<p>S has asked me to get him an appointment to have him tested for his writing problems.</p>
<p>So I will be calling today to arrange something for over winter recess.</p>
<p>I just hope that if there is a <em>diagnosis</em>, the school will make some accomodations.</p>
<p>I think he is beginning to worry - which I don’t want - because that drives him into himself, and that’s when he escapes to games. I stayed very upbeat with him, told him he should not worry and should continue to concentrate on the things he is good at until we get something worked out. I hope I am right, and that we can get something worked out. He is great at oral presentations. Maybe they would let him do that, or will give him extra time or something. I am not going to ask what provisions they might make, until we have some paperwork to provide them, and I suspect it is up to each prof but I hate to see him slip into default mode right now. This first year is so important.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to keep these things in mind as we go forward. If you’ve seen the onion piece, its clear we have a lot more insight into our kids’ lives than our parents had into ours, for sure (which again only highlights how important those Sunday phone calls were). While we live in a world fueled by instant gratification, I think some things havent really changed all that much and keeping in mind our own transgresses (although not necessarily sharing those with our kids quite yet) will go along way to foster communication. However, I find the line very difficult to walk at times. I don’t necessarily want my kids making the same mistakes I did and I also recognize that there are laws being broken. I do not want to be complicit. But this summer, it is true we narrowed our peripheral vision slightly and concentrated on the binge/balance in all things conversation as well as the ever present “do not ever ever drink and drive or get in a car with anyone who has been drinking.” But it is true that without a doubt I know far more what my kids are “getting away with” than my mother ever did.</p>
<p>Certainly it is prudent to be vigilant, but again… it has to be about balance. When i was 18, I could drink anything I wanted while I spent summers in NY. When I went to college in Ohio, it was 3.2 beer and when I was home in PA it was 21. As it turned out, I drank in the summer and at college, and then didn’t when I was home because it was just too much trouble and I never had a need for a fake ID. I admit however that I have not gotten the nerve to ask son (or look to see) if he has one.</p>
<p>Maybe because it’s a small private LAC, but the disablities services office at Son’s school seems terrific. Son hasn’t felt like he’s needed accomodations (yet?) but the school seems very flexible. They seem a lot more accomodating than our home school district - I think the public school districts are loathe to agree to anything that costs them time or money because they have so little of each. Private schools want and need our tuition money, so they seem more willing to do whatever will help the students succeed. (Just my take as a parent who has had a kid in college for all of 5 weeks.)</p>
<p>TM#: does the school he attend have a writing lab or some sort? Not sure what my son’s school has, but my daughter’s college had a very nice writing center where english and literature majors were just sitting around waiting to help during the majority of the semester. It’s only if you procrastinate getting started that prevents getting help with enough time for it to be effective. So… I would encourage his heading off a few problems if it’s possible and then do the rest over break. I am not sure what kind of accommodations except for extended timelines a college can make (ex: oral presentations) but I would be combing the website and online student handbook trying to see where some possibilities lie.</p>
<p>Here’s the thing: Our S has no problem asking for help for some reason. Basically I think its a kind of confidence (or arrogance) in that if he is asking, it’s necessary. Whereas our older D always felt like no one BUT her was asking for help. Certainly, her way of thinking was reinforced by her HS teachers NOT being very welcoming to questions and S’s teachers were insanely willing to be welcoming. Getting a kid who has not had that experience to open up to outside help is hard to do, but once they find some successes in doing so (i.e., keep going back), they will take that on. Older D got a B+ on her first paper the other day. In her comments he said, “could have been more specific” and she was unsure what that even meant. I was like… umm, did you go and ask him? Her response, well, it doesn’t matter now (= it wont change this grade). I was almost dumbfounded. I said, “Well, it might not matter now but you have more papers to write, don’t you?” And then went on to explain that part of writing is knowing your audience. And she is 24! Younger D is much like Older D in terms of style of learning, but D’s teacher experience is the same as our son’s. And as such, she has no problem going into the teacher to ask if she is merely going in the right direction!</p>
<p>S has NEVER been good at asking for help. Even when it is offered he is loathe to take it. This is extremely frustrating for us (and I am sure for him)
The fact that he is asking for my help with this now is both encouraging (in that perhpas he is learning to ask for help) and frightening (how scared must he be to resort to asking)</p>
<p>I have checked the website, not much info, other than: documentation is needed, and then it is up to the student to take that documentation to his professor and they work something out together (at least that is how I interpreted it and/or remember it, but I’ll recheck it) Writing labs are well and good, but peer help has never helped my S much - whether he is too embarrassed or, as when while working with me on his writing, he just locks up and cannot move forward, they have never proved to help him get his writing done. But for sure I’ll start subtley working on getting him to try to go these tutoring sessions, even if he thinks they will not be helpful. Maybe he’ll meet a cute girl!
