<p>Missypie - I have lived in suburbia and in rural. Its difficult to exercise outside in my rural area. No walking trails, no shoulders on the roads. I get run off and horns blown at me all the time. Too far in the middle of nowhere to join a club. I much preferred suburbia.</p>
<p>hugs to you #theorymom. Crying in the shower - breaks my heart.</p>
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<p>Mine, too. The whole concept of the Boy Man breaks my heart anyway…the idea that boys need to toughen up, that they can’t hold their mommy’s hand after a certain age lest it look weird, that they can’t cry in front of people.</p>
<p>He did let me give him a hug</p>
<p>What I find odd is the kids never get their finals back to see where they went wrong.
I told him was sure they would be given to him if he asked for them, but getting him to ask for anything has always been futile. I was shocked to know he went to student resources for help with Analysis (only once tho I bet and the students there at that time had not taken the class) so maybe he will ask for the tests (but I doubt it)</p>
<p>These next 2 terms are make or break. We had to let him know. So he needs to figure it out this academic year if he wants to stay there next year. I wish I had a better sense of his abilities to seek help, to ask for accommodations, or in any way appear vulnerable to his peers.</p>
<p>I have to think there was high volume of slacking off this term, however, compared to last terms successes. Again, I can only hope it is a wake up call and that he has the ability to do something about it. If not, I am at a loss for options. I don’t know where he can go and succeed. I am trying not to think down that road yet, it is too frightening</p>
<h1>theorymom - how sad 
Hopefully next term will go better for him.</h1>
<p>That is so sad, particularly that he is hurting so much. That was painful just to read. I don’t know anything about Analysis (no pun intended), but it sounds like the switch to calc will be a great plan. Since he had a wonderful first term, I’m sure he can turn it around and this last term was just a fluke.</p>
<h1>theorymom- That’s so sad. Hugs to your son and you.</h1>
<p>Awww–#theorymom–I’m sending a big hug to you and to your son. My heart is aches for him.</p>
<p>thanks for the kind words
yes he will have to figure out how to turn it around. At least he did have success the first term, and though he denies to me that he worked less this term, he will need to figure it out, be honest with himself and make some resolutions
Big step for a kid who is really just a kid (I wish I could have talked him into that gap year - he is barely 18)
he so wants to be independent, he really does not want me to figure it out, he wants to come up with the plan himself, and to that end, before I even saw his grades and before he went to cry in the shower, he went online and changed the classes he is signed up for.
So really, all I can realistically do is be supportive. Had to tell H that this would be our tack, he was pretty unhappy to hear we had paid for an entire semester of no grades and no credit, but it is part of the learning experience, or at least I am trying to convince myself of that.</p>
<p>At this point, no harm, no foul (or as my brother would say at holiday dinner - no ham no fowl) It will be invisible.
I did ask him not to give up and he was very definite that he was not about to do so, so…</p>
<p>Damn but I was hoping for a champagne toast to a successful first semester, so instead I guess we toast to new beginnings.</p>
<p>Thanks for being here, fellow 2013ers.</p>
<p>I kept feeling like I was waiting for a shoe to drop. It did…</p>
<p>Sheesh… away for a day and all kinds of things have happened.</p>
<p>first: When H&I were separated, I was the one that moved out. Longer story there, but I moved to an apartment just off the lakes and would walk around it every day. It’s just under three miles and the thing about a lake is, once you start going around it, there’s no shortcut back. At first I spent a lot of time walking, thinking (crying) etc, but then as I started to feel better (and get in better shape) I would go twice around in about an hour (run a little, walk a little, see familiar faces, say hello, listen to my Ipod… I loved loved it.) and seriously find myself missing that little apartment sometimes!!</p>
<h1>TM- I would be interested in what the testing says. The primary difference between my children is simple: One would never ask a question, let alone ask for help. The other figured that if he didn’t know the answer, no one did and had no trouble asking for help (except when there were lots of kids asking for help and then he assumed they needed it more). I remember reading where kids who are naturally good at school, managing projects, knowing how to study etc, ask the most questions, raise their hands more often etc than other kids for whom it doesn’t come as naturally.</h1>
<p>So… oldest D had her best report card of her life this past semester. We asked her what she did different. She said, she asked a lot more questions and wasn’t embarrassed to not know and HAVE to ask. She also went to the professor’s office hours before exams to make sure she had studied what she should (and more often than not got some great insight into the test) AND took test back to professor to clarify things she missed. This is completely new behavior brought on mostly by maturity, but also because she’s paying for it. I honestly don’t think she ever felt like she was worth another person’s time before. So sad. But I think once you get behind or FEEL behind, you don’t feel worthy of getting help when you obviously need it most!! She also just seemed to be laying on the bottom of the pool before she ever would notice she was drowning. BIG hugs to your S… I know how he feels.</p>
<p>On another note: D16 had a basketball game tonight. Some kids were out of town on vacation so there were only 8 kids. She was the only one who didn’t get in the game. I had a sobbing 16 year old in the car the entire ride home. Poor thing. She has no idea why either. And frankly, without boring you with details, either do I. The assitant coach was S’s teacher so I casually asked him if she was perhaps not working hard at practice and he said, she is working incredibly hard. So I really don’t get it and he had no clue either. Ticked. They were losing by 12 … everyone else played… if there was a point to be made in humiliating her, this coach should maybe point it out because at this point I think it’s just bad coaching/mentoring. She said nothing to her. Not a word.</p>
