<p>More tips for sleep: completely darken the room for the best quality sleep. Try ear plugs. No caffeine after mid-afternoon or dinner. No late night meals.</p>
<p>Thanks, Treetopleaf! Son swears he’s only had caffeine about 2 or 3 times since school started – that was my first thought, too. I’ll tell him abt the room-darkening.</p>
<p>Good Morning! Back from another trip to watch D2 play soccer. I am very tired and my knee is killing me! Guess I over did it. :o Several of the freshman parents were having trouble meeting some of the upperclass team parents so we thought we’d organize a tailgate party before the Parent’s Weekend game. Since I LOVE parties I took charge. Lots of good food and had more than half of the families participate. Even the coach stopped by while the team was warming up. It was capped off by a team win. Yea!</p>
<p>The get together was also very informative. At least six of the freshman families reported their Ds were all experiencing homesickness. All loved the sport, the coach and the housing but felt isolated from the rest of the student body. Several of the OOS freshman have also talked about transfering closer to home. One girl told her parents she wanted a more rigorous academic school…this after being in class only two times. One of the dads had an interesting take on the situation. Said our girls were all spoiled princesses ( oh yes, they are!) and they needed to look around and be grateful for what they had. I found this refreshing! I talked about how the girls miss their friends at home and are looking for quick replacement friendhips but they need to realize that they have invested years into those friendships. No resolution but at least we know our kids are feeling just like many others. Was glad D2 was hosting a homework party last night…huh?..and many of the girls on the team are coming over this evening for a Gossip Girl and some other show together. At least she is keeping busy.</p>
<p>LasMas…great news on your D!
Modadunn…Sounds like your S made a very mature decision. It is hard when they retire but I bet he will find another door that opens new opportunities for him.
Missypie…I think it’s great that S’s GF came to visit! Looks like he is coping !</p>
<p>Gosh you all have been so busy I can’t remember what I wanted to comment on!</p>
<p>Finally all caught up. So much has been going on but for the most part it looks like we’re all going on with our lives. Those, like me, who are empty nesters are working our way through it. It has been really nice to be able to get out and just do what we want. H and I have been taking walks in the metropark each weekend which we really enjoy and I have ordered up a bunch of tickets to dance and music performances (D would have been more than happy to do those but got really expensive for 3 people).</p>
<p>D seems so happy and I am really glad. I had been a bit concerned about what some said was the preppyness of her school but she seems to have found a good group of girls who seem to be just like her. I think the Science dorm has had a lot to do with it. She has now turned in her first paper (should get it back today) and had her first exam (hopefully results for that today as well). </p>
<p>She and her roommate hosted an extra girl who’s roomate had H1N1. This lasted for a few days until 24 hours past the fever breaking. She said there is hand sanitizer everywhere. The student health service had told us they would offer flu shots (regular and H1N1) as soon as available. I think the regular ones by early October and the H1N1 they’re still waiting to find out when they will have vaccine.</p>
<p>And two seconds back on healthcare but hopefully just to provide some information and not to start a discussion. The reason that there is concern about health insurance crossing state lines is that the regulation then would probably be that of the weakest state (similar to credit cards now all being from Delaware or South Dakota) and there is very little regulation in some states.</p>
<p>NMinn–great idea re: the party! What a fabulous way to share impressions/ideas. We have a ‘parent discussion’ board at my son’s school, which gives a little insight. Neat that your daughter’s team won!</p>
<p>sharonohio–that’s great your daughter has found some friends she likes!!</p>
<p>ILovetoQuilt- it isn’t about “showing off” at 40 (I’ve always told my kids that you never want to peak in highschool and pity those who do), it’s about the halloween costume. Not even close to the same thing in my book.</p>
<p>When I had trouble sleeping a few years back I took to those CD’s of meditation music. Slept like a lamb… if indeed they sleep well.</p>
<p>Would have to agree NMN that son felt disconnected from the rest of his incoming class and is why I think, in addition to the rest, he wanted to look to other things around him. He is not one to sit and do nothing, but it was time to move on to something different for him especially because of the time demands of playing a sport at an athletically competitive school - even for DIII.</p>
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<p>That is a good thing for all of us to remember and to remind our kids of. Also, different kids (and adults) have different social needs and wants. Some are glad to hang out with just about any kids, because hanging out with people is better than being alone; others don’t mind being alone at all and only want to be with people they really like.</p>
