<p>Moda and Shaw - yep had immediately sent back such support</p>
<p>missypie, in my anecdotal experience, the answer to that is yes he may be able to get more help at a large state school that is used to accepting at risk kids. The difference in the degree of handholding with both students and parents between UVA and WVU is just off the charts. </p>
<p>As you know, we (the parents) get weekly emails from WVU that began back in January 2009. We have been alerted to everything from exam schedules, to job fairs, questions to ask our student to encourage communication, add/drop days, what to do in case of sub-par grades, and so on. These are very long, detailed reports encouraging parents to work with the school to insure success of the student. </p>
<p>All students had mandatory study halls fall of freshman year, very detailed advising, and lots of interactions with TAs and professors. When a college accepts at risk kids they know they have to do more.</p>
<p>Yes, more students still drop out of WVU than UVA and far fewer graduate within four years. But, I really can’t see how any of that is the fault of the school. So far, S2 has gotten every class he wants at the time he wants. He has extremely clear guidance on the requirements to graduate on time with a list of every class needed each semester for all four years for his major, including the electives allowed posted right on the web site where I can see it. And he appears to be learning as much and working every bit as hard as S1, so while the prestige of his degree will undoubtedly be less, the quality of his education will be the same from what I can tell and at a lower cost to boot. </p>
<p>Back in the dark ages, I married a man I met in the military. He was a Texas resident, which is why we both attended UT-Austin when we completed our years of service. H1 had not been a strong student in high school and was not well prepared for college level work, but UT had a generous acceptance policy for Veterans (don’t know if that is still the case). He probably had some learning disabilities because he studied his heart out but had difficulty interpreting questions. He could get a zero on an essay question, when he knew the material inside out because he failed to answer the question (or understand the question). Texas was there for him with every remedial solution under the sun. He graduated on time (albeit with some summer school) and went on to a wonderful career. </p>
<p>I’m sure there are stories going the other way as well but just thought I would share my personal experiences.</p>
<p>Dragon Lady - no such luck with a call, just a note. That way he does not have to hear me say anything 
But I’ll take it rather than hearing nothing.</p>
<p>Missypie - I am not saying your S is anything like mine but I would expect mine to give me some type of excuse like <em>it was canceled</em> when it maybe was him who canceled it but would let me believe it was the other way around. But my spawn absolutely refuses help. He cannot seem to grasp that it is OK to need it on occasion. I can only imagine your frustration at this point. I have my own frustrations, as S will not take the accommodations offered him. He was offered a reduced load and tutoring and won’t take them. His note to say he has A’s was as proof he could do it. Well whatever works I guess. Maybe his having to prove he can take a <em>normal</em> load will get him to take it seriously enough that you have to be more than smart, you actually have to work.</p>
<p>Shawbridge, sounds like S should bow out of that class for now. Because it sure sounds like the prof is not exactly <em>welcoming</em>. So there would be no harm in transfering out to a different class. I know I would be advising my S to do the same if it was heavy in writing (his weakness), and you and Shawson know the reading load will be the devil. Actually maybe it is a good thing the prof was up front and transparent and there is still time to boogie outta there.</p>
<p>Missypie,
Does your S really like his school? Would he consider a transfer? If his hope for success rests with mentoring and tutoring and they do not really provide it (I have never felt positive about <em>peer</em> anything) and the school does not reward individual learning styles as it claims to, maybe he would be better off somewhere else closer to home.</p>
<p>I suspect that the mid-tier state schools have plenty of resources, but the students have to take the initiative to get those resources.</p>
<p>^Indeed.
Missy, since you were musing about large versus small schools in terms of helpfulness, I will share a glimpse of McSon’s trials and tribulations (and triumphs ; ) at a very large top tier state U. (U Mich) and the way he “appears” to have finally gotten what he needs. In short - Pros - tonnes of resources. Cons - tonnes of students + a lot of red tape and vying for resources. Net result, likely about the same as yours, as the sheer volume of students means you absolutely have to self-advocate to get help.</p>
<p>HOWEVER, a funny thing happened on the way to “getting help” for a course McSon ended up failing after NOT connecting with a peer mentor/tutor, asking one particular prof for assistance and not exactly getting it, and seeking out the disabilities department twice.</p>
<p>Despite As and B+s in all his other classes, failing music theory put him behind the eight-ball in maintaining one of his scholarships, so I will say that he was abnormally motivated and this boy is not historically great or even good at getting help or even admitting that his Central Auditory Processing can pose problems for him. (Even with a heavily-accented Russian prof he couldn’t understand ; ) Truly a magical thinker if there ever was one.</p>
<p>After an unsuccessful (but self-managed) meeting with the theory department head who would not countermand his prof to supply an incomplete or allow him to continue the sequence without a retake, he found a prof that teaches the subject and ASKED HIM to mentor him remedially so that he could catch up before retaking the section next fall (only offered in fall, which messes up his skedder since it is a prereq and necessary to graduate.) He ASKED to audit the second sequence class for no grade but to have his assignments marked. And he purchased alternate supplementary text books that explain (in plainer language) the concepts they’re dealing with. Prof was only too happy to accommodate him and has by now met with him several times, and further, has agreed to meet with him weekly to “check in” on his understanding of the material. Outstanding guy.
