<p>The thing is, I have a kid who I probably would have resented when I was a student. He has a very good handle on time and can pretty much get by without breaking his back. The HS used to always make these speeches about not putting too much pressure on our kids so that they were gripping the ledge. A lot of time, however, I was more concerned that my kid was no where near the window, let alone sitting on the ledge! Yes, he did perfectly fine at a pretty academically challenging school this past semester. But even he admits he could have and should have done better in at least one of his classes. But really for us it’s about more than just going to class. And what I really want him to understand that if his goal is to go to class and then just get in as much social life as possible and that’s it, he can do that for a helluva lot less money at other places. I get that he’s on his own when it comes to motivation but we look at education as an investment and expect a certain return outside of life in the classroom as well as in it.</p>
<p>Hopefully, I laid out what is expected without alienating him, told him how much we believe in him, that expectations are sometimes not fun in the least, but that living up to them (our own, someone elses) is just what life is about sometimes. That even though I am not there to push him sometimes, part of college is having the maturity to do what you need to do even when you don’t always want to do it at the time. Hopefully, I mixed in enough love you’s with do what your capable of doing. The email is titled Print this out and Read. That alone probably risks his hitting the delete button. :)</p>
<p>I finally broke down and asked S if he got the email I sent him earlier today (pretty sad when I resort to email when he is in the same house but some things need to be in writing so there is no chance of confusion later). His response, was, “Chill, I was going to pay that today anyway.” Fat chance, but at least I know my message was received.</p>
<p>I used a two prong approach. First, over the holiday, I asked frequently what evil plan he had hatched to catch up on theory while maintaining his otherwise excellent marks in his loaded 18 credit curriculum and while still progressing his (dual degree) path. Each time I asked, the plan seemed a little more developed. He has (on his own) this week talked to the new theory prof about his problem, purchased a second workbook to duplicate the rejected work, and apparently set up a meeting with the department head.
He has accepted the fact that as a shareholder, I get to ask about those things which have an impact on our family.</p>
<p>The second prong of the approach was that I was not going to pay an overload fee at 20 credits in September because it was not best use of my cash (meaning make it up now ; ) and that I would not pay for jazz theory at all until he completed his first base western sequence successfully. Not to be punitive, and he didn’t take it as such, but it has to be his skin in the game. If I had have established that at the outset, I am betting he would have not gotten zero by a day on his catch up assignments, because it would have cost him the equivalent of two guitars, or a good video camera, etc. I also suspect he might have gone to see the prof early on for help, or admitted he couldn’t understand her accent, etc. ; )</p>
<p>well, S is in his room and finally working just a little on his essays as I told him he cannot use the car until I see a product. Resorting to HS tactics feels so silly.</p>
<p>I’m looking forward to this weekend and dreading it at the same time. Christmas is put away, house is relatively clean, have a new soup recipe I’m going to try, no pressing engagements. BUT, will have to send Son away to school on Sunday. Yikes, yikes and yikes. In August I was most worried about the social aspects. Now, of course, I’m on pins and needles about academics.</p>
<p>Missy, he was at the same meeting you were. All you can do is ask if you can be at all helpful in formulating an “evil plan”-a phrase I will use for sure- even if it’s just taking notes of what he says. Otherwise all you can do is tell him how much he is loved and do all that he can to not build regrets. You have no doubt he will be successful but he will have something to do with how soon that can be. After all if it really has a lot to do with maturity, this wlll come. I have faith.</p>
<p>S leaves this morning. He did apply for an internship yesterday that I had been “strongly encouraging.” It will be competitive to get, so the likely outcome is he will go to summer school and work at some sort of physical labor job, but at least it’s a shot. He is definitely staying in Morgantown this summer so internship opportunities are limited.</p>
<p>We had an opportunity last night to discuss the forward calendar, so I have the dates for spring break and finals. He finishes finals about two weeks before S1’s graduation and his house rental starts a week before S’s graduation so not sure yet if he will be coming home, going back to move in, and then coming home for graduation and going back again or just moving in late. I sure wish his college were a little closer. He is on notice that he must attend his brother’s graduation, even if he has a job or has started summer school. His brother has said he will go out to Morgantown to visit him one of these week-ends after he comes home, which is nice of him.</p>
<p>I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a successful second semester.</p>
<p>Strawbridge - Your assistant duties sound exactly what I would love to do. Wow. I can’t belive people get paid to have such a fun job. It’s making me think…Really making me daydream…It would be so much fun to go to work everyday…</p>
<p>DD went back to school on Tuesday. Her January term began on Wednesday. She is happy.</p>
