<p>Missy,
your son faces so many challenges as it is…it was probably extra hard for him to go get the help. Could the LD services on campus be helpful with him now? Maybe to help him get what he needs in the way of classes for next semester, and getting him set with academic supports for next semester as well?</p>
<p>Missypie hope things work out with the school. Your son must feel terrible which of course makes it even worse for you. :(</p>
<p>Hope you can get this resolved before too long so that you can move on and enjoy the time your son is home.</p>
<p>missypie-So sorry to hear that. Please don’t feel ashamed to ask for help. Things like this happen (most likely more than we know). I agree with the others, contact S’s school and explain the situation and see what you can work out. </p>
<p>Hugs and good luck to both of you.</p>
<p>Just adding a virtual hug.
A small LAC may offer several options, like letting S retake class and using that grade. I suspect his aid won’t be affected, if he does better next semester.
At Thanksgiving, I spoke to parents about how hard an adjustment their kids had, especially when they were far from home, among strangers. My son said the same. He was fortunate in that his school had P/F for first 2 terms.</p>
<p>Gosh, missypie, I’m so sorry that you and S are going through this. It’s definitely hardest dealing with the unknown. Once the school opens this morning and you can begin working toward a solution you’ll feel better, I’m sure. While this is the first time this has happened to you, it can’t be the first time the school has seen this. </p>
<p>Hugs and good luck to you!</p>
<p>Missy Pie – Ironically, I know how it feels to be you in this situation AND how it feels to be the kid. I have been there and it’s not fun… not for him and frankly, not for anyone. Though I will agree with a few other here in that I am surprised the school is so quick to take away merit aid before the year end. I am so sorry you feel betrayed (as you have a legitimate right to feel), but I also get the overwhelmed, too ashamed to ask for help as well. It’s so frustrating as an adult, especially when you’re me and can see where you did very much the same thing that has become your life’s biggest regret. I saw it with my older D and how she had been given such wonderful opportunities that she completely blew by simply not asking for help. I will say this much however, both my younger kids have no problems asking for help and I swear it’s because they have a confidence older D never had. The only way I can really articulate it is to say it’s like paralysis iced with denial, and maybe I can only speak for myself, but… It’s like you want to get to the other side of it, but you honestly have no way to break it down to say, “just begin.” It doesn’t matter where. </p>
<p>And not to make light of anyone’s learning differences, this is how it is and “all” that I have going on is a little ADD. It’s like a life of putting out fires. If there are other issues at play, I am sure the paralysis only gets worse. Sprinkle that all with a slightly lacking self esteem and well, again… my heart goes out to you. But I am also here to tell you that there will be more than one kid home after first semester. Heck, I found out the other day that one of my S’s classmates never left in the fall at all! He decided last minute to do a gap year. So, meaning can be found. Look at it as an opportunity and not a debilitating set back.</p>
<p>Sorry this is sooo long, but honestly – I know exactly how you feel.</p>
<p>missypie, I’m so sorry. I’m not even in your class but I follow this thread, and your story especially. </p>
<p>I can only imagine all you are feeling: betrayal, self-recrimination, doubt, fury, disappointment, worry, you name it. All these for yourself and your poor boy whom you now know must have been living in mortal dread of what was coming. </p>
<p>I want to tell you one quick story. You are probably still in that purely emotional place, but just in case it might help, here goes. </p>
<p>My best friend’s son had a similar crisis except he was suicidal as well. He had to withdraw from college where he had a full scholarship, and return home. </p>
<p>His parents took him to a wonderful psychiatrist who is exceptionally adept with adolescents who have academic problems. Turns out this highly intelligent child had severe learning/social problems that had not been recognized or addressed. </p>
<p>All that is not particularly relevant. What is relevant is he took some classes at a CC while home, earned excellent grades, and returned to his college with his scholarship almost fully restored. He did well from that point on, graduated, found an excellent job, and is completely contented. </p>
<p>To me, this outcome (withdrawing and returning home) would be your worst case scenario and even it had a very happy ending. It was not the route his family envisioned – he reached the destination all the same. It is probably difficult for you to believe right now, but they are grateful for the crisis. He grew and matured in profound ways he would not have otherwise.</p>
<p>I’ll be thinking of you today as you contact the school and try to work this out. I pray they give you what you need: information, compassion, and hope. </p>
<p>This is just terribly hard. Again, I am so very sorry. I hope your husband is helping so you don’t have to shoulder this alone. </p>
<p>Hugs to you, my friend.</p>
<p>Missypie, I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this. It will work out, but can’t be easy. In addition to all the other feelings, I would likely have some anger directed at the school for not having required him to drop the class since his problems arose early in the semester. Not that anger and blame ever help resolve a situation, so kudos to you for not going there. I’m sure you will feel better after you talk through the merit aid situation, which certainly adds a level of stress and complexity to everything else.</p>
