<p>I’ve been keeping up with all of your posts, but I’ve not posted myself for several days.<br>
missypie-I wish the meeting had gone better and #theorymom I am hoping for a good outcome for your son on Tuesday.</p>
<p>DH and DS have gone to a football game so I have an empty house for the first time in weeks. </p>
<p>I took DD back to campus this afternoon. Her roommate was unpacking and another friend was in the room. The three were so happy to see one another. I was lucky to be able to witness it. This drop off was not nearly as sad for me. I think it is because I know what to expect this semester a bit more. I will miss DD just being around though. Something like modadunn said a few posts back–we go from generally knowing their schedule and where they are for 18 plus years to wondering. I too have found it helpful to know when DD is in class, etc. </p>
<p>She claims she cleaned her bathroom. I didn’t ask her to do so I’m grateful for the effort I guess. I’ve not checked it yet. I have big plans to put the family room back in order tomorrow and get the rest of the house under control. DH and DS managed to finally take the Christmas tree down today. I removed the decorations last weekend. I seriously think this an early record for us. </p>
<p>I did get a bit frustrated with DD regarding a couple of scholarship applications I think she should fill out. She doesn’t think it would be worth her time–arghhhhh!!! I explained to her again that she needs to make up the extra money she wants to spend on housing next year. One scholarship alone would cover it. I’m just concerned she won’t be able to find employment this summer. She has plans to apply for a campus job, but our state just announced big cuts to the already established education budgets. How that will effect summer employment on campus remains to be seen.</p>
<p>Gosh–glad I am not the only one trying to get their kid to get the scholarship app. filled out. I have gone from threatening to bribing or…I mean “rewarding” :rolleyes:. I seriously thought about just dropping it but then realized it is not in my genetic make up to do that. So we will wait and see. Wonder how much not wanting to be gone away from the GF is behind his procrastination.
I am off to a 4 person retirement party in a few minutes and have a head cold. sick but not sick enough to no show. Still now sure what I am wearing.</p>
<p>Just came home after dropping my D at an upperclassperson’s apt for 2 weeks of pre-season training. I think I have found a young woman who has a messier apt than my S!! Hard to believe but true.
Actually, D was supposed to be staying with someone else but that person is ill and was unable to host her. Unfortunately, no one told D about that so we were sitting in a coffee shop this afternoon wondering A) where was she going to stay, B) how to get H home (5 hours away) to make 9AM flight to UK without leaving D on the street and C) who can she call to straighten this out. This was AFTER she called the housing/security/facilities office to open the dorm for her so she could get vital sports equipment. Well, it all worked out. Sometimes, you just have to let it all go. Perhaps this is MY version at EDM.*
PS- On the way home, she texted that teammates are thoroughly enjoying the 6 dozen or so cookies I made. (Note to self: to ingratiate offspring with heretofore unknown teammates, bake cookies, lots of them…</p>
<ul>
<li>Evidence of Developing Maturity</li>
</ul>
<p>Well one down and one to go. Left D early this morning at the airport. She’ll arrive on campus early this afternoon. I think she is ready to go back. S will leave mid-day today. He’s still sleeping and I doubt I’ll see much of him. D on the other hand was wide awake and watching TV and had already checked out her flights before I even came down stairs this morning…</p>
<p>Wow, you all seem to get nice long breaks. McSon was home on the 22nd and back in the saddle on Tuesday! Miss him of course, but the empty nest can be a nice quiet place as well ; )
Shawbridge, it is possible that ShawD could make a request of Shawmom to let her take the lead on her college visits, with specific examples (eg. mom, please do not ask the professors questions, let me ask the questions…) and thereby arrive at a tour agreement that would still include Shaw mom? I am getting the sense that Shaw mom is possibly like yours truly in that inquiring minds accustomed to assistant-managing an LD kid tend to dominate conversations. McSon has learned how to ask me to back off, and I have learned how to back off a little in response (which as a former investigative reporter, is exceedingly difficult for me). Our “pre-agreement” on these things and my own commitment to letting him “fly the plane” (and possibly crash it into the Andes : ) has vastly improved our joint desire to be around one another.
