<p>PRJ so happy for you!</p>
<p>Just peeking in wishing happy Hanukkah and safe travels to your students!</p>
<p>Man, it’s pretty nasty out there on CC… I’m glad this thread is still so cozy. I’ve been sick for a while, finally turned the corner and am back in the world again. And geek_son comes home next week.</p>
<p>I’ll neverever be able to catch up on all the posts I’ve missed – just catching up on the job and housework is a bit much right now 
– but wanted to stop by and wish everyone a happy Hanukkah, merry Christmas, and a wonderful holiday season! To those whose kiddos still have finals, best wishes for their success! And to those whose kiddos are finished already, congratulations on jobs well done!</p>
<p>sorry geek mom you have been ill. hoping that you get your strength back soon. yes this is a nice thread, I have been afraid to go elsewhere.</p>
<p>S3 got back this afternoon. It’s wonderful to have his sweet, shaggy face home again. After a long, long, long hot shower and a play session with his doggy, he is deep in to FIFA 2010. </p>
<p>It’s funny–all 3 of my boys have loved college life, but when they first get home, all they want to do is decompress and be anti-social for a day or two. It’s like the effort of being fun and social and accomodating all the time burns them out to the point that they just need to be all alone for a while when they finally get the chance.</p>
<p>So we had a wonderful family dinner tonight, and I’m screening his phone calls right now.</p>
<p>He’ll probably feel a lot more social by tomorrow night.</p>
<p>Oh my dear 09/13 friends, Son failed a class. He’s known he was in trouble since October but says he was too ashamed to seek help. That was the reason he was at a small LAC…there were so many different avenues of assistance, but he didn’t take any of them. He’s still waiting for one more grade…he says it won’t be good but won’t be failing.</p>
<p>His school choice was a big risk and we all knew it. We can’t pay for it without his merit aid, which he’ll lose. He could have gone to a mid-level state, where we could have easily paid full price. He could have gone to a very similar LAC where he would have only had to have maintained a 2.0 to keep his aide. But he thought the school he chose was the best fit so we went with it.</p>
<p>I’ll be on the phone with the school in the morning. I hope they’ll refund the money we just sent last week. I assume it’s too late for next semester at the local state U. Don’t know about the community college. Too ashamed to seek help…how will it feel to be the guy living at home after one semester at college?</p>
<p>I think I feel more like throwing up than crying.</p>
<p>Virtual hugs missypie. I haven’t posted anything here for a long time, but couldn’t pass you by on this one. We all want our kids to succeed and be happy and it is so hard to go through their hard times and disappointments. Unfortunately, they really do have to learn the lessons their own way in their own time. Here’s hoping he’ll know to reach out for help in a more timely manner in the future either to his family or the resources at school. Is it possible the school will put him on a probationary period with the merit aid intact for next semester or is it automatically gone immediately? It’s certainly worth a phone call on your part, but, more importantly, what is your son doing about petitioning and acting on his own behalf? Best to you and your son.</p>
<p>Oh no missypie, so sorry to hear your son had a rough time in a class, and the ramifications would have me sick to my stomach too. What a painful and expensive lesson to learn about asking for help!</p>
<p>Annually renewable merit aid is just that, though… annually renewed. It shouldn’t be re-evaluated until after next semester’s grades. So if he can do anything to bring his GPA back within striking distance, all is not yet lost. Can’t he just retake the class next semester and get his GPA back up in time to regain the merit money for next fall? Please ask about his possible options when you call, including any chance to late-late-withdraw from the class if there was anything that could relate his performance to medical reasons. Assuming he still thinks his school is a good match for him.</p>
<p>Oh {{{{Missypie}}}} I don’t know what to say I am so sorry for him and for you. When the dust (i.e., your stomach) settles, I KNOW you will have a plan of attack that puts him in a position to be successful. I also think you have the ability to make great strides on the phone with the school…at least I REALLY hope so. Don’t give up on the State U–I know a girl in my state who just last week arranged a transfer from an out of state LAC to our in-state univ. </p>
<p>I’m just blathering on here, but please don’t be ashamed. Smarter moms than I will be on with advice–and you’re always so resourceful! Take care–and try to rest.</p>
<p>missypie, I feel your pain. S1 had a similar experience (not failing, but darned close) last year and told noone. Knew there were resources and was too paralyzed to get help. Agree that you should contact the school about when grades are reviewed for maintaining the scholarship – I’m sure they realize freshman year can be tough, and your S has more than his share to handle.</p>