<p>Hugs and good luck to Missy and Son. I’m sure you will find the best solution.</p>
<p>missy-I have also been in your shoes and sympathize. Don’t panic, majors are changed and schedules are adjusted all the time and I really think it would be very unusual for a school to yank a merit award after only one semester, they are almost always renewed annually. Hopefully, the school can set your mind at ease this morning. Don’t panic, majors are changed and schedules are adjusted all the time. </p>
<p>Going from hs to college is a BIG step for our kids and learning all the ins and outs of the system can be a bit overwhelming. Just learning to admit they need help is huge. Please don’t be too angry, even kids that don’t face additional challenges can have rough transition. Take this time over the break to help your S see what he could/should have done differently and discover all the ways in which he can get additional support at school (office hours, setting a study schedule, tutoring…you know the drill). I’m sure you’ve done this all before, but he needs reinforcement of your confidence in him and his ability to get the help he needs to be successful.</p>
<p>This is just be a speed bump, not a brick wall. Good luck.</p>
<p>I haven’t yet received a return call from the Financial Aid people. The guy at the Center for Academic Success said that he doubts that they will yank merit aid after one semester. However, we may still need to look at transfer options because the guy reminded me that his GPA will have to be 3.0 for the two semesters combined. That means that if after all is said and done he has a 2.0 this semester, he’d need a 4.0 next semester which is extremely doubtful.</p>
<p>well missypie–that’s sort of good news. I hope he is correct.</p>
<p>Missypie,</p>
<p>I, too, am so sorry for you and your son. Not what any of you needed or wanted at the end of the first semester, or at Christmas time.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Maybe it’s that feeling we sometimes get that if we wait something out, it will go away. Of course all logic and reality counts against this, but anxiety and fear make us do, well, dumb things. As they say, denial is a primitive coping mechanism – but it generally works. </p>
<p>I hope you all find some way through the tangles.</p>
<p>If he retakes the failed class, he may be able to replace the F and his gpa won’t take as big a hit.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>But it’s so silly, isn’t it? If a kid is drinking too much or taking drugs, he can at least *tell *himself that maybe Mom and Dad won’t find out. But grades? That’s a certainty!</p>
<p>Here’s one funny thing - a comment to me after all of this, from his sister who is in 11th grade, “Mommy, I want to go to an easy school. Are the schools on my list easy schools?”</p>
<p>
No. In any college I know of, he can retake the class he failed and have the grade replaced, removing the ‘0’ from calculations. The failed class will still appear on his transcript, but will not drag down his GPA. missypie, please talk with the registrar at his college and read the course catalog to find out their policy on failed courses. I think you’ll find that kiddo-pie can dig himself out of this one in the course of a semester and be right back on track with his merit aid intact. I understand your worries (very, very well!) and wouldn’t think to belittle the concern or the situation, but I think you’re borrowing a little trouble right now. You need more facts about what failure means at kiddo-pie’s school. Truly, I believe this will work out and he will come roaring back next semester. Failure tastes bad. One taste is usually enough for a high achiever like your son, and you have the winter break to work with him on strategies to succeed next semester.</p>
<p>
I flunked out of college at the end of my first year (literally, ineligible to register). I took three summer school classes – two retakes and one I knew I could ace – buckled down and aced all three, and was able to get back in by the fall with a 3.0+ as if nothing had ever happened. I intercepted the mail and never told my parents… I don’t think they knew about this at all until I told my son the story in their presence!</p>
<p>Parents finding out about grade is a certainty? I don’t think NYU sends grades home.</p>
<p>missy, you might want to confirm that your son can’t use summer school as well to bring up his grades. That’s the way it works at our son’s school. They send weekly emails to the parents and today’s email was all about what to do to retain a scholarship if first semester grades were a disaster. The message was not to panic and that it can almost always be done.</p>
<p>Son signed the form that authorized the school to send grades to us.</p>
<p>Of course, these stories about students failing courses and never even telling their parents are probably alarming to most of us!</p>
<p>Missypie, I was an A/Incomplete-turned-to-F college student who was too terrified to ever approach a prof. (It is something with which I still struggle today.) I drilled, drummed and beat into my kids’ heads the importance of learning to self-advocate and worked on this skill with them all through high school. Seeing this happen to S1 really scared the cr*p out of me.</p>
<p>My parents <em>NEVER</em> knew this happened to me (and don’t to this day). I was paying my own way and they never saw report cards.</p>
<p>It happens a lot. Not every parent is brave enough to come forward and talk about it.</p>