<p>Moda, so sorry to hear about your D not playing. Son’s friend had a horrible experience in 8th grade basketball - made the A team but played only a few minutes the whole season. The thing is, the experience really changed her…she went from being on top of the world to hating just about everything about school. These coaches don’t know the power they have and the damage they can do so casually. Hopefully you can use your mommy skills to let her know that the problem isn’t with her.</p>
<p>Moda, I’m sorry to hear about your D. I have had similar experience as a parent.And then when these things happen for no reason either and you have to just admit to your child that sometimes adults are just j***s. It is hard. Give her a hug from me.</p>
<p>I am so sorry, #theorymom. It is heartbreaking for your son, and no picnic for you and your husband, either. </p>
<p>As a teacher I see two glimpses of a silver lining. #1: He cares. The hardest thing to do in education is make a student care about something, or take responsibility for something if they insist on blaming others. #2: He has had success as a student before, and can figure out what was different this term from other experiences he’s had. Maybe the types of classes, the types of teachers, his own study habits are all factors. He probably has a good sense of when he fell behind, and why, and though he might not say it out loud, he probably has a sense of how he could have handled it differently.</p>
<p>Ah nuts…so sorry #theorymom and Modadunn! It is so hard when our kids are hurting. I think we moms feel their pain even more intensely than they do. Sounds like #theoryson is formulating a plan and at least willing to try and salvage his academic future. Moda…your D needs to talk with coach, she has nothing to lose. So many times the kids are afraid to talk with the coaches but this is one of the times she needs to advocate for herself.</p>
<p>Wow, #TM, that is difficult news. Especially after good Q1 news, but it sounds like success in Q1 may have bred excess confidence in Q2. The important thing at this point is for him to recognize that he needs to relearn the two math courses, because things are cumulative as you and he know. There may be two silver linings. First, he might learn that it is better to ask for help earlier. Second, he might learn the lesson that I’ve used a friend’s story to try to convey to my kids. A friend in a different department in grad school who is now my coauthor was studying incredibly hard for his generals. Another friend in the same department asked, “Why are you studying so hard? You always do so well on the exams.” He said, “You have the causation backwards. I do so well because I study so hard.”</p>
<p>Moda, glad to hear about your D’s good news and sad to hear about your other D’s bad news.</p>
<p>Moda - hugs to your daughter.</p>
<h1>theorymom - hugs to you and your son. On the bright side, it sounds like he is figuring out what he can do next term.</h1>
<p>shawbridge…I just love your posts! They really are so thoughtful and really make me think things through. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your wisdom so many times throughout this thread. I really do appreciate the kindness and support from the parents here on the forum for all of the kids and each other.</p>
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<p>yes, 50isthenew40, I think he does know how and what was different, and I hope he figures out how to do what he needs to do- one thing he mentioned was having to leave his room to study next term - good idea - I hope he does it</p>
<p>Good advice Shawbridge thanks. He may or may not repeat the Analysis course next year - he’ll talk to an advisor about that being a necessity or not. Many of the math people there do not take that sequence so… He came in with AP credit for Calc I and II so, instead of Analysis III, he will take Calc III (the hard one ugh), Discrete Math and Physics (mechanics). The following quarter he’s signed up to retake the CS class he NR’d, Calc IV and Physics II (Elec-Mag). There does not seem to be any real throw away or easy courses he can take, which is just as well. He needs to figure out how to get back on track in the courses he needs for his major.</p>
<p>If he does well next semester, he will stay in good academic standing, but he will have to take at least 2 classes this summer, either there or at a college here from which he would have previous permission to transfer credits in order to keep his scholarship. So even if he works his buns off the next 2 quarters, he still has his work cut out for him. I alternate between pity and fury. </p>
<p>His only other option would be to overload with an extra course each term and I think that would be ill advised given the classes he is scheduled to take.</p>
<p>So all is not lost IF he figures out how to ask for help and develop the organization and study skills he needs. SOOOO frustrating when he is so bright - for him too.</p>
<p>Moda Love your image of laying at the bottom of the pool before recognizing you are drowning
and - grrrr at that coach. What kind of person does that?</p>
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<h1>TM, in an earlier post you mentioned that he was discouraged as a math major but you think he shouldn’t give up on that yet. From that course schedule, it looks like engineering would be a walk in the park in comparison. That schedule looks intimidating.</h1>
<p>shawbridge, I used to tell people something similar when they talked about what a natural I am at public speaking. I used to have to give a lot of speeches, which I hated not because I’m shy (although I am an introvert) but because they required so darn much work. The secret to being “a natural” in almost anything is exhaustive preparation and practice.</p>
<p>Moda, sorry to hear about the basketball fiasco. H coached a rec league team for years (since the boys were probably in fourth grade) and always played every player at least one full quarter. In high school, three kids left their high school varsity teams (2 of which were starters) to play on his rec league team because it was so much more fun. The kids who get playing time on the high school teams are often acutely aware of their friends sitting on the bench and feel their pain as well.</p>
<p>I fell off the wagon on my diet last night. Just went nuts in the evening with total starvation kicking in. Time to start over.</p>