<p>shawbridge, that’s great news. I’m so happy everything worked out exactly as desired. DTE, good to see you post. I would love to hear stories about your D in Seoul. I’m a certified arm chair traveler in my old age. </p>
<p>SJTH, hope you got good news from the claims adjuster and thanks for the kind words about my mom. She can get on my nerves sometimes, but in general she is very easy to have around. She still travels a great deal so comes out about four times a year (7 hour drive) but only stays for a day or two passing through to someplace else. Can’t really complain about that. Even though she is in her late 80’s, a lot of the relatives on my mother’s side lived independently into their 100’s so she thinks she is still very young.</p>
<p>CBBBlinker - Yeah, THAT’s the guy I mentioned!! Seems my house painter was a bunk mate of his!!
Congrats, shawbridge. I’m glad it worked out.
TheAnalyst - I can’t believe you’re really an armchair traveller with those genes.
Great idea missypie. I feel sometimes I just want to burst when I hear parents talking and I think of everything I’ve learned - especially here on CC</p>
<p>I totally get the distinction and thank you for articulating it so well, as per usual. I have never been a professor, let alone carry an understanding of the hierarchy of a college, so my skill set would be severely lacking even if ModaS asked for or wanted our help. Again, I will just have to hope that what I pay in tuition affords son an advisor who would be able to direct him appropriately (assuming S would even attempt such a thing). From what you write, Missy and several others as well, often times it is difficult at best to get the school to plug into the kid, let alone help them jump thru, albeit necessary and often times invisible, hoops. Again, while your S may be innately wired and he certainly has his share of challenges, he does have a certain competitive advantage (in you) that he wisely takes advantage of and does as much with as he can. I say this as a compliment. I think we can all agree that your s is unusually motivated, because even with the best of advice and direction, there are a ton of kids out there that wouldn’t take it to the mattresses like your kid does with aplomb, and I include my own in that estimation.</p>
<p>Didn’t have time to post this morning, but I loved the hot chocolate story. A glimpse into S’s FEELINGS is priceless.</p>
<p>My S also communicates more and more deeply with his dad. They have their moments, but are actually great friends.</p>
<p>And for those journalists out there, I am one too. (And still employed for now!) Afraid I come across as too confrontational in “interrogating” son, so not very successful in loosening up conversation.</p>
<p>fireflyscout…still having an “Alexander” day…called the periodontist…no call back and then as I am scrambling to get house presentable for company the belt broke on the vacuum cleaner. Wow…must be my unlucky week!</p>
<p>That was my S’s favorite story as a kid. He could really relate to Alexander!</p>
<p>I am calling in all my markers for son’s summer job. He can always work for his dad, so in that respect I know he is lucky as it’s good money. But he’d really like to work at this summer day camp which obviously doesn’t pay much but it’s a much better environment for him. Much like the whole college process, when I told him I gave so and so a call to let them know he was applying, he was all up in arms about it. For college however, he wanted no help whatsoever. I could respect it, even if it was a little foolish when it came to an Ivy. But he knows for certain he got into all schools on his own merit only. In this case… you could have the best application out there, but it’s about who knows you. There is no room for error when you’re dealing with little kids in this situation. Fortunately, however, he is still at my sisters and she explained that IN THIS CASE he would be wise to take whatever good will comes his way. He listens to her, but if I say the same exact thing, he is totally aghast.</p>
<p>OK all of you with house issues, do any of you have a house full of boxelder bugs?
