<p>Missypie, if he’s saying he wants to come home and doesn’t have the self discipline to stay right now, I’d say that’s a major call for help. He’s asking for a lifeline. If he does stay for the rest of the semester, I hope you can arrange for more support than he has now.</p>
<p>I agree, CF. But at the moment I can’t tell how much of it is because he’s sick. If he can get better over the weekend, I’ll be able to get a better handle on it.</p>
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<p>She looked gorgeous!</p>
<p>oh, missypie. and after you (and S) have worked so hard to make this work. I’m ready to go talk to someone at that school! the disconnect between the peer mentor saying he is doing well and his wanting to quit is boggling - I do hope it has something to do with his being sick.</p>
<p>I hope the hot chocolate did the trick - like NM, I’d be reaching for the scotch bottle right about now;)</p>
<p>Well, I did just find out from the benefits lady here at work that he doesn’t have to be a full time student to stay covered. (He actually doesn’t have to be a student at all, which I thought might be case since the insurance folks didn’t ever ask where he was in school.)</p>
<p>Once again, I don’t want to get political at all, but isn’t it insane that we have a system where some parents would have to tell their kid to stay in a class they would probably fail so they could have health insurance?</p>
<p>Missypie, I hear that discussion all the time.<br>
It sounds like this school is just not meeting S’s needs, and it must have taken him a lot of courage to tell you he’s not ready to do this away from home. It tells me he has taken your conversations seriously and was making a real effort.
{{{hugs}}}</p>
<p>Missypie–good news on the insurance! Your S may have a better take on things when he is feeling better in a few days. Still, he has given you some good info. The mentor is just too young to pick up his cues and to ask him the right questions.</p>
<p>Missypie I hope your son feels better. It’s hard to be away at school and sick. Hope the other works out the best for your son - whatever road that is. It’s so hard sometimes to watch them struggle to grow up. :(</p>
<p>Good news for Fang Jr. His first choice is still to go back to his original college, but if it turns out he’s not ready for that this fall, he now has another appealing alternative. He met with the transfer counselor at our local community college, and it seems he only has to take two more classes to be eligible to transfer as a junior to UC Santa Cruz. The counselor says he would almost certainly be accepted (for fall 2011; he’s too late for this year).</p>
<p>His original college is a great place, but it would be so much easier to have him close to home.</p>
<p>CF what great news. Wonderful for him to have choices.</p>
<p>Hugs to all who need it, and congrats to all celebrating. Oh the vicissitudes of the (not quite) empty nest! What a roller coaster it can be.
Missy, does s. have a spring break coming soon? It might be all he needs to get a second wind to tough it out at a reduced load. </p>
<p>I think it’s safe to say McSon was waaaay ready for his break – our mistake was not having him come home for a ‘dorm break’ earlier. After a few days of vitamin b, flax oil, protein shakes, structure, real food, etc. he was a new man 
This is because his room at the dorm is complete chaos, the environment distracting, and in his case, his workload is so time consuming (due to processing speed and procrastination and executive dysfunction) it all gets away on him. He has actually (and kinda desperately) asked me to come back and help him rearrange/organize his room for him for optimal ‘study’ space and to take home half his stuff causing the clutter (there goes the weekend.) A good plan, as we have learned that I am a little cheaper than the “organize/focus” behavior mod coach he’s been thinking about hiring. So he’s getting whatever exec function he can from me first (Like getting blood from a rock…apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…)</p>
<p>At any rate, hugs to you an MissySon.</p>
<p>In ignorance of the facts, it is easy for me to pronounce, but missypie, it seems like a terrific thing that your son can verbalize that he feels like he’s underwater. It of course is hard to know whether that is due to sickness or really being submerged. But, that is a lot better than at least one of the alternatives (being submerged and not knowing it). It does not sound like he is getting adequate support at the school.</p>
<p>CF, terrific news. Although things are working out well so far for ShawSon, being close to home has been good. He has been home several times after debate tournaments, and we’ve been able to gauge how he’s doing. So, being closer to home might be more than convenient but help you intervene before things become problematic. </p>
<p>ShawSon is coming home tomorrow with one or more friends for his birthday. Rack of lamb from Costco was on my shopping list today. Enough lamb to clog many an artery. He’s working incredibly hard – not nearly enough sleep. He’s really looking forward to spring break, though both he and ShawDaughter said they need to work over the break. Well, good thing that I chose to rent a condo with wifi.</p>
<p>ShawSon and friend are getting a ride back with one of my daughter’s HS classmates and his parent who are going to look at ShawSon’s school (and probably stay over in his room Sunday night). Isn’t life convenient (if only occasionally)? I’ll be taking ShawDaughter to do her first school visit (in Florida).</p>
<p>NM - I think your daughter should go to the Prom with her boyfriend. Just go and have a good time because it is his Prom. It’s like when we grow up and attend our spouse’s Christmas Party or Company Picnic. I don’t really want to go to these things, but it is important to hubby. It’s a few hours out of her life.</p>
<p>MP, your S is TALKING to you! This is more than some kids do, so since you are a super mom, with son’s blessings to <em>be involved</em>, I know you will get this all worked out, because you will LISTEN to what it is your son needs. You can help him decide just how much he can handle (it will be more than he is thinking right now, but less than you would wish - you’ll find it)
I am very sorry you are going through this, but so much better to be able to help along the way, than to have it suddenly brought to your attention that all is not at all well.</p>
<p>Please keep us posted.</p>
<p>Oh, Missypie, I’m so saddened to hear your boy at such a low point. Is there some chance he’s panicking after his midterm but that he did okay? Any chance you can swing out for a weekend or bring him home for a day or two to exhale? My heart is with you.</p>