<p>My H and I always had such different “waiting room” behavior. When I took one of our little kids to dance or whatever and stayed in the waiting room, I’d bring a book and relish the hour to sit and read. H would chat up the other parents. We all have different social styles.</p>
<p>Mod, sorry…I wasn’t talking about the jacket, which I agree make great halloween costumes. I was more referring to those people that keep all their high school trophies and have them displayed at their homes. Mea culpa for bad explaining!!</p>
<p>Love being an empty nester, its just my huisband is driving me nuts.</p>
<p>JS - This may or may not have anything to do with your son’s sleep issue but my son is “sort of” having a similar issue in that he finds himself most productive/alert-feeling in the wee hours now and has taken to doing his work (especially music composition) while all his cronies are asleep. In his case, we suspect this is his adjustment from being an only child in a very quiet and spacious house to the cramped quarters and bustle of dorm life. S. used to have difficulty even when we were quietly reading in SAME ROOM as him; seems he’s sensitive to the mere presence of others. He also has Central Auditory Processing Disorder (so can’t FILTER OUT sound) plus super hearing (so he hears sound from far away.) But he has always dealt with that using noise canceling headphones and other strategies so not sure that’s caused the circadian shift.</p>
<p>Maybe your s. needs his alone-but-conscious time until he acclimatizes to the bustle or learns to tune others out more??? In s’s case, he’s been more or less going with it as much as his schedule allows. We’ll see whether or not that’s an effective strategy in terms of daily functioning and health but he will need to be responsible around managing himself one way or another.</p>
<p>I can say this: He’s absolutely been loving dorm life, very socially engaged, and at the same time, by seeking out vacant late-night lounges (to not disturb his roommate, who is sleeping), has produced some beautiful work already that far surpasses other things he’s written. I suspect it’s hard for him to get into the “zone” where he does his best work when his roommate is awake.</p>
<p>The other thing that crossed my mind after your post was: ‘how late is your son sleeping?’ Eg., my s. used to get up at 5:30 a.m. to leave for school at 6:30 for zero hour e.c.s, etc. So he used to go to bed at 11. His first class now on some days is 9:30, alternately 10:30 a.m.
Comparatively, if he slept in until 8:30 a.m., that’s a 3 hr. time shift, meaning all would be normal if he went to bed at 2 a.m.</p>
<p>Is it possible your son is sleeping in until 10:30 or 11 a.m. (if no classes), and that’s causing his wakefulness late at night?
Just a thought.
Good luck with it.
Cheers,
K
PS LasMa, glad to hear d. is making her way. Thanks for the update.</p>
<p>Over the weekend I ran across the stack of patches that Son never had sewn onto his letter jacket…I bet someone could make a decent amount of money offering lower rates to get stuff sewn on for folks like me who are willing to wait for a while…they could work on them during lull times. I probably won’t spend money to have the patches sewn on.</p>
<p>I also quit sewing patches on. Since I scrapbook I just scanned them, shrunk them down in size, and did a layout on them in the girls scrapbook. I know some people who put them in a shadow box but I didn’t want them hanging on the wall. ;)</p>
<p>What to do with the empty nest…</p>
<p>learn how to scan patches</p>
<p>learn how to shrink scanned images</p>
<p>learn how to scrap book</p>
<p>At home, there is that wind down time, the laying in bed at eleven, texting, reading, and decompressing. In college, I bet they go go go then flop on the bed at 1am, without that winddown time, etc.</p>
<p>All the lights are still on at midnight, there is chatter, snacking, and no real routine.</p>
<p>Getting a tape with headsets work really well. Also, setting up a better routine, where the mind isn’t spinning with a thousand thoughts. I do a crossword puzzle every night before bed. If you find a way to transistion from hyper mode to sleep, instead of just suddenly laying down and trying, sleep will come.</p>
<p>Also, seems dorms always have lights on- bright hallways, bathrooms, etc, and that is not natural. We humans need to have a kind of dimming effect, like the sun going down and less bright lights before bed so our brain thinks about sleep. If he can start turning over head lights off, not listen to loud music, and if he can change into jammies earlier, and find something he can do for 15-20 minutes when he goes to bed that will become his nightly ritiual, ie crosswoard puzzle, reading a non school magazine or book, drawing, playing solitare (with real cards), etc, and if he does that every night, he will start to fall asleep</p>
<p>NM - Hope the knee feels better today. What a great idea with the get together.</p>
<p>JS - Hope your S’s sleep issues resolve shortly. Hard to focus with not enough sleep.</p>
<p>Spoke with D yesterday. She (luckily) seems to be settling in well. The floor that she’s on does a lot together including eating most of their meals together and studying at night together. I know that she is still in the “honeymoon” phase since she hasn’t even been in classes a week yet but it’s nice to know that she has people to hang with other than the team. She has been practicing with the team but hasn’t competed yet since she is just coming off PT. </p>