McSon also spoke with the registrar, and managed to keep scholarship (for now, does not have to reapply until next Jan.) And he’s doggedly stalking his department head for approval/discussion of an altered sequence within his major (to accommodate being a year out of phase in theory.) He seems to have the logistics worked out.</p>
<p>I have been sitting on my hands over all this because my natural disposition is to get into the fray and help the kid get what he needs – after all, we’re in the midst of getting an updated “adult” psych assessment he needs to access the LD dept (at UMich they just won’t meet with you unless you have an updated and full assessment). At the same time, it looks to me that apart from extra exam time, McSon can, if motivated, get what he needs without a lot of assistance or expectation from LD.</p>
<p>What I discovered he really needs is the confidence to navigate the system independently, arrive at a solution and get the help he now knows he needs. Hardest thing ever for me to stand back. He, on the other hand, seems to be feeling pretty chipper that he’s cooked up a plan, that someone’s helping him, and that he’s (apparently) “getting it.” This has been the silver lining in the cloud.</p>
<p>So at a large school, there may be more opportunities to find an adult mentor insofar as there are simply more profs and gsi’s to choose from. Yet the ratio of students makes that still a challenge that requires pro-active attention-seeking. And yes, there are study groups and tutoring centers, and peer mentors, but truthfully, you still have to organize yourself/schedule to access them. I guess what I am saying is that I wouldn’t necessarily second-guess your choice of school, because each of large and small environments have distinct advantages and disadvantages for kids with learning disabilities or other challenges.</p>
<p>What might be helpful is to discuss with son whether there are some adults/profs around campus that he admires or has “clicked” with and can turn to for help, and help him foster that relationship. I predict if he initiates that kind of mentorship, it all might just click for him. Having external accountability to someone other than a parent seems to kick things up a notch. Some small and independent successes might increase his confidence and willingness to seek out help as well.</p>
<p>Hope that gives you some ideas. Will keep my fingers crossed.
Cheers.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the suggestions and concern, everyone. I keep hoping and praying for someone at the school to take a personal interest in Son. It’s not a natural - he* is *on the autism spectrum, so he’s not going to be the one to seek out the prof on the quad and chit chat. But in high school, there were some teachers who really cared about him. </p>
<p>His academic advisor obviously doesn’t give a flip - I don’t think she likes him. (She was at our meeting ealier this month so I observed their interaction.) If he stays in Psych and at the school, I’ll see if he wants to ask for a different advisor, or if he change majors, he should get a different advisor anyway.</p>
<p>I do know that it was the peer mentor who canceled, not him.</p>
<p>Missypie-I don’t have any experience with this, but is very disappointing to read of the lack of support for your son. I would have guessed that a small school would do better than this. I mean with only 1300 students, it’s kind of hard to get lost in the crowd.</p>
<p>I would take it up higher and if that doesn’t work perhaps your S could consider transferring.
Good luck.</p>
<p>KMc - inspiring story.
