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<p>Once again, it’s amazing what our smart kids don’t know!</p>
<p>S arrived at sister’s last night and so I will hope for some deep insights into what he is thinking and perhaps a clue or two what he is up to over the next few days. She can get more out of him than I can ever hope to.</p>
<p>H is out of town and it looks like it’s going to be a really long week because D16 was in a bad mood starting about 8pm last night. Lord, give me strength. She gives drama a whole new meaning.</p>
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<p>With D17, I’ve pretty much gone into a “speak when spoken to” mode. If I ask questions or start a conversation it’s such an* imposition *for her to answer me. But there are still times (like last night) when she’s not stressed and will come in and chat on her own.</p>
<p>They got their class ranks yesterday. Good news is that she’s the first one in the family to exceed 5 on a 5.0 scale (she’s at 5.02). The bad news is that such accomplishment only lands her in the top 13%.</p>
<h1>TM - Sometimes they really mean they’re handling it when they say they’re handling it, believe it or not. Got the same story from McSon. Then got an email from housing (because he’d signed me up to get some forms of communication from school) warning parents about the rate increases etc. and stressing the deadline (which was that day), which made me think he missed it. So I called housing to see if he’d actually done what he was supposed to be doing and low and behold he really had taken care of it, and two weeks earlier to boot. Felt a little silly, but then remembered there’s always an equal chance that he could have blown the deadline or misunderstood what was required and he could be homeless next year, so I forgave myself for the 'coptering ; )</h1>
<p>Then yesterday, in the course of me hounding him via email and vmail for book and software receipts for the accountant, he sent me same, all in a single, well-organized pdf (I hadn’t actually believe he’d saved them) with a note saying he had the stomach flu and had just gotten back from the Dr.s to make sure it wasn’t H1N1. (But he’d organized the tax stuff regardless of illness.)
Almost too much EDM for one week – I joked with him at the beginning of the year that I was resigning as his executive secretary but never imagined I’d be let go for redundancy ; ) Hi ho, touch wood, and all that.</p>
<p>Sometimes when I read this thread I feel completely out of the loop of my S’s life. I have no clue about rooms for next year (everyone lives on campus and I know it’s a draw, but I have no idea how it works). He never mentions his roommate so I assume everything is “fine” there. Since he’s gone back to school in January, I’ve had only one conversation with him that last longer than about 3 minutes. I have a vague idea about who his friends are but only because he uses names and I’ve heard certain ones repeated. I just got off the phone from my sister and heard he has rides to and from airport and that wherever he went with friends this past weekend was ski in and ski out (which even if it’s not the absolute best skiing is a plus all on it’s own). </p>
<p>The truth is, one of the reasons I want him to make the team (which will go into full practice next week) is so I have an excuse to go and visit him and meet some of these people, take them all out to eat and just stand once again on the sidelines of his life. I just want to see it unfold a little bit. I don’t want to be a part of it per say, but I loved watching the kids with their friends in any context. If I miss anything… it’s that.</p>
<p>That’s so poignant, modadunn. I really hope you get the chance to see him.</p>
<p>Last night was “Parent University” at the HS. I was about to burst as the GCs and assistant principals spouted mis- and partial information. During the session on AP classes, in which they talked a lot about weighting increasing the GPA, I did have to raise my hand and note that some schools ignore the HS weighting and recompute the GPA. I WANTED to raise my hand and comment about every 5 minutes.</p>
<p>Hi everyone…I am a longtime lurker on this thread…I have a D that will be graduating this year. I love to come on this thread and see what I have to look forward to…you all are so informative and entertaining 
Thanks so much for your wisdom!</p>
<p>@ Missypie…those GC’s unfortunately are slaves to the all mighty top ten% rule in TX…and as you know, unless you take those AP’s, you won’t be in the top 10% :(, thus the talk about GPA’s…oh how I wish TX would abolish that rule!</p>
<p>Wow! You have been busy! Couldn’t get on the site last night…what’s up with that!!!
They are installing my new water heater as we speak…furnace fixed for a while…wonder what’s next???
D2 was ticked this morning when she went to her 8 am class and prof was there but sent everyone away as he wasn’t feeling well. I told her it was a gift so she could get other homework done. She laughed and did just that. Guess she is coming home this weekend. All of her friends at her school will be heading to visit friends at other colleges. Asked if she wanted to go anywhere and she said no. Guess home is too comfy and fun! ;)</p>
<p>Moda, on one hand, be grateful he’s so self-sufficient. On the other, I know what you mean about witnessing the interactions.
