<p>OK cpeltz—I am not sure you can come to my Oscars party.
But so great for you and your kid.</p>
<p>Oregon, does it help my Oscar party cause to know that I had to text “you’ve fallen off the face of the earth” before he called?</p>
<p>OK cpeltz, you can come.</p>
<p>cpeltz I know your son was reluctant to attend and am so happy for you that he is so happy there. Something else, the more I look at your S’s school the more it looks like the perfect place for mine. The fun city, the basketball, the whole shebang looks great on paper. I know it is all kinds of crazy for me to be thinking along these lines when my kid is just a frosh but rest assured he has no clue about my thoughts and research.</p>
<p>He may decide he doesn’t want to leave the west but if he is willing to look east of the Rockies it will surely be one I encourage him to explore as long as his stats are in line.</p>
<p>Oregon 101 my girls don’t drink either. In our extended family we have other tea totalers, those, like my H and I who enjoy a glass or two of wine from time to time, and two alcoholics who are currently not drinking but who knows…I think the fact that the kids have seen the full spectrum of alcohol use/abuse may help them make wise choices but who the heck knows. At this point I am grateful that they are sensible and sober.</p>
<p>It’s feast or famine on the phone calls. As I was falling asleep last night the phone rang. S called me frustrated couldn’t find his keys. As I snoozed off I could hear him rummaging through his room and dropping the f-bomb. Delightful.</p>
<p>D alternates in the communication department. H went back to the office last night- allegedly to “work”–this morning when I got up knew he’d been talking to D. How did I know? Oh, I told her to use an old duffel for spring break- now I see LL Bean is shipping a brand new monogrammed one to her dorm. I know she didn’t order it! Oh well. I sent her a text last night that went unanswered- but H texts her and gets a return phone call. </p>
<p>I think that’s the hardest part of being a college mom. D and I have always been very close- probably not typical mother/daughter relationship. And I’m not complaining about that- but it’s been very hard for me as the communication has diminished over the course of the year (as it should!). I guess I realize now how much of my life has centered around her and her activities, and gosh, I just feel lonely.</p>
<p>H still talks to Son a lot more than I do, although Son has always been closer to me than to his dad. H just calls him all the time, while I try to respect his space.</p>
<p>I feel uneasy talking to him anyway. After last semester, I don’t trust him to be telling me the truth about his grades, how school is going, etc.</p>
<p>oh sabaray! I feel for you. Can you take a class or get a new puppy? My S’s best friend had the compassion to break his leg in Sept. This allowed me to mother him (his mom is a sweetie but is “distracted”) Anyway wasn’t that nice? Now he is healed and I need a new mommy project.</p>
<p>Oregon101, may I audition for attendance to the monosyllabic party? Bearing in mind that firstly, my S and I are some 8 000 miles apart, and secondly that I am REALLY keen to understand this whole new US college cultural thing for the first time in our family .in the last three weeks my comms from S have consisted of digging, mucking out, feeding the baby goats…twas good this is his total response to my query re his community service hours (part of scholarship requirement) and more soberly his email on Monday headed uh oh with a newspaper website address as the contents. Regarding the murder of a student on his campus on Sunday. Family related (family live on campus) I gather, very tragic but no threat to other students. Do frustrated Mom sounds (ungghhh, graaaagh etc) sound the same in Zimbabwe as in the US yeah I expect so, no cultural differences there </p>
<p>okkkaaay full disclosure - I did get a really sweet Valentines Day greeting on my fb wall…</p>
<p>Zim, yes he gets points for that. All I got was a reply to my text, asking if he got his Valentine’s package…“yes. thanks.” Of course, I knew he received it because he made reference on his facebook wall to new music, which I knew he had purchased with the itunes gift card that was in the package.</p>
<p>We’ve got radio silence, because D’s computer is with the IT folks for virus removal. And no response to text messages. Don’t like it.</p>
<p>I am still catching up on the geek chic and co-ed dorm rooms, but I have a question or 10 for my favorite parental think tank, as I believe some of you have been further down this road than I and have as such amassed great quantities of intel that appear to elude me at the moment. So I welcome any input for consideration, however anecdotal – I will apply my own ‘salt’.</p>
<p>I have received, read, and re-read McSon’s neuropsych assessment. Until this year, we’ve operated under the assumption (from elementary school testing) that he was gifted with APD - auditory processing disorder. This new, in-depth, adult battery of tests suggests that he is in fact ADHD-PI (primarily inattentive, meaning no hyperactivity or impulse control issues, which is true in reality) and is pretty much based on impaired performance on divided or sustained attention as demonstrated on the Trail Making A & B, Digit Vigilance and Boll, (20th to 50th percentile, 1 percentile on timed digit test) and extreme dysfunction on upper extremity motor test (eg. 1 percentile). (And still gifted 
In other words, he ALSO shows a visual scanning deficit. At the same time, his achievement testing was all average to high average (compared to very superior in intelligence, so yes, there is still that gap). His learning and memory tests were all average or high average and in some cases superior as well.</p>
<p>He’s been recommended for a trial of psycho-stimulants (as the frontal cortex, as shown by the tests, appears to be under-aroused), as well as a behavior mod program with coach for executive function, (organizing notes in class, study tactics, etc. etc.)</p>
<p>He has asked me for advice re: drug trial vs. alternative options, but has said he feels desperate enough around exam performance to consider it (drugs) though he is wary.
