<p>D’s suite has an RA living with them which has helped somewhat with establishing roommate/suitemates accountability and chore responsibility. I probably could have done better in preparing D for housekeeping/room care responsibility- this is one area my son is probably better than D! Happily I know the OP isn’t referring to my D as she has more suitemates. </p>
<p>D’s issues have been with “in room” boundaries. They had a “roommate agreement” that they drafted and signed off on- first weekend D awakens to a strange man in roomie’s bed (yes, roomie was there) which was one of the things they’d agreed they wouldn’t do. They talked, apologies, you name it. But little by little, roomie is overwhelming D’s space. She came with a lot more stuff than D (we were trying to be conservative and careful with space) and little by little D’s corner is being overwhelmed. I don’t think it’s intentional, but when it’s a wet towel or an open drink next to D’s laptop, I’m not happy. D’s just been moving the stuff but I can tell resentment is building.</p>
<p>There is no way we consider going to sporting events a hardship, whether the kids are playing or not. We go to high school, college, and pro games for soccer, football and basketball all the time and then throw in the odd tennis tournament, marathon, & track meet when we can. When on vacation in Texas last year, we sat and watched a UT track meet for about 4 hours, just for fun, and of course H got tickets to the pro basketball games being played in Houston at the time. He just spent 16 hours to get to and from our son’s college football game this week-end and was simply in heaven. </p>
<p>On another note, our senior in college is already feeling behind on the job hunt. Two of his friends have accepted offers from their summer internships (one for an accounting firm in NYC and one for a bank in Charlotte). He says applications are mostly due at the beginning of October and he already missed a deadline for one firm. He has an interview with Petrobras next week and has identified several consulting firms of interest so sounds like he is on top of things. The time between fall of freshman year and fall of senior year flies by so quickly.</p>
<p>crosscoast, can you encourage her to discuss it with her suitemates in a polite way? Try to help her see that communication is different than confrontation, and that she has options for bringing up the subject that don’t relegate her to the role of Nag or Martyr.</p>
<p>That’s about all you can do. Learning to deal with these kinds of situations on their own is one of the big lessons they’re going to learn by living apart from us.</p>
<p>It’s true, but I still find the whole situation of American college kids being expected to learn to live peacefully with a complete stranger in a very small space quite bizarre. Are the universities of America telling us that negotiating who takes out the trash when living with a stranger not of your choosing is an essential life skill?</p>
<p>If she uses humor, like, good you ladies be any messier! Or empty the trash while they are there and ask one of them to hold the garbage bag. If in the morning if they are around, ask if little elves came and ate all the candy</p>
<p>She needs to say something, and often people will get it.</p>
<p>Me, you couldn’t pay me to go to more than 4 sporting events a year if I didn’t know anyone playing, i would rather the opera, a musical, the museum, anything but sitting through a baseball game or a track meet. I didn’t mean to imply it was a hardship, jsut that many parents without kids continuing sports don’[t have that conenction with their child or the school, and its just fine.</p>
<p>My H is planning on attending a HS Cross Country meet tomorrow to see some of the parents that we no longer see weekly and to cheer on the team that my D ran for for 4 years. It’s just something some people like to do. I have another commitment or I would probably join him just to see everyone. I’ve enjoyed the meets over the years.</p>
<p>Received an email from D’s college coach letting us know that one of the parents goes to all the meets and publishes the pictures. We would love to go and watch at least one meet but the closest she will be this year is at a minimum 7 hours away. Just a bit too far unless we take vacation. Don’t see it happening this year. :(</p>
<p>I guess not being a sports mom, and a person who wasn’t able to cheer my Ds at all their ECs, I just don’t have that connection. Imagine mom going in and yelling D2, you can do it, get that year book section all edited!!!</p>
<p>Maybe its cause those kids never really get all the cheers, etc, that I didn’t really feel like cheering on someone elses kid just cause they were running. </p>
<p>I think I resented the fact that those kids who did things behind the scenes, made things run, never got groups of families cheering for them. My Ds did most of their HS Ecs in leadership roles behind the scnese, so never got, nore really needed, lots of rahrah parents. </p>
<p>It is something that always has bothered me. They worked just as hard, as many hours, but never got the kudos that other kids did who were jocks. Other parents just didn’t get it or appreiciate it. Glad my kids didn’t care as much as I did that they and many other kids were ignored for their hard work while athletes had parents standing around cheering for them.</p>
<p>ilovetoquilt - I think I get it. I went to a VERY small HS and did both. I was editor of the year book my senior year and it was the first time my school ever had any color in the yearbook. We did an awful amount of fund raising to get that in but it was worth it. When I was doing that I did get thanks for the faculty advisors and felt that that was enough for me at the time but you are right that no one else understood the amount of effort. </p>
<p>When I was running though I did expect the cheers.</p>
<p>Not sure why I made the two different but I did.</p>
<p>As a full time working mother (working outside of the house) I’ve been lucky over the years to be able to set my schedule to be at the meets/games/regattas/honors awards/etc. Just lucky that my job has allowed it.</p>
<p>I took my iPod Touch with me so did have email access occasionally while I was gone, which let me receive a missive from my spawn asking me to send him more food. No, honey, care packages are rare treats; you want food, find a work study job as you’re supposed to to earn the money to buy your own supplemental goodies!!</p>
<p>The good thing is that he does, generally, answer questions I send him. (“How are you? How’s school?” “I’m fine. School is fine.” Okay, so he’s a kid of few words…!)</p>