<p>NM, Your D is a college freshman, her BF a HS senior, it doesn’t surprise me that she doesn’t want to step backwards. In my S’s case, his prom was very low on his list of priorities, but he was far from the QB status. I wouldn’t pressure her to do it, and if it causes a rift, it may be something that was coming anyway. They’re far from being spouses who have to do something because that’s what a spouse does, they’re kids who may be drifting apart whether they realize it or not.</p>
<p>Talked to S today, and after last week’s update positive call, he sounded very stressed with papers due and midterms next week. </p>
<p>The reality of the hard work, separation, independence, etc. of college may be getting to all of our kids…and to their parents.</p>
<p>^^ It’s getting to my D. Last night she IMed “I want to come home to my mommy.” Just a hard patch, I think, but it is hard to be a long, long distance from her. The separation, hard work, and independence are indeed part of it. There’s no familiar, comforting presence surrounding her in the long hours of homework, the stress, etc. </p>
<p>Missy, it is hard to know how to read the “I want to come home” notes. They often do seem worse with illness, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t a genuine and deep angst there; I hope you’ll be able to read well between and in the lines of his words to know best how to help.</p>
<p>Missy… the irony of having a kid who doesn’t always “get it” is never ending. I just don’t find it as funny for the most part. Without re-reading all of the above again, I would ask how sure he is that he did so poorly on the midterm. D thought she had failed her Astronomy exam and turns out everyone missed the same questions and so there was a curve and she got a B-. The peer tutor for the most part was there to help with organization and all that stuff, right? Was she supposed to be able to help with class material? So she doesn’t offend me nearly as much as the teachers for whom a kid with difficulty reading social cues can tell how much they are disinterested in being supportive and helpful. In HS, my older D said she just couldn’t ask her chemistry teacher for help because he constantly rolled his eyes and sighed audibly whenever he helped anyone. Thing is… he did it even in conferences! It was truly annoying because you felt so nervous that you could barely hear what he was saying. Not exactly conducive for learning, let alone conferencing!</p>
<p>My other advice would be to skip over the head of the academic advisor. </p>
<p>As for NMN D and prom… I would have to say that this is not the same as something you do for your spouse (and besides, they aren’t there yet). I went to my own junior prom with my BF who had graduated the year before. I went to boarding school and well, he felt hugely uncomfortable and we were both more or less miserable. I honestly think the bF would have a better time if he went with a group of friends. I am not suggesting he go stag, but he must surely have friends that wont be on the “asked and answered” list who would absolutely love to go with a great friend.</p>
<p>Son comes home for Spring Break in a week. I wish he could spend the weekend sleeping but as I posted last weekend, his car won’t start so he has to deal with that (so he can actually get home in a week.) I am afraid he’ll start letting his other classes slip.</p>
<p>If he doesn’t want to return to his school next year, that will be fine. (His sisters, however, disagree: “Please mom, please, do whatever you can to make it so he doesn’t move back home!”) I think he may need a year at the local CC just to figure out the next step. He’s always been 2-3 years behind developmentally, so maybe if he waits to go away again until he’s 20-21 he’ll be mature enough to handle it. </p>
<p>OR, he may need some sort of special program, with help and tutoring actually available instead of theoretically availble. </p>
<p>I was really the most worried about him going to college from a social standpoint. Even though he has his issues, it really didn’t occur to me that a 2130 SAT/3.8 GPA/11 AP class kid would have a hard time passing freshman college classes. I’ve got to find some sort of expert guidance from a professional who understands how brains like his work. I can’t be the “expert,” expected to tell the Disablities Office what to do. It may well take us quite a few months to figure out what the next step should be.</p>
<p>I think the most true thing you’ve said, Missy, is that you can’t be the expert. I think that is the healthiest way you can look at things. And yes, I get that it is difficult to understand how a kid who has proven himself as academically bright has issues with college classes, but as we all know there is a lot more to success in college. All I know for sure is that my D25 never proved herself in HS and so where she excelled, socially, had to come into balance for the rest of it to shine through. Really, who knew? I mean, I knew she was smart but that there were other things, not least of all her inattentive ADHD and processing issues, that held her back. But it’s also true that her believe in herself had to come into focus. Had we taken her out of school after that first failed semester, perhaps we would have made different decisions that would have had her back on track sooner. We’ll never know. But taking some time to let him come into his own might be a good start. I’d like to see him, however, finish the semester and get as many credits as he can. With those AP’s, he might find he won’t end up as far behind as he may think given another school.</p>
<p>Hey Moda, re: D25, I am curious as to whether in your opinion the extra years of maturity made the functional difference in the ADHD-Inattentive issues or whether she found other things (meds, coaching, mod) most helpful in her ‘victory laps’ at university redux. I read recently that with ADHD the brain is structurally at least 3.5 years “younger” in its prefrontal cortex development, which is what makes me wonder. (Plus other research that argues Inattentive is completely different than ADHD and should have its own classification that includes Slow Cognitive Tempo).
We’ll see what the next 8 weeks bring McSon, but his current plan might qualify for a “magical thinking award” (His pals have been delivering a steady stream of med horror stories and counseling him against it, including a psych major pal who’s brother he claims was “forever altered”; he’s a little outraged at the cost of different coaching programs and the sustainability thereof, et al). Feel free to pm me if you have thoughts on that.</p>