Gives me hope.</p>
<p>Missy - If you noted that there is no chemistry between his advisor and S, then this would be a jumping in point for you to contact dean of students and ask them to hand pick an advisor for your S, one who has compassion for kids with Aspergers and who can be a more hands on guide for him. There HAS to be someone there who would be just the right person to help.</p>
<p>Congrats that S is actually ammenable to taking help(wish mine would), but poo on the fact that there do not seem to be the people there who are good at giving it, especially to a kid who needs and WANTS it. grrr</p>
<p>For the comments from some of you and the school that they can’t make him seek help, is there really a reason why they couldn’t? He’s a very compliant guy. If he got a call or email from someone in the Disablities or Academic Success office saying, “Please come see me Wednesday at 2 pm” he would definitely show up. Why can’t they reach out to him? I know they couldn’t really do anything bad to him if he didn’t show, but why *couldn’t *they ask to talk to him?</p>
<p>
I had the exact same thought 
!</p>
<p>Sounds like McSon is really taking ownership, which is what we all dream of for our college students!</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, I do think there is a difference in the level of proactivity required by the student at top state schools like Michigan, Virginia, and Texas and third or fourth tier schools like WVU. WVU does not wait for the kids to come to them to seek help. For example, the advisor actively checked every student’s mid-year grades last semester to see if a class should be dropped. If the student claimed to not know his mid-year grades, the advisor had the student look them up on the computer while in the adviser’s office. We know this because an email was sent to the parents telling us of this process. If the grade was a D or F at that point, the advisor recommended the class be dropped and had a list of remedial classes specifically designed for mid-semester transfers for kids who needed a slower pace in core subjects like chemistry and calculus.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Wow, that is awesome!</p>
<p>^^^
what she said. Awesome</p>
<p>Analyst, you may be right about that. I had warned McSon that places such as U Mich by their own admission are not accustomed to keeping tabs on students and even the student tour guides etc. warned kids they’d be on their own in that regard due to the size. He’s in a much smaller department (School of Music, much more intimate) so that may have contributed to his burgeoning confidence about reaching out. Or it could just be luck of the draw or those little angel guides he always finds at the 11th hour when we think all is lost ; ).</p>
<p>Missy, re mentors for Aspies, I am thinking a university setting must have a high ratio of neuroatypical to neurotypicals, even if it’s small. Maybe the dean could help you make the connection. Alternately (and this might be madcap) what about paying a GSI who is doing graduate work in psych/neuropsych to do a 1-hr-a-week mandatory Executive Org Weekly Planning session – assuming there are psych/neuropsych gsi’s floating about at the school? (Or better yet, having school pay it as work study or even having school FUND a study about qualitative strategies for success for college students with Aspergers, which it can then publish as a support to its LD dept!!!)</p>
<p>When McSon was in a Canadian elementary school, one of his LD supports was precisely that type of weekly meeting wherein they plotted work management but ALSO dealt with social stuff.
He was a little too young for it to fully stick then and when we moved here same seemed to be a foreign concept but maybe your LAC would go for that. It would be a win - win insofar as staff can deepen its familiarity with Aspergers and MissySon can improve mgmt skills.</p>
<p>PS Don’t tell MissySon I called him MissySon, okay ; ) Perhaps PieSon would be a little more masculine?</p>
<p>And TM – re: refusing the help…One of McSon’s principal motivators in jr. and sr. year was proving me wrong b/c I said it would be too tough for him to keep a GPA admissible to UMICH without LD accommodations. He refused accommodations and got into UMICH. Never underestimate the power of proving a parent wrong 
When he REALLY NEEDS them, I suspect he’ll suddenly be ready. That was McSon’s m.o.</p>
<p>WOW!! Your ideas are awesome!!</p>
<p>No grad students - that was considered another plus for the school…no grad students to hog all the research opportunities in Psych. All attention focussed on undergrads (or not…)</p>
<p>Well, ShawSon met with his advisor who said that his course was also heavy-ish in reading and that he should drop the course from the anti-freshman prof and take a studio art course but since schedules didn’t permit, he should take an independent study in studio art. The he’ll have two reading courses (econ and con law) and math and art. A more balanced schedule anyway. So, now he has to ask last semester’s art teacher to do an independent study.</p>
<p>ShawSon said that “If the professor doesn’t want freshman and I run into trouble (and I’ll probably run into trouble at some point like I did last term when I needed an extension on a paper) and I ask for help, he won’t give me the benefit of the doubt. So, I’ll drop that course. I just wanted to check if that was OK with you?”</p>
<p>Done.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You’ve raised a perceptive young man.</p>
<p>Bravo for ShawSon for talking to his advisor and making a good choice. His choice of schools and the strengths of its support system seem to be paying off handsomely.</p>
<p>Missypie – is there any way you can talk to the folks at the mid-sized school (which is where I’d guess you’d want S to transfer to should this school not come through for him) and get a sense of how their support services work? I’m just wondering if trying to lay the groundwork for a future transfer might make sense so that if he does go there, you’re not starting from ground zero in accessing services and finding out if they are really willing to walk the talk.</p>