister) would make just about anyone feel like there isn’t a reason to live. Mom isn’t even trying.
I told her that she’s going to live as long as she’s going to live and cardiac rehab may determine whether she lives her life at home or in a nursing home. That convinced her for about 12 hours, then she went back to her negative thoughts. Now she says she doesn’t want a funeral because no one will come. I think she has reached such a point of isolation and self-absorption that she no longer realizes that unrelenting negativity is highly unappealing.
Back to cheerier thoughts, shall we?
That’s really tough, MP.
On the happy news front – the wedding sounds like it will be lovely. Good luck on the dress hunt.
my mother has always been depressed. I get that some of it is chemical. She does take meds . but they don’t always work.
She is very smart, but staying at home all the time without a purpose is tough. But she wont do anything to help. She needs to feel better physically perhaps, to get out. a vicious cycle. However she just dont get how it affects everyone around her. How helpless and responsible it feels. Sometimes I wonder if its on purpose. Maybe she doesn’t want to be happy because that would be too foreign to her. I am sorry but I am overwhelmed with sadness about my friend and for someone to have the gift of life to squander it makes me frustrated.
It has always been the case that my family has never been a source where I could get solace. Sometimes they depend on me too much. Anyway…
The weddings all seem awesome. MP what kind of dress do you want???
wondering?–do you think our own children would take have such concern about us if we, their mom, acted the way our moms have towards/with us? I think both of my kids would try and then try and then walk away. Somehow I did not instill the guilt gene in them.
I hope they never go through the myriad of emotions that I went through with my own mother. Exhausting and her case pointless. I only wish I had not spent so many years trying to change the situation.
Hugs to all of you.
We have actually told our kids that if we EVER act like my MIL just take us out back and shoot us. I am very careful not to make them feel guilty about anything and not make demands on them even though they live close. We even call before we go over because they may have things that they are doing and we don’t want to interrupt. They have their lives and we have ours and we don’t want to impose on them. My MIL is always talking about dying - not that she wants to mind you - I just think that at her age so many of her friends have died and she just doesn’t know what to expect but she doesn’t need to make life miserable for everyone else in my opinion. There are times when she will say something about dying and I just want to say “put up or shut up”.
Hard to say. I hope we will never behave that way. Our kids both recognize and appreciate how much we’ve done for them, especially with the medical issues and the learning disabilities, and will look for ways to give back. ShawD explicitly has proposed that we buy a 2 family house with her so that we can be with her kids and then so she can take care of us when we get old. I think ShawSon will be too plain busy to be of help other than the kind I provide to my mother – financial advice, helped her sell the house, found lawyers, financial advisor, set up Quicken on her computer and ordered checks, etc.
Got home early this morning after over 24 hours of travel. Did NOT have the Jennifer Aniston experience on Emirates, unfortunately. My flight over was not very crowded and allowed me to stretch out. This flight had a lot more passengers. Fortunately the seat next to me was empty, (I was in the aisle seat) but the guy in the window seat spent most of the flight curled up in the two seats sleeping. I don’t think I’m flexible enough to do that, even if I wanted to!
Sleeping seat mate was better than what was behind me: a very loud, very rude gentleman who was a constant irritation. Even the crew, who were trying their hardest to be polite and give good customer service, were finally asking him what they could do to help him, because he just wanted to complain LOUDLY (while I was trying to sleep). At 12 hours in to a 14 hour flight, he started complaining that other passengers had found emptier areas of the plane so they could stretch out a bit. The crew explained that he could have done that, too, but he just complained that he wasn’t notified that he could look for a better seat. When he wasn’t yelling at the crew, he was bullying his wife, who was sitting across the aisle from him. Because he was mad about his meal (didn’t like the choices), he told his wife she couldn’t eat her specially ordered meal (she’s diabetic) as part of his protest.
Glad to be home!
Welcome back, c_q.
My folks and MIL have their issues , but we are fortunate. My dad and MIL are both pretty upbeat, my mom not as much, but not as difficult as some. We are thankful and hugs to those struggling with difficult parent situations.
Home today on sick leave as I had an upper endoscopy this AM. This is the second one and I am responding well to the meds, so neither the doctor nor I think it’s anything more than a treatable reflux issue. Taking advantage of being home and getting a few things done. I had planned/hoped to be “home alone”, but H decided to take the day off. I just enjoy being by myself sometimes (even though I am an extrovert according to MB. Go figure).
We have a contractor coming over late afternoon to discuss the master bath renovation. I would like to have this done in the summer as H needs foot surgery and it might be good to have it done when he is home and can monitor. The way things are going, S will likely not have an internship so he would be home (hopefully working at least part time) and could do yard work/ help with driving/get H to Dr’s appointments then. Might as well take advantage.