<p>Had a sad call with Son last night. It was homecoming weekend - no football team, so there was just an outdoor concert, picnic, indoor “sing off”, etc. Son did go to the outdoor concert and picnic but couldn’t get a ticket for the big sing off. There was a huge drunken frat party that Son chose not to attend so he went to bed early on Saturday night. He never complains, but Husband is the one who calls him and pries him for details about his social life and (lack of) friends. It doesn’t sound like there are any potential BFFs on his floor in his dorm, which isn’t surprising, but he just hasn’t met that many other people. Oh, yeah, and his roommate spent the weekend doing college visits, since he is definitely transferring.</p>
<p>oh…so sorry missypie! I know how much we want our kids to find their niche without too many problems. Thinking of you and S!</p>
<p>D2 was home this weekend and we had a very nice visit. She was upbeat and relaxed but you could just see her wilt when it was time to leave. We have a hard time understanding her reasons for not liking the school but it is obvious it is not the right fit for her. Her classes haven’t been very challenging but it sounds as if she is doing more with some of the girls and having some fun. We’ll see!</p>
<p>NM, I was thinking of your D when Son said his roommate was doing college visits this weekend. I assume your D has already visited the schools to which she is thinking of tranferring? It would certainly be interesting to do college visits with a student who already has a semester of college under his/her belt. I imagine that the questions he/she would ask would be much more informed.</p>
<p>Last week was the big “college fair” at our HS. I was at school for a different meeting but I swung by to say hi to the admissions officer from Son’s school. When he asked how it was going for Son, I SO wanted to say, “Fine except that the only thing to do on the weekends is to get drunk at frat parties” but I restrained myself since there were innocent '10s standing around.</p>
<p>RM - love the idea of the turkey in the car top carrier! maybe a new way to thaw a turkey? pretty soon this tip will be on the Butterball website!</p>
<p>downtoearth - I hope what ever you had has passed - hopefully just a reaction to the vaccine.</p>
<h1>tm - hope you are feeling better too. it’s about time.</h1>
<p>missypie - so sorry for your S and your worries about him. it really sounded like things were getting better for him socially. wish i had advice, but just {{{hugs}}} instead.</p>
<p>it sounds like a “new era” for lots of us - fiance at the Thanksgiving table, long weekends away from an empty nest, unseen GFs, possible transfers …reminds me of Rafiki and Simba in The Lion King :
Rafiki: Ahhh. Change is good.
Simba:* Yeah, but it’s not easy*</p>
<p>we will drive to Chicago for Thanksgiving with the inlaws. the only change is D will fly from Boston to meet us there. I am counting the days :)</p>
<p>Missypie, I’m sorry your S is having a tough time with his social life. It’s a small school, but that doesn’t always mean you won’t feel a bit lost. Is he in a freshman dorm? I know they tend to stick together – which can often be good – but maybe when it’s a more mixed environment, he’ll find some kindred spirits. And he may end up bonding with kids he meets outside of the dorm: clubs, classes, whatever. It’s just slower than you’d all like. I know I’m not saying anything you haven’t heard, but hang in there. It’s still only the first semester.</p>
<p>Yeah, they do tend to sick together…as they walk over to the frat house to get drunk together. I think he’ll find his group eventually. I know that it took me well into second semester to find a group of kindred spirits at college. I never did “click” with the folks in my major - I really just had one friend in my major in all of college.</p>
<p>We always hurt for our kids when things do n ot go well at the start. I wasa comuter student and it took me a bit to get into things, but then met kids who to this day are my friends. It takes time. If you arent the kind of kid into the party scene it can take longer. Why does his roomate not like the school?