(This is the same kid who did not ever use the RF headset for APD because he did not want his brain to “rely” on an assistive device if he could instead “train it.”)</p>
<p>My concern: If in fact his brain is in “alpha” wave mode more frequently (as cited in -PI), that would explain his highly creative performance and high grades in his creative classes. Would Adderall or some other psycho-stimulant not then affect his creative performance, eg. writing music? Eg. would he not be trading off the ‘focus’ for the ‘divergent creativity’? (Shifting from alpha waves to beta waves…) Not to mention other reservations about habituating a reliance on Speed ; )</p>
<p>At the same time, if we “know” that this would help him focus, stay more organized, and recognize social cues more readily, avoiding the (proven?) treatment might also be cruel and misinformed. I have to bust my own myths on this one, and consider that I have ingrained biases and an equal distrust of both commoditized science and commoditized alternative health purveyors ;)</p>
<p>I guess my questions are, for parents who’ve had an experience with psycho-stimulants (or who’ve avoided the use thereof via alternatives):</p>
<ol>
<li>What did you notice with use of Adderall (the one they usually recommend for inattentive type)?</li>
<li>Ever tried biofeedback? Know of any good research in this regard?</li>
<li>Has your child ever tried an amino-acid supplement, such as “Attend” with any success or is that all snake oil sales?</li>
<li>Is it true that behavior mod coaching only “lasts” with the coaching? Or does the training ‘stick.’</li>
<li>Do you know of any good resources to better understand the Trail Marking and Digital Vigilance test results?</li>
</ol>
<p>Please feel free to post or pm me if you have sources of info or anything to share. And as usual, thanks so much for being the awesome and informed folks you are!
Cheers,
K</p>
<p>PS I should note that due to the nature of his course of study, more of his classes are predominated by “creative assignment” marks as opposed to exam marks, and he performs well on the former, more poorly on the latter. That said, a few of the “exam” style classes are prerequisites to graduate, and he definitely needs to get more consistently better at performing on them.</p>
<p>kmc: Just a few thoughts regarding the use of medications. It can take a number of trials to find the right medication and dose. Typically, it does not take very many days/weeks to figure out if there are benefits. It is important to work with a doctor who is experience in prescribing for young adults. It is not unusual to need to try different ones and sometimes a mix of different ones.
Counseling can help. First, in giving support and in explaining and normalizing his diagnosis and possible need for medicine. The counselor can help with the “tricks” of organizing and following through. If a person tries his/her best over and over and does not come out with the sucess they worked for depression can set in. Then it looks clinically like depression but is in fact the fallout from the ADHD.</p>
<p>ShawSon would take after his father in not realizing that something should be done for Valentine’s Day, I have people who remind me to do something.</p>
<p>kmccrindle, I’m not knowledgeable enough to answer your question but will contribute our experience. ShawD has been diagnosed as ADHD, combined type. She now takes Concerta (timed-release Ritalin) and it makes a major difference. She can focus, sit still, perform better on tests and homework. She is very artistic and does not find that it is hampering her. In particular, she has improved leaps and bounds this year in modern dance. Her instructor, who trained with Twyla Tharp, is using her to demonstrate to less experienced kids. He said this year that he is watching a dancer being born before his eyes and “the dance is moving her as much as she is willfully moving the dance.” He’s invited her to join his company, which is like the varsity team or semi-pro. This has all happened while on Ritalin. I’m not sure it is comparable, but it does suggest that it need not dampen some kinds of creativity. Incidentally, she doesn’t like the rebound and would happily not take it if it weren’t really helping in other domains.</p>
<p>Zim–that sounds like a great club. I looked back at my S’s texts and emails and I do not think any have more than 2 words. really. “going fine” was the last answer to the “how are the grades going” which different than “OK”. OK turned out to mean good so this new fine has me concerned. It must hard not seeing your S to get a reading. My S is too close to home and with the GF there are times that I think he is not trying hard enought to connect at school or that those he is connected with become annoyed with his constant texting with her.</p>
<p>Thanks, oregon and shaw, for your input – I appreciate it. My gut hunch is that McSon would benefit from a trial. His own willingness should be taken, I think, as a sign.</p>
<p>One other thing, kmc. Some of our number are more alternative-y and wanted to draw herbal medicines first. They (e.g., herbal focus drops) did not work sufficiently (they may have had some impact) but they weren’t used regularly. On the other hand, the first day of Ritalin, ShawD said, “This is great.” She watched 1/2 a film on genetics with and half without and said she could remember 10 times as much stuff with.</p>
<p>I haven’t posted in awhile because S2 has been in a major crisis ever since that computer science test. I think, however, a shipwreck has been averted. As of today, he filled out a change of major form with his advisor and is switching to Petroleum engineering, which does not require CS. I think it is a better major for his personality anyway. I had tried to steer him in that direction in the first place with no luck. The CS debacle, however, made him reconsider and he is feeling good about it now. It’s still engineering, so not exactly easy, but not nearly as cerebral sounding as the biometric systems classes. </p>
<p>Before he can drop the CS class (which is 4 credit hours), he has to find a class to transfer into so he maintains his full time status. His advisor recommends phys ed, which sounds good to me. He has an engineering exam right now, but as soon as he can he will try to find a PE teacher that will let him join their class. I have no idea how difficult that will be, but S is pretty motivated to get out of this CS class so I think he will make it happen somehow. He will need to take chemistry and geology in summer school but then should be all caught up for a smooth switch to Petroleum Engineering. It is still an academic common market major so he maintains his low tuition.</p>
<p>I won’t totally relax until the CS is dropped and the PE course added but I’m feeling a lot better today now than I was earlier.</p>
<p>Good to see you back, Analyst. Sounds like a very reasonable plan. </p>
<p>Lots of stress for sabarayD as well. Not grade related, but major related. Has to declare a major and we have been all over the board. I think the only one she hasn’t considered so far is CS. They come to college with one idea and then as they learn their interests shift --but we’ll be at decision time soon and she isn’t being proactive with setting up meetings to talk with folks about options and opportunities in various majors. I guess she’ll get there eventually. </p>
<p>Anyway, I’m glad things are looking up.</p>