I truly believe that his writing issues will improve with age and confidence, but right now I hate to see him struggling and potentially turning to games for escape.</p>
<p>From S’s school’s website:
In order to qualify for accommodations, a student must provide appropriate documentation as outlined by the Association of Higher Education and Disabilities (AHEAD). This documentation is then reviewed by the Disability Services Consultant and accommodations are made based on that review. When accommodations are appropriate, the student then meets with the Student Disabilities Services Coordinator and is advised of the accommodations. </p>
<p>The student is given a “Request for Services Form” which indicates which accommodations or modifications have been determined to be appropriate, such as time extensions for exams or outside of classroom testing. The student is responsible for meeting with instructors to discuss how the accommodation provisions will be implemented. The purpose of the form is to notify the instructors that the disability has been verified. We expect the student to discuss with the instructors the specific accommodations needed, but the student is not required to disclose the nature of the disability with the individual instructor, as this information is considered confidential.</p>
<p>Hi all! I’ve not posted for a week or so. DH and I had a nice long weekend away. I’m glad to catch up with all the news here. </p>
<p>I know I won’t be able to hit all the highlights, but NM I do hope the surgery goes well and #theory, it sounds as if your son is learning what it will take for him to be successful. Isn’t that 1/2 the battle of freshman year? </p>
<p>This drinking discussion is always worrisome for me. DD is not a drinker. She tried one drink once or twice. She didn’t like the taste of it. I’ve asked her about how she will approach drinking parties as she is at a campus with a party reputation. She doesn’t think it will be an issue for her. She said she doesn’t like feeling out of control. I’m not naive enough to think she’ll never have an underage drink, etc. but I hope she’s one of those kids that knows limits quickly. I do know she’s found a number of like minded kids on her floor. I am worried though that she’s not learned what a “bad” night is. </p>
<p>A month, exactly, since we dropped her off. I think we’re starting to become used to our new 3 person household size. I know DS is getting more of my attention, for better or worse. She’s coming home for some part of the weekend next week to help celebrate her brother’s birthday. I can’t wait to have her here again. Somedays I’m reminded of when she was a baby. I had to go back to work when she was 8 weeks old. Along with the emotional missing I used to physically miss holding her. I miss hugging her.</p>
<h1>theorymom–I hope my comment did not come off as too cavalier. That wasn’t my intent. I really meant that you should be proud he sees a problem and is asking for help in creating a solution.</h1>
<p>TM#-- that sounds really vague… and, not really welcoming. Even if there are a lot of hoops to jump through (and for some good reason I suppose) it would be a lot better if they worked on the wording - federally required or not. In light of your question, I looked at son’s school’s website:</p>
<p>
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<p>When you go the specific website, while the same legal stuff is there about process, they make it feel at least surmountable and that it’s a team, not a you vs us. The truth of course is that your school might make it seem harder than it is and son’s school might like to sound more welcoming than they really are! Your son won’t know until he walks through the door to simply ask. But I think it’s important you try to figure out what kind of documentation you will need exactly before you see if you can get it. Are there certain criteria to qualify for certain things?</p>
<p>But lets not loose the tree in spite of the forest. I also think it’s great that he is recognizing some issue and seeking advice, support or… while he’s still splashing around on the surface and not waiting until is lying on the bottom of the pool.</p>
<p>well, D got through the first big exam yesterday. She has no problems seeking out the profs at office hours, appts with TAs, starting up study groups, etc. S on the other hand would rather slit his wrists than do that.