One thing that has also helped McSon tolerate my ways a little more is that he is very clear that I operate wholly out of love and concern and that when it happens, I am sorry if I did not afford him the chance to lead a situation. Since he’s no longer threatened by that, I find he now treats me as a “big gun” – involves me as a last resort or reserve guidance giver when in a jam. Probably less than I’d like (eg. music theory – could have gone differently if he’d proactively asked for an incomplete) but it’s his to solve.</p>
<p>Hi Gang, it’s been a while since I posted here. I am glad to see you are all still active and helping one another through the wilderness that is parenting the class of 2013! </p>
<p>What motivates me to post is having dropped S off at airport at 5am today. D went back to BS a week ago. That means the house is quiet again. It is hard to envision that this state of affairs, the empty nest, is now “normal” after a few weeks of chaos.</p>
<p>And what a few weeks it has been. </p>
<p>We had plans to spend lots of quality time together as a family. Those plans were dashed when spouse’s father took ill just before Xmas and died after New Year. His death was prolonged and difficult. We had numerous cross-country flights and our family was split up most of the time. At the moment of his death our family was split, half on each coast. That remained the same for the funeral as the blizzards prevented cross-country travel. All in all it was traumatic, disruptive, and sad.</p>
<p>I am feeling particularly conflicted as I look at the calendar. This was likely the last extended time I can plan to spend with S for another year. He almost certainly won’t be home for spring break, and his school has awarded him an opportunity to travel abroad for the entire summer. He will return just in time to go back to school in the fall. And then…here we are again. </p>
<p>The conflict I am feeling matches well with what is being expressed now about our kids’ independence. It’s wonderful to watch - indeed, it’s the goal we all sought over these past 18+ years. We want a front-seat view as it unfolds, but by definition independence means that’s not going to happen. And so we are left as cheerleaders, on the sidelines, for now. Back to reread some of the posts from last August, when we were all wondering how we were going to fill our time, and more importantly, our hearts in this new world. </p>
<p>Best wishes to all in semester 2 for the Class of 2013.</p>
<p>So sorry to hear about your FIL’s passing. When random folks ask, “How was your Christmas?”, everyone expects to hear “great.” It’s not always a happy time. The first of my grandparents to pass away died right after Christmas and we had one of those unhappy, disruptive breaks.</p>
<p>I’m feeling ill as Son gets ready to leave for school. It’s too bad that we are yanking the credit card at a time when there are so many academic concerns…too many things for this mom to worry about (and I’m not a “worrier.”) We did change Son’s schedule to drop one of the psych classes and add an English class. His schedule just looked too intense.</p>
<p>Hi laxtaxi - Your story just broke my heart. How sad for your H to be without everyone just when he wants/needs them. Many condolences.
I love your analogy of the front view seat and having to be on the sidelines for now…</p>
<p>laxitaxi sorry about your FIL 's passing. Life always throws suprises and its difficult when its a t he holidays. prayers to you all.
You did miss the bus trip.
Shawbridge I live in Ma. and am very organized. ???
We will start looking this summer. D2 wants to be somewhere warm. I loved Bowdoin she says NO WAY. !!! Maybe with one at home H will be more interested. He thinks its a waste of time. Missy I’m still working on it.</p>
<p>laxtaxi, I am so sorry for your family’s loss and in such a difficult way.</p>
<p>Your description of struggling with our kids’ growing independence rang so true. As we watched D walk through security yesterday H and I were so very proud of her confidence and maturity, pride that we expressed to each other through our sad tears. Such a time of bittersweet conflicting emotions.</p>
<p>Laxtaxi, adding my condolences, not only because of your FIL’s passing, but also because the support group couldn’t all be together to support… Very sad. Hope everyone is holding up ok. </p>
<p>I am sticking my head in the sand as to those passing days of the kidlets living, really residing, here. One of the nicest things that happened over break, before S1 left for a semester in Barcelona (poor guy) was his expression that he would never live with us in the new house we’ve begun planning to build. He DID say, however, that he hoped to “come over for dinner” a couple of times a week, because he NEVER would live on the east coast, and likes our town just fine. Of course, jobs, future wife and all may make that an impossible dream, but for that moment, knowing he still likes being around us and considers that a part of his future, was lovely.</p>
<p>laxitaxi, sorry to hear about your FIL’s death and the chaos and confusion created by weather and complex lives. </p>