It has become unseasonably warm here, and there has been a hatch or a reawakening or something. I am not kidding, there are thousands in the house. They don’t bite or smell, but sheesh. How to figure out how to get an exterminator up here. At least they stop flying and crawling when the lights are out. The last time we had something like this was with a ladybug infestation - but they smell</p>
<h1>theorymom…a friend gets them on the outside of her house in the fall. She says they can crawl under the siding and get in the house. What she uses is a shop vac to suck them all up.</h1>
<p>hey #tm–know both the ladybug infestation and the boxelder bugs. But around here the boxelder seldom comes inside and they are not very mobile. They like high building that get sun typically on the south wall. Maybe their habits are different in different parts of the country. We have had an exterminator (H gets crazy with them) but the info I could find thought that was useless for the outdoors. Good luck and let us know what you learn. Our ladybug issure was SO bad that anything else has seemed easy. And for those that do not know this is the asian ladybug not the garden ones. They are horrid and smell and we had literally hundreds in one room flying at us, etc. oh yuck.</p>
<p>missypie, we went to a college morning at our daughter’s private HS. The GC’s seem much more competent than my son’s public HS. Lots of fluff about finding the right fit. Don’t choose based upon prestige. An entertaining if low content per minute speech by the head of enrollment management of the College of Wooster, who had been head of admissions at Hamilton College before. But the GC basically asked each parent to write a couple of pages (with directed questions) about their kid with specific incidents if possible, so that they could pull from it to write their recommendations. [Essentially, it said, we don’t know your kid and we’re not going to be able to get to know them in the upcoming year so we’re going to crib from your stuff. At least they are being honest]. In describing what they wanted, they actually said, “Be funny, be serious, be honest, be proud.” Help. </p>
<p>I was proud, serious, funny and whatever but her GC hasn’t responded to my email about whether ShawD should take the ACTs or SATs and which SAT subject tests she should take. Good show, but we’ll have to see how helpful they actually are. </p>
<p>On the positive front, I don’t think they said anything incorrect or that made me cringe. I guess we get what we pay for. Then again, they didn’t say anything I didn’t already know.</p>
<p>The good news is that they appear to be very plugged into the small New England and other LACs – and they are a perfect continuation of a small, artsy, academically challenging private New England HS. The bad news: unclear if they have connections for other options.</p>
<p>What I know about box elders is that once they get inside you almost have to get an exterminator because they don’t hibernate and… wait for it… they breed like cockroaches. We also had the ladybug problem but it was a fall issue and easily remedied by spraying all our windows where they seemed to be breeding or laying eggs or whatever. Our issue seems to be ants not in the house per say, but overtaking our yard which probably points to our unhealthy grass which is made even worse by the ants. Not much you can do about them apparently because they just go deeper and pop up somewhere else.</p>
<p>As for testing - Our GC recommends everyone take the ACT and the SAT because some kids do far better on one than the other. We didn’t do prep per say but had hired someone to work with son about 4 times on the English portion which improvement carried over to the ACT as well. For SAT II’s it was suggested S take Math II, English Lit (following AP) and then he had US History. Our school is very big about college admissions not being a prize, but the kids do not start meeting with college counseling office until the end of their junior year/summer before senior year. Both the kids and the parents have their own sheets they fill out – I don’t know what they asked the kids about, but for parents they asked to describe your kids’ strengths and talents, describe your child’s character, aims and values, fondest memories of childs development and what do you admire most about kiddo etc etc including whether or not costs, programs etc need to be specific.</p>
<p>When you say, you get what you pay for, I honestly believe this is what we pay for and beyond that sheet and making folders to keep track of information, deadlines, etc… I didn’t do much of anything for the admission’s process at all… and compared to older D’s experience, it was a real blessing.</p>
<p>Part of our problem in the public schools is that our tax dollars seem to pay for one GC per about 550 students, so there is no way they can be up on everything and everyone.</p>
<p>But another part of it is the intentional distribution of mis-information and the concealment of other information when they think they know best.</p>
<p>For example, a few years ago, the Texas legislature passed a law mandating 4 years of math and science for HS students. The law is effective starting with the class of '11. When Son ('09) went to see his GC before he signed up for senior year classes, he was told that he was *required *to take science his senior year because of the new law. Not only was that wrong, he already had 4 years of science classes. Pity the student whose mom does not memorize the graduation requirements.</p>
