<p>Have never even heard of boxelder bugs – and I certainly hope we never get them. Is this a west coast thing? </p>
<p>Changing topics again, I just have to share that I’m having a particularly fine day. Not to bore everyone with all the details, but I’ve been overly pre-occupied the last several days about electronic calendars, contact lists, etc – PDAs. My old Palm V is 3/4 dead, and I really didn’t want to go to something like a Blackberry and pay for the required plan. After discovering that Palm has discontinued making non-phone PDAs, I started researching other options. My cell phone does have a calendar function, but inputting data is sort of a pain. Lo and behold, it turns out I’ve had the solution for 2 years and never knew it! I have an iPod Touch which has all the functions I want. Even better, after some online sleuthing, I discovered it’s amazingly simple, since I have a Mac, to put in info on the computer and then sync it with the iPod!</p>
<p>OK, I know all of you may not be as excited as I am, but I feel like I’ve hit the lottery! :)</p>
<p>CBBLinker… I don’t know how I would manage without the syncing of my iphone and computer. It is a real gift to the disorganized side of myself (which is a pretty large side). I completely understand the euphoria and congratulate you.</p>
<p>And I don’t know about the west, but we live in the midwest. I though boxelders were a sort of beetle (kind of like a lightening bug without the light bulb part)</p>
<p>I am overrun by insects. Ants, boxelders, wasps, stink bugs, and they are all IN THE HOUSE. They much prefer it this time of year to being outside. I have never liked spraying, because, 1, we have cockatiels and they are the proverbial canary in the mine shaft - they would need to be removed for several days, 2, they always have to treat the outdoors as well, and I don’t like to think about what other creatures are harmed, and 3, it costs a fortune and they always want you on some type of schedule, which then harkens back to points 1 and 2.
But I am going to have to do something since after 10 years things seem to have come to a head. I am beginning to feel completely outnumbered (the perils of log-home living they don’t disclose in the fancy mags!)</p>
<p>It’s slow progress. With some steps back. And I’m still having trouble dealing with accepting that Fang Jr is on his own life schedule, which won’t be the same as other kids’ schedules.</p>
<p>Cardinal… as someone who has a 25 year old who is barely a sophomore in college, I can assure you that you will soon see that in maybe a year tops, it won’t even be a blip. Seriously, kids study abroad, do internships, take semesters off, can’t get the classes, change their majors - a thousand other things - that have them all graduating (if they do) in different years. It really is about the journey and truthfully, you are ahead of the game in that he’s, at this point anyway, only one semester off a very traditional (and barely obtainable) schedule. Go out two years and you barely even run into these people to have to do the math! Truth is, I was shocked when a mom told me the other day that their son was graduating college this spring. From my memory, he just left (but in reality he was a senior when S was a freshman so it makes perfect sense). </p>
<p>I admit it was harder at the beginning when people would ask how my D was - thinking she was in college. So… those first conversations aren’t fun but we’ve all agreed there are worst things to be sure. </p>
<p>I wish I had found my current therapist years and years ago… if only to understand far earlier that it really is OK and EVERYONE is on their one life schedule.</p>
<p>The funny thing is, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I had to leave college for a year and a half, for more or less the same reasons as Fang Jr, though my problems were somewhat less severe. I went back and was successful, but I wish I had had the kind of therapy Fang Jr is getting.</p>
<p>Fang Jr’s therapist is excellent at not blaming him, but also not letting him off the hook.</p>
<p>I enlisted in the military at age 17, so didn’t start college until age 21. I come from a long line of college educated folks where even my grandmother had a master’s degree and grandfather was a PhD. At the time, nobody in my family (even extending to cousins) had served in the military except as reluctant draftees, so my decision to do this was earth shattering to my family. It did all turn out fine of course and I got my degrees after I got out. I had so much fun, my brother ended up joining as well (albeit as an officer). </p>
<p>If my kids wanted to defer college or end up taking a detour before they graduate, I certainly won’t be happy about it. The straight through path is easier. But it really won’t matter in five years and knowing that does help one get through.</p>
<p>Had an interesting evening. A woman I know thought it was odd that my D1 was graduating in just 4 years. Her son who is the same year is doing a five year…didn’t know that he would be called a “super senior” until she mentioned the classification. Wonder what the average rate is for four year grads as opposed to 5???</p>
