<p>Re: the general stress for our kids right about now…
D overslept the other morning despite having set 5 alarms. I don’t mean a 15 minute snooze - I mean she missed her 3.5 hour studio class! She was frantic because it is not something ANYONE misses. Later she emailed the teacher apologizing for her absence, asking for office hour/studio time and quite honestly stating, “no excuse, I overslept.” She was ready for the wrath of god but got a pleasant email back from prof - she too had overslept that morning!</p>
<p>D just called to thank me for the package I sent. Picked up the Donald Duck from Hallmark as something to make her smile as she is swamped with school this week. She did think it was funny. All goodies got there intact except for my homemade chocolate chip cookies which she said are broken. She said however the crumbs are tasty. I used a different container to pack them in. Guess I’ll go back to my old one in the future. Was nice to talk with her. She sounds so happy.</p>
<p>I think you are correct Missy, you are not the expert, and it is good to recognize. But for better or worse, right now you are the support system, and because you are and are open minded, you will all get through this, maybe later rather than sooner, but you will. I am supremely confident of that. There IS a place for brilliant but not mainstream people in this world. It is just not simple to find that place. But you will.</p>
<p>I received confirmation from res services that #TS is all set and has a room for next year - phew.</p>
<p>He finishes up his quarter today and off to visit granparents and cousins tomorrow. Maybe THEY will be able to get some info from him ;-/</p>
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<p>I read articles about all of the problems Aspies have in college and I’m like yes, yes, yes and yes. But I’m not seeing solutions. I don’t even know what I’m looking for. If he had a severely broken leg, I’d find an orthopedist and maybe later a physical therapist. Who and what am I even trying to find? A psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor, social worker, mentor, tutor, academic advisor? Community college, special program within 4 year college, gap year to mature?</p>
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<p>This struck me as entirely apt not only for missypie and her son, but more generally for parenting our college kids, or at least our “first years”. In many ways we do indeed remain the “support system,” but are becoming somewhat less “expert” regarding the details of their programs, lives, etc. A challenging balance!</p>
<p>missypie…just googled asperger’s college help and lots of sites were linked…even CC! Perhaps you might be able to find a source that could lead you in the right direction???
It must be very hard not knowing which way to turn for help. :(</p>
<p>Yeah, I’ve visited a lot of those sites in the last few days.</p>
<p>Were you able to reach anyone that could offer some guidance at S’s college?</p>
<p>missypie, I’m wondering about your getting “live” help…? is there someone you know ( psychologist, high school teacher?) who specializes in autism/asperger kids who could tell you what you should be looking for in terms of support at a college, or tell you about Aspie kids who have been successful in college, and where and how? or could you call the disabilities/academic support office at a different school (you could say S is thinking of transferring) and see what they have to offer?</p>
<p>sorry… just reread you post and it seems like you are looking for “live” help…</p>
<p>I wish I knew what area you live in. In certain cities, there are experts and centers of clinical and research work with Aspies. In smaller cities, there is often a child psychiatrist who has many Aspies in his/her practice. That person would know what psychologists specialize in this field, too. Vice versa. If you look at the references in the books, you’ll see the same names and places repeated. Perhaps your pediatrician can point you in the right direction?</p>
<p>Missypie 
that your son has you so solidly in his corner will make an enormous difference. You will sort it out. Thanks for sharing so openly your concerns and experiences I am certain you have helped/ will help many people because of it.</p>
<h1>TM so glad your S’s snafu with housing was repaired and all is well. D was having drama yesterday related to housing. She wants to be a part of a specific religious group (LaSallean Community) on campus. This group lives together in one of the dorms soph year. Her cousin is NOT a member of the community but lives in this dorm right now. She is all set to room w/ 5 other girls, including her sister, but none of them want to be in the group.</h1>
<p>Anyway she was told that as of this year, if she wants to live in that dorm she has to room with girls who are also going to be in the La Sallean Community in other words, girls who are currently strangers to her. In addition she believes she can’t be in the group if she doesn’t live in the dorm. Basically she has to choose between the girls she has chosen to live with and membership in the LaSallean group and she is not happy about it. :(</p>
<p>Hmom…is it a Lasallian group? Isn’t that an organization based on Christianity/ catholicism? Surely she could still be part of the group if she doesn’t live in the house!!!</p>
<p>missypie, I feel mixed about the comment that one can’t be the expert. On the one hand, neither you nor I is likely to become a professional specialist in their syndrome/disease/cognitive processing problem. But, from my own experience with more limited problems (dyslexia/dysgraphia/“dyspeechia”/slow processing/… in one kid and ADHD in the other) and with major problems (e.g., diagnosis that my daughter had a degenerative eye disease and would become functionally blind or having son so exhausted that he couldn’t work and do anything else) was that we did have to become experts. We consulted with the experts whenever possible, but they were so fragmented (sleep doctor focuses on sleep cycles and doesn’t believe apnea surgery will work even after it has worked) that we had to do the integration. And to a large extent, we have to tell the schools what our kids need. We’ve found very little proactive help from the schools, but have so far been able to get them to agree to do certain things that we request. We may be wrong about what is needed but at least we are making our best guess, getting them to commit, and then monitoring their actions and the outcomes. So, my conclusion is that we in effect have to learn enough to be able to direct the school. The school has to be willing to take direction (and that for us was one of the two fundamentally important decision criteria). And, we and ShawSon have to monitor.</p>
