<p>I honestly don’t know where he’d transfer if he transferred. The mid-sized school is where the girlfriend is, which wouldn’t be the best venue for starting over and really buckling down.</p>
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<p>Even if the university is small, you mean? Why would a university have a high ratio of neuroatypicals? A high ratio compared to what?</p>
<p>Good job Shawson!</p>
<p>You and Mrs Shaw have sure done a marvelous job parenting! He is not afraid to come to you for advice and support, while mine is trying so hard to break away. Ah well.</p>
<p>But KMc. you are right I think, this need to break away and to prove me wrong may just work in my/his favor. One can hope.</p>
<p>He is certainly smart enough for the material. He is having to become mature enough for the work. When the twain meet, we should be in the gravy. Meanwhile my nerves are taking a beating.</p>
<p>Anyway, will take this opportunity to say, once more, what a great group this is, what a valuable sounding board and source of information and hope</p>
<p>I agree with whomever said to take the first step in getting a new advisor as it is clear that perhaps it’s not a good match. Also, my comment about not being able to force themselves on a student was more about the kid who is offered help and doesn’t take it. This is not the case here. There has been effort and nothing has been reciprocated. And why didn’t the advisor help to follow up with this? I see nothing wrong with someone saying show up at 3. And then if he didn’t, he would be on him, of course. That has not happened. At a school with 1300 students, he should only have to ask. He should not have to beg, and neither should you as parents. I say, put on the attorney hat.</p>
<p>Mostly a lurker here but the discussion about student services at LACs vs. big schools hit a nerve. My D is also at a LAC and I have been surprised at how bureaucratic the administration has been (on a housing issue rather than a student support issue, but close enough). I expected someone to show some sort of interest in her issue rather than just hand her a bunch of forms for her to sort through on her own. Academics is what gets stressed as the advantage of LACs (small classes, no grad students) and I can say that has turned out to be true for my D, but I wonder if what gets short-changed is resources in other areas. maybe they don’t hire enough people, or maybe they don’t pay as much as the bigger schools and get the less qualified people . . . or maybe my D’s and missy’s S’s experiences are not the norm at these types pf schools.</p>
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<h1>theorymom, wise, wise words. Think I will pass them on to someone I know. ;)</h1>
<p>great shawson! learning to say “this is not working (or going to work)” is such an important skill. Good for him for looking at the situation and getting change.</p>
<p>Missypie–agree with getting a new advisor and also the idea of “hiring” someone either at your expense or the schools to mentor your S. My S is at a school of 2400. The president told us to stop in and talk to him on two different occasions. Seriously, I would be either in his office or on the phone with him before I would let this little expensive school drop the ball. I would simply say that if my S had the skills to call you he would but since he does not I am. I think and really believe that if you call the dean or the president you will start seeing interest and connection for your S. Some adult there needs to know him and connect with him. I actually went onto the “rank your professors” and insisted my S pick certain colloquium classes based on who I thought might influence him… and frankly he had no idea about how any of this works. He got a great advisor, not a fun person, but a person who has taken an interest and the one who recommended him for a scholarship. He feels connected with a professor and this is so helpful for motivation.
Your S needs to pulled in and the school has the responsibility to do this. Actually, I will bet they promised him/you this. Your S sounds like an very nice young man who happens to have some difficulties and you sent him to a school that said they could serve him.
Ok–I think I am getting strident so will stop. In a nutshell I am just pushing that you call someone new and tell your S’s story and let them know he is in need. It doesn’t really matter if your S gets upset–it only matters that he gets what he needs. At this point you are not a helicopter parent but just a very concerned one. And even if he meets with the peer mentor he needs some advisors/professors involved. I am with whoever said that “peer anything” is not that great.</p>
<p>I am the one said I am not a fan of peer anything. But this is what most schools offer</p>
<p>Cardinal Fang, I was referring to the concentration of “neuroatypical” profiles in a rigorous college setting, compared to the neurotypical population in general, and using the fav aspie word of “neurotypical” because I like the meaning of the word better than the word “normal=setting-on-a-dryer.” Eg. at my son’s Gifted-Talented magnet school, the preponderance of math-genius-level students we ALL on the autism spectrum to varying degrees. McSon is also neuroatypical but he was the only one among top in math students who has not been dx’d with Aspergers, although he shares many traits, including sharing the higher end of the IQ scale.