My D2 has similar virus without temp, I was looking forward to an easier time because I started the easier chemo and just feel frustrated. I want to feel good. She got invite to a semi formal at another school and i want to find her a dresss. I could ask a freind but I want to be the mom. but Ihave to i have freinds who will do it. Mostly i want her to be happy.This too shall pass. I guess we all have lessons in our lives to learn, transitioning our kids, kids learning to fit in, learning who they are, etc…
TM wondering how you are?</p>
<p>CCBLINker I loved the book THE HELP recommended it to lots of people I was a bit frustrate aabout TG plans, had arranged My D to fly with a male friend from the school, he changed his flight with telling us. She will now go with a girlfriend from AU . I really worry about her traveling byherself to the airport. imagination takes over, watching too many CSI, The Lost etc…</p>
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<p>I hear ya!!! It’s one thing to have friends who are there for you, but quite another to actually delegate the fun stuff!</p>
<p>Yes, she is looking at colleges that she is familiar with. One of the schools she nixed immediately when she started her initial visits. I thought that was very interesting. I don’t bite my tongue when people ask how she is doing. I say she is homesick and is still trying to find her way, that she doesn’t like the culture of the team and school. Most people get it. The schools she is looking at are also very different…one a large private and the other our state flagship. She refused to even consider the U before. Too large, too urban, too much. Now she is considering it because of the strength of her major there. I want her to be happy but I think she is giving up a lot if she transfers. But I also know I was worried about the academic rigor of her school way back when she decided that was where she wanted to go.</p>
<p>Missypie, how is S feeling about his social life at school? Does he seem to have people to eat with? Is he involved in some extracurriculars? </p>
<p>My Aspergers son doesn’t seem to have made any BFFs at his college, but he seems to be adjusting and getting involved in activities with other people. For us, these baby steps are enough for now. My son is who he is; he’s not going to have fifty best friends after two months.</p>
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<p>I think he’d feel a lot better about his social life if my husband wouldn’t pry into it. He does have people to eat with. He’s in choir, and is involved in the chapel services and a Bible study. He’s never been a hyper-religious kid, but the religious students are the ones who don’t seem to be into the frat parties. </p>
<p>As I think has been discussed either on this thread or another one, the problem comes on the weekend nights. Clubs/ECs don’t meet on weekend nights - those are reserved for “having fun with your friends.” I know with myself, I love it when I don’t have any plans on a Saturday night and can just veg out…but vegging out alone in a dorm room on a Saturday night sounds (and feels) pathetic.</p>
<p>Hey at least I confinced H to take the car top carrier. I didn’t want to have to pick out the bugs 
Wonder if I could cook the potatoes on the engine as we are driving? Anything to save time. LOL</p>
<p>D has certaintly found her place at school and not where I expected. The floor that she is on they are all friends and do almost everything together. Some what strange even there but it’s working for her. Only down side is that that means that she isn’t friends with the cross country/track kids and is even thinking about not doing indoor track. It would be good for her to rest after her injury last year. I’m afraid though that she will miss it and once you are out I think it’s going to be hard to get good enough for the team again. We’ve told her that is her decision. She’s not there on an athletic scholarship so no worries there. I’m just glad that she is fitting in. </p>
<p>Of course she made the decision to go to that school because she really liked the coach and it had a solid bio program. How things change in a year.</p>
<p>Oh and she tells us almost everything I think. She let us know that she drank 1/2 a beer at a party. Then proceeded to tell us that she probably drank about 1/4 because she gave 1/2 or her 1/2 to another girl. Oh and she doesn’t like beer she’s decided. Guess the drinking part isn’t for her but she does enjoy watching the stupid things that her friends do when they are drunk.</p>
<p>Funny…D2 has also joined a Bible study and she is not particularly religious.</p>
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<p>Son’s sounds like a pretty decent group. I guess they all do an activity together - movie, bowling, etc, - then go the house of a church member for a bible study. If Son could just meet a few people that would be great. He’s never had a rich social life - if he just had someone to go to a movie with on a Saturday night, he’d be content. </p>
<p>Contrary to the way teens are portrayed in movies and TV shows, I think there are quite a few who aren’t out with friends every night and who think it’s fine to hang with their families on weekends. But how does that sort of teen handle college, when “wild weekends” are almost expected?</p>
<p>missypie–I am wondering also if your H’s questions just add to your S’s sense of lonliness on the weekend nights. Often things sound gloomier to us than the kid is actually experiencing it. I know my S is in his room late (early?) on Sat. nights and on his computer. The tracking on his computer comes to ours–we keep telling him to call and get it changed because until he does (we can’t) we know everytime he logs on. Strange things to know for a 19 year old but he must not mind. Anyway, I think he has some friends to eat with and do things with but not being a drinker and not wanting to join a frat and, I suppose, the HS GF has him often on his computer on a Saturday night. I do wonder (worry a little) but think that unless he brings it up it might be best to respect that he is finding his way. Sometimes asking a kid a question can make it sound like something is wrong there. Not so eliquent this morning but you know what I mean.</p>
<p>“but I want to be the mom” Oh you’re the mom alright - that will never change!
{{{Hugs}}} to missypie!</p>
<p>RM - Surprisingly, there is a such thing as “radiator cooking”. You might want to google it. I have never done it, but saw some hs kids doing it in the parking lot of the school. Tailgating before the game, and no grills (flames) allowed.</p>
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<p>Absolutely. Sensitivity is not the man’s forte.</p>