<p>So much adjusting going on with everyone’s kids! And with their parents, too!! Parenthood is one long personal growth opportunity.</p>
<p>My favorite thing about the empty nest: no-fuss dinners. I may eat the same thing for three or four nights in a row, and it’s something simple, but I’m okay with that. Tonight’s dinner was a big salad: a spring mix of greens, topped with sun-dried tomatoes, pine nuts, and feta cheese, with a champagne pear/gorgonzola dressing. Yum! </p>
<p>I made cookies last night – sugar cookies. Will share!</p>
<p>What about his bedding, those mattresses are terrible at school, and a bad pillow can wreck havoc on the sleep patterns. And his sheets etc, are they the same as back home?</p>
<p>Is he in a bunk? What direction is his head? Is it near the hallway or door?</p>
<p>These are all little things that affect sleep/ I know I need just the right pillow or I toss and turn all night</p>
<p>Husband has to sleep on one side, so he faces out, if son is sleeping in such a way that his natural sleep position pushes him into a corner or his head is at the wrong angle, or his sheets all tangled, in that really narrow bed, it can be part of the problem</p>
<p>I didn’t mention other things we did for my son’s bed, ilovetoquilt, that might be relevant for Jolynne. We have a) a 2" memory foam mattress topper; b) allergy-barrier mattress cover and pillow covers; c) bamboo sheets (less likely to contain allergens. He also take claritin every night for allergies.</p>
<p>Sorry about the housekeeping troubles. D and her roommate set aside “cleaning time” every week to make sure their room is…lets say less cluttered and vacuumed (now why couldn’t she do that at home??)</p>
<p>D was a little disappointed at the attitude of some groups at the “activity fair” on campus. She comes from a high school where students are not as separated - there are jocks in the jazz ensemble and science nerds in the chorus. But on campus she is getting the perception that, for some of the groups she is interested in joining, “athletes need not apply”, as if there is a fear in the groups that the jocks will take over. A good example of this is the outdoors group. D was big into Venture Crew and really wants to keep up the outdoor/wilderness activities, so she will have to seek out others who want to do that on her own I guess…</p>
<p>It’s intriguing to think about whether we’ll miss the HS when all is said and done. Right now I think I’d miss it all terribly but we have fiive years to go (we have an 8th graders) so who knows? Our kids spent 11 years at the elem. school and I have no desire to keep up with that school (H does still keep up with the teacher comings and goings). We are finishing 8 years at the middle school and I’ll be very happy to have that behind us.</p>
<p>kmcrindle, shawbridge & ilovetoquilt22 – thanks for those additional ‘sleep tips!’ I spoke to son last night – while I am definitey trying to follow the CC advice of saying “you’ll figure it out” I still threw out a few suggestions (I could ship you some sleep CDs…). He has actually already downloaded some ‘sleep inducing music’ from the internet & played it on his computer while trying to sleep (didn’t work). So, he’s being proactive and I don’t want to interfere any more w/that. I think I’ll still through out there the claritin idea & allergen mattress topper & the other great suggestions.</p>
<p>He’s excited about coming home for his little sis’s 8th b-day in Oct. Got to book a flight before the price becomes painful.</p>
<p>Good luck coasttocoast w/your daughter’s housekeeping issue. Maybe a good chance to practice asserting oneself in a fun/non-confrontational way that’s effective. A good skill to have. :-)</p>
<p>owlice–great bike ride! I have to start exercising again…my sis-in-law is doing a 1/2 marathon–she’s set the bar!</p>
<p>Rachacha–hope your daughter finds a good group that is fun & welcoming to both athletes/non-athletes!</p>
<p>We don’t miss the HS at all! We do miss certain people. H and I did go to the football game on Friday night since D2’s BF is quarterback. I probably won’t go to any other games but H will with his friends.</p>
<p>Regarding the idea that “jocks need not apply”, having a bunch of super athetic people join say an outdoors club can change the dynamic and I bet the organizations had some experience with that. It can make those that are less fit, less inclined to push to the limit all the time, who want a club to be social as well as fitness minded, more of a compettive adventure than many people want.</p>
<p>I have been parts of groups like that. A fun hike turns into a race, a simple kayak trip becomes a dare devils delight. </p>
<p>Imagine if you have a nice group who enjoys weekend hikes and you get someone coming in who is a search and rescue expert who knows it all. That would get a little annoying. </p>
<p>If D wants to be part of on campus groups, she probably needs to find a way without coming across as wow, I am so experienced, we could do this and this and this, while most of the participants aren’t on that level yet, and maybe don’t want their club to become something that is competivie in nature, where it always needs to be harder and faster and more difficult, and they want to have a chance without jocks taking over, which, believe me, i have seen alot of.</p>
<p>I know women that wanted to join singles groups for the hiking etc, and found that too often the macho types or really fit younger women amke it just not fun.</p>
<p>Missypie…thanks for turning me on to Zappos! FINALLY got the Ugg slippers in and I just sent them as a gift to D2. I had searched everywhere for her color and size and finally found them! She will be happily surprised with a little gift package at school!</p>
<p>:: opens champagne ::
:: pours champagne for all ::
:: puts appetizers on the buffet table ::</p>
<p>Mini spanakopita, puff pastry filled with caramelized onion, apple, and chevre, satay, and an assortment of sushi, in case anyone is wondering. :)</p>
<p>Someone called from the National Merit Scholarship Corporation to let me know 1.) spawn is a SF; 2.) his (former) high school does not claim him as a student and doesn’t know where he is.</p>
<p>Because he “accelerated” his education, as the NMSC puts it, by leaving high school early and going to college, his sophomore PSAT score could be entered into the competition. I’m very happy about that! I wouldn’t have known that was possible were it not for CC. </p>
Parenthood is one long personal growth opportunity.</p>