<p>Ah, Missypie, how disappointing that the school wasn’t more helpful or understanding. It doesn’t make any sense that a college disabilities office would only be truly cognizant of disabilities that they can SEE…I work in construction and would expect it here, but in an institution of education? Geez…</p>
<p>Moda, I loved your counsel - "Otherwise all you can do is tell him how much he is loved and do all that he can to not build regrets. You have no doubt he will be successful but he will have something to do with how soon that can be. - and will do my best to use that approach with son.</p>
<p>He struggled first semester with his 14 credit units (plus 1 pass/don’t which he did), so his “evil plan” is to take 19 units second semester, with all but the dreaded German being humanities classes which are his forte. His theory is he can get mostly A’s in those classes and quickly bring up the gpa. I’m not convinced that 6 classes is the best strategy when he didn’t exactly excel at 14, but he knows he can drop one in the first week. He may be waiting to see which prof looks the toughest and drop that one.</p>
<p>To use his phrase, whatever. HS was such a battle with me trying to direct him, and while the desired outcome was achieved (he’s at a good college and happy), the process did inflict some wounds on our relationship. I’m determined to let those heal by giving him all the control and figuring out how to communicate advice in a way he is willing to hear.</p>
<p>He’s an adult, and we have told him he needs a MINIMUM overall gpa after the second semester which is VERY doable. If not, we don’t pay to have him return. Truly, I’m very confident he’ll do better than our agreed-upon minimum and I do realize he could have fallen off the cliff the first time away which he didn’t.</p>
<p>Hugs to all of you who sadly/nervously are sending their kids back. Mine’s still here living in his cave for another week!</p>
<p>Eggson is returning today… sometime after he finishes what looks like 3 loads of laundry. Probably everything he brought home a month ago.</p>
<p>I have retreated from hovering and trying to help after my kindly suggestions (like “Dont you want this heavier coat since it is below freezing now?” “Can I pack you some snacks?”) drew indignant replies (“I’m FINE, Mom.”)</p>
<p>Sigh. My mother gene wants to DO something.</p>
<p>Eggmom, any chance our boys are clones? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the same refrain, “I’m FINE mom” with a roll of the eyes for good measure. It’s a sad state when I’m excited that he let me make breakfast for him today!</p>
<p>And here I am just waiting for receipt of email I sent! I admit I sent him a text saying, “So, are we on the same page?” and nothing. I will give him until Monday.</p>
<p>Went out to dinner last night with a couple of GFs to hear H play jazz with the trio. S joined us and made quite the favorable impression on my lady friends. I sat with a wry smile on my face wishing I would get the same treatment someday. I still get an impatient look from him if I try to speak to him about anything of importance.</p>
<p>Having a couple over for dinner tonight who have not seen S in a few years and then he leaves tomorrow at 5 am.</p>
<p>Cleaning house (again) for the company coming and sorting through laundry to find all S’s stuff to make sure it is not left behind.</p>
<p>S has been pretty quiet about going back. Hope he is ready to get to work and make things right again. Got his grades and they are SO good except for the ones that aren’t there at all. sigh</p>
<p>cpeltz, I got the eye roll, too. Also treated to the blank stare.</p>
<p>In many ways I am happy that he is so independent. But why does he have to be SO INDEPENDENT!</p>
<p>Oh well, he was going to leave at noon. So far he has packed laptop, Wii, 2 guitars, a cello and 2 comforters. Still to go: all clothing, shoes, toiletries, food and bath items, books, gas for car… and who knows what. </p>
<p>I am reading and cruising the interwebs. Jumped up when he asked for help folding laundry. Yes, I am pathetic.</p>
<p>I spent this morning at my daughter’s HS where they had a discussion from 9-12 on the college process. My wife enjoyed it. I think I’d figured out almost everything already, except for a few idiosyncracies of the high school. They don’t give Naviance passwords out until March. Lots of touchy feely stuff about self-exploration to then find the right fit. Clearly oriented toward placing people in small liberal arts colleges (Bowdoin, Bates, Vassar, …). The head of enrollment management at College of Wooster spoke. </p>
<p>This March, we’ll do the Shawbridge and daughter World College Tour week number 1. ShawbridgeWife wants to go, but ShawbridgeDaughter probably doesn’t want her. I wonder how to manage that? ShawbridgeDaughter wants distance from ShawbridgeWife – she says she won’t go to school in the state of Massachusetts because otherwise her mother will show up for breakfast.</p>
<p>EddieOdessa, some people love the job. People tend to stick in the job for about three years and then it gets repetitive. But, in addition to paying my bills and keeping track of lots of life stuff, we also have cool projects. At one point, we had a delegation of parliamentarians from Nepal and my assistant at the time found a Nepalese speaking Harvard student to lead a guided tour of Harvard. My current person is pretty good but became pregnant and her 2 year old was just diagnosed with something pretty serious and I wonder how long she’ll actually stick around.</p>
<p>Son confirmed email and while I’ve tried to read between the line (yes that is singular), I am pretty sure we are all on the same page. So we got that going for us. However, part of my spiel was that if I could just have a visual of him I could cue up at any time of day, then it might be easier to forget about him. Now I have to back that up and not call him and wait for him to call us. Will give him that space as promised. Egads… as they say, be careful what you wish for!</p>