The population of his HS was 400 and it would be fair to say that the school had a much higher population of neuroatypical students than the average school. I was extrapolating that a small LAC might also have a strong population of students on the autism spectrum, Aspie end specifically, given the nature of the environment, and extrapolating further that there would likely be some kindred mentoring adults lurking about who could be accessed or at least folks educated enough to be supportive. Eg. I believe at S’s school it was much easier socially to integrate in part because asperger’s was a familiar phenom and in part because differences were really celebrated there. Like that professor who was interviewed on that intelligence special that addressed some of Gardner’s intelligence theories (can’t recall his name) who talked about how working in a university setting was in many ways a fit for someone with Asperger’s like himself.
So that was what I was thinking. Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but I want badly for PieSon to connect with someone as I know how much a difference that makes and feel certain that there’s better help out there than Missy’s been shown.</p>
<p>McSon had that kind of mentor at his HS (a science teacher who rescued him from a situation in grade 8; the gt school was a middle and high combined) and over the years it transformed his ways of being about things.</p>
<p>OK - A little off topic but maybe some of us could use a laugh…
D sent me a photo that she took in her freshman writing seminar yesterday. The instructor showed up wearing a bright red super hero costume. The class is something about madness in literature. I think they’re off to a good start.
PS He didn’t quite have the physique to pull off a super hero costume…</p>
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<p>Thank goodness that there are still some “madcap college professors” out there. You’ve got to have something off the wall happen, or it isn’t college!</p>
<p>Exactly, I told her she’ll remember this particular class for the rest of her life.</p>
<p>S2’s email, “I’m having one of those days where I just feel great.” S1’s email, “Nothing has changed in C-ville…The people are extremely boring.” </p>
<p>I guess that’s how you define fit or lack thereof. In retrospect, we should have encouraged S1 to transfer. I think he would have fit better at a school like UT-Austin or even NYU. At the time, I kept thinking he would find some group to connect with since he had tons of friends in high school and I couldn’t see paying a lot of money for essentially a better social life; the education side of the equation probably would have been about the same. It breaks my heart, however, that his college experience has been so miserable. </p>
<p>He has people to hang out with since his high school buddies who went to UVA are still close and their frats all accept him as a result, but he just doesn’t enjoy hanging with them. In high school, he had an eclectic mix of friends, with quite a few urban, edgy, risk taker types. Those guys did not end up at UVA. I guess the misery will end soon and he can move on. I’m so glad S2 is happy.</p>
<p>KMcC
Your boy sounds like mine but mine is one who did not get the support in Middle School from his teachers (things were going downhill fast so we pulled him out and homeschooled through EPGY) I wonder if McSon’s teacher knows what a positive influence he had on your son (and probably others) People like that are too far and few between and I wonder if they even get recognized.</p>
<h1>TS is neuroatypical for sure, but is not <em>diagnosed</em> with autism or aspergers. It is something his Dad and I have noticed about him from grade school on. He learns differently, and understands differently (than his classmates) This makes him seem both brilliant and awkward and he learned to hide his writing disorder from his classmates and teachers, to let them believe he just did not care or was lazy as opposed to admitting or showing he was struggling. These old habits are hard to break down and we are dealing with that now.</h1>
<p>Nothing new here, just couldn’t let our thread sink to page 3…</p>
<p>Well, ok maybe something new…
Is anyone else’s kid being hit with outrageous lab fees, studio fees? D is taking 2 studio courses and has payed more for equipment and supplies than I did for an entire course! (Of course, that was in the Jurassic Period.)</p>
<p>$338 for books for 2 classes</p>
<p>Science textbooks, right? I have always found them more expensive than others. I wonder if it is the short-term viability of the content. Computer science changing all the time??..</p>
<p>Yes…studio art fees, science lab fees, language lab fees, student center fees, student athletic center fees…</p>
<p>and one son has a professor for the second time has the students buy a “packet” instead of a text or two…for $189! and as it is all "soft’ materials, not a bound book, the book store does not buy it back. Professor claims the packet changes with each class he teaches, so the students also cannot sell it to the next students to come along. Professor says his packet is “less expensive” but son says he doesn’t quite think so. So two semesters of the class is close to $400.</p>
<p>We’ve been fortunate with the book fees- only 2 new classes requiring new books this term for D. Managed to get one used but another had to be special ordered- all materials prepared by the instructor. Interestingly it was presented as “material specifically selected for the course” - she didn’t mention that she’d authored almost all of it. </p>
<p>Son, on the other hand- over $500 for 3.5 classes. Yikes. He better be making good use of those.</p>