I don’t think McSon would bother to communicate with me for longer than 3 mins. at a time if I hadn’t made the request for him to set aside an hour weekly on a Sat. or Sunday for a phone conversation. I’m sure he’d prefer superficial quippy little facebook exchanges. My argument at the time was that it was no different than a CEO reporting to his shareholders periodically to explain how their investment was faring and to feel a rightful part of the company and its future. (And although I used the investment analogy, I did make clear the purpose of the weekly call had more to do with my wanting to vicariously enjoy and share his life and ‘really’ keep in touch than an actual accounting of academic activity in terms of performance…which might be important to communicate…)</p>
<p>Now, he doesn’t treat these calls as “duty” and seems to enjoy the opportunity to ruminate, but only because (I suspect) I’ve conditioned him and try hard to bite my tongue to avoid parental advice when it’s not asked for (eg. Sleep more! Don’t procrastinate! Blah blah blah…Now I say – are you happy with x or is there anything you’d do differently…) Instead, I ask for social highlights, in which he will then recount his friends (who I also haven’t met, but can now sort of picture in my mind) and what they did…and then I ask for tough spots or triumphs in his school week, what the coolest assignment/thing he learned, etc. etc. </p>
<p>I do have an unfair advantage as I was formerly a journalist, and know how to ask open-ended questions. Truthfully, I don’t think I’d have gotten any of the ‘good stuff’ about the girls, drama, parties, challenges, mistakes etc. if we didn’t have the ongoing continuity of the weekly chats.</p>
<p>Maybe if you told ModaSon you’d just appreciate the phone companionship one hour a week so that you don’t feel so out of the loop he’d step up the communication and go along with it. When they discover you’re interested and entertained by their lives and that it’s NOT a vote of non-confidence, it can change the complexion of the communication. Eg. glad to ‘help’ you but never glad to ‘report.’</p>
<p>missypie, I skipped all high school sponsored events on college as I knew it would drive me nuts. The year S1 was applying to college, I spent some time in the guidance office going through “the book.” Our high school doesn’t have naviance, so you have to sort through stats of who got in where by hand in this huge loose leaf binder they compile each year. For a couple of schools, I ended up copying every entry by hand for each of the prior five years and entering it into an Excel spreadsheet at home so I could do some analysis on the data. Anyway, while sitting there doing all of that laborious copying, I would hear the guidance person pontificating and giving out the most ridiculous advice and comments I ever heard in my life to poor parents, who seemed to just accept it all as gospel. </p>
<p>I offered that if they would give me the data electronically, erasing the names and any other identifying info they wanted, I would be happy to produce a much more useful “book” with actual summary info, medians, quartiles, graphs and trends. I even offered to work in their office on one of their computers since they seemed to be afraid I would somehow use the data for wrongful purposes. My offer was declined anyway. </p>
<p>I’m glad to have moved past high school, but like Moda I do miss watching the kids play.</p>
<p>Kmc - I also have a degree in Journalism, and try to ask the “open ended” questions, (avoiding those that can be answered with a yes, no or fine). However, instead of it allowing him a chance to ruminate, I often get the accusation that I am interrogating. And so I will definitely have to work on phrasing I suppose. MY problem is, I can easily pick up on inconsistencies… and I suppose that’s where I get in trouble. He is, by nature, a more spontaneous kind of communicator. Much like his Dad, when he decides to share, it’s best to just drop everything and listen. I just wish it happened more often than it has. But I feel worse for H… since they are both relative non-talkers, they don’t communicate very often and I think H has spoken to him only once in the last month! When I said I wished I knew more of the social stuff (and admittedly, I kind of hold my breath on that one at the same time - do I REALLY want to know?), he said, he wished he knew ANY of the stuff. He sounded a little sad. Now here’s the rub… I could encourage son to call his dad more often, but then would he call me even less? I don’t know if I wanna risk it.</p>
<p>Ahh, Moda, I absolutely sympathize! We have almost no contact with S the first semester, and none unless I initiated it. Before he started, we worked out a contract with him (minimum gpa, credit load, etc.) and he pushed back when we first suggested weekly contact. Once he got his grades and fell below our minimum gpa, we renegotiated and this time included weekly phone calls.</p>
<p>I texted him on Sunday saying it had been over a week and asking him to call during his break the next day. Miraculously, he did, and we had a 12 minute conversation. He’s not much of a phone talker (even with his friends), and there is NO WAY he could do it for an hour, but we had a nice call yesterday, and I tried to resist bombarding him with question after question. Even when he told me he alternates sleeping 2 hours one day and 14 the next (WHAT?), I didn’t tell him that was unreasonable. Of course, my tongue is scabbed from the biting. </p>
<p>As far as getting information on his social life, I embrace what little I DO get, such as “I guess we’ll have the Superbowl on in our room,” “Happy birthday mom, I’m on way way to a dance, but know I had to call you,” and “yes, I have an EC, I’m in the Gaming Club.”</p>
<p>Since we’re footing the bill, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to demand a call a week. Is there any way you could begin to insist on that?</p>
<p>I remember when S was a freshman and rarely had his phone on. We asked him if he was (at least) worried about not getting calls from friends. (I know - how lame…) He said they live in the same hall - if they want him they can find him.</p>
<p>what a weekend–on Sat. went to a ceremony where a close friend of D’s received his seeing eye dog as he is losing his site at 26. Very touching and a remarkable group of people. Sunday we drove 2 1/2 hours to attend a memorial for a 54 year old relative who died of a viscious cancer. We picked up S from college on the way as he was very close to this man. Now S is insisting on a tatoo called the continuity sign as our relative had one, as a way to remember him. I am ok with it (not really) if it is on his ankle or foot but he wants it on his upper arm. H can’t take the heat so goes along with anything no matter his thoughts and the evening ended with S quite upset which I know is more about losing his friend and mentor than anything else. Of course, I am the one he let it out on.