<p>Any chance the other schools that offered merit $$ would still offer it to him? Do you think this is a situational problem or one that is broader in scope?</p>
<p>Your S wanted to take a chance and spread his wings – that took a lot of guts. There will be other kids home, too. Going to CC/local state college for a semester may help him get the academic ducks in a row and to learn some self-advocacy skills without the difficulties of roommates, etc. Once he has that under his belt, then other options may come back into play.</p>
<p>{{{{hugs}}}}</p>
<p>Oh missypie–oh oh. But I agree that merit $$ is typically an acedemic year. I do not remember if you S’s school is within driving distance but if it is think about driiving over with him and talk with someone in person. If not, then of course you need to call in the morning and ask what the next step might be. And if you find out he can stay another semester and then lose his $$ he/you could look into other schools both local and rolling admissions for next fall. BUT I am so so sorry for all of your family and am going to hope you get some decent news tomorrow.</p>
<p>oh Missypie
I am so afraid I will be writing the same note. But I am trying to stay positive.
Spoke to son today and asked how he thinks he will end up at the end of the term. He was noticeably uncomfortable, so I said, it’s OK this is a scarey time. And he opened up and said EVERYone at his school was totally stressed out, not just him. SO I told him he would do fine and not to worry, He either was prepared or he wasn’t and we would figure it out when he came home (finals start Monday) The good thing is at least at S’s school, anything less than a C is not recorded (it is no record /no credit) I think he is hoping for better than a C or worse than a C ! LOL But I called him to ask him today if he thought he would be continuing at the school next semester. And he said he wants to that he is having fun and learning lots. I guess we will see after his grades are in, but it looks like no matter what he will at least finish out the year there - and maybe his grades will be just fine, but if he was in trouble, I know for a fact he would not admit it nor ask for help.</p>
<p>Missypie, I know exactly that feeling you are having, and it is horrible. Just know it is not the end of the world. Though I know it feels like the bottom just dropped out. Can’t he finish out the year where he is? His aid covers the year doesn’t it? It does at S’s school. Can you help him choose his classes to end there on a good foot so he can transfer next year? I am so so sorry. We are all here for you.</p>
<p>My sister was in a similar situation to you, absolutely sure that her dd would lose her merit aid. It turned out that although the the school policy appeared very rigid, they were extremely flexible about working out an arrangement for my niece to stay there, and for it to be affordable.</p>
<p>Maybe your son could do some thinking about how much he wants to stay at that school and whether it really is a good fit for him. If he really wants to stay, and can figure out how to avoid a similar situation in the future, I bet he could make a very convincing argument. </p>
<p>Maybe I’m naive, but I think many freshmen begin to struggle and don’t know how to get themselves sorted out. But, they use that experience to guide them in future semesters about getting help early on. Sometimes, they need to change majors, or just learn the ropes better, gather a lot of info about particular classes and professors before registering so they avoid the classes that others know to avoid!</p>
<p>I wish you all the best for a productive conversation.</p>
<p>
This was my son through the first half of the semester… and me through my first year. It’s a life lesson, sometimes a hard one. Me, I was just shy and lazy; kiddo-pie has better reasons. Look at all the personal adjustments he made successfully over the semester! Living in close quarters with a stranger… negotiating coursework with multiple professors… learning to communicate at a distance with mom and dad… handling all the mundane “life maintenance” stuff on his own. I hope he looks on those achievements with pride and doesn’t count himself a failure overall.</p>
<p>And I really hope the conversation will go well tomorrow, with some flexible solution that will give him the means to stay and apply the life lessons he’s learned from failing a class.</p>
<p>missypie, I will add that S1 pulled it back together and realized what adjustments he needed to make. Just keep talking to S about what he thinks he needs to do next semester, wherever he is, to get himself back on track. If he can come up with a plan while he’s home, it may be easier to implement than when he is overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to begin attacking the problem. (We talked through a lot of that stuff with S. He knew what to do at one level, but not in his gut.)</p>