<p>A top of the class friend of my D’s was told by her GC that she had to have 4 years of a foreign language to graduate with a distiguished diploma when she only needs three. Of course, she believed her GC until her mom told her otherwise.</p>
<p>I think the counselors think they’re doing the right thing by encouraging as many core academic classes as possible, but I think it’s dishonest.</p>
<p>Change of topic: I’m speaking at our junior college night (3 different kinds of college reps come to speak, along with our college counselor, to talk to juniors about the college application process, what to expect, how to go about it, etc.) from the Parent’s Perspective. I’ve done this before, and have some standard things I talk about, including:
This is your kids’ journey, and how parents can help, but not control it; talking with your kid prior to the process about money, privacy, communication etc. One of the things I also talk about is dealing with your kid’s friends, and not bombarding them with college questions senior year during the thick of the stress (“Where have you applied? When should you hear? What is your first choice?” etc.) and remember that they are still “whole” kids who like music and sports and whatever. Besides, you don’t know either their financial, grades, scores situation. I talk a little bit about planning for colleges, visiting colleges and not being “THAT” parent who takes over the info session, etc. </p>
<p>Anyway…what advice would you all give parents of juniors about navigating the college application process?</p>
<p>Thanks for asking after Fang Jr. We have been meeting with a fine therapist. She has set specific goals for Fang Jr in several areas, which we are working toward.</p>
<p>To encourage him to embrace his inner quant (data analysis, not people analysis, will always be his forte) Mr. Fang and I waved the programming language Python in front of Fang Jr. Although he had always disclaimed any desire to learn to program, he is taking to programming like a hawk takes to flying. He also plans to work on a local candidate’s political campaign. So things are going pretty well.</p>
<p>You probably say this already but remind them that things have changed A LOT since they applied to college.</p>
<p>If the child is dragging his or her feet, make sure they WANT to go to college - they may be harboring a desire to join the military or go to beauty school but be afraid to tell you.</p>
<p>Don’t make blanket statements about it being the child’s process and that you as a parent won’t help at all. There is a lot of “secetarial” work involved and you child may need you to buy stamps, envelopes, help with a computer issue, etc. Be approachable.</p>
<p>The biggest thing I would stress, however, is financial. Look up the COA of the student’s favorites, do one of those on-line mini-FAFSAs, tell them how much you’ve saved. If you don’t have the money to pay for their reach and won’t take out loans to make up the difference, tell your child from the get-go.</p>
<p>As advice to parents about their own kids, I would mention all the crazy (and seemingly unfounded) reasons kid just don’t feel the vibe at a certain school and to realize that although they can’t articulate it any better than they didn’t like that everyone seemed to be wearing blue hats, a little holding back on your opinion never hurts.</p>
<p>And along that line, include the kid in the financial aspects of the decision if that’s something to consider for your family. Just as you don’t ask about other scores, etc because you don’t know another family’s situation, time and again kids fall in love with a school and then their parents say, “well, that ain’t happening.” Best to have any necessary discussions before you are waist deep in the process.</p>
<p>Working on essays over the summer is helpful. Should those be the final drafts? Probably not. But the process of writing (or even journaling) can give a kid a lot more insight into who they are before the real pressure to get it done is upon them. And along that line, kids change a lot during the senior year. There was a time over the summer before senior year when you couldn’t convince me that this was a kid ready for college in a year’s time. And somehow, once decisions started arriving, he was very cued into the positives and negatives of his options. And by fall 2009, it was clear he was headed in a good direction to the right place. </p>
<p>I really like the suggestion to not ask “what’s your first choice?” I usually ask something unimportant like, “are you looking at big or little schools?”</p>
<p>Good to hear CF – A good therapist is difficult to find, so if Fang jr relates well and seems to go without too much conflict you’ve won half the battle.</p>
<p>Parents whose kids are applying to Ivies and other reaches may want to counsel their kids to keep their own mouths shut. It’s a lot easier to go to school after a rejection if no one even knows you applied to X University. A guy we know got a very prestigious full ride (genuinely full ride) scholarship to a good school. But he spent the year telling everyone he was going to [a particular Ivy]. So instead of the full ride being a huge achievement, everyone was like “What happened to [Ivy]?”</p>