<p>kmcrindle, I think that may work. I’ve been the one in charge of LD stuff and certainly am in charge of college stuff as a) I have attended three fine universities and was a professor at one (and was offered positions at others); and b) am an analytical researcher and learned a lot about the process the first time around. [I suggested that ShawSon not apply ED to Brown because I had a hunch that one or both of two small LACs might be better for him and he is attending one of the two]. ShawWife would take the lead if ShawDaughter wanted to go to art or design school or put together an art portfolio as ShawSon did. ShawWife is a master at getting stuff done and building relationships. On a college tour, she’d be great at starting up a conversation with a random student (which would likely cause ShawDaughter to cringe, even though it would be extremely valuable, though ShawWife could start up a conversation with one of the pillars holding up the building and get useful information) and reading people. She tends as organizer to be controlling and adolescents have bridled at this. I think your suggestion, which is to have ShawDaughter tell ShawWife what would maker her uncomfortable/comfortable, is a great idea.</p>
<p>At the otherwise non-informative (for me) program on The College Process at ShawDaughter’s school, someone quoted from a school parent who said, “Don’t prepare the path for your child. Prepare your child for the path.” Both of us, but particularly ShawWife, probably need to work on this.</p>
<p>Laxtaxi- I’m sorry to hear of your FIL’s death and very sad to hear that you were not all together at a time when you needed to be. My thoughts go out to you.</p>
<p>This could probably used to describe me as well. However, I am not artful in any meaningful way. I love research however and getting things done, so I end up to be the primary planner around here. H is very organized with his things, but I don’t recall his being involved in either kiddo’s college search much beyond the question of, “what’s this gonna cost me.” However, he is very good at coming off as non-confrontational so when he asks questions the kids seem to give answers that are more off the cuff. My job was to listen and plug their answers into categories. I took both the olders to look at colleges, but I imagine with our youngest we might try to all go simply because there’s no real need for one person to stay behind.</p>
<p>Taxi - My sincere condolences for your loss and I very much appreciate the sideline perspective. I always felt I was really good on the sidelines, cheering and offering encouragement and perspective when it fit. While I don’t necessarily miss the full nest, I do miss that view, which is much harder to see from thousands of miles away. If S wasn’t sharing with us much in HS, this worked out fine because I was there as well. So that he communicates just as often now (which again, isn’t much) gives us not a lot to go on.</p>
<p>LaxiTaxi - So sorry to hear about your holidays and the passing of you FIL. It’s always such a difficult time and to be around the holidays makes it worse.</p>
<p>House is quiet. H just took S to airport since I did the trip with D this morning. </p>
<p>H and I finished packing up the Christmas stuff so the house is back to normal. Except for of course something that I forgot and won’t find until 3-4 months from now. Don’t ask — happens every year.</p>
<p>Wishing safe travels for all those who are traveling.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your kind words and thoughts. </p>
<p>The continental separation at the time of death was a risk. D needed to be back east to start school. Spouse felt more “connected” knowing that I would be taking her back, getting her situated, and then returning. The gamble was that FIL would last long enough for me to get back. Fortunately, there was a large family present in the room, including S, at the moment my FIL drew his last breath. I understand S was very much a comforting presence. In a peculiar way that contributes to my odd mix of feelings at the moment - here was a milestone event that I could not be there to share with family, including my rapidly maturing S.It makes me feel empty. </p>
<p>As to the once-again empty nest, as has been pointed out to me numerous times of late, we are SO, SO lucky - both S & D were excited to return to their respective schools and get started. How much worse it would be to send kids off to place they are reluctant to be.</p>
<p>laxtaxi–I’m sorry for the passing of your FIL. </p>
<p>I wanted to say that your last two posts were so beautiful and so exactly right about independence and family that both brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your words.</p>
<p>Shawbridge - love the quote about preparing your child for the path not the path for your child.
H and I had a long talk on the way home from the airport, deciding for ourselves what was going to happen if S comes home at the end of the year without options to return.
While we probably should have the talk earlier and shared with S while he was here, neither of us wanted to ruin the holiday with ultimatums. And I sensed S felt pretty bad already. So we will need to write him and hope he reads and takes seriously our <em>terms</em> for returning home, which includes a daily job which he will get himself to and from, so that means getting his license or learning the bus schedule. We still hold out hope that he will want to stay in school badly enough to turn things around, and that he will seek help if he needs it, especially with the alternative being spelled out for him.</p>