D also mentioned that she had dinner with one of her professors yesterday. It was spontaneous - they both were in the cafeteria together. She said when she heard this stuff “happens all the time” during the college tour, she never believed it. This is a huge 13K+ university. So, this is good news, right??</p>
<p>the wording I got was actually from the faculty handbook. This is the info they give the faculty. They would necessarily be more rah rah with the students I think.</p>
<p>I looked up AHEAD and it looks reasonable. Will make sure the psychologist is aware of it (if she is not already) so she can make sure she complies with the info required.</p>
<p>Woody, sounds like your D is doing great.</p>
<p>Just made reservations for S to come home at midsemester break (the break is 10 days). He asked if he could come home. We had initially told him he would be coming home only at Christmas and summer because of the distance. He said things are fine but he would just like to come home for a bit. I guess we’ll get the full story then. We’ll have some grades by then too. And thinking about it, 10 days is a long time for him to hang out there by himself, while he does not have a large group of friends there yet. My bet is it will change next year and we may only see him occasionally. He gets he will have to stay there at Thanksgiving though. Just too short a time for the trip.</p>
<p>D’s school gives them a week at Thanksgiving. So she is coming home, something older D was never able to do. I suggested that she see whether it is too much travel so close to exams and Christmas break, and then she can decide what she wants to do next year. But hanging around a campus when virtually all the other students are gone isn’t much fun either, I suspect.</p>
<p>She said the three exams she had this week (Calc II, Chemistry, Intermediate German) were “long and involved, but not hard.” Two of the tests were two hour exams scheduled outside of class, and those were on the same day. When I texted to her “at least you survived the first round of college exams” she responded “barely.” </p>
<p>Um, is that just for dramatic effect, or is there something I don’t know???</p>
<p>Zetesis
I get the same feeling sometimes. That maybe the somewhat negative answers will offset expectations. I think our kids feel the pressure of our expectations and might want to set it up so we lower them some</p>
<p>Maybe, #theorymom … I know she’d been a bit under the weather and that she had 3 exams in a compressed time period (Thursday afternoon through Friday morning). I guess she wants us to know she’s working hard at more than the fun she reports!</p>
<p>that too! Still I think it has something to do with parental expectations. She sounds like she is doing great. College is all about working hard AND having fun. Need to talk to S about this. I suspect he hides the “fun” part from me</p>
<p>D posted on her FB pulled her first all nighter writing a paper I was so thrilled!!! I quickly learned in college not the way to go.
D has a hearing loss what she has always compensated for. but we do have her plugged into the disability office. first she needs a visual fire alarm system in her room as she sleeps on her best hearing ear, and if she needs note taking . and if something comes up it is documented. They have been very receptive. So far no help needed even in big lecture halls, but they do require specific documentation.</p>
<p>A cousin’s son is a grad student at MIT and his girlfriend is a grad student at Harvard and is they are RA’s. She was at our house recently and is very funny. She played herself calling home while in college on the phone with Mom and Dad. I can’t quite replicate, but you’ll probably get the idea. “Mom, I don’t have any friends, the courses are really hard, there’s not enough closet space, I’m putting on weight (she’s under 100 pounds dripping wet), … . Love you”. “Hi, Dad. Everything’s OK. Classes are interesting. Meeting lots of people. Love you.” Click. Then with great drama, “My mother doesn’t understand me.”</p>
<p>Shawbridge… ding ding ding!! I think that is exactly how it is. During son’s bumps in the road, he told my sister it was all great etc etc. THen I talked to him and I couldn’t possibly understand how it was (with football, orientation, new people etc).</p>
<p>I do think S was extremely lucky to find a common ally so early on. They just have a common worth ethic and too, have a class together. </p>
<h1>TM… I think you’re absolutely right that different publications or whatever have different spins with all the same hoops more or less. But I have to admit that even with some good support systems in 2003, colleges seem to have hugely evolved since then when it comes to accommodations for all sorts of things. Once more confirming that she was slightly gypped by her public school.</h1>