His roomate acted like a brat when I dropped S off this semester–told S could not come to help unload the food and water as he was unpacking (!) after we took him for 4 days at Thanksgiving and he eats all of this without paying or shopping in like. Well, S now says roomy has changed and they are no longer close and he needs to find a new roomate for the lottery. He and a girl want to room together but he wants to clear it with GF first and then they must fill out paperwork. I am actually for it (wow–would never have felt this way 7 years ago with D–) as he is so comfortable with his female freinds. So we shall see. I begged him to find a guy as another choice. He went to one college party and hated it so refuses to ever go again. Doesn’t like any of his classes or profs. So the bloom is off here. He does say “it is just one semester” and looked at me like I was nuts when I asked if he wanted to transfer so that is good. The GF thing is really causing problems and I am now thinking “7 months till she leaves for her college” which will be at least 4 hours from him.</p>
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<p>It’s not that I don’t have contact with him weekly, I do. (It’s H that doesn’t) But it’s more of a … class is good, teacher is funny, friends are fine, I went skiing, wiped out. Holding my own on the slopes. I played well at practice. g2g. It just leaves something to be desired. I guess, it’s true that he’s very self-sufficient and heck, that’s a really good thing. And maybe there just isn’t any drama and everything is truly humming along with not much to report. If I am honest, I confess I rarely talk to my own Mother but there’s more history behind that one. At this point, I will have to be content that my sister will get him to spill all kinds of things - some of which will be secrets that are safe with her and some of which she’ll tell me about later.</p>
<p>But still… it’s about just being present in their lives. It’s all the way it’s supposed to be, of this I am sure and confident. But that doesn’t make it easier. I’ve spent 20 years (if you count the 9 months of pregnancy) worrying about this kid and making sure he’s safe and all of that stuff. I’m just a little melancholy or wistful, I suppose. Not sure it helps that the picture that flashes on my cell phone is one of him at the age of about 3. He was SUCH a cute cute little guy. Maybe I should replace it with the one of him on Christmas morning that eerily looks like a mugshot. :)</p>
<p>I hear you, oregon101! Hope your S works through his grief. Sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>Moda…spew! Thanks! I love your humor! :)</p>
<p>Moda - go for the mugshot…
PS I can’t figure out why he wouldn’t want to talk with you…I crack up just about every time you post - which is good ‘cause I’m not feelin’ a lot of love in many of the other threads…</p>
<p>I was having trouble getting on CC last night, too, and then again this morning. I was starting to have withdrawal symptoms! </p>
<h1>TM – S & a bunch of friends from his hall/dorm decided they all wanted to join the same fraternity. It’s not the nicest looking house at WPI, but he’s fine with it. It’s all up to code safety-wise, the kitchen is recently redone, and they’re sprucing up some of the other common spaces. He felt most comfortable with the brothers in this fraternity, as opposed to a couple others. They can do their rooms however they want – most have loft beds to make room for more tech gear. As I understand it, the fraternity rush was during B term. Now S et al are going through the pledge process; weekly classes to learn all about the lore, traditions, etc. We left the Open House feeling fine about his choice. Another pledge’s mom was somewhat horrified about things, especially the house – perhaps because she’s from another country and just didn’t get the whole fraternity thing?</h1>
<p>Not to be left out of the “things on the fritz” crowd, I’m sitting here waiting for the repair guy to fix my oven. (Not as bad as a broken furnace, but …)</p>
<p>oregon, I’m so sorry to hear about your D’s friend losing his sight. We were puppy raisers for GEB for one year and were so impressed with that organization. Our puppy ended up going to ATF rather than GEB (too into sniffing everything in sight) and I was amazed how they took this flaw we struggled with and found our puppy a great job anyway, even if not as originally intended.</p>
<p>S2 isn’t good with talking in person or via phone but writes great emails. I finally feel like I have gotten to know the real him only after he left home and started writing about what he thinks and feels. He’s witty and engaging when he writes, even being thoughtful of us, such as telling his dad that he was sorry to hear about his friend’s recent passing and sharing a memory he had of this friend. He can be defensive when we try to talk to him in person and often gets argumentative. I think he feels more in control and heard when he writes. </p>
<p>For those who have kids who don’t talk on the phone, asking for an email instead might be something to try (maybe insist on a certain length so they know this is different than a text). H has kept all of S1’s emails since he left for college and is going to put a selection of them in a book to give him at graduation so he can sort of see his journey.</p>