<p>If your S normally takes medication, find out if he was doing so consistently during the semester. I’ve heard of many kids who decide they can/want to do without it, and then find themselves in over their heads. Our ped warned us that sometimes prescriptions need adjusting when kids are off at college because they have new body clocks or find they need meds for some activities, but not for others. This is something I touch base with my kid about on a periodic basis.</p>
<p>If he is happy, feels like this grade was a fluke, can get a schedule that will help him be more successful next semester and the school will continue the scholarship for another term, I’d be inclined to let him go back. I’m sure he has grown a lot this semester. That would also give you all some time to think about whether and where he might transfer.</p>
<p>Oh, Missypie, I’m sorry to hear your bad news. I hope for all the best for you when you call the school and try to figure out what to do next. You might be pleasantly surprised that your son’s small LAC will work with you and him; they want him to succeed. Even if you can’t work things out with his school, realize that it was worth it to send him there so he could try. He will have learned a lot, even if he didn’t perform as well as you wanted him to.</p>
<p>I know that sinking feeling in the pit of one’s stomach, when one’s fears are confirmed. I don’t know how Fang Jr did this quarter, but I’m just hoping he passed all his courses. His getting a call from Counseling after the quarter was over and he was home, saying he would be allowed to rewrite two papers he hastily wrote for one class the last couple of days before he left, filled me with alarm about his other classes. If he doesn’t do well enough this quarter, he might not be allowed to return.</p>
<p>And a shout out to the others reading this post who have freshmen who are struggling. I know you’re like me, reading all the posts from posters happily talking about how their children are getting great grades, and thinking, “Gulp. Am I the only one with a kid who isn’t getting ‘fine’ grades?” No. No, you’re not.</p>
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<p>Ditto from me, MP. At least he is at a small LAC and you have the chance to talk with a real live person who will be sympathetic.</p>
<p>Hugs to you missypie. I know your son must also not be feeling great right now so hugs to him also. Through this entire college search, admissions, decisions, etc. process you’ve helped your son and have been strong and smart. I know you’ll get through this also. </p>
<p>Hoping for you that all goes well today.</p>
<p>I’m so glad I have y’all! Thanks for the kind words and advice. I’ll feel better when I know about the merit aid status, no matter what the answer is. The uncertainty is so unsettling. </p>
<p>Of course, he says he wants to change his major…and two of his courses for next semester are in his major and he can’t take the sophomore level courses without passing the course he failed which, of course, he’s not signed up to take.</p>
<p>I’m sure that most of you will understand my feeling of betrayal…of being lied to pretty much every conversation and visit over the last several months. I know, at least it was grades and not drugs or crime. But poor guy, he knew that we’d find out. How has he lived with this?</p>
<p>Hugs to missypie and missy-son. Asking for help and knowing when to is one of the single most valuable lessons in life and as weird as it sounds, trust that the universe is perfect and is giving him the lessons he needs when he needs them. I was one of those “Fs or As” kind of students in college (and true, went back 3 times : ) and learned more from that process (in terms of eventually mastering self-management) that I could use in life than the content of any single course. I also think that most schools completely understand a freshman failing a first term course. Some schools will even give an Incomplete to allow for makeup of work. And I am equally confident you can find a way to hang onto merit for the next term. S. was in a similar situation with a core theory course that was way above his pay grade and they’ve elected to let him make up the work in order to pass it – but true that we found out early enough to manage it. In his case, his marks are very high in his major concentration, so that may have been a mitigating factor, I am not sure. What I do know is that as difficult as this all feels right now, some day you’ll look back and go “Wow, if that hadn’t happened, this wonderful thing wouldn’t have happened.”
Another option is to consider is attempting to have the course retroactively removed and taking it fresh. It is unusual to do so, but I once did that in a specialized program after submitting a detailed explanation and plan for success. In that program, an F meant you could not proceed with the degree. It helped that my prof supported my application. So, just know that there ARE options, and that there is value to be had in the situation. And that I am sending you the light for the happiest possible outcome! MissySon is lucky to have you. I didn’t have anyone in my corner when I went through that as a freshman.</p>