<p>I wish you and your son the best of luck. </p>
<p>I had not connected to the discussion about wanting to come home, but this is the third consecutive weekend on which ShawSon has come home for part of the weekend. Maybe he just wants to come home too.</p>
<p>When Fang Jr came home in January, I called (in tears) the educational consulting service that had diagnosed him last summer. They recommended a licensed social worker who specialized in working with families where one member is on the autism spectrum. I immediately set up an appointment (I think I was in tears for that call too). She’s great-- she doesn’t blame him, but she doesn’t let him off the hook. She helps him realize the way he has to structure his life in order to succeed.</p>
<p>She expects that if he is able to return to college in the fall, he will need a life coach to work with him for a few minutes every day, making sure he is on track following his schedule. </p>
<p>Missypie, you might consider looking for a life coach (sometimes they’re called academic coaches) to work with your son. The key is, the coach has to be someone who isn’t easy to snow, and who gets down to specifics of organization, scheduling, planning and follow-through. Peer mentors don’t realize that our Aspies often can talk a good game, but when it comes down to actually organizing themselves to get the work done, sometimes they fall short.</p>
<p>MissyPie
I agree with Shawbridge, and in the absence of experts, we often have to step up. That said I would not/do not envy you that. However, I am sure you are doing as much research as you are able and are trying to find the appropriate <em>expert</em> help. I am also certain, that if that help is not forthcoming, you will do what you need to do. It is not fair, no it is not. Just remember that you have many virtual hugs coming your way. They don’t help solve the problem, I know, but I hope they do <em>help</em>.</p>
<p>S1 came home last night and is the poster child for what happens when a kid with ADD refuses to take meds. I have no idea how he has made it through college. He had just the clothes on his back, having even forgotten his cell phone. He had to call his brother to get phone numbers, then took H’s cell phone to get him through the evening. H drove him downtown, where he spent the night with friends. Whenever he gets home, he will have to drive back to his college today to get his phone. He didn’t intend to bring home his laptop, but I’m going to insist he get that as well. I am on my computer; he needs his own access to email and the Internet.</p>
<p>He is still waiting to hear about the job he wants overseas. He isn’t enthusiastic about looking elsewhere, but did get one on-campus job interview last week. He should find out in two weeks if he makes it to the next round there (which is a three-day thing). This position seems like a good fit to me (would be working overseas), so we shall see. I don’t really worry about him finding a job. He is one of those people who just lives lucky.</p>
<p>Missypie, since your S was academically successful in high school maybe you could use that as a starting point. Ask him what he thinks are the differences and if there are things he can do to help recreate a similar structure for himself in college. If he can visualize when he was successful, it could help his confidence and maybe get him moving in the right direction. Big hugs to you as you help him through this.</p>
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<p>Yes, he can visualize when he was successful and it has my face. Seriously. I kept him on track. He wants to come home so I can do that some more. I really don’t want to do 13th and 14th grade. That’s why a special program in a 4 year college may work better for him.</p>
<p>Thanks for everyone’s thoughts, lots to comment on, but I’m off to be a costume mom at D’s dance competition. Son really really needs a mommy or daddy to swoop in and help him out this weekend - the car is dead, he has to deal with it, but he has a fever and hasn’t eaten. Lord knows what asssignments aren’t getting done. But H and I both have firm commitments.</p>
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<p>OK… this actually made me laugh. Missy, your sense of humor will get you through many things, of this I am certain. And maybe I found it so funny because I’d been there with older D and is exactly why I stopped doing anything of the sort for the younger two. Younger D has major history paper due on Monday. I had already discovered quite by accident that she had asked for an extension, but I honestly haven’t seen her working on it. I did tell her, however, that while short term she might not think much about it but when it comes to college choices, hers very well might be less if her grades aren’t her best work. Yes, she is only a sophomore and has some time to “upward trend” although I am not telling her that, but still… it has to be her work and effort. This is why I don’t worry so much about son. He’s always been extremely good at staying on track and I honestly think this is because his older sister seemed to be off the track so often!</p>
<p>As to D - I have no idea specifically what it is, but at one point I had to really let go and of course, this was helped because she moved herself to Ohio to be closer to a BF at the time. I was not supportive of this move, but she wasn’t asking for money and well, she had to take ownership for her own life. So, yes maturity came both due to time passing and because it was more or less forced upon her. Her BF now is about six years older than she is and I think HIS maturity helps hers considerably. She told me he put her Deans List certificate on the refrigerator so all their friends could see it. He seems very very supportive of her and, as it is, since they live together, is picking up quite a bit of their living expenses that helps her out a lot.</p>