<p>NM, the common data set lists four year graduation rates by school. I haven’t looked for a national number. All of S1’s friends at his college are graduating in four but his college places a huge priority on this stat (having mentioned it several times to him in advising). I think it is a point of pride to the university so if a student wants to hang out at college, the college wants them doing at the grad student level, not as an undergrad. </p>
<p>On the other hand, we know at least three kids at other schools who are choosing to go a fifth year essentially just for fun. From what S1 says the reason is that they would rather take more classes than get a job. While it is easy to understand the student’s perspective in that, I’m not sure I would be as supportive of that route as their parents appear to be. If this woman’s child falls into that group, I suspect there was a hint of defensiveness in painting your D as the one who is different. </p>
<p>Then there is also a group who truly need the extra time for a wide variety of reasons. I think the four year graduation rate at S2’s school is only 26% compared to the 83% at S1’s school. I fear S2 could be in that group. His degree requires more credit hours than S1’s degree and is a full load every single semester. He didn’t come in with any AP credits, so if he messes up on a single class it could delay his graduation.</p>
<p>Well, S will be taking a leave from school although he doesn’t yet know it. Or maybe he does. </p>
<p>As many of you know, thanks to an absolutely super stellar performance last term, this term he is on academic probation. Finally assigned a mentor (who is great, btw), required to attend study hall and check in regularly with his professors. Sounds great. </p>
<p>Sunday - panicked call to his dad. Needs money in his bank account as he’s overdrawn by $1 and change - hasn’t had any work study hours to speak of and he’s “forgotten” to turn in his time sheets so won’t get paid for weeks. Technically his account is set up so I’m a joint account holder- but he’s changed it so I no longer have access. So H makes a special trip to the bank and covers him. Serious discussion about finances follows. </p>
<p>Tuesday get home after one of the best days ever and find a letter from the school. S has not been completing the requirements of the “success” program- namely he has not been going to study hall. His online activity reveals that when he is in study hall he is facebooking. H calls, lengthy discussion over the cost of attendance and return on investment. Need to continue with success program and counseling for alcohol issues discussed. </p>
<p>Yesterday received request for housing deposit. Payable by March 1, nonrefundable. Online activity- friend reveals she’s headed to liquor store so hurry up with study hall so they can “rage”. Yeah. Final straw. School is closed today due to the blizzard of the century we’re expecting but I’m done with this. </p>
<p>I’m not sure what the plan is going to be. If any of you wise people have any suggestions I’m open to them.</p>
<p>Sorry to hear, s., my heart goes out to you. I don’t trust my power of recall well enough re: details surrounding your ds, but if he’s a soph or jr. I am thinking a year off might do him a world of good to get himself sorted out. He is clearly pretty comfortable that he is operating with a net, but maybe that isn’t actually helping his self-esteem. Maybe a year of work, travel, peace corps or other self-sufficient contribution to the world around him would enable him to see the blessing that his college opportunity was, and get some skin in the game, and give him a (less expensive) opportunity to value himself and his future. Sendin’ ya the light.</p>
<p>P.S. In other words, you might be doing him a favor to NOT make the deposit, NOT pay for next year, etc. etc. In the end he has to want it. I was a bit of an unruly youth (still am, except older and for a variety of reasons found myself working instead of returning to school after my freshman year. I went back to school (twice) thereafter and got a lot more out of it, including my avocation. An education is something you give yourself – it’s not actually something a parent can give you, as odd as that sounds. However, a parent can help you give yourself the gift if you’re stepping up for it. SO do not feel that you’re not supporting him if you do not continue to financially support him in school. There’s a time to help one transition to being responsible for oneself, and it might be now.</p>
and for a variety of reasons found myself working instead of returning to school after my freshman year. I went back to school (twice) thereafter and got a lot more out of it, including my avocation. An education is something you give yourself – it’s not actually something a parent can give you, as odd as that sounds. However, a parent can help you give yourself the gift if you’re stepping up for it. SO do not feel that you’re not supporting him if you do not continue to financially support him in school. There’s a time to help one transition to being responsible for oneself, and it might be now.</p>