<p>So glad most of the kids are settling in well. Hope that those that aren’t find their niche soon.</p>
<p>Interesting dilemma, I’m wondering how my D is doing in the falling asleep at night arena. </p>
<p>It is so different from having your own space. She always disappeared into her own room in the evenings to do her homework and then fall asleep. She has had a cold over the last week so hasn’t been sleeping well because of that.</p>
<p>Its good to hear about all the transitions being made. I felt much better after yesterday’s phone call. D’s class schedule has settled into place after the 1st week and she is swamped with homework. However, she seems to like her classes and tends to bury herself in schoolwork anyway, so it provides a structure to her life. She also seems to be reaching out in other areas that are consistent with her long term interests and is slowly meeting new people. All in all pretty good for being there for 2 weeks. </p>
<p>I was talking with another parent whose D is about as far away as she could be and after 4 weeks, D is having serious doubts about where she is and whether it is the kind of school that she really wants. That sounds really tough. I’m so thankful that D has chosen a kind of school that really fits her and although the transitions will take time, I fully expect she will be one of the overly enthusiastic students and alums before long.</p>
<p>What I am finding interesting reading here is that for me, my kids did sports when they were younger, and we hung out at games with the parents, but in HS, my Ds went in non-sports directions. Dind’t hang out with the theater parents, or the year book parents, or the parents my Ds interned with. And that was fine. So I guess when they went off yo college, we don’t miss having our weekends filled with sports, etc. We won’t have those connections with any parents at Ds college. I only know and will know a couple of parents at Ds college. Otherwise, my connection will be basically a financial one. Its an interesting dynamic. I won’t see any of the ECs- fashion show, frisbee club, and the like they are involved in now. Its their world, and I just get snippets here and there. We won’t even do parents weekend this year, bad timing and too costly. </p>
<p>I don’t miss their HS. Drove past it the other day and didn’t even think about it. Its a freeing feeling to be honest. </p>
<p>I have a friend who went to all her sons home games his first year of college. It sucked up all her free time. She liked it, but now that she isn’t going all the time, maybe one game a month, she doesn’t miss it nor does she feel guilty for not going.</p>
<p>If your kid doesn’t do sports, there is no real way, except if they are in a theater production perhaps, or in a musical program, to be part of their lives and ECs.</p>
<p>I too have heard that those doing sports often don’t feel that “connection” to their school initially. but it will happen.</p>
<p>For me, not being so conected is a good thing. My life isn’t revolving around their events, and them. Its my turn, and our turn. Ds are cool with that!!</p>
<p>Our D has moved into an in-suite dorm two weeks ago. There is a situation that has concerned us a bit:
She has cleaned up the bathroom trash can, recycle bins (all 4 sitting in the common area) twice for past two weeks. what she did was to dump all the trashes into big trash bag provied by shcool and take it to the outside dump. One of the four girls did once. The other two girls did none. All four of them never sit down and talk about this. Our D told us that she does not mind doing it because she cannot stand all the garbages overflowed from the trash can. But we feel everyone in her suite should rotate this duty. Also she is not the one who eats late nigt snacks almost every night. They don’t have in-suite kitchen so just all the snack wrappers and bottles. Is it too late to call a meeting? She just doe not want to offend her suitemates. Anyone’s S or D has similar situation? Thx.</p>
<p>I think she should feel unapologetic about addressing this. I would think there would probably be several chores that need doing in addition to the trash, so having some sort of accountability is reasonable and should be expected. If she continues to take care of the trash, the others have no incentive to jump in. They don’t have a problem in their eyes. They may be used to having somebody (mom) do it for them at home. But she should say something before too much more time passes or she could really grow to resent it.</p>
<p>I’d make a list of chores that need to be done (cleaning the bathroom? sweeping/vacuuming their common area?) and set up a suite meeting. I wouldn’t even make a deal out of having taken out the trash/recycling the first two weeks. </p>
<p>I’d be very upbeat and focus on the positive. If housekeeping does the bathrooms, then the other suitemates may not realize that their roomie has been taking out the trash! If they do it twice a week, each person has the job once every two weeks. That is hardly odious.</p>
<p>I’m grateful D’s school makes the roommate contract mandatory. It’s a great way to cover some of these issues before they become problematic. D said she and her roommate were able to have an open discussion, but wasn’t sure everyone in her hall took it as seriously.</p>